Tweedle Dee .. Tweedle Dumb… Tweedle Dumb Ass

You figure out who is who!!

Bubba .. Weed.. and Spaz

This was taken Christmas Day night at Bird’s house.

Yes.. Weed was with us.

Yes.. Bubba is really that big for 15

Yes.. Spaz could play a part in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory if he were blue.

This is the only picture that I have :: after 3 years :: of all three of them together so I thought I’d share.

Random Thoughts.. Otherwise Known As Things That Annoyed Me Today

.. I usually have an “Wanna Annoy Me” post every now and again but there were too many things today that just crawled up my ass so I figured I’d go easy on you guys and just enter one post.

Actually.. that’s not all together true. I just got back from the laundromat with 5 :: count ’em 5 :: hampers so stuffed with clean clothes that I’ll never get the wrinkles out to fold that multiple posts just isn’t Father Time’s hourglass.

Ok..

So..

Things that annoyed me today:

1. I cut my bangs too short. I have this crazy curly hair that just magically shortens by 5 inches when you cut it. I usually leave it to the professionals :: which, I WAS one before I let my license expire :: but it got on my nerves so bad today that I dry cut it. This.. for all you non-professionals out there is when you cut your hair.. dry. Meaning, not wet. Meaning you just get done blow drying your hair and you can’t stand the way it fall into your face and annoys you that you grab the nearest scissors you can find and just start chopping. That’s a “dry cut”. The problem is when you cut your bangs yourself, you kind of get cross eyed. So it’s not a pretty thing to witness. So what was once a bang length down to my chin is now a bang length just in the middle of my eye. Too short. Long term baseball cap wear-age definitely in my future.
2. Men who wear tighty-whities. I am allowed to say that out loud because Chief is among the tighty-whitie wearers and I am the one who has to launder his tighty-whities. I used to roll my eyes at the Spawn from Satan’s Ass because he wore tighty-non-whities and it just looked ridiculous but if there is one kind thing I can say about the Spawn, it’s that he spared me from looking at and having to handle stained underwear. And we all know underwear gets stained.. PLEASE don’t try to convince me that your’s doesn’t. My question is.. how are you not EMBARASSED by it? I have been know to wear underwear on occassion :: yes, I usually go “commando” :: but even then, one little thing that isn’t suppose to be there and they get chucked in the trash. Buried deep. So no one can see them.
3. People who drive with handicap placards hanging from their rear view mirror. Because.. like.. it clearly states DO NOT HANG WHILE DRIVING. I know.. because my dad :: RIP :: used to have one. If you’re going to do that then I’m going to assume your handicap is of the mental variety and you shouldn’t be driving anyway. Therefore, I can’t help what comes out of my mouth when you decide your going to make a UTurn on a four lane highway from the far right lane, while I’m in the middle lane. Jerk off.
4. .. and speaking of stuff hanging from rear view mirrors. What’s with all the damn plastic leis all of a sudden? Did I miss a memo? Forget to invite me to a party. Get that dumb shit off.
5. People who think THEIR time is WAY MORE valuable then mine. You know the whole issue we’re having with Bubba and school, right? Well, I’ve been in email communication with his primary teacher and since today was report card day, she suggested that I go to the high school at 4:30 so that I can have a sit down meeting with all his teachers. 4:30. I KNOW she said 4:30. I KNOW she said 4:30 because when she said 4:30 all kinds of things started running through my head like, “Will Chief be able to close the store and come with?” .. “Do I leave Bubba home alone?”.. “Will I be able to pick Bubba up at 2:20 and then go to the wholesalers and make it back in time?” .. so yea.. I KNOW she said 4:30. So what happens? I get to the school at 4:30 and no one. Anywhere. I check the library where we were suppose to meet and it’s empty except for someone that’s somewhere in the back who won’t respond to my HELLOs or EXCUSE MEs only to make an appearance after I roamed all over an empty school :: so much for fucking security :: and happen to see the above mentioned someone in the middle of the library vacuuming. When asked the whereabouts of the teachers, she looked at me in disgust and told me that report cards weren’t going to be given out until 6… with an attitude. But no bigger then the one I was already carrying around. So I drive back to the shop fuming and then drive back to the school fuming and when finally face to face with the primary teacher, she tells me that she smugly told me that she had something to do. If Bubba’s education was NOT as important as it is I would have dropped the cow on her fat ass. Immediately.
6. My father in law telling me he can’t believe I stayed with his son this long. That annoyed me. Maybe because it’s true and I know it’s true. Dunno. Must ponder that one.
