Getting My Thoughts Together

Last night.. rather really early this morning.. I read a really long comment posted by Auroracoda on THIS post.

I was in NO position to read anything last night but I get so excited about long anythings :: shut up! :: that I read through it and immediately started to type a reply.

Bad move.

I could bearly keep my eyes open.. In fact, I was SO tired that Chief’s snoring was almost like a lullaby.. but I started typing typing typing and then I realized that it made no sense.. it was all over the map without a flow.

I may never have taken a journalism or creative writing course but I’ve read enough books and articles in my lifetime to know that THIS WAS NOT GOOD.

Especially on that particular post, I really just needed to be clear, focused and concise. Her reply and her view deserve that respect.

So I offer my apology and promise to get my shit together!!

Philosophy: Not Just the Skin Care Line I Use

It takes all kinds, yknow? The beauty of this world.. of the human race is that there are a million shades of grey.

Very few things are truly black or white and what a painfully boring world it would be it were.

Through this blog, I got to know a beautiful :: inside and out :: woman named Auroracoda. Her voice came at a time that I needed to hear it and subsequently my life became better. We exchanged personal emails, found that we were very similar in an almost spooky way and I enjoyed reading her thoughts as much as she enjoyed reading my musings.

Very articulate, Auroracoda is..

Anyway.. I was actually thinking about her alot lately. There’s things going on in her life that I’m sure can be quite taxing and she had mentioned in one of her posts that her presence on the internet may be sporatic. Unfortunately, my free time has been really non-existant lately so I wasn’t able to email her or even call.

Last night, after harvesting my cabbage in FarmTown, I was able to upload some posts and saw that Aurora had posted.. so I bounced over and read another incredibly insightful post. I entered a comment and scrolled down to find the post that she had written about THIS blog. :: I wanted to lift the picture of the tee-shirt! Ok, I’m Bad. I admit it :: I noticed that there were 6 comments so curiosity getting the best of this cat, I jumped over to read them.

Let me just say this now…

There is nothing that I can’t stand more then a person who is condescending, dismissive and who is under the assumption that they are intellectually superior and THEIR views are the only RIGHT views.

A :: I’m assuming regular:: reader of Auroracoda’s blog commented that they would not read my blog because of my post regarding gay marriage. I think what she actually said was “… someone who writes things like [this post] isn’t really writing a blog I’m interested in reading.”

Fair enough. Her’s isn’t one I’m interested in reading either. No Harm.. No Foul.. it’s a big Blog-O-Sphere out there.. not everything is going to float everyone’s boat in a sea of Kool-Aid.

What I found highly insulting is her SECOND comment on the post. Bear with me and allow me to disect. I was SO not in the mindframe to do it last night:

.. she ws just wrong about the causes of homosexuality – and an author who doesn’t bother to research a bit before giving out their uniformed opinion isn’t one I want to read – ’cause how will I know when they’re giving out good information or not?

Honestly, the chick gives me WAY too much credit. This blog is about my thoughts, opinions, views, blah, blah, blah.. I’m not here to educate the masses for Christ’s sake. :: Oh, but wait.. then she’ll say that I’m being irresponsible, huh? :: Whatever << insert smirky eye roll here >>

… her beliefs inform her actions – and I’m still really fracking pissed off about Prop 8. I detest people who believe how thier religion defines marriage should be what is in secular law. Quotes like this: Do I belive in gay marriage? No. I do not. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. That is how it is explained in the dictionary and that is how it is doctrined (sic) in the Bible. infurate me.

I really did laugh at this one. Chick has ALOT of anger doesn’t she? Wow.

Okay..

So let’s clarify a few things here. My beliefs do not dictate my actions :: although I do my best NOT to break any of the Commandments and that I do my best to love the sinner but hate the sin. So shoot me ::. Am I standing with a bunch of protestors? Nope. Am I in your face about it? Nope. The problem I find here is that this chick is lumping me with other.. more vocal.. more deomonstrative opposers of gay marriage.

And please don’t assume that I live my life singing, “… cuz the Bible tells me so”. I may be guilty of thinking faster then I can type but :: and please don’t take this as an apology :: I was only pointing out how marriage is defined in both the Dictionary and the Bible.

While there ARE people who wish that their religious views were secular law.. I’m not one of them.

MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS…

Just because I do not .. personally .. believe in Gay Marriage I did NOT say that they shouldn’t be able to.

In fact.. I didn’t even say that they should be able to adopt or foster or surrogate.

So really.. what is it that is SO infuriating? What is actually touching her raw nerve because it is obviously deeper seated. She may have read the post but I think you pre-judged it from the start when you realized that my views did not meet hers.

… her overall argument – particularly in the last half – was just poor. As a philosophy TA, I wouldn’t give a freshman in Philosophy 101 a passing mark with such an argument.

