Terrible Twosome

MEET BELLA

Bella - Age 13

Bella is my 13 year old stray that I found when she was about 4 months old.. ravaged with fleas and ticks and who someone :: I’m assuming the person who dumped her in the park :: thought necessary to hack her tail off. Now she just has a stump that resembles a thumb when she tries to wag it.  Bella’s main interest in life is food and sleeping. She’ll sleep when no on is eating anything or will get up in the middle of the night with the munchies. More importantly, Bella only has about 3 teeth left. Nothing serious.. just something that happens with age. She’s a cranky old girl.. especially when Ernie gets his testosterone up and thinks she THE MOST beautiful creature in the world.

MEET ERNIE

Ernie - Age 2

Ernie is a Jack Russell / Beagle mix that we got on some farm in another state. I can’t tell you which farm.. can’t tell you which state. I can only tell you that I didn’t drive and upon approach, started bawling hysterically because of all the dogs that were kept in cages. Not one of my finer moments but it IS moments like that that make me endearing to a lot of people. Frustrating to others, though.

Ernie :: perfectly named, I might add :: was taken from his momma a bit too early and thus has this unusual need to be loved. In fact.. he is the black hole of love.. :: obnoxiously so :: draping himself over you like Sarah Bernhardt giving her best academy performance.

In fact, as I type this, his body is draped over my legs like a sack of potatoes.

There’s a reason why I’m introducing you to these two.

Yesterday the boys had cleaned their room of all the unwanted junk and broken toys and ill fitting clothes and around 6pm, I was taking all the trash bags out back because today is trash day and if I don’t get the trash out by the sun breaking dawn, I’d have had to wait until Friday.

At any rate.. there’s a door in my kitchen that opens to the top of the basement. The basement stairs are to the right.. the door to the back yard is to the left. It’s a tight space but I’ve mastered closing the kitchen door and opening the back door with enough deftness that the dogs don’t run out.

Both dogs LOVE being outside but since I don’t have a fence around my property :: my land lords choice, not mine :: I can’t just let them run around freely. Plus, we live on the point of three intersecting roads and that’s just asking for trouble.

So yesterday, as I was in another part of the house getting more trash to take out, I hear dogs barking outside.

Specifically, MY dogs barking outside.

So I haul ass through the house to the kitchen and sure enough, the kitchen door and back door are wide open.

FUCK!

I yell BELLA! and immediately, she appears at the back steps and starts to come in.

Spaz hears me yelling and asks what’s the matter. I tell him that the dogs got out and I had to find Ernie. He asks me if I want him to help but I told him to keep an eye on Bella and watch the front of the house in case he comes around.

I know how he runs… he runs towards the cemetery.

As I look down the street, I see Ernie toward the corner. It’s a short block so I’m not panicking too much. There’s woman across the street from him with a black setter-mix who’s just staring at him so I tell her he’s mine and start approaching him.

He.. the little dick.. decides to run around the corner.

So I go running after him. Yes. Me running. You may want to notify the authorities in Indonesia to expect a tsunami.

As I round the corner.. this woman with the black setter-mix starts YELLING that my dog.. that! that! BLACK dog..  bit her dog. I tell her that I will be right over to her.. I just needed to get Ernie first.

I run half way down the block before he realizes UT OOH! IM GOING TO GET INTO TROUBLE FOR THIS and starts groveling towards me like he’s subjected to routine torture.

I pick him up and carry him back to the where the woman is standing with her black setter-mix and a complete look of disgust on her face.

HER: Yknow, you really shouldn’t let your dogs run wild like that.

ME: Ma’am.. I don’t let my dogs run wild. I was taking out the trash and didn’t close the back door tight enough and they ran out.

HER: Well.. that black dog bit my dog. I looked down and all I saw was his hair in it’s mouth.

ME: Ok.. let me put this one in the house and I’ll come right back to make sure he’s not injured.

HER: I don’t know if he’s hurt or not. I didn’t check.

ME: Ok.. well.. I’ll put Ernie in the house and…

HER: He was mauled. That dog just came out of nowhere and mauled him.

ME: Ma’am.. I understand you’re upset. I would be too. It’s a scary thing to have happened but I really don’t think he was mauled. Off the bat I don’t see any bleeding. But if you don’t want to wait here then take him home and check. If my dog injured him, I’ll take full responsibility. My name is Leese and I live in that really big white house right over there.

HER: I should call the cops on you!

Ok. This is where I start getting really REALLY frustrated. But I hold my temper because after all, it was my fault.

ME: Look, if you think it’s necessary to call the police then by all means.. please do but I’m telling you that I was at fault and if your dog needs medical attention that I will be more then happy to pay for it. You’re getting no argument from me about anything.

HER: You.. you people… let your dogs run wild around the neighborhood mauling other dogs…

ME: Ok.. now look.. so far I’ve been courtesy to you.. assumed fault and offered to compensate you if your dog needs a vet… but I’m really starting to get a little put off by your attitude since it’s apparent that you just want to argue

HER: YOUR. DOG. MAULED. MY. DOG!!!

ME: YOUR DOG ISN’T BLEEDING AND MY DOG HAS THREE TEETH!

That shut her up but I re-iterated that I was taking Ernie home.. told her what my name was again.. where I lived.. and turned and walked home.

After putting Ernie in the house, I then preceded to drive to our local pet store to buy dog licenses.

In my county, dogs are required to have a license. I went in January to get them but the county hadn’t issued them yet. I went back towards the end of January and they still didn’t have them.

I then forgot all about it.

Given all the drama that happened in January.. you can see why it would slip my mind.

So I drive down there and guess what? Still no licenses. The girl tell me that the only other option I have is to drive 2.5 hours to the county seat to apply for it.

Wonderful.

I get home and go online thinking that with some stroke of luck, they would accept the application on line but of course… luck isn’t on my side.

So all last night I was worried that something was going to come out of it but so far so good… I know Bella didn’t “maul” anything because she can barely chew kibble but what can I say…

A day in the life…!

I’ll keep you posted