Posts Tagged ‘Smell’

So yesterday was “catch-up-on-laundry” day. Chief and I wound up going to the same two flea markets that we went to last week and got some steals on some things he’s been wanting for the shop.

We got home around 1 and while he made lunch for me and Spaz, I started sorting.

I really don’t mind doing laundry. Oddly, I actually can say that I like it but there was so much to do that if I didn’t start early, I would be up all night.

I always make sure my first load of darks contain my work clothes, Chief’s clothes and the boys’ school clothes.. after that it’s the whatever stuff. Since the cold weather has finally left I wasn’t going to wash all the sweatshirts and hoodies :: from Spaz’ room :: until everything else was done.

I tell Spaz to get me the hamper in his room that has been sitting in there since Monday :: when I forced him to clean his room under the assumption that CYS was going to be called ::

NOTE: I wasn’t too concerned that they hadn’t been washed last week. I knew I was going to do everything on Sunday.. he had clean school clothes and I had just bought him more boxers so.. beats having a full hamper of disgusting clothes in the living room!

Anyway.. as I’m sorting through the hamper :: separating darks, whites and towels :: I pull out a pair of his boxers that almost made me hurl lunch all over the floor.

You know that old “survivalist” thing about turning your underwear around and then inside out in an emergency? Well.. let me tell you something.. those boxers were WAY BEYOND ANYTHING ACCEPTABLE!

Honestly, I was never SO appalled by anything SO disgusting before.

And there’s a part of me that feels like I should have been MORE on top of the underwear situation because every time I did laundry, there were no boxers to wash. And I told him that.. in front of Chief…

Since I had bought so many pairs for him in February, I actually assumed that he just shoved his dirty pair under his bed or in his closet or something.. NEVER thinking that he just wasn’t putting clean ones on. Bad enough, I know.. but after I would I say something about it, boxers would turn up in the laundry..

What was I to do? Smell them? What am I suppose to do with an almost-11 year old kid who isn’t my biological child when he gets out of the shower? Do I smell his hair? Yes. Do I smell the skin on his arms? Yes. Other then that, I guess I’ve become so accustomed to hearing horror stories that I don’t want to cross some invisible line that I don’t know about.

I will say that Chief is getting more involved.. and that’s a good thing. And Spaz, to give him credit, is being a lot more conscience… at least for now.

All I know for sure is that I make sure I check what pair of underwear is on his body when I leave in the morning and make sure his dirty pair are in the bathroom hamper after taking a shower.

But I mean, really. How gross can you get?

Chief woke me up Monday morning right before he left for work which was just as well because by then, I couldn’t stand being near him. Everything he did.. or didn’t do.. or said.. or didn’t’ say I manipulated in my mind.

I got ready for work and didn’t wake the boys up until I was ready to walk out the door. I couldn’t handle them either .. espcially considering how they left the dining room table.

I get to the shop and he was mopping. So I just grabbed a cup of coffee.. told him I’d talk to him later and left. Just being in the same room with him was making me buggy.

I was weepy all during the drive to work.. in work.. during break and the beginning of lunch. I knew I really couldn’t deal with this anymore so even though he was at the shop, I called him.

He said that the nurse had called and Spaz was there with a low grade fever.. probably running around too much or whatever.. so I was like, “yea. I guess”

He asked if anything was wrong and I told him I was having a bad day.. that

I wasn’t doing good.. that I was hanging by a thread. He asked what he was doing wrong.. just tell him because he didn’t want me to be sad..

And then a customer walked in. He said he would call me right back and he did.. about 10 minutes later.

I started to tell him the things that were on my mind but another customer came in.

He said he would call me back again, but this time he didn’t right away. About an hour or so went by and when he finally DID call back he told me that he had just had it out with the Crack Whore. She had gone up to the school to pick up Spaz and she called and said something about his odor and calling CYS :: Child Youth Services ::

NOTE: CYS is like DHS :: Dept of Human Services :: it’s the organization people call when there is child endangerment.

I went fucking ballastic. I was like WHAT?? He said he told her that Spaz takes a shower every night and he puts clean clothes on in the morning so he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

I told him, “.. yea, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t take a shower when he’s told to.. God knows where he got his clothes this morning because I wasn’t home.”

I then told him to make no mistake about it, CYS was coming to the house. There’s already one strike against it from January because of Bubba’s room. I said I’ve been telling him.. been telling the boys that something like this was going to happen. I only ONE person.. nobody listens to what I say.. nobody does what I ask them to do.. etc. etc. etc.

He got real quiet. He said he didn’t know what to do. I said, “.. guess I’m going to have to take care of it.

Another customer came in so he hung up.

I couldn’t sit still at my desk. All I kept thinking about was that the bathroom was a hazard area.. that the kitchen was probably wrecked because they were the last one’s home.. that if the dog pooped, they probably walked right over it on the way out the door.

But more then that.. I am an adult in that house. I may not have any legal say regarding the kids but I am an adult in that house. Any charges filed would also be filed against ME and I’ll be fucking damned if I was going to get a child endangerment charge for kids that weren’t mine ESPECIALLY because I’ve been on them and on them and on them and ON them.