Do you see what I’m saying? Girlfriend :: in the most ghetto sense of the word :: just has issues.

She is referring to a conversation I had with one of my gay friends. Did you pick up that word? C-O-N-V-E-R-S-A-T-I-O-N?  I wasn’t trying to “argue” my point.. I was trying to understand his since I am NOT :: the last time I checked :: a homosexual man who has experienced what he has.

What is even more scary is that fact that she’s a Philosophy TA because for all the condemnation she doled out, me thinks she may be forgetting what philosophy is:

phi.los.o.phy

• Love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means and moral self-discipline.
• Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods.
• A system of thought based on or involving such inquiry
• The critical analysis of fundamental assumptions or beliefs.
• The disciplines presented in university curriculums of science and the liberal arts, except medicine, law, and theology.
• The discipline comprising logic, ethics, aesthetics, metaphysics, and epistemology.
• A set of ideas or beliefs relating to a particular field or activity; an underlying theory
• A system of values by which one lives

Funny that she didn’t comment on the rights of ALL significant others and partners for life :: hetero or homo :: to be insured.

With all that said.. and believe me, that’s the only credence I’m going to give it.. the thought popped into my head that maybe that post.. or other’s .. are the reason why Auroracoda is keeping some distance. She did come to my defense, which I greatly appreciate even though there are aspects of our views that do not coincide.

If it is, there really isn’t much I can do except accept the fact that yknow.. it is what it is… and I wish her, her fiance and their life together to be nothing less then everything she hopes it to be.

… And Now For Something Completely Controversial

I’ve been wanting to write about this for awhile but other things took it place. Now that I have about an hour with nothing to do but wait for the weekend to get here, NOW kinda seems like the moment!

So let’s talk about homosexuality and gay marriage.

Actually, I’ll talk and you read .. it you want to. If not, that’s fine but just let me state one think for the record:

These are my views. These are my opinions. This is my blog and the WordPress user’s agreement tell me that I can say whatever I want.. unless they tell me not too or it’s SO BLATANTLY illegal.

So if you don’t agree that’s cool.. we can agree to disagree.. we can have a healthy, productive exchange for ideas, theories, beliefs, etc. I truly am open minded and will give anyone an opportunity to challenge my thoughts as long as they are 1) respectful and 2) they allow me to rebut.

NOTE: I think it’s hysterical that the very people who preach peace, love and tolerance are the same one’s who want to fire bomb my house and call me names.

Okay .. so let’s get on with it.

I believe that people are NOT born gay however I do NOT believe that they choose to be gay either. Can’t have it both ways, can I? Well, yea.. I can.

Because what I believe is that something happened to a homosexual person in childhood or infanthood or during a time when a formidable memory could not absorbed or the strength of the mind’s defenses blocked it out.

I’ve come to that believe because every gay and lesbian I know personally :: some of whom I’ve been friends with from way back in the crib :: was exposed to things that from a psychological perspective would validate their sexuality.

I’ll give you a few examples:

GAY MAN #1: I grew up with him. Have been friends with him for close to 40 years. His mother was a very domineering woman. Very rough. Very abrasive. His father, the complete opposite.. very mellow, very gentle, very kind. GM#1 was an only child.. a child that his mother constantly said she didn’t want.. a child that his father always told him he prayed for. I remember times when his mother would go after GM#1 with a belt and when his father would intervene, go after the father with the belt too. And that was out on the street! I can imagine what happened behind closed doors. So is it any wonder that GM#1 gravitated towards men?

GAY MAN #2: This one is one of my ex-brother in laws. He was the youngest child born of 6 and was conceived during the time his mother was still  breast – feeding the 5th child :: who happens to be my ex. Actually, that could explain why HE was the way he was.. losing nutrients because of his mother?s pregnancy. Blah.. whatever :: . My ex-father in law  was a former marine and a no nonsense person. He got up, went to work, came home and expected things to be the way he wanted them to be. He didn’t tolerate excuses .. didn’t promote laziness or stupidity. He hunted whenever he can and was your typical former Golden Glove Boxing Man’s Man.

GM#2 had a sensitive, compassionate nature and would become upset when his father would bring home a deer carcass or a string of rabbits for dinner. His father would call him a pussy and mock him. GM#2 was creative and loved music and the arts. When he would write something or draw something his father couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge it. GM#2 wanted to spend time with his dad but unless he wanted to go hunting or fishing, his father wasn’t going to give up his time .. give up doing what HE wanted to do .. subsequently, GM#2 got involved in drugs. Hard Core stuff and male prostitution. He’s been living with the same guy now for probably 20 years.. a guy who is 35 years older then he is.

