Doing What I Gotta Do.. Even If It Makes Me Feel Bad

So.. yknow.. a few weeks ago I posted this whole thing about Spaz and the Crack Whore and taking a step back from getting involved in his school and his homework and stuff.

You can read about it HERE in case you missed it.

So since then, Spaz goes over to the crack den every day after school and usually comes home around 7:30.

I don’t ask him if he did his homework or not.. don’t ask what he did over there.. nothing. I just act like.. whatever.

Last night I had to go pick him up over there because the new car she bought with the settlement money from her bogus lawsuit was in the shop being fixed or something.. so today, I made sure I was nowhere near my cell phone in case he called for another ride. Let her figure out how to get him home.

So by around 8:00, I was anticipating “something” but just as I was driving up to the house from my evening Dunkin’ Donut run, she was parked across the street dropping him off.

Chief had been on the side of the house with the dogs so I just walked towards him and we came inside like nothing unusual.

I was in the kitchen doing the dinner dishes when Spaz comes up behind me and tells me that the Crack Whore is going to school with him on Friday for some kind of picnic thing they do every year. I tell him “that’s nice” and continue doing what I’m doing.

He asks me if I want to go. I tell him that I don’t have to go because she’s going. He says, “.. but did you WANT to go.” and I tell him that I didn’t even know about it. He says he’s sorry and that I can do the next thing that comes up.

I tell him that he doesn’t have to get all worried about me not doing things at school with him because the Crack Whore can do it with him… I told him that he doesn’t have to feel like he’s cheating me out of something or whatever.. to just enjoy doing whatever is going on at the time.

He said that he liked doing things with me at school too and I was like just don’t stress out about anything.

He then asks me if I could take him somewhere to get her something for her birthday in October.

I didn’t say anything at first.. I mean, what do you really say? So I told him that maybe his dad could take him. He said he wanted me to take him and I told him that he was asking a little too much of me.

He asked me what I meant and I just said that he should ask his dad to take him. He left the kitchen then and went on the computer.

I felt bad.

I did.

I felt hurt about not being able to participate in something that I really look forward to doing with him at school. In fact, one of the first things I thought of when I found out that I was getting laid off is all the time I would have to become more physically involved with Spaz’s class. The first year me and Chief were together, I was invited to Josh’s class to design t-shirts and he was so full of self esteem and so proud that his shirts were the best one’s in his class. So yea, I really wanted to be that involved again with him.

I try SO hard not to put this kid in the middle of anything but sometimes being in the middle is where one has to be in order to see both sides clearly.

It’s hard having to be the only one with a certain degree of maturity and constantly acting in an adult manner and this time I didn’t.. but I can’t be hard on myself about it. You can’t expect me to do the right thing ALL the time.

I’m just human after all.

It’s All About A Girl

… so.

Y’know how I’ve written about Bubba being all trying to stay up way later then he’s suppose to on the computer and being all concerned all of a sudden about getting a cell phone and wanting to be away from everybody when he’s on the laptop?

Yeah.. well.. I had a theory about all that that went well beyond the “.. all my friends have one” excuse. Call it woman’s intuition. Call it being 14 years old many moons ago.

But I kind of figured that there was a girl involved. And I was right.

Over the weekend, Bubba wanted to sleep over his friend’s house and needed a ride. On the way, he asked me at what age did I think that Chief would think he was mature enough to travel somewhere out of state.

I told him that it wasn’t a matter of age.. but a matter of acting mature. And beside, I told him.. he couldn’t just travel anywhere at 14. Because he was a minor, there would have to be an adult at the other end of wherever it was he was traveling to. I gave him the example of visiting his uncle in Oregon. He could fly there by himself but his uncle would have to be at the airport to pick him up.

Not really sure if that’s true or not but it sounded good.

So he mulls it over a little bit and then asks if I could drive him through some fast food joint to get something to eat.

I said “sure” but I think he missed the eye-roll.

As we’re waiting in line he asks me about become emancipated. I tell him that he would have to prove that he NEEDED to be emancipated in court and that the would have to prove that he could support himself financially.

I could literally see whatever plan he thought he was cooking up diminish at the mention of financial self supporting.

But anyway.. he starts telling me about his “friend” that moved to Texas after they had graduated from middle school. At first I thought it was a male friend but he let slip a “she” .. and the more I acted like I didn’t hear the “SHE” the more he talked about the “SHE”. And “SHE” was the reason why he wanted to stay up late :: time difference :: and “SHE” was the reason why he was so insistent on having long distance on the cell phone.

Knowing this.. I kind of feel like being a little more lenient. I won’t of course, but I feel like cutting him a little slack. I remember what it was like to be 14 and crushing on someone ..

REVIEW: Dexter

I don’t normally watch television other then for Top Chef and Project Runway so I’m not all together surprised that I never hit upon this show. It’s everything that I like in entertainment .. left of center, witty, dry humor..

So thanks to one of those 3am channel surf-est where there was absolutely nothing to watch, I found this show.

After three days, I’m already on Season 2, Episode 2 and I’m seriously considering barricading myself in my bedroom to watch it straight through… it’s that good. I even got Chief hooked and considering NOTHING entertains him unless it’s on the Syfy Channel, History Channel or Fox News Network.. that’s a feat in itself.

Without giving too much away :: you really should watch it :: the series is about a serial killer who only kills serial killers. His baggage and why he is the way he is was outlined during the course of the 12 episode first season :: and my chin is STILL hanging down to my knees :: and Season 2 is continuing with a story line that’s completely rocking Dexter’s world.

If you like quirky.. if you like smartly written scripts.. if you like sarcastic humor I really think you’ll enjoy this show.

Watch.. and let me know