Posts Tagged ‘Indifference’

.. I’d like to say this is a new strategy but really, it’s just how I feel.

I’m done with the groundings, the taking away of the internet, banning the PS3. I just don’t care anymore..

And now they’re starting to feel it.

“THEY” being Bubba and Spaz.

Last night I didn’t feel like making dinner so I didn’t.. Chief brought home cheesesteaks, fries and wings. So I just sat at the table.. silent :: if you know me in person you KNOW that that so not my being :: I didn’t have anything to say to them.. didn’t care about who did what at school or who did what after school.

One of Bubba’s teachers had called the shop earlier to tell Chief that Bubba wasn’t prepared for class and that he has a major test on Friday that includes him doing an outline of something.

I wasn’t bringing it up but thankfully, Chief did.

I didn’t say anything.. just went on eating my chicken cheese steak.

After dinner, I took a ride to the landlord’s to pay the rent and then came home and watched STYLE BY JURY. Have absolutely NO clue way.. not something I normally would watch but it may have something to do with the remote being under the bed and me too lazy to do war with the dust bunnies guarding it.

Then I went to sleep.

This morning when Bubba woke up, I didn’t say anything to him until 7:10 when I told him it was time to leave for school. The 10 minutes or so it takes to get there by car was silent except for two questions:

HIM: How do I get money from PayPal?

ME: You need a bank account

and then about 5 minutes later..

HIM: Do you have a PayPal account?

ME: Yep

HIM: Can I use it because someone sent me a 100.00 through PayPal.

ME: Nope

I then put the radio on and hummed bad 80’s songs until we arrived at the school yard.

When I got home, Spaz was already up and dressed. The wireless thingy for the computer was in my bedroom so I brought it back out into the dining room and stuck it back into the computer. I told him I was putting it back and he asked why and I very matter of factly told him that I just don’t care anymore.

He was all like, “.. no, take it out again.”

And I was all like, “.. nah.”

Then I mopped the floors :: this whole mopping thing is becoming an obsession I think :: and here I am.

So after all this time, they know what I want.. they know what they’re suppose to do.. so until they do :: without being told :: this is the way it’s going to be.

I’m not being spiteful.. I’m not being childish.. I’m going with my feelings and instincts. I’m very easy to read. No Lady GaGa “Poker Face” here and I’m not good at pretending or faking stuff :: orgasms aside. I have to used to do that but that’s a WHOLE other post ::

Awhile ago, when I was having problems with Bubba, I told Chief that I learned to love his kids and I can learn to UNlove them. And considering my feelings regarding his divorce and getting married, it could go either way.

And really, I’m fine with that.

I got up in the middle of the night last night to go to the bathroom and when I came in the room the light coming in the window was hitting him in such a way that my heart literally melted.

I love this man. Don’t mistake that. But I love myself more and mentally, emotionally, I’m okay with the knowledge that “love” really isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

Buckle up, baby.. this is going to be a bumpy ride.