Hooking A Line…

So earlier tonight, I was feeling better.. Chief was feeling better.. and the weather was gorgeous so we decided to head down to the creek to get some fishing in.

Me, Chief and Spaz loaded up the wagon and headed down there.

I told you before that Spaz has issues. One of them being the constant need to talk. In every loving sense of the word, he never shuts the fuck up and will get so freaking random so keep his mouth going.

I know where it comes from… he has self esteem issues, abandonment issues, anger issues.. you name it and the kid has it all.. so he always has this need to say things to make sure that you know that he’s there.

That’s my armchair diagnosis anyway…

As much as I love him.. and I do with all my heart.. and as much as I understand him… and I do with all my mental capacity… it still can work your nerves. Especially, too, when things don’t go the way he THINKS they should go he gets angry and basically becomes a little dick.

When we got to the creek, he starts fishing but kept tangling his line.. or his reel would unspool or whatever would happen because he doesn’t actually LISTEN when you tell him how to do something.. he already has it in his head that he KNOWS how to do it. So with everything little thing that fisherman just patiently deal with, he was blaming everything.. the pole, the water, the creek, President Bush, the war in Iraq, space aliens, you name it.

It’s blatantly apparent that Spaz loves the IDEA of fishing… but not the actual fishing part. I told this to Chief and he also pointed out that it’s something that we’re doing together… not to go into too much detail about why Spaz is the way he is but his mother is a cunt.

Not that I have that opinion because I’m riding on Chief’s bandwagon. No. She’s a cunt and I have been the star witness to more then a few instances where she really set the boy on a tailspin and I had to step in and deal with the aftermath.

Did I mention she was a cunt?

So the fact that I am providing things that he doesn’t even realize he wants or needs on a subconscience level, makes act out more sometimes because he constantly wants my attention and to be the center of my universe.

It’s deep… and I can’t honestly say that I would have went in the other direction had Chief laid everything out on the line from the very beginning. I mean, he told me stuff but I could have in no way comprehended just how things really are.

I love Chief. I do. More then anyone I ever had in my life so knowing that.. and knowing me.. I still would have jumped in blindfolded…

All that is off topic though…

The bottom line is… after all the pissing and moaning and whatever.. at the end of the night.. right before we had to stop legally fishing… Spaz caught his first fish!

He was SO excited and even though we had to throw it back because it was alittle smaller then legal.. I had brought my camera with me so at least it’s documented!!

 

Is It Me?

The last three days I’ve been home from work because I haven’t felt well… so today I had to go to the doctor’s for a note. Dude looks like the guy who plays “MONK” on USA. Anyway.. so the only reason why I went is because I need a note for work. In all seriousness, I’m not one to pop pills for every sniffle and generally just staying in bed and not having the stress from work cures what ever ails… but one gots ta do what one gots ta do…

So I go and tell the nurse person that yknow… I have a fever off and on, earache, sore throat, blah blah blah.. everything that comes with a cold.

So Dude comes in … looks at the chart.. and asks me how much I weigh, how much I smoke and how much coffee I drink a day.

I’m like, “Yea.. so about the ears?”

He looks at me dead in the face and says, “… well, you know you need to stop smoking, loss weight and cut out the coffee.”

I’m like, “Yea.. about the EARS?”

He was like, “oh.. well, that’s just an infection. I can give you a script for that.. BUT! If your serious about losing weight and not smoking I can blahblahblabhblah…”

I tuned him out at that point and said, “… yea, so can I get a note for work?”

Something tells me that I could have been holding a tampon on an bleeding out aorta and he’d still would be focused on my weight and lungs.

Here’s the thing..

