My father-in-law is a trip.
In a good way.
I’ve heard horror stories from both Chief and Bird about how he treated his kids and ex-wife back when he was younger and a drunk.
I never had to live with an abusive alcoholic father :: heh.. I waited until I was older and married one! Late bloomer, I am! :: but he’s not that person anymore. As the story goes, he had a heart attack, almost died, found God and changed his life.
Seems to be working for him because I don’t see a trace of what he once was.
Anyway…
So him and his best friend from childhood Pete spend their days driving around in circles. Literally. They have nothing to do with their time so they drive around. Back and forth. From one place to the other.
They don’t really expand their horizons because Pete has a hard time seeing anything and my father in law can’t really hear. So it’s literally the deaf leading the blind. Plus, my father in law can’t drive in bad weather or once it gets dark because he has some kind of holes in his cornea or whatever.
But, yknow, NEITHER of them will admit to it. If you ask them, they’re still the Lithuanian studs they were 50 years ago.
So the other day both of them came in and Pete happens to mention that they had to go to the supermarket and get stale bread “.. for the birds.”
Now, I know where he lives he has these birds that will eat ANYTHING. And when I mean anything.. I mean A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.. so Chief tells him he doesn’t have to go to the market.. that he has tons of stale bread in the shop’s kitchen that he was going to use to make bread pudding with.
So Chief goes in the back and grabs him a bag. Pete and my father in law giggle like they were just visited by the lingerie wearing tooth fairy with huge boobs. They take their bread and go on their way.
After they leave, I laughed and told Chief that I hope when I’m their age something a little bit more will make me giggle like that.
CHIEF: You know that breads for the seagulls, right?
ME: Hmmm?
CHIEF: When they said it’s for the birds, they meant the seagulls.
ME: Seagulls?
CHIEF: Yea.. you know how seagulls will battle each other for food?
ME: uuuuuhhhhh-hhhhuuuuhhhhh
CHIEF: They drive around until they find a parking lot with seagulls and then toss bread to watch them go crazy.
ME: Are you fucking kidding me?
CHIEF: (laughing) No.. I’m serious. That’s what they do.
ME: Entertain themselves by watching seagulls fight over bread…….
CHIEF: Yep. I swear. You can ask them
ME: I don’t believe it
CHIEF: I’M SERIOUS!
ME: NO.. I believe it.. but I don’t believe it.
CHIEF: Yep. That’s my dad.
LIVING ME 101 