I call Chief and tell him that I’m on my way to the house.. he asks if I can stop at the shop first because he would really like that.. I tell him, yknow, I’ll probably wind up losing my job for leaving the way I did.

I didn’t know if that was all together true or not but it is a possibility.

I get to the shop and he hugs me.. burying his head deep in my shoulder without saying anything. I know he’s feeling something but I dont know what and to perfectly honest, I didn’t care. I said to him that I’ve had just about enough of this nonsense.. that I wasn’t going to get into trouble for HIS kids especially because I am after them and after them and after him to pick up after themselves and be responsible.

What could he say but “I know”?

So I went home and made sure everything was the way it was suppose to be.. except the boys’ rooms. THEY were doing that.

Bubba was the first one in.. he asked me why I was home and handed me my keys that I had left in the door.

I told him about what happened with Spaz and school and that his bedroom better be cleaner then when he first moved in. That if the state took them, they would probably eventually go with their mother :: maybe :: but until then, they’d be in foster care.

He went upstairs and did what he had to do. He said something about Spaz being a douchebag and I told him that he was just as bad… starting with HIS room and finishing with his grades. He asked if Chief was going to be pissed when he came home and I told him that it was a safe bet. He said that he didn’t know if he wanted to come home for dinner and I told him he’d have to come home sometime… he asked if he could go out with his friends and I said yea primarily because I really didn’t want him hanging around.

So he left and about an hour or so later, Spaz comes in.


I told him that I knew all about his little act of going to the nurse when he doesn’t feel like being in class.. being told what to do.. acting out.. and because of that he’s going to rip this family apart…

He tried to defend himself.. with more lies, of course.. but I wasn’t hearing any of it. I told him to go into his room and clean it better then when HE first moved in and I got met with mumbling about how long it was going to take him.. and started kicking his bedroom door.

I was in MY bedroom and flew down the hallway and started yelling at him about that being MY door.. and when HE starts working and paying rent then he can kick whatever he wants to be.. he made some smart ass remark and I punched the bathroom door.

Yea. You read right. I punched the bathroom door. Hard. AND told him that he didn’t know how bad I could do that to his face.

Now.. BEFORE YOU START PROTESTING.. that was the first time that I EVER raised my voice to him. That’s not how I handle him. But you know what? He deserved it. Obviously, right or wrong, that’s what he responds to and he needed to understood what serious consequences were going to fall because of what he was doing. He needed to know how pissed I was and how very close I was to leaving.

I told them the same as I told their father.. I’m not getting charged for child endangerment for kids that aren’t mine and don’t listen to a damn word I say.

He went into his room and started cleaning it.

I called Chief and told him what had happened and he said “Good, he deserves it.”

Chief came home with pizza and after dinner, I just went into my room. Honestly, I don’t even remember falling asleep. But I do remember my last thought…

My needs.. thoughts.. feelings.. get pushed aside once again.


DISCLAIMER: There is NO WAY IN HELL that I’m going to be able to convey this with ANY WHERE NEAR the hilarity in which is was originally presented to me!

FULL DISCLOSURE: You have to remember that this happened a few years ago and I can’t for the life of me remember if Goob told me this over the phone or in an email. I want to say email for a variety of reasons so it’s probably long gone by now..

Yep.. went back to November 2006 and couldn’t find it

Anyway… so… heh. You gotta know The Goob.. he’s this 6’4″ mass of Paul Bunyon-ess with tree trunks for arms and the how facial goatee thing going on. In fact, he even said him self that him typing on a keyboard is like gorilla pounding at it.

So.. good looking guy that he is.. he gets interested in one the bar flies patrons at the place where he bounced on the weekends.

AND.. being the guy that he is.. she took complete and utter advantage of him :: my opinion :: and played him like a mandolin. IF she knew what a mandolin was! :: my opinion, again ::

Anyway.. I don’t remember if HE asked her to a movie or SHE mentioned maybe.. possibly.. that she would LIKE to go to a movie.. the memory is fuzzy but the end result is that they made a plan to go to the movies on a Sunday afternoon :: Saturday? Sunday? Saturday? Help me out here Goob ::

So I know he really likes this tramp woman so he does the who metrosexual thing, yknow what I’m saying? And heads over to her place to pick her up.

He knocks at the door and this older woman answers.. I think it was the chick’s mother or something.. and she tells him to come in.

He goes in and he sees the tramp woman sitting on a couch next to this other dude.

And he tells me, “… Leese, you know the size of my nose right? I swear.. and you’re going to think I’m crazy.. but I SWEAR I SMELLED SEX! You know what sex smells like, right? You know what I mean, RIGHT???”

I know what ever I was drinking :: because I’m always drinking something :: shot out my nose because I was laughing so hard.

I asked him what he did… and he said he made up some excuse that he ate a bad hotdog on the way over and had to go home.

So he left.

I remember asking him if.. maybe… possibly the “aroma” was coming from the Old Lady’s “Y:: there goes the ice tea again! ::

But he was like NO! NO! IT WAS SEX! I SMELLED SEX!!!

OMG.. I have to go pee.. that’s how much I’m laughing right now

NOTE: None of the above is Goober’s fault. He did nothing but try to escort a young woman to the moving picture show! Make fun of him and I will shoot a spit ball at you!