Count ERNULA

… so yesterday Spaz and I had to go to the local Walgreen’s for… for… for? I forget why.. but since one half of the center aisle had Halloween stuff and the other half of the center aisle had Christmas stuff :: yes, I said Christmas. As in the birth of Christ.. as in DECEMBER freakin’ 25th! :: Spaz was on sensory over-load.

So before he had the chance to tell me what on his Christmas list .. or even ASK me if I “… wanna know? Wanna know? Huh? Hey Leese, wanna know what’s on my Christmas list? ” I steered him towards the Halloween part of the aisle and told him to LOOK. FOR. SOMETHING. Not anything I was going to actually BUY, mind you. I figured if I just got him to look it would afford me enough time to get what I needed and pay for it without him being next to me pleading to get something asinine.

Like a cane.

A REAL cane.

We won’t go there.

Anyway.. the plan worked until he found me waving this dog costume.

Yes.. a DOG costume.

Now I am SO not one of those people that dress up their dogs. I don’t carry them around in handbags :: well, considering the size of my dogs that would be impossible but even if I did have a dog that would fit in a handbag I still wouldn’t do it :: .. in fact, I won’t even put a bandanna on them. Just not my gig.

Not like Bird.

Really... are you KIDDING me??

She showed me these and actually had the balls to ask me if I wanted to take them home for Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy.

Like Ernie would look good in pink, Chuck Taylor wanna-bes!

No.. seriously.. I asked her if she was out of her freakin’ mind buying those for her Min-Pin Bella. She just laughed because.. you know.. she’s Bird and as much as we’re alike she gets a kick out of the things that make us different.

Doggie sneakers being one of them.

Back to the story…

So Spaz comes running up to me waving this dog costume saying that we HAVE TO buy it for Ernie..

It’s a dracula costume.. complete with a head piece that immediately reminded me of Eddie Munster. You know, with the point in the middle of the forehead and all? Except I don’t think that Eddie had holes on the top of his head for his ears.

Maybe he should have.

Anyway.. at 5.99, I really couldn’t resist so I bought it and proceeded to come home and put it on Ernie who was all like “Nooooo!!! Nooooo!! What are you DOING to me!!” in the silly cartoon voice we make whenever he does something insanely crazy or random.

My favorite is:

If I had opposing thumbs I’d BE a boy!

Anyway.. way off track.

So we get the thing home.. catch Ernie.. and put the costume on him.

He didn’t like the head gear.. maybe because his ears are floppy and the damn thing wouldn’t stop sliding onto his face.. or it may have been the string I MAY have tied a little too tight under his snout.

I say “MAY” .. it hasn’t been confirmed so don’t call Peta.

At any rate.. we did manage to get ONE picture of him with the costume on.

HELP! They're trying to KILL me!!

Enjoy it because I don’t think you’ll ever see it on him again. In fact, it mysteriously disappeared. It was there one minute.. and then the next? Gone.

I bet if I had the nerve to look under my bed I think I’d find it!!!

Sneakers? Friends? WET Sneakers? Friends? Which Side Of The Scale Would YOU Tip?

Okay.. so I think I may have described Bubba to you before. At 14, he’s around 6’1″ – 2″.. has a 17.2″ neck.. a 40″ waist and a 13.5 / 14 shoe size.

He goes through sneakers like nobody’s business and alot of that has to do with just his size .. and the fact that he’s a boy.

So Friday at the store, he asks why his socks turn blue and I told him it was from the dye used on the suede of his sneakers. He told me that he needed new ones.. and showed me where the upper is coming away from the lower. So I told him that he was at a size now where he really needs to try stuff on because it’s getting harder and harder to just go to a WalMart of KMart or Kohl’s or Target and 1) find his size and 2) not drop a paycheck on them :: I reserve that right for me!! ::

He wound up going to the crack whore’s.

NOTE: Actually, I drove him… even though the shop is literally 2 blocks away. But apparently, it was drizzling a little and she didn’t want him walking in it and become sick.

Chief asked him why SHE couldn’t pick him up and Bubba said because she was sick herself.

Now.. is it me but if YOU don’t want someone walking in the rain because they might get sick.. why do you want them to come over if YOUR sick? Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of not getting sick?

Ok.. I thought so.. sometimes I think I need to start popping Neo pills to curb my logical mind!

Anyway… so fast forward to Saturday. Bubba walks in somewhere between 2pm and 4pm. I had actually taken the morning off to re-establish my Saturday morning routine of cleaning the house but still went down to the store because he gets swamped between 1 and 4.

So Bubba and his friend come in.. grab something to eat.. and ask if he could have some tokens so that they can take the trolley to the creek.

NOTE: We life just barely out of walking distance to a creek that’s used for fishing, swimming, etc. and Bubba and his friends go there all the time.

Chief gives him the tokens and Bubba mentions that he doesn’t have any shoes to wear that can get wet. I asked him what time he thought he’d be home and he said 7pm. Fine.. come home at 7 and I’ll take you to get sneakers.

And he did. He came home.. and right after, Chief came home. Chief thought it would be neat to go get Bubba sneakers.. grab something to eat and then go see a movie.

The four of us.

Really.

He wanted to do that.

The movie didnt start until 9 so we had plenty of time for me to take a quick shower.

I take maybe.. I don’t know.. a 10 minute shower? :: that’s long for me but I had to shave my legs!! :: and while I’m in my bedroom putting clothes on, Bubba knocks on the door asking if Chief or I knew how to dry shoes.

Chief makes this face like, “… what the HELL are you talking about, boy?” and calls out that I’ll be ready in a few minutes and then we’re leaving to get him new ones.

Bubba said that he wanted to go out with his friends..

I gave Chief the same “… what the HELL are you talking about, boy?” face and told Bubba that he either gets new sneakers or goes out with his friends.. don’t know what else to tell you.. it’s one or the other.

Bubba decides to go out with his friends.

Chief was pissed and when I asked why he let him go he said that if he forced him, he was only going to be miserable and make us miserable and start picking at Spaz. His reasoning was that he was the one with the wet shoes and if going out with his friends was more important then oh..well. He’ll get new sneakers but on OUR time.. not his.

So I asked him what the game plan was now and he said, “… you look so pretty I have to take you out.”

That was sweet.

We wound up taking Spaz to Old Country Buffet.. all in dry shoes!! LOL