Wisdom

One of my father’s favorite sayings was:

HOW MANY TIMES DOES A DOG HAVE TO BITE YOU BEFORE YOU STOP TRYING TO PET IT

I learn lessons the hard way.

I haven’t been posting because there’s been a lot of turmoil.. and drama.. and W! T! F!s .. and it was bad enough living it let alone blogging about it. I had to come to terms with a few things.. whether I would accept them.. or distance myself from them or have-n0-clue-which-turn-to-take because of them.

Make no mistake.. I am a fighter. But I also know not to waste strength on a losing battle. I don’t see it so much as giving up.. rather, putting my best efforts to where they are 1) wanted and 2) most beneficial to me.

I’ve wasted too much time.. too much effort.. suffered through too much heart ache to continue being miserable.

I’m generally NOT  a miserable person.. I generally make the best of thing and GENERALLY let crap go where it belongs but enough is enough.

I have some heavy decisions to make about my future.. I have decided on the important things, it’s just the logistics I have to figure out.

To those who have been following, I’m going to use this post to put the puzzle pieces together for you and fill you in on what’s been going on but I don’t think I’m going to continue doing that. For those that know my email address and want to be kept updated on the saga, feel free to write me..

So..

You all know that I put the computer on lock-down because Bubba refused to do what he was suppose to do regarding the whole cyber-school thing.

Aside from the reports that the cyber school generates.. I’ve been keeping my own log on Excel. God bless the day I fell in love with Excel!

I know exactly how much time Bubba has spent on school work .. which assignments are over due.. the length of time he’s spend on each assignment down to the second .. everything. At a glance. He might THINK he’s smart because he can get over on his parent’s, but with me? No. I just have my hands tied as to what to do about it.

Anyway..

So last Friday, I had to drive Chief up to his job to fill out some paper work or something. We left at around noon. Bubba was still sleeping because even though the computer shuts off at 11pm, he was still staying up to the early morning hours watching tv and playing video games.

We get a text message from him around 1:30pm asking for the password to the computer. I was driving and couldn’t text him back so I told Chief to tell him that he needs to do his school work first.

Now, the day before I told him that he didn’t have to do his mandatory four hours if he completed all the master tests that needed to be done. He jumped at the chance because THIS IDIOT didn’t know how many tests he actually had to complete.. and to complete them all would take WAY more then four hours.

So about 2 or 2.5 hours go by and he texts again for the password. Chief was going to give it to him but I was like Uh-Uh. No.. ask him how many tests he completed first. The response came back that he did 3.. which, you know, if I BELIEVED him would have sounded about right. I half expected him to say all of them.

I still told Chief not to give him the password.. that he needed to wait until we got home to verify his work. Chief texted him back and when Bubba didn’t text back, I thought that was weird. No begging? No pleading? Nope. Because the fucking idiot GAVE him the password.. not only did he give him the password, he also have him the ADMINISTRATOR’s password.

Honestly, if we didn’t have our seat belts on and I wasn’t on the highway, I would have beat Chief silly with a tire iron.

We finally got home a few hours later and Bubba was gone.

Of course he was. He knew what was coming.

I checked the cyber school logs and not only did he NOT do the tests.. he didn’t do ANYTHING.

Shoving the laptop screen into Chief’s face, I asked him how it felt to be lied to.. how did it feel to have a 16 year old sucker you.. repeatedly? Just how DID it feel knowing that your 16 year old son thought you were a pussy and treated you like his bitch?

I’ll tell you .. he didn’t like it at all when it was said out loud.

He went on ranting and raving about what he was going to do.. (right) What he was going to say to him (don’t hold your breath).. And how things were going to be (suuuure they are) ..

I told him that he was all big and bad venting to me but as soon as Bubba walked in the door, he was going to be a cream puff.