7. Missing school pictures. OH how that annoyed me! If you read some of my recent previous posts, you know that the Crack Whore was throwing up accolades in my direction because I sent her a message that I had Spaz’s school picture for her. Well, today, Spaz got out of school early and because .. well, I don’t really know “because” .. anyway, he called the Crack Whore and she how ever it happened, she came by the shop and took him somewhere. I was in the back.. didn’t see her.. didn’t care. BUT I figured when I got home, I better sort out the pictures because I wanted to put which ever ones in the Thanksgiving cards I got for Chief’s brother, my mom, etc. So when I get home.. there’s no 8×10. There WAS an 8×10 because I ordered and 8×10.. and even if I didn’t think I ordered an 8×10, I clearly remember the day that Spaz came home with them and pulled the 8×10 out of the envelope because I told him to put it back before his sticky candy fingers smudged it. I have a wall lined with their 8×10 school pictures so I know there was one. So I call the Crack Whore and leave a message to have Spaz call me because there’s a missing 8 x fucking 10 picture missing. About an hour and a half goes by and he calls and asks if I want to talk to him and I ask him if he took the picture. He said no.. and if there was ever a time that I could tell this child was lying it was then. The pause.. the stutter.. all neon arrows. He tells me that I didn’t order one. Now.. excuse me.. my brain cells are not swimming in anything chemical. It’s sharp as a tack so to try and convince me that I didn’t order one only inflamed me more. That and the fact that the edging that was on the 8 x fucking 10 picture was cut. And not in a straight line. We had issues with pictures before, me and the Crack Whore. Especially when she stole Weed’s prom picture. Yes. You read that right. STOLE. So I’m not putting it past her that she asked about the pictures and Spaz gave her the 8 x fucking 10. What I’m more pissed about is that she made him lie about it. So tonight at dinner, after he came home from her crack den, I told him that I wanted the picture back. That no one but me and him knew where the pack was. He started pulling his drama queen shit which further proved he had lied. So Chief gave him the opportunity to come clean saying that it’s understandable if he did because he’s just a little boy but he had to be honest about it. Which of course, made Sarah Bernhardt rise from the dead. And so I got pissed. Because I paid the $60 that I didn’t have for these pictures and I told Chief, he could call her all he wants.. she’s not going to ‘fess up to it. Because she never does. But I will tell you one thing.. in a few days that picture is going mysteriously turn up.. or I’m going to hear, “oh.. I forgot!’ or “I didn’t know you were talking about THAT picture”. I’ll bet you any amount of money on that.
8. Supermarkets that tell you that you CANNOT get the free turkey that is owed you for spending over three hundred dollars on their discount card because you lost the receipt that says you are entitled to a free turkey because you spent over three hundred dollars on their discount card. Since my father in law is coming over for dinner Thursday, I need a fucking turkey. Because as un-traditional as Chief is.. he CAN’T have ham :: of which I have one frozen in the freezer :: on Thanksgiving. It HAS to be turkey. It’s the TRADITION. I rolled my eyes at him and said, “.. you’re fucking kidding me, right?” Which, of course, he wasn’t. So I drive over to the supermarket .. grab a frozen bird :: AND thinking that if any bird deserved to be frozen right then it was Chief’s :: and when I get to the counter I remember that I don’t have the coupon. Not only don’t I have the coupon but I realize that I have no clue where it’s at. No problem. I have my discount card on my keyring. So I run out to the car to get my keys :: yes, I put my keys in the glove box if I know I’m not going to need a damn discount card because I always lose them and my car has coded locks so it’s not like I’d be locked out. :: come back into the store only to have the cashier tell me that I need the coupon. UH-UH! I have the discount card. She says it doesn’t matter.. that she has to ring up the card along with the coupon and bedlam ensues. Because I want someone who gets paid more then the cashier does to tell me that my discount card is NOT good enough.. because if the damn card can tell them everything about everything I’ve purchased then why the hell can’t it tell them that I get a free turkey. But of course, this is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and the crowd behind me is looking for things to impale me with so I told her that I would return tomorrow to speak with the manager. Then I went home and told Chief we were starting a new tradition and having ham, dammit.
9. Cats that chew on a ridiculously expensive pair of boots that have been stored in the deepest, darkest depth of my closet since last winter REALLY ANNOY me. I mean REALLY annoyed me. Annoyed me so much that I started to believe that the author of “Puss In Boots” had a cat that chewed on a ridiculously expensive pair of boots and made him pay for it dearly. Or maybe that’s what I was thinking when I found my boots were chewed. Hard to tell. I was annoyed.

