.. so Tuesday, August 5th was me and Chief’s 2 year anniversary.
Feels like we’ve been together WAY longer then that :: in a good way.. heh.. AND a bad way!! LOL ::
This year’s anniversary was awesome. Dinner at my new all-time favorite neighborhood joint :: gotta love neighborhood joints.. even though this one is three neighborhoods over!! :: .. taking in a spontaneous movie .. an awesomely perfect card with a picture of just a couple’s feet that are laying face down on a bed and the inside that read My Favorite Place In The World Is Next To You. Inside he wrote the following:
Hi Baby,
I know putting up with me is hard and so often our lives seem a struggle but without you my struggle would be lost,, I would be lost..
So after 2 years and a lot of stress.. Honey, I love you more now then ever and more everyday
Yknow… you can keep the dinners and movies and stuff because just what he wrote was enough of a gift.
Heh.. BUT!! He also got me this:
You had to be there when I opened the box:
ME: (sqqqquuueeeeaaallll) OMG! OMG! OMG!
HIM: It matches the earrings I got you for your birthday
ME: (sqqqquuueeeeaaallll) OMG! OMG! OMG! It’s a Past, Present and Future pendant
HIM: Oh. I thought it was just rocks on a rope
Hmmm… maybe you had to be there! But that’s just how we are!! LOL!!
Anyway…
The thing that made THIS anniversary SO damn special was because last year’s :: our first :: sucked. It such a HUGE way!
No.
Really.
S.U.C.K.E.D
Here’s my journal entry:
5 August 2008 10:43pm Our First Anniversary
Where do I begin? Right now we should be celebrating, reminiscing .. remembering what made us fall in love.. laughing.. reliving the “aww moments.. and instead, I’m laying on the bed crying and he’s asleep.
I was SO looking forward to today.. more then you can imagine. Guess I let my hopes get too high again.. I’m so unbelievably hurt that I can’t wait to just write this down and go to sleep to end it. I thought he “got” me.. thought he understood me and how important today was to me.. and even if it wasn’t to him, it was to ME and if I’m important to him then he should have gone out of his way. Yes, he got me 2 cards and I appreciate them and I feel selfish for expecting more but dammit, there won’t be another “first anniversary”.. there’s no making htis up. The moment has passed and anything he might do to make it up to me will only come off as being out of obligation.. not because of loving me and wanting to celebrate with me.. And it doesn’t matter that I got him personalized M&Ms. I wasn’t expecting anything grand.. just something tangible.
Ironically, there’s a postcard on postsecret.com this week that said something like “… the quickest way to make me leave is by making me feel unimportant”. I could have sent that card.. it’s things like this.. and other’s.. that make me feel so UNloved and UN important.
He said before that the store is like a baby that has to be taught to stand.. well, our relationship is only a toddler that keeps falling on it’s ass. I’ve been wanting to tell him that for the last week but was waiting for today because I KNEW he wouldn’t let me down. I just knew it.. and all night I waited. Thinking about how he tortured me on my birthday.. and held out.. played it off until we came home from the store.. But the later it got, the more it didn’t seem like it… until we left the store to go get stuff at the supermarket and he said he forgot his credit card and we had to stop at the house.
I just KNEW he had something for me in the bedroom. But he didn’t and I was literally crushed.
After all the times I’ve been hurt.. this is the worst.. and I don’t know what to tell the girls at work tomorrow when they ask how tonight was.. that it’s now obvious that I was wrong about him and he’s just like every other guy? Why can’t I just have somebody who’s just as excited and appreciateve about me as I am for them? Things are different now.. and I’m devistated about it.. I really, really am.
I let you in on this not to bash him… and in reality, revisiting that was more for me then it was for you. Sometimes I need to remember that as much as we are the same, we are two very different people who have had their share of good and bad experiences with past relationships. I can’t pick and choose how I want him to be… Not like other’s here but like some other’s there..
He wasn’t made to order. He’s just Chief.
I have to remember to be fair to him because honestly, sometimes I’m not.
Although I’ll NEVER defend or justify his not getting me a gift last year, I had gotten my little dig in a few months after it happened. He told me that he looked it up on line and found that First Anniversay gifts are “paper” and he thought.. in his Chief way.. that cards made from paper were sufficient.
Sad part about this man that I love? He was sincere. Not trying to wiggle out of anything… he absolutely thought it was appropriate.
A few weeks ago, he said that he wanted ME too look up with Second Anniversary gifts are so that he wouldn’t repeat the travesty that was last year.
ME: I don’t have to look it up. Second year is jewlery.
HIM: (suspiciously) reeeaaallllyyy?
ME: Hey.. you want safe? Every year is jewelry.. ok?
HIM: No seriously.. isn’t it wood?
ME: (pointing my finger in his chest) Now look buddy.. if you think giving me the morning wood constitutes an anniversary gift then you better get your ass down to the jeweler’s now!!
We both laughed.. because.. yknow.. that’s how we roll.
Anyway.. my man did good this year!!
LIVING ME 101 