I actually didn’t think Bubba was going to come home that night… but he did.. well after Chief was asleep and he knew better then to try and get on the computer because HE knows ME .. and he knows that I was going to do everything short of sinking the damn think in concrete and since I was the only one up, he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask me for a goddamn password.

So Saturday morning comes.. rather, it was Saturday afternoon before Bubba rolled his lump of flesh out of bed. And as expected, Chief did say something to him about being lied to.. but, as expected, followed it by asking if he wanted him to make him something for breakfast.

That’s his MO .. act like a parent then feel guilty afterwards.

Bubba complained that it was Saturday.. Chief said that he didn’t care.. Bubba said that HE did.. (I would have popped that son of a bitch in the  mouth right then.. but that’s me) .. Chief pulled out the list of all the tests he had to complete.. Bubba complained that there was 8 hours worth of work.. Chief said to only do 4 hours.

Both of them needed to be popped in the mouth then, by my estimates.

I was in the bedroom working on a project. Chief comes in and starts watching a movie. I tell him that he needs to be out there staring over Bubba’s shoulder. Chief is confident that Bubba will do the work.

SSSS.  UUUU.  CCCC.  KKK. EEE.  RRR

Not a half hour goes by and I smell the nasty ass cologne that the Crack Whore gave Bubba for Christmas. I thought I heard the front door but the dogs hadn’t stirred so I wasn’t sure.  I get up to look and sure enough, Bubba high tailed it out of the house. Mind you, this is a BIG kid.. we have hard wood floor  that vibrate whenever he moves around so I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he did his best to sneak out. May have even used the back door because it’s furthest from where we were and would explain why the dogs didn’t bark when the front door was opened.

I went back in the bedroom and casually asked Chief if he knew Bubba had skipped.

“I do now.” he answered, and then went back to watching his movie.

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously. Are you FUCKING kidding me?

He got all cocky with me and said, “.. what am I suppose to do? Call the cops?”

No.. you simple assed idot.. YOU CALL HIS CELL PHONE AND TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASS HOME RIGHT NOW

Nope. I was told he wouldn’t answer his cell phone anyway and why get more aggravated?

Well.. simple ass.. because YOU aren’t even aggravated! I AM! You see what’s wrong with this picture?

Bubba didn’t come home Saturday night. He texted my cell at 11pm and said “.. sleeping out”.

My response?

You can run away from your responsibilities but that doesn’t make them go away. Leaving only made things worse.

No return text.

Sunday night he texted again saying that he was sleeping out. The school’s had off on Monday so I didn’t count on him coming home Sunday.

He did come home on Monday. At 10:30pm.

Chief was already asleep and I had absolutely NOTHING to say to him. I thought about it long and hard over that weekend and realized that this isn’t anything CLOSE to being a family. I know other step parents are able to discipline their spouses’ kids.. step up to the plate and be a parent.. but those have supportive spouses. I don’t.. and if Bubba’s father isn’t going to be a father.. then I refuse to be the one who lays down the hammer all the time.. when I did, I only had it thrown back in my face.

But there’s more.. because there’s always more.

Tuesday rolls around and it’s another late afternoon rise for Bubba. I had gone out for most of the afternoon and while I wasn’t planning on returning to far into the night, circumstances dictated that I returned to the house around 4 or 5. I passed Bubba on the computer to get to my bedroom and while I was getting changed, he knocked on the door and told his father that the Crack Whore was picking him up so that she can help him study for his driver’s test.

Chief responded, “.. if THAT’s what your going to do”

Bubba says it is and leaves.

He hasn’t been back to the house since.

Around 11:00 that night, I said to Chief, “.. guess Bubba isn’t coming home” and he got all defensive saying, “.. he’s at HIS MOTHER’S.” .. like that’s any better then staying at his friend’s? Because she has a computer and you know he’s going to be up all night being the Top Cop of Pretend Town .. exactly what he wasn’t allowed to do here.

