Posts Tagged ‘His Family’

Y’all remember Chief’s cousin Bird, right? She’s the one with the 4 dogs, 3 cats and a snake.

We’ve gotten very close over the years but the last few months we kind of got involved in our own stuff and haven’t really spent the kind of time together like we used to.

But true friends remain true friends regardless of how often you talk or get together.

I got a text from her last week asking if I wanted to go to a party.. she was helping someone do something and they told her she could bring someone if she wanted. Unfortunately, I was on my road trip from hell so I wasn’t able to go with her. We made plans to meet up on Sunday if I wasn’t too tired from the drive but that didn’t happen.

So I called her at the beginning of the week and left a voice mail but she never got back to me.

No issues. It’s what happens in life.

Tonight while I was folding laundry, I get the following text message from her:

Leese are u home I have something very important to tell. I hope ur not mad the  news I have to give is the reason I have not called u. Please call me!!!

Now.. you know the first thing I thought about was there health. Did something happen to them medically? Was one of them in the hospital? All kinds of things ran through my head while I tried to remember what her speed dial number was.

Then she called me while I was calling her and it because that whole stupid phone tag thing .. but finally I was able to get her on the line and everything in my head came on in one long giant sentence:

Is everything ok why would you think I was mad at your of course I’m not mad at you is hubby ok are the dogs ok are the kids ok OMG is your dad ok???????????

She started laughing and told me that nothing bad had happened, in fact, something fantastic had happened.

Her and her husband are going to adopting a baby.



And then the one big giant sentence came out again.

When did this happen how did this happen do the kids know how did they react when did THIS happen?? ect. etc. etc.

Apparently, it’s one of those things that happened because it was meant to happen.

Bird and her husband are great people.. very loving, open hearted people and for as long as I’ve known her she’s been talking about bringing another baby into the family. Those two around kids are something to be seen.. kids gravitate towards them and for awhile they were seriously discussing getting into foster care.

For the last several months, Bird has been babysitting part time and according to her husband, her whole demeanor has changed. She has a light in her that hasn’t been there since her own kids have moved onto their own lives.

So when she found out that a friend of a friend’s 20 year old daughter was pregnant for the 3rd time and that she was going to put the baby up for adoption, Bird and her husband sat down.. had a discussion. figured out a few things and made the decision to adopt the baby.

Of course, I’m over simplifying it. It’s just that it’s not my story to tell so I don’t feel comfortable spilling all the kool-aid because it isn’t my cup. If you know what I mean.

At any rate…

Chandelor John or Faith Louise will soon be joining our family.

This past Thursday was the due date so Bird can get a call at any time. They’ve been feverishly preparing the house and the nursery for their little one’s arrival.

I’m so happy for both of them.. they’re great parents that are going to give this baby the best life possible.

As nice as I am .. and as compassionate as I am.. and as loyal as I am..


.. because you will see this WHOLE other side to me that will leave you in shock and awe.

I’m serious about this.

I can get so-low-in-the-gutter-ghetto and will say things that will cut you right behind the knee caps.

Mind you.. I have a very broad threshold but if you’re going to do something out of spite.. because you’re angry about something else and can’t direct it to who you need to direct it to so you direct it MY way.. girlfriend, we are going to have an issue.

Ok.. so let’s rewind the tape a little.

I’ve written about Chief’s cousin Bird before. We’ve become BFF’s .. kinda ..  but Bird’s problem is that she’s disabled.. her son is on his own.. her daughter is away at college and her husband works nights.

Bird has a lot of time on her hands.. and a really fucked up thought process.

I let a lot of things about her and how she thinks slide. I understand that she bounces off the walls at home because she isn’t working anymore.. and I do my best to be compassionate to her randomness.

Now Bird’s son lives .. lived.. with his girlfriend. Bird never liked the girlfriend because she thinks the girlfriend has no ambition.. no drive.. and is sponging off her son. Maybe. I really don’t know. It’s none of my business what he does an honestly, at 25, it’s none of hers. But Bird puts her self where she doesn’t belong sometimes.

Their problem. I just sit and listen to her when she rants and raves when her son exerts his independence or free thought.

See.. the real truth about Bird is that she things she’s always right and if you don’t do.. rather, if her kids don’t do what she wants them to do then it causes an issue.

Anyway.. so her son is getting some college degree and she wanted to throw him a surprise party.. she tells the girlfriend.. the girlfriend says she was thinking the same thing and they all decide to go in together on this party.

Which, of course, Bird tells everyone who will listen that it was her idea and diminishes the girlfriend’s role.

And low and behold, a few days before the party there was an issue and the girlfriend moved out of the house. She emails Bird and tells her that she doesn’t feel comfortable coming to the party and even though Bird is just DYING to know what happened between them, she retrains herself from asking.

