Posts Tagged ‘Peta’

Ok.. I’m done.

I’m in bed with Chief snoring next to me.. Moan-ah at the foot of the bed.. and Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy doing his neurotic OMG I HAVE TO GET UNDER THE COVERS routine and doesn’t stop until he’s all wrapped up like a burrito.

The dog’s an idiot.

The internet is not offering anything stimulating so I figured I’ll turn on the tv because that will put me to sleep in like.. 5 minutes.

I switch the channel to Discover I.D. or something like that..

So I’m watching this show and then THE commercial comes on..

The sad music..

The voice over saying, “… she watched her mother get shot and now she lives in a wooden box.”

The video showing a baby monkey in a crate..

No! NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!

The voice over saying, “.. he watched his mother get beaten to death”

The video showing a baby bear cub.. patches of hair missing.. iron collar around his neck chained to a post..

The voice over saying, “.. now he gets beaten unless he dances”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I start humming out loud, desperately trying to find the remote that’s all twisted up in the Ernie burrito..

The voice overs keep coming, “.. she saw her sisters be drown”“he saw his mother worked to death”..

And I’m afraid to even THINK about looking at the television screen because if there’s anything.. ANYTHING.. I’m a sucker for it’s animals and seeing pictures like that.. or hearing stories like that.. or even THINKING about things happening like that make me a big puddle of weepy jello ..

I go to jump out of bed and manually change the channel but I forgot Bella is sleeping on the floor next to the bed so when I put my feet on the floor, I accidentally step on her.. and of COURSE it would be on the side where she has really bad arthritis on her hip.. so she yelps and gets up and starts hobbling..

Now I’m devastated and I’m trying NOT to step on her again as I try to get around her and her black coat in a dark room when I catch a picture of the baby donkey with it’s front leg tied to it’s back leg trying to walk and then I just LOST IT.

LOST IT!

I start the whole silent sob thing because of what’s been lasered into my brain and because of hurting Bella and of course, I’m not really silent doing anything so it wakes Chief up.

He gets all panicky because I’m crying and he’s trying to get me to tell him what’s wrong and I can’t get the words out so all I can do it point at the tv and then he gets it.

Because if there is only one thing this man knows.. he knows how I am and how I get when animals are involved.

It’s the sole reason why I’m not allowed to name the fish.

So he does his whole boo-boo face “awwww” thing and while I’m crying on his shoulder about all the cruelty in the world he tells me I’m adorable and this.. THIS.. THIS COMPASSION is the reason why he loves me so much.

And here I thought it was my hot, rockin’ body!!

I start to get over myself and apologize for waking him up and he tells me it’s fine.. and then goes on this litany of why these organizations make these commercials just to get reactions like this from pathetic people like me.

ME: Um.. wait? I’m pathetic? Didn’t you just say I was adorable?

HIM: Well.. um.. your adorable BECAUSE you’re pathetic.

ME: You’re an asshole.

HIM: I know..

ME: Good night, honey.

HIM: ‘Night, baby.

‘Cause that’s just how we roll!

… so yesterday Spaz and I had to go to the local Walgreen’s for… for… for? I forget why.. but since one half of the center aisle had Halloween stuff and the other half of the center aisle had Christmas stuff :: yes, I said Christmas. As in the birth of Christ.. as in DECEMBER freakin’ 25th! :: Spaz was on sensory over-load.

So before he had the chance to tell me what on his Christmas list .. or even ASK me if I “… wanna know? Wanna know? Huh? Hey Leese, wanna know what’s on my Christmas list? ” I steered him towards the Halloween part of the aisle and told him to LOOK. FOR. SOMETHING. Not anything I was going to actually BUY, mind you. I figured if I just got him to look it would afford me enough time to get what I needed and pay for it without him being next to me pleading to get something asinine.

Like a cane.

A REAL cane.

We won’t go there.

Anyway.. the plan worked until he found me waving this dog costume.

Yes.. a DOG costume.

Now I am SO not one of those people that dress up their dogs. I don’t carry them around in handbags :: well, considering the size of my dogs that would be impossible but even if I did have a dog that would fit in a handbag I still wouldn’t do it :: .. in fact, I won’t even put a bandanna on them. Just not my gig.

Not like Bird.

Really... are you KIDDING me??

Really... are you KIDDING me??

She showed me these and actually had the balls to ask me if I wanted to take them home for Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy.

Like Ernie would look good in pink, Chuck Taylor wanna-bes!