Wednesday morning I went out and when I returned home, the Crack Whore had sent a text saying that she had had a long talk with Bubba and that he wasn’t going to go out driving unless he does his work and to have his social security card and birth certificate for when he goes for his permit.

Chief then tells me that he sent her a message via Yahoo and told her about Bubba and his school. Whatever.  I’m the one who knows where they’re at and guess what? You’re going to see just how spiteful a bitch I can be. Because like I said before, bigger and better have tried to roll me.. I’m not about to let a 16 year old do it.

Thursday comes and goes with Bubba doing about an hour’s worth of work.

Friday comes and goes with Bubba doing no work at all.

Saturday .. Sunday.. nothing.

Today? 8 minutes.

The Crack Whore sends a text message. I didn’t look at it, just handed the phone to Chief and told him the message was for him. She must have asked him to call her because he dialed and asked “what’s up” when she answered.

She said that Bubba wanted to go back to regular school .. that he’s been asking to go back to regular school and Chief won’t send him (lie) .. Chief told her that he did inquire but that if he went back, he was going to fail the year because he’s too far behind .. he told her that he wasn’t trying to be a dick towards him… he’s just worried about his future (when exactly did we move to dilusion-ville?) .. he told her she had to be a bitch to him about his work because the only reason why he’s there is because he can’t do what he wants to do here.

She said fine and that she was going to swing by after she went where she had to go and pick up some of Bubba’s clothes.

This was at 8pm? It’s now 4am and the clothes are still on the dining room table because she never showed.

Considering the vast amount of chemicals she ingests, do you really think she’s going to get Bubba to do his work? Do you really believe that Bubba doesn’t know that she goes into a drug induced coma leaving him free to do what he wants to do?

Are you asking the same questions I am?

Don’t bother.. you’re wasting your time and I am the expert in wasting time asking logical questions of the illogical. The answer is that she will do whatever she can do to disrupt anything in the kid’s life. I’m also expecting custody papers in the mail because you KNOW she’s not going to have him living with her and NOT try to get some monetary gain .. especially since Chief is working now. The last time Bubba stayed there, she filed for custody the next day.. so you know, I’m not going to be surprised when they arrive.

As far as Chief goes? I really don’t know why he wanted custody to begin with ..

Me? Well, I finally stopped trying to pet the dog.

Even thought I know he doesn’t realize it, our relationship has changed. I don’t have the hopes.. the dreams of the future.. the silly giddiness I used to have when being around him. Anymore I just feel regret and contempt. I don’t look at him the say way .. I’ve lost respect for him as a man and a father..

It’s time for me to go..

 

What If It Did?

… so after moving over the posts from my old blog to this one :: click on the Old Blog tag in the cloud on the left :: I came upon this little gem from Nov 11, 2008.

And it made me sad.

There’s a lot of buzzing going around in my head that I’m trying to figure out.. reading my old stuff made me start thinking that something has to change.

For good.. or for bad.. it has to change.

You can read it HERE if you’re bored.. or can’t sleep..

Brick and Mortar … Brick and Mortar ..

Ooooohhhh Bubba! You just COULDN’T do it, couldja?

I posted before about Bubba currently being in cyber school ..

I posted before about how it takes a certain type of parent to have a kid in cyber school..

Both parent and child, in my NOT so humble opinion, need to be mature enough and concerned enough to make it work..

Neither applies to Bubba and Chief.

It’s been a CONSTANT struggle to get Bubba to take this seriously and not stay up all hours of the night playing online games.. waking up past noon the following day and only putting a sporatic hour or so of time into his schoolwork between updating his Facebook status, taking calls on Skype and watching YouTube videos.

But Bubba will only do what you let him get away with and Chief LETS him get away with doing all of the above. Not that he wants to, mind you.. he’s just ill-equipped to do what he needs to do to be a strong, respected force in Bubba’s life.

And NOTHING grabs my goat more..

