Posts Tagged ‘Planting’

.. call us lucky.

Or call us idiodirts..

You’re choice.

Me and Chief don’t argue about the “big” things… the things that NORMAL couples argue over.. kids, finances, dirty forks the drop behind HIS nigh table and remain there until there’s enough fuzz on it to make a new antibiotic.

No.. our worst arguments have been about a nursery rhyme and corn.

The nursery rhyme is:

Balls, said the Queen, if I had them I’d be King.
The King laughed.. not because he wanted two to, but because he had two too.

Our arguments over the meaning of this diddy is intense.

BUT! The argument that has reached epic proportions over the last two.. yes! TWO years is over how many ears grow on a stalk of corn.

And like the best arguments, I have no clue how it even started.. or why we were even discussing corn stalks in the first place. I know at some point I said to him that two ears grow on a stalk and he.. the uber-chef.. said No. Only one ear does.

So I tell him about the time I went on a hayride to pick corn and the driver told us that TWO ears grow on each stalk.. one smaller then the other and that all the larger ears had already been picked on the stalks nearest the hay ride trail so he suggested we go deeper into the corn field to find bigger corn to pick.

Which I did.. and where, because it’s me, I got lost and all these horror movies scenes popped into my head and I had a mild freak out until my friends found me hyperventilating and in a fetal position.

Yea.. so this is something that’s ingrained in my skull, yknow?

So we did what every arguing couple does.. we reached out to the god of all information.

Google.

But we couldn’t find anything.. ok. I’ll be blunt.. HE couldn’t find anything that would convince him that every agriculturist in the world wasn’t in a conspiracy against him and so every once in a while, this comes up and we argue about it.

So trying to put this baby to rest, finally.. we did what every normal couple arguing over corn does.. we planted some.

While we were waiting for it to grow, I would ask various people that came into the store what they thought and every one of them said that there was more then one ear on a stalk…

I put the question out there to the mecca of information, Facebook.. and again, all the responses I got sided with me.

So while he was thumbing his nose at me one morning because there is only one ear of corn on the stalks growing out back, two of our regulars came in during one of our SHUT-UP-OR-I’LL-THROW-A-CAN-OF-TUNA-AT-YOU “discussions” and one of them happened to say that he’s seen up to six ears on stalk.

And.. oh my god.. Chief got so outraged that I swear he stared to grow his hair back.

I mean, it’s one thing for him and me to argue about it but him and the customer was arguing about and Chief was like, “.. I’ll give you fifty bucks if I’m wrong.”

And I’m like.. WTF?????? Because when Chief gets like that he forgets that he’s talking to someone who actually spends money in the store.

I tell them both to shut up about the corn because I’m tired of hearing about it.. Chief slumps back into the kitchen of the shop and the customer and his brother leave… ONLY to come back the next morning and instigate the whole thing over again by saying he was just at his sisters house and she has X amount of corn growing and Chief was like, I want to see it for myself.. and the dude was like I’ll get you a picture.. and Chief was like, NO.. give me her address so I can actually see it.

Great.

Now he’s going to get arrested for stalking somebody’s corn.

This time I stomped my foot and yelled that I was sick and tired of the whole goddamn thing with the corn. Nobody is right.. nobody is wrong.. there are a lot of variable to growing call and just shut the fuck up about it.

And they did.. because let’s face it. Men are just little boys at heart.

So this morning was brutal.

The bank that we use for the store is the worst fucking bank in the world and is getting creative about taking my money and making it there’s. They grossly inflated the monthly service charge which caused a check to bounce and so the account was in the negative when it shouldn’t have been.. my unemployment check didn’t come in and so I had to call the landlord and tell him that the check I gave him for the second part of the rent can’t be deposited and so HE wasn’t too happy.. and then there’s the electric, water and cable bill that can’t be paid.. which are already overdue.

It was one of those morning when we both just felt like saying fuck everything, let’s drive to Montana and live in a tent.

So he goes out back to just commune with nature and digest the situation we found ourselves in.. or maybe he was looking for a good place to hang himself.. hard to know.. but he calls me out back and I find him standing next to the corn stalks.

Look“, he said pointing to one in particular. “Um, I think there’s another ear growing.”

I looked and gave my bobble head smuggy face, “… and you thought the day couldn’t get any worse, huh?”

