Posts Tagged ‘Respect’

… where do I start with this kids?


He’s the most laziest.. most unmotivated.. usless 14 year old I ever met. That may sound harsh but if you’ve read my past posts about his, I bet you would wonder “how”?

HOW Leese? HOW do you not take a railroad tie and drive it through his head?

Answer: Because it’s so damn thick that I’d wind up impaling it through my own hand.

There has always been issues with him… not doing what’s asked.. not taking showers.. not doing his school work.. not keeping his room clean.. not sleeping in his bedroom..

And I know you’re thinking that all that is normal 14 year old behavior. And maybe you’re right but doesn’t a 14 year old eventually wind up GETTING THE HINT?

Last year he failed 7th grade. He WOULD have passed if he had done his homework but nope.. too much effort. Cut into HIS time with his friends. The option then was to pay 300.00 to send him to summer school OR let him repeat.

I wanted him to repeat.

Chief wanted to send him to summer school.

At the time of registration, we didn’t have 300.00. The shop was in it’s final stages of being opened and any “extra” money we DID have had gone to the rent, paint, etc.

By August, though, things were ALITTLE better so what was the biggest hairbrained idea that Chief came up with? Sending him to Sylvan Learning Center.

Sylvan is suppose to be THE best in tutoring problem kids. And they should be for 100.00 an hour + the 150.00 assessment fee. Because they have a payment plan, the 940.00 A MONTH was.. well.. not “do-able”… not even “realistic” .. but if we didn’t pay our rent and of course, one month fell when I received 3 paychecks.. then it could be a go.

And it was a go.

3 nights a week I had to take him and pick him up. 3 nights a week he bitched and complained about going and how “stupid” the tutors were.

Heads Up, Bubba.. if you used the brain got gave you wouldn’t even be IN this situation.

Chief kept drumming it in his head that we’re putting ourselves in a financial hole because we believed in him.. that “maybe” the only thing he needed to learn was HOW to learn.. and Bubba kept promising NOT to let the same thing happen again in 8th grade.

NOTE: The school had agreed to accept any learning plan from Sylvan as proof that he had put his time in academically over the summer and would pass him into 8th Grade.

Well guess what.. 8th grade rolls around and while the first.. oh.. I don’t know.. 3 weeks were good.. it’s been a fight with him ever since.

And now, yesterday, I got an email from his teacher saying this:


Bubba has taken a turn for the worse. I did contact his father last

week. He has not handed in any assignments and sits in class idle.

Missing Assignments:

Camp Harmony Questions.. Literature Book pp. 399-476 question p. 477

Jonas Characterization sheet (The Giver)

Letter to the Elders (The Giver)

Notecards (15 notecards on topic for research paper.)

Outline (organization for research paper)

Research Paper (due today) 3-5 pags on topic on the Holocaust

Giver Take Home Test (due Monday) Will be sent home on Thursday

I spoke briefly to Ms. xxxxx and Ms. xxxxxxxx. Matt is failing both

science and social studies.

This with only something like 2 weeks left of school.

But… that was only part of it yesterday.

Bubba has a habit of sleeping on the couch. Chief hates it.. I despise it… it’s one of the reasons why we had to get another living room set. I really can’t say too much when we had a heat wave because his room gets like an oven. But we snapped out of the heat wave and so either I or Chief will force him to go upstairs.

NOTE: Bubba is the only one with a bedroom upstairs. Initially both Spaz and Bubba were up there with Weed occupying the fourth bedroom downstairs. When Weed got out of rehab last year, we moved him upstairs because the downstairs bedroom had too much opportunity for access by his friends. Since Weed got thrown out, that bedroom was suppose to go back to Spaz but I haven’t had the time :: or energy, frankly :: to re-paint it and switch Spaz’ stuff.

Since Bubba IS the only one upstairs, there really isn’t a need for anyone else to go up there. Sure, I know what your saying:


And your right. I agree. The thing is :: and I KNOW it sounds like an excuse :: is that by the time we each get off work.. and do laundry.. and eat dinner.. and all that other stuff, his room falls by the wayside. Is it right? No. It isn’t. And should we be more diligent? Absolutely. But that’s the reality of it all.