With this particular cyber school program, you can sign in and create very, very detailed reports showing you exactly what your child was working on.. when he was working on it and how long he was working on it ..

I present to you the following exibits:

Notice the test score... nice, huh?

Notice the time spent on each lesson .. super duper!!

Mind you, I would create these reports four.. five.. six times daily whenever Bubba insisted that he did his work .. then I’d show them to Chief.. and Chief would say something to him like, “.. you didn’t spend enough time, Bubba” or “.. you need to get more work done, Bubba” .. to which Bubba would say “ok” and Chief would leave the room and Bubba would go back to doing whatever it was he was doing.

Complete ineffective.

Just as ineffective as Chief falling asleep at around 10pm.. waking up at midnight.. telling Bubba that he needed to get off the computer and then go back to sleep ..

There is also Bubba attitude .. if I talked to my father in the manner that he does, my father would have gladly called CPS himself after he beat me silly.

But then, I had respect for my father. Bubba doesn’t have respect for his … and it isn’t entirely Bubba’s fault that he doesnt.

So Bubba had a full semester of classwork that needed to be completed by January 28th and 29th.

He had two months to do it.

Very little was done.

So when he finally decided that he was going to put serious time in, guess what? The courses had been removed. Not that he would have had the time to complete what he needed to complete.. but now he had no way of working on them so I’m sure that’a a BIG F in his transcript.

Today though.. was the final straw. For me.

Bubba got up at 11:30.. I know this because as soon as he got up he started arguing with Spaz about getting on the computer.

Because of this stupid neck thing I had/have, my sleep schedule is more fucked up then it normally is so I was in my bedroom settling in for a nap.

I got up at around 4pm. I heard Bubba talking and figured he was online playing the game he’s obsessed with and immediately logged into the cyber school system to see what work he had completed.

17 minutes.

While his father was up and roaming around doing whatever he was roaming around doing .. While he was up for 6 HOURS.. he only did 17 FUCKING MINUTES  of work.

And believe me.. I blame BOTH of them.

So I tell Chief that Bubba only did 17 FUCKING minutes of school work and he promptly leaves the bedroom.. asks Bubba how much work he did .. Bubba said something like “.. he’s going to get to it” .. and then Chief came back into the bedroom.

I waited about 20 minutes, went out into the kitchen to get water for to take my pills and saw Bubba still playing his online game and not only THAT but he also had one of his friends sitting next to him on his own laptop playing the same game.

Okkkaaayyyyyy…

5:15 rolls around.. the friend leaves. I check the cyber school reports again.

ME: What time are we eating dinner.
CHIEF: I was thinking about 6:30
ME: Ok.. because it’s a quarter after 5 now and Spaz gets on the computer at 7.. which means that Bubba  has less then two hours to do his work and he STILL only spend 17 minutes on it.. even after you told him at 4 o’clock to get on it.
CHIEF: Show me.

Excuse me? EXCUSE ME you inept sorry-assed son of a bitch of a father?? SHOW YOU??? Did I NOT show you at 4? Have I not been SHOWING YOU SINCE NOVEMBER????????????????

But I refrained from saying that out loud.

Instead, I pulled out my laptop and showed him and he stomped out and confronted Bubba and very loudly told him to get on the school work.

Then he went into the kitchen to start making dinner.

I went out to the living room to start putting the clothes away that I had folded earlier in the morning.. because they were STILL sitting on the dining room table and nobody did anything with them. Let’s just say I wasn’t in a pleasant mood.

And while I was meandering between the living room and the linen closet and the living room and the kitchen and the living room and my bedroom.. guess what?

Bubba was still online with his friends sending YouTube links for the newest Eminem videos.

And more then just my goat had been gotten.

I went in the kitchen and told Chief that this was it.. he’s going back to regular school. That all this was beyond ridiculous.. Bubba was still doing what he wanted to do and if it was me, I would go out there and pull the damn plug for the computer.

