Convos

ME: Where’s [name of town]
CHIEF: It’s over there, why?
ME: There’s an ad on Craigslist looking for caregiver. You know, someone to cook.. do the laundry.. run errands
CHIEF: Oh yea?
ME: Yea. It’s a live in position
CHIEF: Oh…………………………………………………………….. HEY!!!!

Convos

Me: I want a baby …

Chief: Why??????

Me: Um… so I can show you how to do it right???

Convos

ME: Y’know after watching 4 straight hours of Hoarders it dawned on me that if I ever went on strike, this house would look like any one of the ones shown

CHIEF: (( silence ))

ME: That’s all you got to say, huh?

CHIEF: Well, what do you want me to say?

ME: Yknow.. you watch Hoarders and you get all “OMG” .. but guess what? You’re no better

Convos

ME (to Sarge, Chief’s twin brother regarding going out to dinner on their birthday) You don’t have to be an ass about it

SARGE: Resorting to name calling now?

ME: If the shoe fits…

SARGE: Then I’ll have to start calling you names

ME: Go ahead.. take your best shot

SARGE: Nah.. I’ll make you cry

ME: Yea. Ok.

SARGE: Alright. You’re a bitch.

ME: Yea, I know

SARGE: Fine. Then you’re a cunt

ME: Cool.. that means I’m doing my job

SARGE: You know.. there’s really something wrong with you.

ME: Awww!!! You’re going to make me cry!

Convos

CHIEF: Don’t many any plans for Thursday night

ME: What plans would I have to make?

CHIEF: Oh.. I don’t know.. but I’m taking you out to dinner for our anniversay

ME: Awww… I love you!! You remembered!!

CHIEF: I love you too! Of course, I remembered!!!

… a few minutes pass by

ME: Wait!! Um.. you used the debit card that has our anniversary date as the pin, didn’t you?

CHIEF: Um.. yeeeaaaaa….