She asks me how she should respond to the email and I tell her what to say. I do this because I am a lot better with words then she is and because whatever her feelings are for this girl, the girl is obviously upset over the breakup.. which, of course, is none of Bird’s business.

See where I was going with that?

Everything seemed to be settled but like girls often do after a break up, the girlfriend got vindictive and started calling Bird and telling her that she shouldn’t call her son.. shouldn’t talk to him.. and manipulate things so that he feels like an ass walking into his own surprise party.

Now, that’s wrong. You can’t tell someone not to talk to their own kid or to set him up at his own party. Bird and her had it out big time and even though Bird can get too involved in shit, in this case, she had every right to be upset.

So what’s this all have to do with me.


A little while ago, I was on Facebook and Bird messages me and says that she feels like going on a trip and asks me if I want to go. I ask her where and she tells me to an island somewhere. I tell her that I can’t afford it and she asks about my income tax refund.

I had already told her that I planned on not spending that money at all and was going to save it if .. or when.. I needed to move. So when she asked me about it, I told her that I wasn’t spending it.

I doubt if she ever READ what I wrote because she says something about spending it and then having nothing to show for it.

And I was like, “.. are you smoking crack?”

And then she was like, “No.. but you’re going to spend YOUR money on CHIEF and HIS KIDS.”

The caps were hers.

And that’s when my line started to get taunt and threads started to ping.

Because I don’t care WHO you are.. you don’t tell me how to spend my money. Chief doesn’t even do that.. my MOTHER doesn’t even try to do that anymore.

So I tell her, “.. you’re slinging some serious attitude, girlfriend.”

And she confesses that she was upset because her son called her and apparently, him and the girlfriend are back together and that the girlfriend told him what went down between her and Bird.

Bird tells him that he better take her side and of course, because a piece of ass is involved, he called Bird and told her that she should apologize to the girlfriend.


She feels hurt.. she feels humiliated.. she feels abandoned.. she feels all these things while she’s home alone with no one to vent too and the anger was growing.


I get that.

But what does all this have to do with me?

And why am I just SO READY to get all ghetto and literally destroy my relationship with her?

Ok.. in the midst of all this, my laptop goes haywire and I lose internet connection. I feel that this is divine intervention but I don’t want her to think in her bizarro mind that it was on purpose.. so I text her and tell her what happened.. that I was going to take a shower and that I’d get back online in about a half hour.

But after a half hour, she texts me the following:

Leese I really in a bad mood, so I am going to bed. Just to let u know I am tired of Chief’s mom calling me when she needs something so the next time she calls me she gets ALL his numbers. It a fuckin disgrace how they let her wear dead peoples close and she just asks for a few things. Their is another responsibility HIS family needs to take care OF!!

Now.. WTF??

Here’s some background.

Cheif’s mother is in a nursing home because she’s psycho. Chronic hypocondriac and long time pill popper. She can’t live on her own because she over-doses on her meds. She lived with Chief before she went into the home but from what he says, she was constantly in a mental state and he had just gotten custody of the boys. His brother’s weren’t doing anything to help in anyway so he had to make the decision to place her in a home.

Understand, that’s his story. Whether it’s true or not, it’s not for me to say. I do know that Sarge, Chief’s twin brother and Sarge’s wife have also told me horror stories about how she was acting and I also had first hand experience when someone gave her my cell phone number.

So knowing on this.. for Bird to threaten to give Chief’s mother ALL his phone numbers.. was just her taking out her anger on me and Chief.

So I text her back:

You do what you need to do but don’t do it because your angry because of the girlfriend

Before I can finish typing, I get another text:

No I am tired of HER calling me for minimal necessities that her family should be helping her with. Its a disgrace how they throw her away like a dog in a shelter. Yea I mad about the girlfriend but I am tired of their Mom’s calls 3x a week they are on her medical file as contact and they throw her away like a dog. And they are godly people! Wonder if Chief had a breakdown, should he just be left like a DOG! Or should we help his out cause he has anxiety issue or mental issue! I am on a ram page. I just tired of them NOT taking care of THEIR own.

Then she texted:

I am shutting my phone off!! And going to BED!

I just texted back:

You can’t force people to do the right thing.. like I said, you do what you want but personally, I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole.

And here’s the thing.. and how she’s so much of a fucking hypocrite that I feel like driving over there and slamming my knee right where her back operation scar is.

The day I was waiting in court for Weed to be arraigned, I called her just for something to do. I told her what happened. The next day, she texts me and tells me that she was talking to Sarge on Facebook and that she told him what happened to Weed.