There were many times that I wanted to pull that plug but in this house, with these kids, with him as a father.. I have no control. I should, mind you. But I learned a long time ago that Chief would very much like me to be the “bad” guy with his kids so he could be the “good” guy and sorry, Bucky .. I may do a lot, but I’m not letting you off your parental duties. They’re your kids.. you need to grow a spine and do what your suppose to do. We’ve been through this time and time and time and time again.. I’m not going to waste my time trying to break them of their bad habits and not have him backing me up… because all that does is label me the “bitch” and sorry, not going to happen.

Chief says that sending Bubba back to regular school is fine by him and when we sit down to dinner… he tells Bubba that he’s going back to regular school and he ruined his opportunity.. none of this is new.. it’s been going on for months.. blah blah blah blah blah..

And then.. AND THEN.. he says:

LOOK, I’M NOT TRYING TO CONTROL YOU

And I freaked.. FA-REEKED…

I slammed my opened palm on the table and said.. very loudly I might at…

HE’S 16.. YOU’RE HIS FATHER.. YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO CONTROL HIM.. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A PARENT..

And then to Bubba, I said:

You got it ALL figured out don’t you? You KNOW that he tells you to do school work and then goes into the other room… You KNOW that he tells you to get off the computer and then goes back to sleep .. You didn’t want to go to school.. You wanted to get up when you wanted and go to sleep when you wanted and play online all day and you played me because I was the one who convinced your father that you could do it.. Me.. And what did you do? The first week, you kept up your end of the bargain because you knew that as soon as all eyes were off you, you were going to do what you wanted.

And then I turned to Chief and told him that he was the one that let it happen.. because no matter how many times I showed him.. no matter how many times I told him.. he just ignored it as much as Bubba did.

Nobody said anything.

Wait.. I take that back.

Chief said something about Bubba only being able to do school work on the computer and Bubba saying something about him not being allowed on the computer to do other things and then Chief started to raise his voice about whatever because frankly, it doesn’t matter what he says. He doesn’t have the spine to stick to anything and Bubba knows it.

At some point, I also brought up the fact that since Bubba isn’t being properly supervised with his school work, the district is going to drag Chief into court about it.. it’s something they do here that goes beyond cyber school .. you can get a notice to appear in court if your kid doesn’t do his homework three nights in a row.. You’d think that this was like THE best school district and that they are diligent with educating their students when in fact this is THE WORST school district in the state… but that’s neither here nor there..

You have to remember this too…

Last October when Bubba wanted to go live with the Crack Whore because he didn’t like my rules.. she went to the district and had the address changed on their school records. That was a HUGE things at the time because all she did was go in with her lease and changed the address. When we found out about it a few months later :: her address turned up on Spaz’s report card :: and Chief called to have the address changed back, he was told that they weren’t “allowed” to do that without custody papers.

It was just this whole bunch of craziness because they let HER change it but once confronted with their error, now they insisted on doing things by the book.

Did he have his custody papers? No.

Have I been telling him since then to inquire about getting them? Yes.

Has he? No.

Another thing that he just lets fall by the wayside .. I can’t get them. HE has to.

So the Crack Whore’s address is still listed on their school records so IF the school is sending anything home about Bubba’s lack of effort .. do you REALLY think she’s going to forward them here?

Not a fucking chance.

At this point, I just feel like they will all get what they deserve. Each and every one of them.

Later on today, I plan on sitting Chief down and having a non-confrontational discussion about him.. his parenting and his kids. I’m tired of him mentally being absent and hiding behind whatever emotion he hide behind. I am also going to be point blank and frank with ALL his kids at dinner.. about their lack of respect.. about their attitudes.. about their selfishness and a whole host of other things.

And then I’m done.. I will have done all that I can do.

Reap What You Sow

Earlier this afternoon, I responded to a comment on THIS post:

I agree Amy … and I don’t think his father IS letting him off the hook this time.

