Ok.
First let me state for the record that I love my mother very much. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have had the reaction that I had on Friday.
So Friday afternoon, Chief closed the shop early and we went for a ride out to a local farmer’s market. While there, my cell phone rings and it’s my mother. She immediately starts telling me something about my grandmother’s heating bill and some application that they never received from the gas company.
Had a great Thanksgiving.. thanks for asking, Mom.
So I tell her that I wasn’t home but when I did get home I’d call her and look up whatever information she needed online. She asks where we’re at and I tell her.
HER: Make sure you buy me something nice for Christmas.
ME: What are you Spaz? What do you mean make sure I buy you something nice for Christmas?
HER: Just what I said.
ME: Are you implying that I don’t buy you something nice for Christmas?
HER: Well, just make sure it’s from a nice store and not from the farmer’s market.
I was like, are you fucking kidding me? It may not seem like a big deal in print, but you had to hear the tone in her voice and the little sarcastic “hmph”.
And the thing is, I never shorted her on a gift.. regardless of what my financial situation was.. and now this year, since I’ve been laid off and money is tight I’m already feeling guilty that I have to be extra frugal and can’t go all out like I used to do. I figured people would understand.. I figured MY FAMILY would understand because really, when the hell did the true meaning of Christmas become how much money you spent on a gift?
IN FACT .. this year, I was going to get her one of those 200.00 laptops.
Key word: WAS
It just really got under my skin and really fucked up the rest of my day.
So when I got home, I called her like I said I was going to but was my usually chippy self. She picked up on it right away and asked me if I was mad about something.
But the WAY she asked it lit the neon sign that made it clear that she knew exactly what was bothering me.
So I tell her that I was upset.. that her comment about her Christmas gift had hurt my feelings.
Her reaction would have made you think that I was accusing her of smuggling drugs in puppy belly’s or something.
She said she was only joking :: of course she was only joking. .that’s EVERYBODY’S excuse when they say something that hurts somebody else’s feelings :: and that there must be something else bothering me. I told her there wasn’t.. she got all defensive again and pulled out her violin. She said that everybody can tease but her.. which is bullshit and I told her that. Then she said, “.. OH, GO FIND A JOB”.
Like.. what the FUCK?
What the FUCK does THAT have to do with anything?
By then, the wall went up and I was like, “.. yea. Find a job. Real nice.”
I didn’t even want to talk to her anymore. So I told her that the online application that I filled out was submitted and hung up.
Chief knew how upset I was.. and he was getting upset for me. Especially the whole job thing.. because she will never accept that working in the shop that I OWN is work. And that gets under his skin big time.
The thing is.. when your a child, you see your parents as “parents”.. but when your older and see your parents as the adults that they are, you also see their flaws.
My mother is, deep down, a good hearted person. She’s generous and funny and devout. But she’s also very judgmental, negative and opinionated on things she has no business having an opinion on.
She uses the fact that I’m her daughter as an excuse to say and do whatever it is she says and does and thinks it automatically gives her a free pass.
And it doesn’t.
Because there is never a justification to hurt someone’s feelings and not own up to it.
LIVING ME 101 