I know I’m overweight… rather, I weight more then I would like to and I JUST told Chief that he had to go easy on the stuff that he packs in my lunch and how much food he piles on my plate at dinner. I know he loves to make me special dinners and concoct my lunch… he’s a chef after all.. but I’m getting rolls where I haven’t had rolls, sweat where I’m not used to sweating and literally have to suck in my belly button until it comes out my ass to zipper up most of my jeans…

We won’t even go into the whole muffin top thing…

The smoking, well yea.. I would like to NOT do it.. but right now it’s a crutch. It’s what I do when I’m either stressed out at work or stressed out at home or what I do when the devil is dancing on my brain and I need to just keep my mouth and emotions in check.

The coffee?

Yea.. good luck with that one!!!

 

And So It Goes…

Not even going to go into it..

You know what I’m going to say… the house, the boys still not doing what’s on their chore list.. their crap left all over the floor, under the table, next to the couch, etc.

And.. as it happens.. Ernie the Terrorist Puppy.. who loves nothing more then to chew anything and everything.. wound up chewing the end off of Bubba’s PSP adapter… the USB one that plugs into the PS3 for charging.

And I could care less because:

1. They’ve been told SO many times not to leave things around for Ernie to get his little razor teeth into

2. About 2 months ago, Bubba was whining about how he couldn’t use the PSP because there was no charger. Chief was actually using his carphone charger from his cell phone to charge it up.. I went to Game Stop and bought a new one for like 20 bucks. Where it’s at now is anybody’s guess… some think in Weed’s room… other’s think it got sucked into the black hole in space… whatever. Really don’t give a camel’s crap. All I know is that I’m not buying another one.

So what’s one to do? How far do I push the issue? At what level of filth, disorganization and don’t give a shit attitude can I literally put up with? Don’t know yet.. but I think I’m going to find out .. and soon.

Funniest thing is that this morning Chief and I were watching Regis and Kelly and there was something being said about something regarding “clutter”, “dirt” and “dust”.

Chief said something like “… dirt and dust I can handle, but not clutter.”

It was one of those innocent statements that made my head snap and chin drop.

I said, “.. you’re kidding me right?” making the hand sweeping motions to look around the room.

It’s way obvious that he doesn’t get the difference between “clutter” and “hoarding”… but that’s something I am SO not ready to get into right now.

All this is just a sore, sore, sore subject right now.

Oh.. and speaking of which.. remind me to post the little ditty of a conversation that I had with my mother right after I went to the doctors.

Sometimes, people just fucking amaze me.

 

Aaaarrgghhh!!!

So yesterday I was home from work sick.. dealing with the onset of the black plague that Chief so lovingly gave me :: yea, right! ::

I laid down around 2-ish to take a nap and slept through until around 7:30.

When I got up, the kitchen was a wreck from Chief cooking but the dining room table was the same way I left it earlier.. meaning that apparently, the boys went right outside after school and hadn’t come home for dinner.

NOTE: Chief is a gourmet chef so he’s the one that cooks at home.. but because he’s USED to being in a kitchen where he has someone that cleans up after him, he tends to make a mess out of the kitchen. Don’t mind though.. he’s an awesome chef and what he puts out is WELL worth the time it takes to clean the kitchen!!

So I’m balled up on the sofa when Spaz comes in.. he gives me a big hug and asks if I feel better. Seeing that he didn’t have his school clothes on was a relief.. hate to sound harsh, but this whole situation is fast becoming a throne in my side..

He goes into the kitchen… gets some ribs… comes into the living room where Chief is playing Call of Duty and starts eating them. I’m not saying anything. I want to see what he does with his bowl.

Around 8:30 he realized that he missed youth group at church and had a melt down. A serious melt down.. the kind where he literally gets like a cartoon character with steam coming out of his ears. I can only reason with him for so long.. after awhile my patience runs out and I tell him to get a grip and stop being a drama queen. Unfortunately, that usually settles him down.

But the dish never made it into the kitchen.. neither did his glass of juice.

