So Guess Who Had A Bench Warrant THIS Time?

Uh-huh.

That’s right.

ME!

In fact… I had TWO bench warrants out for me from the lovely borough where I reside.

What was my devious.. heinous crime? What law did I so blatantly break that this after-sight borough sought to bring me to justice :: and pay $215.00 US Dollars for? ::

Not moving my car on street sweeping day.

Yep.

You read that right.

On street sweeping day, a cop rides along with the street sweeper truck writing out tickets on convenient blaze orange envelopes issuing a $15.oo fine :: $25.oo if you wait more then 10 days to pay it ::

Okay… so you’re asking WHY DON’T YOU JUST PAY THE DAMN THING WHEN YOU GET IT? Right? Heh..well.. that’s the thing. I always INTEND to pay it. After all.. the county court house is only about a block away from the shop… two blocks away from my house.. But it’s kind of like this theory I have that the closer something is.. the least likely it’s going to happen. Kind of like returning library books. When I lived about two miles away from the closest library, I was NEVER late with returning loaners.. but when I moved and the back of the library was RIGHT BEHIND the back of my house? Well.. let’s just say that I owed more money to them then to my mortgage holder.

So basically, the road to my hell is paved in good intentions that come in the form of blaze orange street sweeping fine envelopes!

Back to it..

So apparently, I had gotten this ticket back in December 08.

Oh.. the other thing you may be asking is WHY DON’T YOU JUST NOT PARK WHERE YOU PARK ON STREET SWEEPING DAY?

See.. that’s the other thing.

My house sits on the corner of three intersecting streets. Nice view if you can get it :: right! :: and the street sweeper only sweeps on ONE side of the street on any given day. So Monday’s it this side.. Tuesday’s it’s THAT side.. Wednesday it’s over there.. Thursday’s it’s over here… you get the point.

With all these sides and all these streets and all these days.. it’s a little hard to keep track of. I’m positive they do this on purpose because how ELSE are they going to fund the borough? Sure.. Sure.. I can right it on the calendar or set it up as an appointment on my cell phone but let’s be realistic. We’re talking about me here…

Already.. enough tirade.. I’ll get back to the store now.

So I get this envelope address to me and when I open it, I’m literally like WHAT THE FUCK? A bench warrant? You got to be fucking kidding me.

It says that they’ve tried numerous times to serve the warrant but couldn’t.

Now come on.. as many times as Chief has been in front of the ONE judge in the borough :: either for him or Weed :: you mean to tell me they didn’t know where to find me?

It also says that my name has been entered in their database and that I will be arrested unless I pay the fine within 48 hours. What they don’t tell you is that the 48 hours begins on the day they print it NOT on the day you receive it. So God Forbid if the mail is slow!

Chief comes home from the shop and as soon as he gets in the door, I whip out the paper and say, “.. what’s this?”

He shrugs. “A Bench Warrant”

“I KNOW THIS!” I tell him.. “But it’s for ME! And I don’t even REMEMBER getting a ticket.”

He shrugs again. “So pay it.”

Aaarrgghhh!!! Being with someone who thumbs his nose at authority is used to getting stuff like this in the mail is not as fun as it may sound!! LOL

The next morning :: ironically, street sweeping day on the side of the street that my car was parked on thus garnering me ANOTHER blaze orange envelope! :: I go down to the courthouse.

NOTE: As I was walking IN, the kid that works at Dunkin’ Donuts at night was walking OUT. I asked him what he was doing there and he said that they wrote him up for running a red light when it was yellow. He asks me what I was doing there and I told him I had a bench warrant. YOU? he seemed surprised. Yea.. I said.. for parking tickets. He got hysterical. No more tips for him!

So I go stand in front of the payment window where there is a constable stapling a pile of bench warrants. I can’t see if they’re for street sweeping fines or not. He tells me that the secretary will be right with me and I said “fine” or whatever. About 10 minutes go by and she asks me what I need.. FROM ACROSS THE ROOM.. I hold up the paper and say that I got “this” in the mail and before I could get another word out she says, “.. it’s a bench warrant.”

GOD! I KNOW IT’S A BENCH WARRANT! I don’t think I should have said it with as much attitude as I did being in a room full of constables but oh well.

I tell her I want to pay it.. she takes my debit card.. swipes it and gives me the receipt from the credit card machine. Says thank you and have a nice day.

Wait! I want a receipt. A REAL receipt that I can glue to my car window so that I won’t get picked up by the police the next time I don’t come to a complete stop at a stop sign.

She kind of makes like a face or something but goes back to her desk and asks me for my last name.

I tell her.. making sure to spell it s-l-o-w-l-y.

She punches it into her computer and says, “Oh.. you have another one.”

What?

Another bench warrant she tells me. For a ticket I supposedly got in January 09. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Don’t remember getting THAT one either.