Also, yknow, for the amount of time he’s been grounded about it.. and had things taken away.. and been beaten with a belt becaues of it.. you think HE’D get it? You think that when we say to him, “… clean up your room right after school?” He’ll DO IT? Or at least not mess it up to beging with?


The other thing is that Chief needs to be the disciplinarian here. Unfortunately, I hold NO weight with Bubba… Spaz neither but he’s starting to “get” it.. And if Chief isn’t going to make an issue out of it, why should they pay attention to me? Not that THAT is either right or wrong, but I have the gut feeling that that’s the gist of it.

Chief is a cream puff when it comes to them. Yea, he can yell, scream, hollar and weld a belt but then he gets all concerned that they think he’s an asshole. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if they think I am or not. There were plenty of times I thought that my parents were asses but you know what? I did what I was told and grew to understand why they did the things they did. It made me into the person I am today.

But yesterday, Chief happened to be home when it was time to wake the kids up for school and when he saw Bubba’s room, he went ape shit.

I took pictures of it :: that because I am all prepared to email them to the crack whore when Bubba goes weeping to her that we’re being unfair and always pick on him :: and even though it will be completely and utterly mortifying to do so, I’ll post them.

Right now, the camera is in my car and I really don’t feel like getting it but I will post them.

So between his room.. and his grades.. Chief was beside himself. Although I shouldn’t, there are times when I don’t say too much about it because sometimes I don’t feel like I have a right to. That’s a whole OTHER issue but right now this is about Bubba.

Chief told him that he had to come home right after school and clean his room. That he’s grounded and that he’s going to be up there supervising when he gets home.

Fast foward to that afternoon.

He wasn’t home when I got home to start dinner. I had to call Chief about something and when I did, he asked about Bubba. I told him he wasn’t home and you could have heard the steam coming out of his ears.

Spaz overheard the conversation and said that when Bubba came home after school, he told Spaz that he had cleaned his room and was allowed out.

Chief wasn’t pleased. At all. And I thought that THIS would be the incident that would have Bubba be on the receiving end of a can of Whoop Ass.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t look forward to him getting in trouble.. don’t look forward to him getting yelled at because Chief can seriously make you cry with his words. But like I said to Chief :: this regarding Bubba’s grades but also applies here :: Bubba is so used to getting away with everything that in his mind, if he waits it out long enough, it’ll pass and things will go back to the way they were.

So far.. he isn’t wrong because :: for as much as I love him :: Chief has a habit of not following through or easing up.

And the same thing happened last night.

Although Bubba’s room was slightly better then it had been, he never brought down the trashbags from his room OR all the dirty laundry OR the vacuum cleaner. PLUS, he didn’t pick up the dog poop in the hallway.

NOTE: There is a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs to keep the dogs from going up there when no one is home. Bubba REFUSES to put the gate up. Too much effort, I guess. Subsequently, the dogs go up there and poop. Bubba tends to walk right over it.

ALSO NOTE: The vacuum is a thorn in my side. They aren’t allowed to use it because when they did? They would try to pick EVERYTHING up. Stickers, Pencils, Dog Shit… yes, Dog Shit.. because yknow.. GOD FORBID if they bent at the waist.

Chief came home from the shop and while dinner was still cooking, he started to take care of the hallway. He gathered everything in a pile for Bubba to take care of when he got home.

… and he did. Around 8:30. He came in soaking wet from being in the creek with his friends. Chief called out to him :: we were in the bedroom going over business stuff :: and he told him he had to go upstairs and take care of everything. Or he was grounded. I added “… in his room” and Chief repeated that. Although I get the feeling he did so reluctantly.

About a half hour later, I told Chief that he should go up there and check up on him :: I didn’t add “.. to make sure he isn’t sleeping or watching tv” ::. He did and he said that he was doing what he was suppose to do.

