My Mind Is The Devil’s Playground

Yknow… it’s kinda one of those thing where when I have too much time to think.. I do.

Like at work.. sometimes the spreadsheets I have to do or the contracts I have to load are so mindless that the devil starts masturbating my madness and I start putting the mental puzzle pieces together.

And so today at work.. when I was doing what can only be described as “arts and crafts” with spreadsheets, I started thinking about this whole deal with the Crack Whore.

To recap, she had to come up with ONLY 100.oo by the close of court today to avoid.. whatever. Jail? I think that’s how it works but going over the conversation yesterday with Chief I’m not so sure now. And let’s be realistic. She can come up with the money.

But I got to thinking… what about next week?

What about the NEXT support payment that’s due that she doesn’t pay?

Is he going to notify the court? Is the court going to take it’s own action?

He his stance is that, in some way, her going to jail will make him look like the bad guy and the thing is? MY thing is.. .why don’t you fight for your kids, man?

The nonsense about not wanting drama… is just that.  Nonsense. Dribble.

Personally, I don’t think he has the heart to do it. Like he doesn’t have the balls to throw her out of the store and tell her that if she comes back he’s going to call the cops.

He let’s her get away with SO much that it’s sickening.

And where do I stand in all this? What’s his responsibility to me?

I wear his ring.. I support his kids… his house.. and I don’t think he wants to see how this all affects me.

Tonight, on the way home, I saw her and the drug dealer boyfriend of the month.. coming out of a parking lot on the way to wherever without a care in the world.

I, on the other hand, stopped in the store.. went to the market.. and had to listen to Bubba and Spazz bickering and fighting over bullshit while making dinner.. found out that they broke my PS3 controller.. vaccuumed the rugs.. picked up after the dogs.. served dinner.. cleaned up after dinner and then started doing laundry again while they all just lay around doing whatever they want.

I’m starting to resent it.. resent everything.. resent having to deal with HER kids.. support HER kids.. discipline HER kids.. deal with HER kids.. while she just does whatever the fuck she wants to do and he doesn’t do a damn thing about it.

I don’t say what’s on my mind alot. When things really start to get to me, I let it just sit in the back of my brain trying to make sense of it. Most times, I’m able to sort things out without giving it life but there are times when I can’t.

I’m starting to feel like this is one of the times that it’s going to come out and when it does, it’s going to have the potential to break us up.

There are things I knew going into this relationship.. there are things that I willingly accepted.. but there are also things that are blindsiding me and the way things are with her are one of those.

He gave me the impression of something completely different and the longer this goes on the clearer the picture becomes.

Somebody has to look out for me.. and if it isn’t going to be him then I’m going to have to look out for myself.

Convos

Sarge: What kind of soup do you have

Chief: Tomato Rice

Me: OMG.. he makes THE best tomato rice soup

Sarge: You should taste his Clam Chowder

Me: I’m waiting until after my first lesbian experience

Lyrics

GOING DOWN IN A BLAZE OF GLORY

MY HEAR IS OPEN WIDE

YOU CAN TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT FROM ME

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO HIDE

GOING DOWN IN A BLAZE OF GLORY

MY HANDS ARE HELD UP HIGH

IM LEARNING HOW TO HIT BACK

IM LEARNING HOW TO FIGHT

“Blaze Of Glory” – The Alarm

Stupid Stupid Girl

It’s hard to pass along life lessons hard earned when the heart’s involved. Nearly impossible, actually… if it was easy I wouldn’t have been married to the mindless minion for 18 years and would have saved myself a ton of grief.
At any rate, my cousin DeeDee is over the moon in love with the father of her baby and because of that.. this intelligent woman started doing stupid things. That that made absolute perfect sense when she did them ::the prime example being her decision to take out a HUGE loan to build an addition on to what can actually be called a double wide, the house where her man and his MOTHER lived in ::  Had she been NOT the stupid, stupid girl she would have used that money to buy her own damn house.

Maybe the pre-natal “nesting” hormone had something to do with it also. Who knows.. the point is this stupid, stupid girl.. madly in love and with the fairy tale writing itself in her mind.. had reality bite her big in the ass when drama began with his family.

It’s always the family, isn’t it?

Anyway.. the details don’t really matter. It’s enough just to say that when family is involved it’s a sticky situation.. especially when things escalate to physical violence.

DeeDee left her man, her new addition and the mother about 2 weeks ago after a horrendous fight that had a few major red flags pop up to those of us who recognize them.

She landed first at her mothers but had to move in with her father since apparently there’s this whole bringing-children-out-of-state no-no clause in the law books. She filed for custody and child support .. went to get some of her stuff was was in touch with an attorney.

He, on the other hand, found his own version of Jesus and chose to put his faith in everything but that fact that God helps those who help themselves. Since yknow.. Jesus is going to pay off the mortgage to stop foreclosure proceedings on the double wide and UN-repo his truck.

But whatever…

Having already lived through this, I gave her the best advise I could.. told her things he was going to say to get her back.. pointed out the obvious and basically enlightened her to what is apparent without the fog of l-o-v-e clouding judgement.

She listened.

She agreed.

She took him back

Stupid girl.

I agreed that everyone deserves a second chancd.. but that second chance should be earned. She’s choosing to forget about the whole holy-roller thing and the fact that while yes, his mother and sister were major instigators in this, they weren’t the ones who broke down the bedroom door.. they weren’t the ones who put the baby at risk or repeatedly closed the car door on her leg or what can legally be called “holding a person hostage” because he would not allow her off the property.

She’s not remembering that. Instead, she’ dusting off the fairy tale .

Stupid Girl

Wish her well.

95 Years And Counting

Tomorrow my grandmother will be 95 years old and God bless her, she’s still as feisty as ever.

Yesterday we had a family get-together which started out as just my mom thinking coffee and cake and wound up being a “thing”.

Chief catered and all my relatives squeezed into her tiny house to catch up.. enjoy.. and marvel at the fact that my grandmother, who was the eldest child of 11, is the last sibling still alive.

Since the cops still have my digital camera, I wasn’t able to take pictures but other’s did and as soon as I get them I’ll post them.

Not sure just how many birthday’s she has left in her, but I’m hoping there are many, many more!

Felice Compliano Nonna!