When he came home from school, his daily report earned him an 84 which in Spaz’s mind, was a great day. But the comments the teacher wrote painted another picture. I tried to go over each comments, giving him a chance to state his side and not focusing so much on the “12 year old boy” things.. like being silly or whatever.

But when with remarks like “making gun motions”, “rude comments to teacher”, “disrupting class”, “laughing during silent recess because another peer got in trouble”, “being sent to office because of (don’t remember right now” .. he has to own up to them and not make excuses that his teacher hates him or it’s not what SHE’S saying it is.

He started to get an attitude with me and getting mouthy which made his father blow up and extend his punishment.

Like I said, he may have “issues” but this has been going on for enough time that he should know that he can’t get away with what he’s doing.. hopefully his father is on track too

No SOONER had I shut down the laptop and made my way into the kitchen where Chief was cooking that I heard Spaz talking in his room and I knew… Knew!… KNEW what exactly he was doing.

Playing dumb, I went into the kitchen and asked Chief who Spaz was talking to .. making it sound like a mundane question.

He told me he let him go on the computer.

This after the above.. this after I heard him hollering at Spaz a second time because of some mouthy response to his father and because of his attitude.

So when he admitted he let Spaz have his computer, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “.. you reap what you sow.”

Chief didn’t respond to that.. because what could he say? It’s the truth. And he’s said it enough times to other parents. See, I don’t tell people how to raise their kids.. he doesn’t have a problem with being vocal. Hello? Pot? Meet Kettle.

I started making a cup of coffee and then turned to him and said:

You know how your kids talk back to you and give you attitudes and think they can talk to you the same way they talk to their friends? You know why your kids don’t respect you?

He admitted that he doesn’t follow through.

I told him to remember that the next time he gets all twisted about the way they treat him and talk to him.

And then I walked out but believe me, I was bent.

One time, a while ago, he told me that one of the reasons why he didn’t keep in regular contact with this family is because they always “.. stuck their nose in about raising my kids”.

Um.. HELLO!! Just why do you think that is, Bucky??

And so I find myself in a difficult situation. How long can I stand to be a witness to this? How long can I either be on the sideline or stuck in the crosshairs and watch this man be disrespected and abused by the kids he made that way?

True, that nothing has changed in over three years so how can I really thing that one day this guy is going to “get” it? You can’t convince someone that they need help if they don’t think they do… or if they don’t want to put out the effort. That’s a biggie. Effort. HE doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it.. I, on the other hand, can’t stomach being it’s witness.

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, then you know that every fight we’ve gotten into is always related to the kids or the Crack Whore or both. And whenever the kids are the nucleus, it’s always because we are not on the same page regarding the proper way to parent.

It’s like the soda bottle war.

When we closed the deli, we had cases and cases of soda on the front porch. We told them they weren’t allowed to just rape the porch of it’s goodies.. they had to ask first.

Did that happen? No.

Were soda bottles regularly left empty all over the house? Where the caps all over the floor, under the couch, under the computer desk? Yes.

Did they listen to me about throwing them away? No.

Did they listen to him? No.

A few mornings ago, I woke up in the early hours because they dogs’ water bowl was empty. The computer desk was LITTERED with all different kids of bottles and empty potato chip bags. The table in the dining room was the same way. I wasn’t going to clean it up.. instead, waiting for Chief to wake up and told him that I was at the end of the rope regarding the bottles and I was going to either dump the rest of soda on the porch or give it away to someone needy.

He said he felt the same way.. he was disgusted.. he was pissed.. he was angry.. blah blah blah BLAH blah .. because he’s REAL GOOD at throwing his bravado at me..

So he tells each kid when they wake up that they’re not allowed to have soda anymore. There’s stuff to drink in the fridge and that’s that because he’s sick of them not listening to him.

Bubba’s response? “… I can’t have soda?”

His response? “.. well, you can have soda but I dont want you leaving the bottles around?”

