… so I was over at The Pretty Project and came across this little ditty of a soap that was reviewed and described as being THE perfect soap to use if you wanted a little.. um.. EXTRA something out of your bath.
Heh.. well… Y’ALL know I’m all for anything that gives me a little EXTRA something during my bath!!!
And even though I don’t normally TAKE BATHS .. the temptation was FAR too great to not give this a try.
I couldn’t find it in any place local so I had to drive the 5 miles to the mall… then when I came home, I had to don the hazmat suit and 55 gallon drum of disinfectant and saw-all powered scrubber to clean my tub.
Don’t get me wrong.. I clean my bathtub ALL the time. It’s just that I live with BOYS… boys with cooties and pubic hairs that appear out of nowhere. Sorry.. but there was no way in HELL I was going to sit my naked ass in that tub.
So I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed … and bleached and bleached and bleached.. and Kaboomed and Kaboomed and Kaboomed.. and scrubbed some more but I still couldn’t get past the thought of sitting in THAT tub.
But I wanted to use this soap SOOOO bad…
Knowing that I needed some much needed .. um.. “relief” .. well, I don’t know about much needed .. ’cause I don’t think I needed it THAT much but still..
I WANTED TO USE THE DAMN SOAP
OBVIOUSLY the “relief” angels saw my plight. The clouds parted. .the monks sang and the brilliant idea was plopped onto my head.
GRANDMOM’S!!!
My grandmother passed away a few months ago and my mom and aunt are doing some sprucing to get the house ready to be sold. I think they’re absolutely insane because the house … being formerly owned by a 96 year old ITALIAN woman was spotless.
SPOTLESS!
Um.. you get where I’m going here???
Since there was absolutely no chance of being snagged :: mom is away for the week .. WITH the aunt :: I casually call her on her cell phone and ask her if the dishes my grandmother wanted me to have but I’ve had no time to pick up were still at the house.
MOM: They’re there. Right were I left them for you to pick up. Not that you’ve had the time (( insert major sarcasm there ))
ME: OH! But hey!! Guess What??? I HAVE THE TIME!!
MOM: Oh. How come?
ME: Just… because…. well, I do. What’s the big deal?
MOM: No deal.. just asking why all of a sudden you have time to pick them up when you never could find time before. Is it because I’m away and you don’t have to see me?
ME: No MOM!!
MOM: Hmph!
NOTE: I hate when she does the HMPH noise. And no matter how many times she does it.. I still CAN NOT help but get all indignant and tell her the truth.
ME: Ok! Ok! Do you want to know the truth? I bought a soap bar that is suppose to give you the most amazing orgasm.. ok? Satisfied?
MOM: Who do you BELONG to? My God, Leese! Of all the things you could have said to your mother, you make up something about orgasms???????
ME: Well.. you were just being ridiculous and that was the most ridiculous thing I could think of.
MOM: Bye!!!!
So now. .with my mother’s quasi-permission.. :: and less guilt, I might add :: .. I flew down to my grandmom’s faster then Vin Diesel in The Fast and The Furious and set about my quest.
And OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!!!
It did EVERYTHING it was suppose to..
So well.. in fact.. that the first thing I did when I came home was tell Chief that we either have to built a second bathroom :: IN OUR RENTED HOUSE :: or get Bath Fitters or a new tub or SOMETHING.. DAMMIT! SOMETHING!
He so didn’t understand…
LIVING ME 101 