No.. seriously.. I asked her if she was out of her freakin’ mind buying those for her Min-Pin Bella. She just laughed because.. you know.. she’s Bird and as much as we’re alike she gets a kick out of the things that make us different.

Doggie sneakers being one of them.

Back to the story…

So Spaz comes running up to me waving this dog costume saying that we HAVE TO buy it for Ernie..

It’s a dracula costume.. complete with a head piece that immediately reminded me of Eddie Munster. You know, with the point in the middle of the forehead and all? Except I don’t think that Eddie had holes on the top of his head for his ears.

Maybe he should have.

Anyway.. at 5.99, I really couldn’t resist so I bought it and proceeded to come home and put it on Ernie who was all like “Nooooo!!! Nooooo!! What are you DOING to me!!” in the silly cartoon voice we make whenever he does something insanely crazy or random.

My favorite is:

If I had opposing thumbs I’d BE a boy!

Anyway.. way off track.

So we get the thing home.. catch Ernie.. and put the costume on him.

He didn’t like the head gear.. maybe because his ears are floppy and the damn thing wouldn’t stop sliding onto his face.. or it may have been the string I MAY have tied a little too tight under his snout.

I say “MAY” .. it hasn’t been confirmed so don’t call Peta.

At any rate.. we did manage to get ONE picture of him with the costume on.

HELP! They're trying to KILL me!!

HELP! They're trying to KILL me!!

Enjoy it because I don’t think you’ll ever see it on him again. In fact, it mysteriously disappeared. It was there one minute.. and then the next? Gone.

I bet if I had the nerve to look under my bed I think I’d find it!!!

So yesterday morning, Chief wakes me up with a hot cup of coffee and this statement:

I wonder what Ernie :: the Terrorist Puppy :: is going to do when he sees the mouse eating his dog food?

Um..

UM..

WHAT???

Yep.. when I turned the kitchen light on it went scurrying across the floor and under the oven. Looked pregnant too.

Um..

UM..

W.H.A.T???????

Well.. you know.. it’s that time of year and their going to start trying to get it because it’s getting colder out

I don’t know what was annoying me more.. the fact that there a mouse in my house or the fact that his tone was SO DAMN MATTER OF FACT.

Either way, my response was I. WANT. IT. OUT.

So he says he’s going to call a friend of ours who’s an exterminator and get some glue traps.

No. No. NO. NO! NO! NO!!!!! No glue traps…

I’ve heard horror stories about glue traps and even though I don’t want the mouse IN my house, I don’t want it stuck to adhesive.. I don’t want it to chew it’s little leg off trying to get off of it and I certainly don’t want to hear it’s squeals of torment.

He rolls his eyes when I get all Peta on him.

I tell him to get Cat back.

NOTE: For those of you who don’t know the story of Cat :: yes, that’s his name :: he was the freakin’ coolest, laid back pimp who one day showed up at the house. He would stay a couple of days.. then leave for a couple of days.. then come back.. etc. He was like a time-share. BUT.. he was an excellent mouser. NOTHING came in my house when he was around and the best part was, whatever deed he did, he kept it covert.

A Cat Named "Cat"

A Cat Named "Cat"

One day he left… and we didn’t see him again for awhile. Turns out that the two guys who moved in down the street had taken him in and he decided that he was FINALLY getting the pampering he so rightly deserved and no longer had to deal with Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy. Downside is that he now wears a flea collar.. which I’m sure he just LOVES! You should have seen his reaction the first time I put one on him. No likey at all!! I still see him from time to time.. just doing his thing… but even though I don’t miss how he thought that sleeping INSIDE my pillow case was his rightful place, I do miss the fact that he kept my house mice-less!

Chief tells me that he’s not going to do that.. and we’ll just have to get a kitten. He says a kitten will work better for the dogs.. not because they wouldn’t harm a kitten but because the kitten won’t harm THEM, I think!

Not really that thrilled with getting a kitten. Mainly because Cat was the only cat that I ever had experience with and .. let’s face it.. I didn’t really have to do anything for him. I don’t know how to train a kitten to go into the litter box, for example. And given that fact that the house is empty for most of the day and I FINALLY got all the dog piss smell out of the house :: we ripped out all the rugs :: .. and FINALLY got the kids to straighten out a bit, I’m SO not looking forward to having to deal with that kind of things again.

Can you blame me?

So help me out here.. anybody have / had this issue with mice?

NOTE: I’m talking about field mice here.. not GOD FORBID rats

So short of moving :: which is SO a prospect now!! :: what can I do to alleviate myself of the critter without scarring my emotions towards animal suffering?