Guess what? Soda bottles all over the place still.

Same with Bubba’s cyber school.

Bubba told me that one of reasons why he can’t complete the IT courses is because he doesn’t have Abode Reader. He tried to down load it but for some reason it wouldn’t show on the computer.

That night, Monday, I told Chief to load the software on the computer.

He goes out to the living room and then comes back in and says that Weed is going to load another type of program that doesn’t take up as much room. I don’t know hills about stuff like that but I said, “.. he’s doing it now, right?” He said he was.

The next morning, I asked again. No software.

That afternoon, I asked AGAIN… No software.

And still… NO SOFTWARE.

So really… what am I suppose to do at this point? There’s a WHOLE LIST of he shoulds.. he coulds.. you should.. you could.. but frankly, been there done that a million times already.

And now I’m thinking that maybe this move to West Virginia isn’t the right thing for me. They can go.. Godspeed.. but I don’t think that knowing how this is just going to continue and continue and continue… and me being 9 hours away from everything that I am familiar with and comfortable with going to be healthy for me.

Maybe this is the catalyst to being able to do what I need to do for myself.

 

Thoughts On Cyber School: NOT For Every Parent

I’ve always been under the thought that not all people learn the same way. That point was proven when I worked and one of my responsibilities was training employees on new computer systems or contracts or whatever it is I had to train.

Not to pat myself on the back, but I AM a good teacher.

Sorry.. just had to throw that in there.

But you know, some people are visual learners.. some are lazy learners.. some are better at comprehending direction literally, etc.

Same with kids.

Bubba’s issues with school have been VERY well documented on here. In a nutshell, he trashed 7th grade .. we sent him to Sylvan Learning Center.. he trashed 8th grade.. he was socially passed to high school .. he trashed 9th grade and then his school advisers bumped him down to Special Ed classes for 10th grade.

He doesn’t need Special Education.. unless laziness and lack of motivation require Special Education. Because what his problem is and truthfully, up until I came into their lives, their father had the same lack of motivation in motivating them. Maybe he didn’t know how.. maybe he wasn’t around enough.. but whatever the excuse :: because he’s not getting a free pass from me on this :: Bubba figured out a long time ago how to do what little work as possible and then smooze whatever teacher he had at the end of the year.

Not to mention that we live in probably one of the worst school districts in the state.

Not to mention that Bubba was placed on an IEP (Individual Education Program) that to me, gave student and teachers a like the ability to write everything off as a learning disability. I am STRONGLY against IEP’s and if you research the No Child Left Behind nonsense, what really was done was lower the bar so it APPEARED that students were doing better then actually working hard to ensure that kids are educated.

Just my opinion.. save your time on the hate mail.

At any rate, Bubba  is a smart kid. You can’t be that good at beating the system without being smart. He just didn’t like school and one of the things that we learned from his time at Sylvan is that he is a visual learner. Even though he has a ridiculously high reading ability, he learns better when shown how to do it versus reading how to do it. He aslo performed better when in a smaller class environment.

That’s all fine well and good except that the only place meeting those requirements was Special Ed classes.

At first, the thought of being in a small classroom doing 4th or 5th grade work appealed to Bubba.. but after about 2 months the novelty wore off and one night, I happened to see a report that he had written on the computer regarding his education and how he realized that purposefully trashing his education up until that point had screwed him up and how he felt horrible that we had spent so much money on sending him to Sylvan and he hadn’t taken advantage of it.

It was a pretty mature assessment and I remember thinking to myself.. yea, this kid is FINALLY getting it!!

ALL the kids can tell you how much I harp on education.. how valuable it is.. how it sets the stage for the rest of your life.. how much I loved school and how wanting to learn is something that will serve you well in all areas of your life.

Yep.. call me the Education Czar.

