Posts Tagged ‘Revenge’

I used the last of the toilet paper after dinner.

I also used the hidden stack I keep folded between the stack of magazines on the bathroom window sill.

They don’t read.. so they’d never find it and since toilet paper runs out faster then ice cream in this house, I always make sure I keep a little bit in case of emergencies.

Can’t figure out if we use so much of it because their asses are so big or because they just use too much of it .. “waste” is a word these boys have yet to learn.

At any rate .. an hour or so after we finished eating, I made my way to the supermarket. Not only did we need toilet paper, but the dogs needed food.. the cats needed food.. and Tide was on sale.

NOTE: I will not waste Tide on their clothes. Tide will only be used on MY clothes and MY bedding because I deserve it, dammit!

So I get everything I had to get and just as I’m about to hit the check out line, my cell rings and it’s Bubba.

I haven’t actually talked to him since the blow up at dinner the other night about his school work .. and only answered it on the off chance that it was Chief.

ME: Hello?
BUBBA: Leese?

Like who else would it be?

ME: What?
BUBBA: There’s no toilet paper.
ME: I know.
BUBBA: Well, Dad said you were at the store. Are you going to buy it or something?
ME: Am I going to steal it?
BUBBA: How long to you think you’re going to be?
ME: Until I am
BUBBA: ‘Cus I’m stuck in the bathroom.
ME: I’ll get there as fast as I can.. I’m almost done.

.. and then I s.l.o.w.l.y made my way up and down every single aisle of the market again..

And every time I remembered how the slob STILL continues to leave half his piss on the floor and not wipe it up even after he’s been told a million times? I looked for something in particular and read it’s ingredients and compared the ingredients to the store brand and then compared prices and broke the price down to cents per ounce.

And when I remembered how he leaves soda bottles and soda caps all over the house.. and empty chip bags in the desk drawer and food crumbs under the desk? I went to the card aisle and read every single New Baby card trying to decide which one.. if any.. I wanted to buy.

And when I remembered how his father told him to clean all the empty bottles and dirty dishes out of the room that I just stipped down to nothing a few weeks ago and he didn’t? I read a few articles in a few different magazines and tried to figure out just how Justin Bieber gets his hair to stay that way.

Did I also mentioned I turned my phone off?

And then I went to the bathroom in the supermarket before making my to the cashier.. and sloooowly wheeled my cart to my car and gingerly loaded the bags into it before doing well below the speed limit and coming to a full stop at every stop sign until reaching home.

I then brought all the bags in the house.. conveniently forgetting the 12 pack of toilet paper that wouldn’t fit in a bag in the back of the car.

Hey.. THEY can forget everything, right? I’m allowed to once in a while!

Chief wound up telling Spaz to run out to the car and get it.. which, because it was for Bubba.. made Spaz move even SLOWER.

And I giggled the whole time.

… so hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and that it was everything that you wanted it to be.

Mine was relatively quiet :: for the life that I live anyway :: .. Chief cooked a fabulous turkey, made fresh cranberry preserve, mashed potatoes and that green bean thing that has those crunchy deep fried onions on. My father in law brought over these sweet potatoes that Chief’s brother makes that were SO FUCKING GOOD! There were apples in there and pineapples and OMG.. it was SO FUCKING GOOD!

We ate around 3.. my father in law was out the door by 4:30 :: he can’t see well at night to drive so as soon as the sun moves behind a cloud he’s on his way :: and then the boys went off to the Crack Whore’s.

Beings that we were going to be home alone, I had visions of some porn and pokin’ but the stuff that’s in the turkey that makes you tired kicked in and after the emergency run to get sewer main unblocker :: yes, the sewer backed up into our basement again :: I was down for the count.

NOTE: Yes, we wound up getting a turkey late Wednesday night.. because, yknow, tradition and all. Shame you can’t see the eye roll I just gave right then!

Anyway.. so 4:30AM .. read that again.. 4:30AM.. my cell phone starts ringing. I jump out of bed.. trip over Bella.. slam my knee into the foot board.. step on the cat and drive for the phone in the dining room.

It’s Bird.


Ok.. so earlier on Thanksgiving, I was going through the circulars and one of the department stores had 50.00 flannel shirts for 8.00. So I happen to mention to Bird that I SHOULD get up at be at the store when they open to grab a few since that’s what I was going to get my father in law for Xmas anyway.

The ONE time that the bitch takes me seriously!!

I kind of feel bad because her sleeps schedule is all fucked up so for her to be up at that time either took some serious effort on her part OR some serious meds.

Fine. So I tell her to come pick me up and she said that she was going to wake up her daughter, Peep, to come with. Peep is home from college and I’m sure the last thing she wanted to do is wake up at 430am to go shopping on Black Friday.

Anyway.. so they get to my house by 5 and Bird is WIRED.

I mean W.I.R.E.D

She’s like a bobble head anyway but OMG.. she was all over the map. I asked her if she had had coffee :: because coffee makes her seriously spaz :: but she said she didn’t even take an energy pill. She’s doing fifty things at once.. pulling out all the circulars from the paper and showing me what she needed to get and all I’m telling her is that she BETTER stop at a Dunkin’ Donuts because I can’t get through this without some serious caffeine.