Ok…

So after finally getting to sleep at around 4:30 this morning :: I stayed up watching two really good movies.. Powder Blue (or Blue Powder, don’t remember.. it was late) and Pathology :: Chief decides to wake me up at 9am for a trip to Home Depot to get seeds.

He’s been talking about planting a vegetable garden in the shop’s yard forever and actually started the process last week. Don’t know whether his motivation was his perceived collapse of the economy or the fact that tomatoes jumped from 15.00 a case to almost 57.00 in a weeks time but whatever.. it’s now another project that has nothing to do with either fixing my cabinet door or dining room table.

But it’s something so who am I to complain, right?

As if..

Anyway.. there’s a Home Depot really close to us and one that’s a little further. He wants to go to the one a little further because he figures that THEY would have flats of tomato plants for like, 6 bucks.

I swear he thinks it’s still 1943.

I ask him why he doesn’t just bury some tomatoes like my grandmom used to do and I got the look of death so I figured I’d just shut the hell up with being frugal and let him find out for himself that tomato plants were NOT 6 bucks a flat.

So we drive out there and when we pull into the parking lot both our chins hit our knees and glitter started shooting out of our tear ducts because there.. THERE.. all over the parking lot was THIS:

Is this beautiful or what?

Is This Beautiful or WHAT?

The local chapter of the antique car whatever-you-call-it had their cars displayed in the parking lot today.

Chief is a major motor head. No.. wait. Isn’t that a band? I must mean GEAR head.. or CAR head.. or ROAD master or whatever you call someone who can rebuild a car with duct tape and bubble gum.

But little known fact is that I’m into cars too. No, I can’t tell you about engines.. or whatever it is that make them do the things they do but I can definitely tell you when they are pretty! And when I say “pretty”, I mean PREEETTTTYYY!!!!

And let me tell you.. there were A LOT of REEEAALLLYYY PREEETTTTYYY cars!

Love The Chocolate and Cream Two Tone

At one point, when Chief had completely drooled all over his shirt, I said:

NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN I WALK INTO A SHOE STORE, HUH?

All he could say was UH HUH.. UH HUH.. UH HUH!!

But sadly, even though I always carry my digital camera with me, it wasn’t juiced up so I had to resort to using my crappy Metro PCS cell phone camera. The pictures were better then I thought they were going to be but I wasn’t able to zoom in or take some randomly bizarre shots like I usually do.

We walked around ogling.. with me saying that my birthday was coming up and DAMN! wouldn’t I love to wake up to one of those with a big ass bow on top of the hood.

That's Chief Figuring Out How He Could Sell His Offspring To Buy It For Me

Finally, it all got to be too much so we tore ourselves away and headed across the parking lot to the Depot.

We found the tomato plants.. at 5.68 FOR ONE PLANT.. which sent Chief into a mild seizure.

I refrained from saying “.. I told you so”. Points for me.

So we went ahead and started looking at the seed packets and wound up with tomatoes, onions, lettuce, romaine, peppers, basil, rosemary, oregano, carrots and something else. Oh.. cabbage.

We also bought those little seed starter trays and a hoe.

No jokes about buying a “hoe”, please. I said them all yesterday when he first mentioned it.

Oh.. and another thing. Just a side note. If you’re thinking about buying the Topsy Turvy things.. yea. They don’t come with dirt OR seeds. Really. They don’t. Your just paying for the plastic thingy that hangs up. Consider it my public service to you.

This one gave me GREASE flash backs

So the whole shabang .. including the cheap hoe.. cost less then 20 bucks. So his cheap ass was happy and my don’t want to spend any money on this crap anyway ass was just as happy.

We had to pass the cars again on the way out of the parking lot so we ogled some more and then made our way home.

The plan was to stop at the shop and set up the seeds and stuff but he figured it would give him something to do tomorrow when the shop is slow so we just came home.

And then I spent the next hour and a half emailing the pictures from my crappy phone!¬†Here’s the rest of them but let me warn you.. I saved the best for last!!

The RED one!

This is an Edsel. The worse car ever made but EVERYTHING on it was original except for one re-paint.

... really. EVERYTHING was original and only 45g miles on it. Talk about little old ladies driving to church!

Now.. I have to say before I add the following pictures that THIS car is my ABSOLUTE favorite. So if anyone feels compelled to buy it for me? I won’t turn it down!!

Bel Air. Is this beautiful or what?

Bel Air. Is this beautiful or what?