When we started getting phone calls from his teachers recommending him for Cyber School, I thought that maybe he was at a maturity level to handle the responsibility. Because it IS a responsibility. I met with the teacher in charge of alternate education at his high school and we ran through a demo of the program.. I asked every question I could think of.. and was assured that not only does the system total the time actually spend WORKING (not just from logging in) but offers a variety of different reports that the parent can access so that you can actually SEE what your kid is doing.. or not doing for that matter.

My personal opinion was that Bubba, not having to go to a brick and mortar school and sitting all day in front of a computer in his pajamas, would be more interested in learning and that he could actually get enough credits to graduate a lot sooner then if he went to school.

The fact that both of us were going to be home to monitor him was actually the deciding factor BUT we told Bubba that he still needed structure. He was still going to have a bedtime.. was still going to get up early and still spend an X amount of hours on school work.

He readily agreed and for the first week, he did.

But like everything else, he started to slack and his father started to slack.

I was pulling the reports daily.. showing his father who would just make comments about telling Bubba this or making Bubba do that which never materialized.. showing Bubba who half paid attention and then still did what he wanted to do because when I forced his father to get involved.. he would yell at him and then go back to doing what he was doing leaving Bubba to just go back to doing what HE was doing.. which wasn’t school work.

It’s all very frustrating for me because I can only do so much…

So when the move to West Virginia was put on the table, I took the opportunity over family dinner to lay it out for Bubba.

West Virginia does have a cyber school program.. Bubba had to the choice to commit to his work now so that the WV Board of Education would allow him to continue.. OR he goes back to regular high school. A county high school that’s way bigger then the one that he was in here. Plus, there would be no limo service. Chief and I will both have to get jobs so we won’t be available to drive him and pick him up.. he’d have to catch the school bus.

If that were to happen, he could forget about getting a job when he turned 16 to afford his own car and insurance. Going to a brick and mortar school means that he would be vying for the same shifts that every other student wanting to work would be trying for.

He said he wanted to stay in cyber school so that he could work. I told him that no one can make that happen but him and I was going to stop taking his education personally.. it was his decision and he needed to make it happen but one way or the other, he WAS going to get an education.

This conversation started at the beginning of traditional Christmas break.

Did he do anything? Nope. I kept bringing it up.. bringing it up.. bringing it up.. telling his father to do something.. and all Bubba did was sleep at the Crack Whore’s or spend the night with friends.

All very frustrating for me.

Today, everything came to a head.

Last night I told Chief that he had to wake Bubba up at 9am.. show him the reports.. show him what he wasn’t doing.. and sit next to him if he had to to make sure he did it.

That didn’t happen.

When I came home at 10:30, Bubba was still asleep. I tried waking him up but he ignored me. Chief tried to wake him up and he ignored him. When he finally DID get up, he bitched that it was “early” .. um, sorry son, 11am is NOT early.. but I sat him down at the computer and showed him the reports that WE were looking at and explained to him where he was lacking and what he needed to do.

I told him that he had to hit every subject, not just the ones he liked or he found easy. Part of this district’s program is that he has the opportunity to get instruction from a real teacher if there is something that he gets hung up on or doesn’t quite understand.

There really are no excuses.

After 47 MINUTES, he told me he did work on every subject.

So I grabbed his father.. pulled up the reports and told him that what he DID was complete ONE LESSON from every unit. Not good enough. He started getting flippy .. which made his father angry and started yelling .. and then Chief retreated back to the bedroom to play video games leaving Bubba to go back to playing his computer game.

All very frustrating for me and so I told Chief that the experiment was over. Tomorrow we were going back to the high school to get Bubba back in there on Monday. If he chooses not to come to WV because he doesn’t want to go to a regular high school there then he can stay here. Right or wrong, there’s very little I can do without any support from his father.

While I totally believe in the advantages of cyber school, I also believe that it takes a certain type of kid AND a certain type of parent. Obviously, not all parents are cut out for the additional responsibility of making sure their kid gets the education available to them and that’s a shame because the benefits far out way the down falls.