And I was like, WTF??? You know how Chief feels about being fodder for gossip and being talked about.. and you definitely KNOW that Chief and Sarge don’t really get along well and that Sarge is always the first one to put Chief down and is ready for an opinion that he has no business making .. and you TELL HIM that Weed got arrested again?

I told her that I can’t believe she would do that and she was real non-chalant when she said, “.. well, he was going to find out anyway.” And I was like, by who? Nobody else knew… I told her that it wasn’t my place or her place to say anything to anybody.. it was Chief’s perogative to tell who he wanted to tell and that I didn’t even say anything to Chief’s father about it.

And she was like, “.. well, Chief wouldn’t have told Sarge”


So I’ve been torqued with her for a few days now .. so torqued in fact that I haven’t called her or texted her like I used to and even though I did go to her sons party, I only stayed like a half hour because I didn’t know anyone and was just feeling uncomfortable.

But this.. this is the last fucking straw. And if she does go through with giving out Chief’s numbers then expect a mushroom cloud pluming in SE Pennsylvania!

My father-in-law is a trip.

In a good way.

I’ve heard horror stories from both Chief and Bird about how he treated his kids and ex-wife back when he was younger and a drunk.

I never had to live with an abusive alcoholic father :: heh.. I waited until I was older and married one! Late bloomer, I am! :: but he’s not that person anymore. As the story goes, he had a heart attack, almost died, found God and changed his life.

Seems to be working for him because I don’t see a trace of what he once was.


So him and his best friend from childhood Pete spend their days driving around in circles. Literally. They have nothing to do with their time so they drive around. Back and forth. From one place to the other.

They don’t really expand their horizons because Pete has a hard time seeing anything and my father in law can’t really hear. So it’s literally the deaf leading the blind. Plus, my father in law can’t drive in bad weather or once it gets dark because he has some kind of holes in his cornea or whatever.

But, yknow, NEITHER of them will admit to it. If you ask them, they’re still the Lithuanian studs they were 50 years ago.

So the other day both of them came in and Pete happens to mention that they had to go to the supermarket and get stale bread “.. for the birds.”

Now, I know where he lives he has these birds that will eat ANYTHING. And when I mean anything.. I mean A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.. so Chief tells him he doesn’t have to go to the market.. that he has tons of stale bread in the shop’s kitchen that he was going to use to make bread pudding with.

So Chief goes in the back and grabs him a bag. Pete and my father in law giggle like they were just visited by the lingerie wearing tooth fairy with huge boobs. They take their bread and go on their way.

After they leave, I laughed and told Chief that I hope when I’m their age something a little bit more will make me giggle like that.

CHIEF: You know that breads for the seagulls, right?

ME: Hmmm?

CHIEF: When they said it’s for the birds, they meant the seagulls.

ME: Seagulls?

CHIEF: Yea.. you know how seagulls will battle each other for food?

ME: uuuuuhhhhh-hhhhuuuuhhhhh

CHIEF: They drive around until they find a parking lot with seagulls and then toss bread to watch them go crazy.

ME: Are you fucking kidding me?

CHIEF: (laughing) No.. I’m serious. That’s what they do.

ME: Entertain themselves by watching seagulls fight over bread…….

CHIEF: Yep. I swear. You can ask them

ME: I don’t believe it


ME: NO.. I believe it.. but I don’t believe it.

CHIEF: Yep. That’s my dad.

Recently, Bird and her husband had to make the difficult decision of giving one of their dogs, Lily, the gift of sleep.

I say that it is a “gift” because not only having to euthanize your pet a noble decision.. it is also an unselfish one. There are a lot of people who will do anything they can.. spend ALL that they can :: and sometimes can’t afford :: to prolong the inevitable. And most times, it’s because they themselves can’t let go.

Bird and her husband are Shar Pei people. They already have two and Lily was their third. Her husband took it hard. And so Bird decided to surprise him with another puppy.

Before I go any further, let me just state for the record that Bird and her husband are INCREDIBLE fur-parents. So adding another to their fold wasn’t going to be detriment to any of their existing pets. And they have a lot of them. I mean A LOT of them!

Her husband had mentioned that he really liked the DOGO ARGENTINO breed so Bird did her homework.. set about finding the right breeder, that kind of thing and on Sunday their newest fur-baby joined the pack.

Bird.. being Bird.. took the pup that was deaf. She has experience with special needs dogs and she became REALLY concerned that this particular puppy wouldn’t find a good home because of it’s disability.

In a world full of felons like Michael Vicks’s :: sorry, I’m not EVER going to get over that :: her concerns were justified and I give her major kudos for taking on the challenge.

So meet Vallia… At 2 months old and 30 lbs, she already as big as Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy.. and all puppy-smelling!!

I know her name means something but I don’t remember what. I just call her Lia!

Daddy's Baby

Daddy's Baby

She actually loves her cage

She actually loves her cage



… the name of our new kitten!