Around that time, Bubba comes in… he is in fact, in his street clothes so that’s something amazing… but those two together are like nitroglycerin in a hurricane. As soon as they start sharing air, they instigate each other and try to one up each other and scream, hollar, bicker, etc.. Not wanting to deal with it, I went into the bedroom. Chief followed and we started watching something on the SciFi channel.. Spaz went to bed and Bubba went on the computer so we went into the living room to watch Ghost Hunters… Pretty soon, Bubba went to bed and I went around the house picking up their shit and throwing out all the junk they left hanging around.

I didn’t even want to get into it with Chief because it feels like I’m always harping on it so when he went to sleep I went on Call of Duty and got all my aggressions out.

This morning, I was woken by Chief screaming at Spaz. Apparently, Spaz’s school bag had a piece of plastic on it that came off and he asked his dad to fix it. Chief didn’t get around to it yesterday so Spaz got all pissy.. which made Chief pissy and all I heard was “… did you clean your room?” “… did you do your homework?” “… who took your dinner dish in the kitchen”, etc. with rapid fire succession. Then I heard, “… you can’t do ONE thing that me or Leese asks you to but you have the nerve to get an attitude with me because I didn’t do ONE thing YOU wanted me to do? Who the hell do you think you are… blah, blah, blah”

It is indeed unfortunately, but it seems that the only thing Spaz responds to is when you act just like him. Neither of us hate having to yell at him… I, particuarly, have difficulties with it… but it’s the only thing that sinks in with him.

At any rate… the hope and aspiritions I had on Monday have apparently disappeared.

And there’s some tough decisions I may need to have to make. I really, sincerely, with all my heart hope that I won’t have to.. but nothing’s changing..

 

Frustration Overload

.. so last night I came home from work.

Spaz was still in his school clothes :: violation of chore list ::

Bubba’s jacket was thrown on the chair next to the door in the living room.. half on the floor :: violation of chore list :: He did get changed into his street clothes so that’s props for him!

Their crap was all over the place… sneakers, socks, school bags, etc. I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s not up to me to keep reminding them to do what they’re suppose to do.

Both Spaz’s father and I did tell him to change out of his school clothes… and he didn’t.

NOTE: As of six weeks ago, this kid had 9 pairs :: NINE!! :: of school pants. As of last week, he had none. Cuffs frayed beyond recognition… splits in the knee.. dirt, grease, marker stains, etc. When we both realized that he didn’t have any pants, Spaz had to wear a pair of navy blue cords that EVERYDAY I told him to take off. He’s a 14 Husky and finding school pants in his color this time of year had proven to be a real bitch. Plus, I’ll be damned if I get them any place except WalMart because he’s only going to trash them anyway.

He was in his school clothes until he got ready to take a shower. His excuse was that since it was the Navy cords, he didn’t think they were considered “school” clothes. I kinda snapped and told him that if he wore them to school, they were SCHOOL clothes and regardless of the pants, he still had the shirt on.

Bubba wasn’t home when we had dinner so it was just Chief, Spaz and me… Spaz never took his plate into the kitchen. Just jumped from the table and went into the living room :: violation of chore list :: So I wound up having to do it.. but again, I didn’t say anything because I was patiently waiting for my moment.

Bubba finally came home and ate dinner… he did scrape his plate and put it in the sink :: the dishwasher was running at that point :: but when HE went to take a shower, he left the bathroom a mess :: violation of chore list ::

After they went to bed, I held up my side of the agreement and threw out all their crap that was laying around the living room… pencils, ear buds, little toy skateboard, crayons, papers, etc. And then I went to the refridgerator with my thick black Sharpie marker and instead of a smiley face next to the chore, I put a big black X.

I woke up this morning not feeling to sporty … I think Chief felt the need to share the cold :: black plague? :: he’s been battling all last week… so I called out from work. I was asleep when the boys got up and ready for school so I’m not sure if there was anything said to their dad… we’ll see tonight.

I’m just so freakin frustrated at this point… well beyond normal… that I’m starting to get pissed at Chief for not being more help… I know his position.. I know exactly what he would say because it’s all been said before.. it just doesn’t make it any better

So we’ll see… but I’m not holding my breath