I haven’t been up there. And you know what? I’m not going to. All day today I felt … defeated? Like, why should I keep playing a game where I’m not scoring any points?

Around 4pm, I had gone down to the shop to get money off of Chief. I told him that since I was home, I would make dinner and since the market was having a gross sale on pork chops.. and pork chops are one thing I KNOW I can’t screw up.. :: it’s a bitch living with a chef sometimes :: I planned on making them for dinner.

Bubba happened to walk in saying that he needed money to pay off his library dues so that he could use their computer lab. Apparenlty, his teacher gave him an extension on handing in the paper that had been due today. Chief gave him the 2 or 3 bucks but within a half hour, he was back saying that he had used the time allotted and still didn’t finish the paper. He only had like.. 3 paragraphs. The assignment is 3 to 5 PAGES.

They have internet and email addresses at his school so Chief told him to go home.. use the PS3 and email it to himself.  Since emails don’t use a word processor, Bubba asked me how many paragraphs would fit on a page. I told him that it depended on the size of the paragraph. He said, “.. like 5 sentences.”

I told him a random number.. like 8 or 9.. and he put that Eeyore face on again. So told him to go to the crack whore’s. He said that Weed is always on the computer and won’t get off for nothing. Chief said to tell Weed that it was homework and was failing and he was sure Weed would let him on it.

Chief also suggested that Bubba hand write it out and Chief would have it typed.

The bottom line was that Bubba was making ALL kinds of excuses because what he really wanted to to was use my laptop.

He knew better then to ask me.. figuring I’d offer.. but there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to do that. When it finally dawned on him that I wasn’t going to offer, he started saying something about getting the report done and Chief flipped on him again.

He said he didn’t care how he got it done as long as he did.. WE were not going to bail him out again :: like the 2am run to Kinko’s to get an essay printed :: and Bubba was NOT going to twist it around like it was our fault.

That was my cue to leave and I did.

As I was walking out of the store, Bubba called the crack whore. I heard him tell his father that she said she was on her way home from her pimp boyfriends :: what exactly happened to that full time job that ended at 5pm? :: in a half hour and that she would help :: cough cough :: with his homework.

So that’s where it stands.

I don’t know what he’s doing.. if he’s doing it.. when he’ll be home.. the only thing I DO know is that I refuse to take an interest in it anymore.

.. yknow, it’s hard when you live with kids that aren’t yours. Especially when they are old enough to have had already formed their habits and personalities.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog then you know all the problems that I have with Chief’s kids.

If you’re NOT a regular reader, then make a pot of coffee and click on the BUBBA or SPAZ or WEED categories and then send me an email saying WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU POOR DELUDED WOMAN???

For the past 17 months, I’ve been putting up with their laziness.. their slobbery.. their lack of hygiene.. their bedroom that even OSEA wouldn’t go near.

I’ve put up with their lack or respect, their lies, their manipulations..

Seeing it in print makes me shake my head and wonder what the fuck I WAS thinking when I took all this on.

Everyday there is something new :: or not so new :: that they do that annoy me or aggravates me or pisses me off…

Last weekend, I told Bubba to make sure his dirty school clothes were in the laundry hamper so I could wash them. Did he? No. So last Monday he’s bitching and complaining that he’s going to have to wear dirty school clothes.

Oh well.

Lesson learned?

Nope.. because all last week AND all this week, his school clothes are still up in the disgusting pit of a room .. balled up and dirty.

At 14, he’s been told enough about putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. His problem isn’t that he doesn’t listen.. that he doesn’t comprehend.. it’s that he just doesn’t care.

And Chief.. well.. he doesn’t help. At all.

On Tuesday, Bubba asked Chief if he could have friend’s sleep over on Friday (tonight). Chief told him that he’d have to check with me. Right away, Bubba put on the Eyore-Face.

You know Eyore, right? From Winnie The Pooh? Oh Pooh.. I lost me tail?

Whenever Bubba doesn’t get his way he acts like the universe is coming to an end.