Wasn’t my idea.. she came with it.

I would post pictures of her but she’s hiding out in the kitty condo I got for her so black cats in dark holes don’t necessarily make for good pictures. But I’ll get them.. I promise!

So anyway, Bird brings her over on Thursday around 2:30. For some reason.. and I still don’t know what.. she comes knocking on the BACK door and the dogs just go absolutely insane. I wanted the poor kitten to have a more zen arrival but.. well.. that didn’t happen.

Bird puts the carrier on the kitchen floor figuring the dogs would sniff at it or whatever but nope.. they were only interested in barking at the top of their lungs. Ernie even pulled out the I’M-REALLY-A-PITBULL-BE-SCARED-OF-ME bark.

Anyway.. so not long after Bird got there, I had to go pick up Spaz from school. He asked me to when I dropped him off because it’s starting to get chilly and I haven’t been able to find him a heavier jacket yet. So Bird and I pick him up and when we get back to the house, he asks if he can hold Pretty.

Bird takes her out of the carrier… Ernie right away sticks his big black nose in her face… Pretty jumps out of Bird’s arms and dives behind the corner of the sectional sofa.

Ok.. she’s scared, let her be a little. Sounds reasonable, right? Yea.. except letting her “be” caused her to get stuck under the radiator.

I mean.. STUCK under the radiator.

Bird starts freaking a little.. Spaz wants to call the fire department for the Jaws of Life and I’m all you got to be kidding me, right?

So I pull the one side of the sofa out.. tell Bird to grab her from the front and I’ll just start pushing her ass forward. It worked.. we got her un-stuck but now I had to go around every place in the house where she could possibly wedge herself and either block it or stuff it or tape over it or weld over it.

In the meantime, Bird forgot to bring over the litter box so we leave Spaz with Pretty and run over to Kmart. Bird prefers Kmart over WalMart and even though it’s further, I wasn’t going to split hairs with her.

I get the litter box with the top thingy.. I get a scratching post.. I get this condo thing where she can hide out in and two containers of clumping litter that doesn’t clump the way it’s suppose to but I can deal with that. Knowing how I am there’s no way in HELL that that box will have even the slightest chance of smelling.

We get everything home and I set Pretty up on the table in the back porch. I figured that was a good spot because the table is high enough for Ernie NOT to be able to jump on it and it will provide Pretty with a sense of protection and safety.

Bird leaves :: taking Spaz with her :: with instructions that I should hold Pretty off and on so she gets used to me being the Momma. No problem.. I’m all about holding baby animals.

We kind of leave her to herself on Thursday. Chief and I had somewhere to go and didn’t get back until late and Bubba was just home doing whatever he does when he’s home alone :: don’t ask ::

Friday morning, I kind of felt bad leaving her on the back porch so I moved her condo to the living room and put it up on the electric fireplace so she could at least be in another room.. stare out the window.. stare at the fish tank.. SOMETHING.

I hold her for awhile before taking Spaz to school and going to the shop for my shift.

I get home around 2:30 and Pretty is just fine. Still in her little condo. In fact, things are SO fine that Ernie didn’t even destroy her scratching post. Although he has become even BIGGER black hole of love and affection.. constantly throwing himself across your body like a sack of potatoes whining “.. but I’M the baby!”

We let Pretty be until Chief comes home. He takes her out of her condo and is cuddling with her and letting her walk on the back of the couch.

It’s funny to see her interact with Ernie. One of the main reasons why I wanted HER is because she’s already used to dogs. So when Ernie would poke his big black nose towards her she would stretch out her paw at him and he would jump  back about 2 feet. Then do it again.. and again.. and again.. we were laughing our asses off.

At some point, I thought that maybe she needed to either use the litter box or get something to eat or drink. I wasn’t sure whether she would remember where it was to I picked her up and brought her back to were her digs were and she jumped out of my arms and went right in to do her business.

Good sign.

When neither Chief nor I could keep our eyes open, we went into the bedroom to go to sleep and he suggested I take Pretty in the bedroom with us just so she can get used to us more and know that she’s allowed in our room. We put her on the bed with us and of course, Ernie has to crawl in between me and Chief and when I turned on my side Pretty cuddled up in the crook of my legs.

It was sweet and I fell asleep rather quickly.

Chief went to work without waking me and when I got up Pretty was gone.

Right now, I can’t find her.

I looked in her condo.. looked in the bedroom.. looked in the living room.. looked all over. I know she’s somewhere but I’m not too worried about it because she’s vocal so if she’s somewhere she can’t get out of she’ll let me know.

So all you cat people out there… help me out here.

What should I expect.. what am I doing wrong.. what should I do differently.. what can I do to make this the happiest cat ever! LOL!