Well.. I think y’all had enough of my ranting for now. I still have two hampers of laundry to fold and the laptop battery is running low.

Wish me a better day tomorrow.. either that, or send me a REALLY good recipe for spiked egg nog!

Meet Pretty

… soon to be re-named KATU ( as in Cat II ). Not sure if you can really RENAME cats but whatever.

The allusive kitty FINALLY came out of hiding.. in the daylight.. and I got her interested enough in a magical shoelace to stay put in one place and get her picture taken.

These aren’t the best ones.. but at least you get to see what she looks like.

NOTE: I can’t believe my walls do NOT look like their a weird shade of creamcicle. But that’s a WHOLE other story!

KATU aka PRETTY

ERNIE: But I'M the baby!!!!!!!

String? STRING? oooohhhh CATNIP!!

Heh! Somebody Better Tell Chief To Stay Away From MY CatNip!!

A Little Taste Of Hollywood

A major movie study has been occupying the first floor of our corporate building for about a year now.

Intially, they were like moles.. only coming out in the cover of night. Never interacting with anyone else in the building .. never using our cafeteria.. that kind of stuff.

A few months ago, though, that all changed and we began to see more and more people wearing jeans and sneakers instead of business suits. They were like the “artsy” crowd in high school .. they started hanging out in the courtyard.. using the bathrooms.. eating in the cafeteria..

Come to find out that there were 3 movies in production :: I know what they are but I’m not allowed to tell :: which provided the opportunity to meet and/or eat in the same room with recognizable movie stars and A list directors :: sorry, but I’m not allowed to tell :: But the best part is all the “characters” walking around the building now. There were ethnic girls in traditional wear jingling as they walked down the long corrider … there were a group of double jointed guys doing all kinds of flips and jumps and spins in the courtyard.. there were two, tiny bald asian girls eating pizza one day.

I don’t usually get “star struck”. On the ocassion when I did meet someone of note, I generally give a disinterested “Hey“. I don’t know why I don’t get as impressed as some of them think that I should :; and they do :: I just don’t. Some appreciate not being made a fuss over.. especially if they’re trying to fly under the radar. And there are some who will pull a temper tantrum regardless of HOW your react.

The closest I ever got to being REALLY giddy is when I met Shooter Jennings, son of Waylon Jennings.

He had come out with a song “4th of July” that just hooked me from the get go.

He was the opening.. opening act for Toby Keith and I happened to score 3rd row center seat tickets.

After his set, he did a meet and greet in the venue’s lobby and since he wasn’t that known yet, there wasn’t a huge line. So me and my girl T-Vet were next to get our photos signed and the woman in front of us wanted him to record an outgoing message on his cell phone. While he was doing that, T-Vet and I were commenting on his skull jewlery :: T-Vet has a thing for skulls :: and without realizing it, the woman ahead had moved forward and he turned to us and got into the conversation about his jewlry.

I didn’t get cotton mouth or the bah-bah-bah’s but I was definately getting goose bumps. We asked him if he would take a picture with us and he was like “sure”.. so I rapid fired a few of him and T-Vet :: which were litterally crotch shot pic. She didn’t care :; and then she took one of us.

He was a lot um.. “tinier” then I thought he was going to be. Almost.. ALMOST dare I say petite?

He stood next to me.. and when he put his hand on the small of my back I swear I felt it right up my spine.

T-Vet’s trying to figure out how the camera works and I was getting these little shivers and was a little antsy because other people were still waiting in line.

So without thinking :: really, when do I anyway! :: I yell out to her

T! TAKE THE DAMN PICTURE BEFORE I CREAM MY DAMN PANTS

The look on her face was priceless.. HE busted out laughing and then pulled me as close as those skinny little arms could and licked the side of my face.

We were hysterical and he laughingly told me I made his night. I just stood there with this goofy silly grin and kind of raised my arms like “… um… yea.. i so don’t know what just happened.”

It was a good night.

If I can find that picture, I definately will. This was during the time when I was still married to the Mindless Minion so it’s probably packed in one of the boxes that my mom has stored at her house.

But that was a really good memory. I’m glad I thought of it!!