LW#1: She is the daughter of my best friend born when we were 15 years old. My girlfriends stict catholic parents booted their pregnant daughter out on the street where .. seriously.. if it wasn’t for the kindness of strangers who knows what would have happened to her. My girlfriend did well for herself and provided for her daughter but when the ages flipped, and her daughter was 15 and my girlfriend hit her 30’s.. she tried to make up for lost time. I think she felt that that since her daughter was old enough to tend to herself she had the opportunity to “live a life” Subsequently she found love in all the wrong places with all the wrong men and she left her kid alone .. sometimes for weekend and sometimes for weeks and there were times that the kid showed up on my doorstep wanting to be near people. At first, her mother thought that her bringing home girls and making out with them on the couch was an act of defiance on the daughters part. And you know what, along with the goth look, ripped up clothes and raccoon eyes, it may have been. But somewhere along the line the daughter became who she became and it became what she wanted.

LG#2: This was a girl I went to college with who is still with the same woman she was with when we graduated. I don’t know much of the details of her past but I do know that she had been sexually abused by her biological father from the ages of 2 to 5.. when her mother found out and left with her. Fast forward a few years .. her mother remarried.. they moved to the country with animals and a farm and a step brother who used to abuse her. She then returned to where she was born to live with her grandparents.

This is just a dappling of examples but each one of the people I know have similar stories.. experiences..  that’s why I believe what I do. I think putting these people in different circumstances would have produced a different outcome.

Now.. let’s move on to Gay Marriage and Gay Partnership Rights.

I’m going to flip the script in a few minutes and present an argument that I have yet to hear from any media source, blog, or wherever. But first things first:

Do I believe in gay marriage? No. I do not. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. That is how it is explained in the dictionary and that is how it is doctrined in the Bible.

Biblically, the purpose of marriage is to procreate. Gay couples can not procreate. They can adopt, foster, surrogate.. but they cannot naturally procreate under the marriage vow.

Okay.. so that’s actually the minor thing, I know none of you could care less whether or not I believe that homosexuality is hard-wired or a “choice” or if I believe in gay marriage.

This is what I am REALLY concerned with.. and this :: if you’re in this situation or know somebody who is in this situation :: you may want to ponder the following:

Right now where I live :: and I know this defiantely because it’s the field in which I work :: health care providers are affording benefits for same sex “significant” others or “partners for life”.  So if you’re two gay men or lesbian woman living together  as “significant” others or “partners for life” , insurance companies will now allow that person to be included in your benefits.

Ok. Fine. But what about the NON-HOMOSEXUAL SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND PARTNERS FOR LIFE?

Why wasn’t I able to include Chief on my insurance benefits before we were married? Isn’t that discrimination?.. rather REVERSE discrimination?

Well, some of you would answer:  you could get married!
But suppose I don’t WANT to get married. Suppose it goes against my beliefs to get married? Why can’t common law couples be covered under health insurance benefits?

Who determines when someone is “significant”? What constitutes a “partner for life” when GM#1 finds a “partner for life” every 3 months?

It doesn’t seem fair that HETEROsexual couples are not afforded the same benefits as HOMOsexual couples.

Seems a bit hypocrytical .. don’t you think?

Gay Right groups fight for equality… well, isn’t NOT being able to put your significant other on your health care coverage being equal to the heterosexual populace who also can’t?

I really think that gays are ostrosized because some of them.. groups of them.. organizations of them are so “in your face”. I not asking anyone to hide who they are or to deny who they are for the sake of the populace .. what I am saying is that if THEY didn’t make a big deal out of it, then neither will ANYONE else.

For example, GM#1 has been my friend forever. And we’ve had this discussion many times and he knows that it’s not coming from a place of hate but from a place of “.. would everybody just get over it already”..

At any rate.. GM#1 has a rainbow flag sticker on his car… he has a rainbow flag hanging outside his front door .. he has a pink triangle tattood on his bicep.

One night we were talking about gay hate crimes and I said to him, “… why do you put it out there?” He asked me what I was talking about and I told him that I don’t go around with flags and signs and tattoos advertising that I’m straight.. why would he do that because he’s gay?

He got alittle offended and bounced back with the argument that I have an Italian flag at my house and an Italia thing hanging from my rear view mirror. So if I can be proud to be Italian, why can’t he be proud to be gay?

I told him that the Italian flag and what not is my ethnicity.. my culture.. not my sexuality. It really isn’t anyone’s business what somebody else’s sexuality is but the flag and tattoo, etc. make it people’s business and if you’re going to throw it out there then you better be prepared for it to stick.

He saw my perspective but ultimately it’s his life and he can do whatever he chooses to do.. because in this country.. you still can.

Again, I don’t have a problem with gays and the homosexual life style.. I’m not homophobic.. and not a hate monger.. I just have opinions that don’t mean much to anyone but me.