… so more then a few years ago, I had to get a plate for three teeth on the upper right side.
This because my psychotic ex-husband landed a good on.. shattering my already weakened teeth :: the result of a bout with hep B years earlier ::
I always had good .. strong.. straight teeth but after recovering from Hep B, I realized that even if I looked at an apple, my teeth would crack. But what are you going to do. Not eat apples, that’s for sure.. or if I do, it’s nibbling with my front teeth like a rabbit.
Anyway…
So I went to the dentist :: THAT was an experience all in itself :: but the bottom line was that he made a temporary plate for me to wear until the permanent one was completed.
Wait.. let’s back up a little bit.
At the time, I had a good dental plan. But regardless of how good your plan is, very few cover the cost for what I needed done. I knew I was going to have to pay out of pocket.
Rephrase: I knew I was going to have to pay BIG TIME out of pocket
And that was fine. Expected, even.
So at the start of my “care”, I tell both the dentist and the office manager that I was on a limited budget and I needed to know what any copays were due so that I could schedule the appointments around my pay periods… or at least monthly.. bi-monthly.. whatever.
I don’t like owing people money.. and I wanted to make sure that they got paid.
Understood.
So after each appointment for the root canals and extractions and whatever the hell else I had to get, I would ask the office manager what I could be expecting money-wise. And after each visit she would say “… oh, nothing right now. But I will certainly let you know in plenty of time.”
Cool.
So I get the temporary plate :: which isn’t really a plate. It’s just three pretend teeth formed and shaped out off “teeth” material and popped into the space where my real teeth were :: and as I’m making my next appointment the office manager INFORMS me that before the dentist could insert my permanent fake teeth, I need to pay the $1600.00 balance.
Um.
Excuse Me?
I mean…
WHAT?????????
What do you mean BALANCE??
This caused a whole big bruhaha that I’m not going to go into :: mainly because it’s been so long ago that I can’t remember verbatim and secondly, I just don’t feel like reliving it :: but the bottom line was that I wasn’t going to get the permanent one’s until everything was paid up.. Remember, this does NOT include the permanent teeth/plate/bridge .. whatever the hell you call it.
I didn’t have that much money to give to the dentist. In fact, I had asked if there was a way to make installment payments and she said there was but that by the time I paid it off, my gums were going to change.. meaning the permanent plate already molded wouldn’t fit and I would have to start the process over again costing me more money.
I realize it was her attempt to get the money as soon as possible. And I don’t really blame them.. but I still feel that if they would have done what I had asked from the beginning, they would have had their money.. I would have had my teeth and I would sitting here writing about something else.
Or maybe not.
That whole “Butterfly Effect”, yknow…
All that to say that since I’ve gotten the temporary teeth/plate/ bridge :: can we just refer to them at TEETH from now on? It’s starting to get confusing! :: they’ve been in my mouth.
They weren’t suppose to last this long but knock wood, they have. Although I don’t do any hard chewing or grinding on that side so there isn’t alot of wear and tear but still.. it’s been at least 9 years or so?
The thing about them though is that they don’t come out. Well.. that’s not all together true. They DO .. but only at inopportune times or when I forget and since my teeth into a doughy bagel. But it’s not like I can take them out daily and soak them in that stuff like you see the old people doing on commercials.
Because of that, I’m always diligent about making sure my teeth are brushed. Especially since the psychotic ex-husband knew it was my weakness and played on it constantly.. giving me some sort of a little complex.
Fast foward to the day of my grandmom’s funeral.
Me and Chief stopped at a local convenience store to get cigarettes and I bought a pack of Strawberry Mint Orbit gum :: because it don’t stick to my fake teeth! :: and he bought a thing of Tic-Tacs.
Roughly 4 or so hours after we had woken up that morning, he leans over to me in the church pew:
HIM: Here, take a mint
ME: No thanks
HIM: No. Really. Take a mint
ME: (gasp) Do I really need one?
HIM: Yea. Badly.
ME: (gasp again) But I was just chewing on Orbit!
HIM: Here. Take. The. Mint.
Needless to say, I was mortified. Beyond mortified, actually. But I thought that maybe it had something to do with the Strawberry Mint Orbit Gum because I never thought there was an issue before and the only gum I chew is usually NOT fruit flavored.. so I let it pass.
This morning, around 4:30am, Chief rolls over on top of me and one thing led to another and we did what married people usually do early on Sunday mornings.
Well.. maybe not everybody but do I REALLY need to spell it out for you :: wink.. wink!! ::
Afterwards, I walked around the bed on my way to the bathroom and he started to say, “.. Don’t take this the wrong way or anything..”
My immediate response was, “.. here it comes”
I don’t know why I said that.. it literally just slipped out of my mouth.. but he went on to say that sometime today, “.. you really should clean your plate. Your breath is atrocious. It’s been that way”
Atrocious?
ATROCIOUS?
BEEN THAT WAY?
OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!!!
Punching me square in my chest wouldn’t have taken the breath away that much.
Mind you.. in his defense, he didn’t say it to be mean like my psychotic ex would. But OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!!! We just did the nasty and our faces were less then an inch apart!! OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!!!
I was mortified. Felt horribly embarrassed. I immediately went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth SO hard and with SO much toothpaste that I’ll probably end up with chemical burns. I was literally almost throwing up brushing my tongue so hard.
All this while fighting back tears.. which made my nose run.. which made my sinus’ leak into the back of my mouth.
Wonderful.
Simply wonderful!
I went back in the bedroom and got back into bed.. with my back towards him and not opening my mouth. At all.
But I couldn’t get back to sleep.
So at 5:30am, I got in the car and drove to the 24hr Walgreen’s. :: Thank GOD for 24 hour Walgreen’s :: and bought a HUGE bottle of Listerine.
When I got back, I stayed out in the living room because.. I don’t know why exactly. I just couldn’t go back into the bedroom. About an hour or so later, he comes out and said something about me not being able to get back to sleep.
I shrugged so that my dragon breath wouldn’t sear across the room and singe his bald head.
He said, “.. you know, I have the stuff to clean the plate with.”
I said, “.. I can’t take it out. It only comes out once in a while by accident.”
He said, “.. I wasn’t trying to be rude or anything.”
I said, “I know you weren’t.”
He said, “I’m going to go back to sleep.”
I said, “Ok”
So off to the bedroom he went.
Now I have this phobia. And the worse part is … since being laid off, I don’t have any dental coverage now. Not even crappy dental coverage. So even if I did have extra money hanging around to go to the dentist, it would cost me even MORE.
Since I don’t, it’s a mute point.
Just add THIS to the list of things that make me feel inept.
Wonderful.
LIVING ME 101 