I should have known what she had issues ordering two large coffees, one with milk and sugar and one with extra sugar and cream that this how adventure was NOT going to be good.

Further proof was when she goes speeding the three blocks from the DD to WalMart and is YELLING at the guy at the red light to turn when he had NO intention of turning and then playing chicken with an old lady for a parking spot.

She has this BIG silver truck and between the old lady trying to jockey her little Toyota .. cars trying to get down the row and cars trying to get up the rows and the poor guy just trying to get out of the parking space, I just knew I was going to die and it was the one time that I voluntarily put my seat belt on.

Then the old lady starts yelling at her.. she starts yelling at the old lady and my chin is literally on my knees because as rough and tumble as I am.. I’d rather just park at the farthest end of the parking lot and walk just to avoid all the drama.

So I’m yelling at her to stop acting the way she is.. Peep is yelling at her to stop acting the way she is.. and the evil demon that has possessed poor Bird turned it’s head and spewed green pea soup before telling us both to shut the hell up.

WalMart is usually a mad house but this was even worse then my vivid imagination could conjure. There were cattle shoots sets up with sadistic cops from three counties welding electric prods to keep the masses in line.

And there were masses.

BELIEVE ME .. there were masses.

The majority there to pick up flat screen tv’s at ridiculous prices all with their nickers in a twist because they were sold out. If you ask me, there were never any tv’s to sell out but that’s just my Wal-Mart Conspiracy Theory thought.

Bird was pissed but figured while we were there getting pushed and shoved and prodded, we might as well pick up a paper shredder.

A paper shredder? Are you fucking kidding me?

But a paper shredder she grabbed and then it’s standing and standing and standing and standing in line to purchase it and I swear I should have just walked the five blocks home.

We finally get out of the line and it was on to the next store. Kohls.

I have to say that even thought Kohl’s was crowded, the were organized. To me, WalMart people don’t usually shop at Kohl’s and so the whole experience was completely different. Then again, Kohl’s doesn’t sell tv’s and radios and the like ..

So Bird and Peep go running around grabbing this and that and I’m just wondering when the hell I’m going to be able to just go buy the flannel shirts. Bird keeps telling me to buy things.. do some of my shopping.. but I’m not prepared financially to do that so basically I’m just there to carry bags.

Kohl’s had a great check out set up. You stood in the main line away from the cashiers and when one was free, a Kohl’s person directed you to the open cashier. It made things move along a lot quicker and was less stressful then having all these people rolling their eyes and shifting right behind you in your personal space. We spent around an hour and a half in there but really, it wasn’t so bad.

Then on to Sears. Apparently, Sears was selling flat screen tv’s at a ridiculous price too and Bird was able to scoop up the last one. But that was a WHOLE process in itself and by this time, I really just wanted to go home. But I sucked it up and got through the sale. Next stop, Boscov’s because Bird wanted to buy herself a ring.

I think I have to state for the record that indecisiveness is a huge pet peeve. Especially indecisiveness while shopping. I’m the kind of shopper that scans a store and if nothing jumps out at me, I move on. For Xmas shopping, I have a list. And I stick to my list. And if something on my list isn’t available, I do a quick scan and move on.

Bird buying herself a ring from her husband for Christmas was the epitome of indecisiveness and by this time, I was ready to crack and on the verse of a breakdown.

The funny thing is, a woman also buying a ring asked me how old I was. When I told her 44, she was shocked because she thought I was in my early 30’s. Then she commented that Bird must of had me REALLY early in life.

Bird looked like she was going to blow a gasket and I just chuckled to myself at how sweet revenge really is.

We FINALLY got out of there and FINALLY made our way to JC Penny’s to get my flannel shirts.. which took all of… I dunno.. 15 minutes? Most of that spent in line?

Then back to Sears to pick up the tv and then to the supermarket to pick up clams and clam juice for the New England Clam Chowder that Chief was making.

By the time I got to the store, I had been with Bird and Peep for 5 hours and it was literally the worse 5 hours of my life.

I’ll never do that again…


.. so as I was sitting here typing my previous blog, I smelled something funny. Not “funny” as in “ha ha” but “funny” as in animal piss.

It may have been the kitten.. it may have been one of the dogs.. I don’t know. All I know is that I smelled it.

So I just finished mopping the dining room with enough Pine Sol to since the inside of my lungs and then cleaned the kitten’s litter box. I do that daily but the trash gets picked up in a few hours and I figured it’s better to be safe then sorry.

I also mopped the bathroom floor real quick.

And then it dawned on me… take the wireless thingy out of the computer as punishment for leaving the house the way they did.

Then it dawned on me that the only person THAT would affect is Spaz since Bubba now has a laptop.

Then it dawned on me to disconnect the internet :: which I will after my laptop battery dies because I didn’t take the power cord out with me ::

AND THEN it dawned on me that Bubba’s laptop is NOT in the living room OR the dining room MEANING he has it in his room.

MEANING we’ll see how Chief handles this one and if he backs up what he said about what’s going to happen if Bubba takes it in his room again.

Might be worth staying up all night to bust him.

The tide is definitely changing… I warned them and warned them and warned them that this day will come. And it’s here.