Reap What You Sow

Posted: January 7, 2011 in Bubba, Just Me, Spazz
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Earlier this afternoon, I responded to a comment on THIS post:

I agree Amy … and I don’t think his father IS letting him off the hook this time.

When he came home from school, his daily report earned him an 84 which in Spaz’s mind, was a great day. But the comments the teacher wrote painted another picture. I tried to go over each comments, giving him a chance to state his side and not focusing so much on the “12 year old boy” things.. like being silly or whatever.

But when with remarks like “making gun motions”, “rude comments to teacher”, “disrupting class”, “laughing during silent recess because another peer got in trouble”, “being sent to office because of (don’t remember right now” .. he has to own up to them and not make excuses that his teacher hates him or it’s not what SHE’S saying it is.

He started to get an attitude with me and getting mouthy which made his father blow up and extend his punishment.

Like I said, he may have “issues” but this has been going on for enough time that he should know that he can’t get away with what he’s doing.. hopefully his father is on track too

No SOONER had I shut down the laptop and made my way into the kitchen where Chief was cooking that I heard Spaz talking in his room and I knew… Knew!… KNEW what exactly he was doing.

Playing dumb, I went into the kitchen and asked Chief who Spaz was talking to .. making it sound like a mundane question.

He told me he let him go on the computer.

This after the above.. this after I heard him hollering at Spaz a second time because of some mouthy response to his father and because of his attitude.

So when he admitted he let Spaz have his computer, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “.. you reap what you sow.”

Chief didn’t respond to that.. because what could he say? It’s the truth. And he’s said it enough times to other parents. See, I don’t tell people how to raise their kids.. he doesn’t have a problem with being vocal. Hello? Pot? Meet Kettle.

I started making a cup of coffee and then turned to him and said:

You know how your kids talk back to you and give you attitudes and think they can talk to you the same way they talk to their friends? You know why your kids don’t respect you?

He admitted that he doesn’t follow through.

I told him to remember that the next time he gets all twisted about the way they treat him and talk to him.

And then I walked out but believe me, I was bent.

One time, a while ago, he told me that one of the reasons why he didn’t keep in regular contact with this family is because they always “.. stuck their nose in about raising my kids”.

Um.. HELLO!! Just why do you think that is, Bucky??

And so I find myself in a difficult situation. How long can I stand to be a witness to this? How long can I either be on the sideline or stuck in the crosshairs and watch this man be disrespected and abused by the kids he made that way?

True, that nothing has changed in over three years so how can I really thing that one day this guy is going to “get” it? You can’t convince someone that they need help if they don’t think they do… or if they don’t want to put out the effort. That’s a biggie. Effort. HE doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it.. I, on the other hand, can’t stomach being it’s witness.

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, then you know that every fight we’ve gotten into is always related to the kids or the Crack Whore or both. And whenever the kids are the nucleus, it’s always because we are not on the same page regarding the proper way to parent.

It’s like the soda bottle war.

When we closed the deli, we had cases and cases of soda on the front porch. We told them they weren’t allowed to just rape the porch of it’s goodies.. they had to ask first.

Did that happen? No.

Were soda bottles regularly left empty all over the house? Where the caps all over the floor, under the couch, under the computer desk? Yes.

Did they listen to me about throwing them away? No.

Did they listen to him? No.

A few mornings ago, I woke up in the early hours because they dogs’ water bowl was empty. The computer desk was LITTERED with all different kids of bottles and empty potato chip bags. The table in the dining room was the same way. I wasn’t going to clean it up.. instead, waiting for Chief to wake up and told him that I was at the end of the rope regarding the bottles and I was going to either dump the rest of soda on the porch or give it away to someone needy.

He said he felt the same way.. he was disgusted.. he was pissed.. he was angry.. blah blah blah BLAH blah .. because he’s REAL GOOD at throwing his bravado at me..

So he tells each kid when they wake up that they’re not allowed to have soda anymore. There’s stuff to drink in the fridge and that’s that because he’s sick of them not listening to him.

Bubba’s response? “… I can’t have soda?”

His response? “.. well, you can have soda but I dont want you leaving the bottles around?”

Guess what? Soda bottles all over the place still.

Same with Bubba’s cyber school.

Bubba told me that one of reasons why he can’t complete the IT courses is because he doesn’t have Abode Reader. He tried to down load it but for some reason it wouldn’t show on the computer.

That night, Monday, I told Chief to load the software on the computer.

He goes out to the living room and then comes back in and says that Weed is going to load another type of program that doesn’t take up as much room. I don’t know hills about stuff like that but I said, “.. he’s doing it now, right?” He said he was.

The next morning, I asked again. No software.

That afternoon, I asked AGAIN… No software.

And still… NO SOFTWARE.

So really… what am I suppose to do at this point? There’s a WHOLE LIST of he shoulds.. he coulds.. you should.. you could.. but frankly, been there done that a million times already.

And now I’m thinking that maybe this move to West Virginia isn’t the right thing for me. They can go.. Godspeed.. but I don’t think that knowing how this is just going to continue and continue and continue… and me being 9 hours away from everything that I am familiar with and comfortable with going to be healthy for me.

Maybe this is the catalyst to being able to do what I need to do for myself.


  1. Amy says:

    Does Chief know that you’re at the end of your rope? That you’re ready to leave him and the kids over his lack of follow thru? Because if he doesn’t, maybe this trip is the time to tell him. To let him know that either things come to a screeching halt or you’re not going to be able to stay. I don’t know how you’re going to let him know just how serious you are this time, but I guess it really needs to somehow sink into his head.

    Good luck!

  2. Mrs.Wayne says:

    Do YOU clean up after these kids? I’d make Chief do it.

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