So when Chief told him that he’d check with me, Bubba said, “She’s going to say no”

According to Chief, he told Bubba that everytime I ask him to do something, Bubba dicks me over and if he wanted to have friends over he needed to clean his room and keep the house straight.

I know his room isn’t clean… in fact, his damn light has been on since Monday. I refuse to turn it off because I’m waiting for the bulb to burn out.. and then see if I give him another light bulb.

This week, he’s  barely been home. Barely SLEPT at home.

Tuesday night, around 9:30, he asked if he could use his cellphone to call the Prima Donna of the Gutter ( his crack-whore mother ) to see if he could sleep over there. I’m assuming she said yes because he wanted either me or Chief to drive him the FOUR BLOCKS to her apartment.

Chief said “no” and Bubba copped an attitude and walked out.

Thursday, he was suppose to help me at the store but was a no-show. Chief got pissed off about it and told me NOT to say anything to Bubba because he’ll just think I’m being a bitch.. that he was going to say something to him.

When I left the shop and came home, I asked Spaz where Bubba was and he said that he hadn’t been home all day. I asked him what time he left and he said that he had slept over a friends.

That kind of didn’t make sense because I heard him come in the house the night before and eat the dinner that was left for him. That meant the he left AGAIN? And nobody knew?

So I called Chief and asked him about it and he said that Bubba had been at the store earlier and that he HAD been home because he took a shower. I had been in the bathroom earlier and  Bubba had NOT taken a shower because it was the same way I had left it that morning. Chief said that his hair was wet so he must have taken one at the Crack Whore’s.

I don’t know if he said anything to Bubba about not showing up at the shop or not.. he didn’t say and I didn’t ask because it’s becoming clearer and clearer that yknow.. I’m on the outside here.

When Chief came home he asked me how I knew Bubba didn’t take a shower here and I told him. I asked him if he had on different clothes.

He stared at me blankly and I said, “.. you didn’t notice”

Then he said:

I’m such a bad father

I didn’t argue, I just returned to what  I was doing and he walked away.

A little while later, we were in the bedroom and when it got to be an hour past Bubba’s curfew, I asked Chief if Bubba had said he was sleeping out. He said, “I guess he is… nice of him to call”

And that was that.

Tonight after the shop was closed, he was making clubs for dinner and I heard him say “OH FUCK”. I asked him what the deal was and he brought up about Bubba having friend’s over and he should just order a pizza.

I jumped in and said, “.. IF he cleaned his room.”

Chief didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then he said, “Well, we’ll check when we get home if he didn’t….”

“You don’t have to check” I said, cutting him off. “It’s not clean”

I walked away then.. because I didn’t want to get into it.. yet again.

But I got to thinking that yknow.. I’ve tried everything with these kids.. I tried every way possible to get through with them.. to make this motley crew into a family and it seems like I’m the only one trying to hold the shit together.

Chief goes on about his life and it’s as if his kids are an after thought… they ignore everything he tells them but he doesn’t follow through with anything.

I can’t make excuses for him anymore…

NOTE: It’s 10:47 and Bubba just walked in. I asked him what he was doing here and he asked me what I meant. I said that it’s almost 11 o’clock and I assumed he was sleeping out and he said no. Then he said that they.. whoever “they” are.. went to the movies and they just got back. He also said something about “they were going to sleep over but..” and he trailed off mumbling like ususal so I don’t know exactly what he said. I’m not saying anything about that. Not then. Not now. Not ever.  Then he asked if we had anything for dinner. I told him we had and that I was going back to my room.

Did Chief know he went to the movies? Who did he go with? How did he get there? Should I have known this?

All I know is that this reinforces my feeling that I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t raise his kids without him raising them with me. I can’t keep track of everything all the time.. I’m too damn good a woman… too selfless a woman.. to be treated this way.

I deserve much much better and unfortunately, the only ones I can tell this too.. the only ones I can be this brutally honest to is the people that read this blog.

I can’t tell Chief that I’m starting to feel distant.. that I’m starting not to care.. that I’m starting to just worry about myself and not them anymore.