But I tell her I’ll pay it now and get it over with AND I want a receipt for that one to glue to the inside of the OTHER side of the car so I won’t get arrested the next time I get pulled over for not completely stopping at a stop sign.

She prints out the receipt that happens to include a charge by charge detail. I happen to notice that I was being charged $5.oo for POLICE EDUCATION.

Really?

Hmm.

“Um.. excuse me,” I call out to her.. “I have an issue with this charge.”

She walks back over to the payment window and I tell her that considering the police who came to my house thought that the exfoliating beads in a bottle of Bath and Body Works Sweet Pea Body Wash were pot seeds, I think I’m getting ripped off here.

She wasn’t amused. Neither were the constables but sorry. Had to say it.

So armed with my receipts :: which are in the glove compartment of my car :: I am no longer a fugitive of the law.

After going through all this, there are two things that you can count on. One, I will still continue to get street sweeping tickets and two.. I will definitely pay them from now on!!

The Best Revenge Is Catholic School

Given the state of the public school district that currently holds the responsibility of educating Bubba and Spaz, there’s no doubt that it pales in comparison to a Catholic / Private education.

NOTE: Bubba and Spaz being idiots aside. I did give the district a curve because I realize the challenge they have with these to.

I am a product of Catholic school. I went from K to 12.. not counting my Baptist nursery school and Jesuit collegiate experiences.

Mind you, I graduated high school 20-something years ago but I do know from my friend’s experiences with THEIR kids that it didn’t change too much. But with the public school here, I can’t believe the leniency that goes on. I understand that for some teachers who want to be more stringent, their hands are tied. But then, what exactly are you providing for the child?

Not sure if this is a public school thing as a whole or just where I live but they will “socially” pass a student into the next grade meaning that if the kid is deemed “too old” to repeat a particular grade then they will pass him so that his psyche doesn’t get damaged.

Are you KIDDING me?

You’re worried about their psyche but not that they can’t do simple mathematics in their head??

I don’t really understand this whole concept of I.E.P (Individualized Education Program ) .. According to the US Department of Education (Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services) .. a public school kid who receives special ed and related services under IDEA (Individual Disability Education Act) MUST have an I.E.P.

I know Spaz is in “special” classes.. it’s called “Social.. something or other” .. but Bubba isn’t. I never asked Chief WHY or HOW they got involved in this.. was it at a school administrator’s instance? But regardless that’s what they’re in.

The thing is.. as I’m reading this 40 page document the USDE put out in July 2000.. I just think it’s a bunch of crap.

To me, all it does is serve to highlight a students weakness and cater to it. It’s like with Spaz and his atrocious spelling. The kid can’t spell or read at his grade level :: or AGE level for that matter :: and it’s because the teachers in his SPECIAL classes allowed AND condoned :: mind you :: phonetic spelling.

For example, this kid doesn’t know how to spell OR recognize the word KNIFE because he spells is NYF.

I had discussion after discussion after discussion with his teachers about this… like, they’re always spitting out about how it is their goal to get the kids back into mainstream classes. My argument is “.. how are you going to do that if you keep condoning phoenetic spelling?”

No answer. Blank stare.

Sorry.. I went SO down a different path!! But it’s frustrating.

Anyway.. so Friday when I stopped at the store after work, Bubba was there. He was telling us what his recent test schools are and it looks like he very well MAY be graduating 8th grade.

I told him that he has ONE year in the public high school he will be going to.. if he starts messing up or not doing what he’s suppose to do then he’s going to start his sophomore year at the local CATHOLIC high school.

I told him that I was WAY more then prepared to send him for Freshman year but it was too late to register.. but that it was all set.. ready.. go for Sophomore year.

The look on his face was priceless. “.. I’m not going THERE!!”

Chief jumped in and said, “… you have no say in it. But if you don’t want to go there, then you know what you need to do to stay at [the public schooi]”

I was having a ball at his expense. I was saying stuff like, “.. yep, hair about your collar, shirt always tucked in, tie everyday…”

He thought he was finding an out by saying, “.. well, I’ll just throw myself in front of the trolley and be in a body cast so I can’t go.”

I started laughing and was like, “.. nope. You know what they do for cases like that? They have the nerdiest seniors who are trying to build their resume for their college applications come and sit in your room WITH you to tutor you. There’s no such thing as feeling in Catholic school!”

I swear the kid was starting to turn red and sweat. It just so happens that there was a customer in the school who was agreeing with me on every point.

Now, I just have to say this. There is really nothing “set up” for sophomore year. We did start considering taking him out of public school too late to enroll him in Catholic school and beside that.. the tuition would have REALLY been a stretch.

BUT .. he doesn’t know that. And considering he thinks we spent a HELLA lot more for Sylvan then we did .. AND considering how he knows my feelings on education… he wouldn’t put it past me… and that’s a good thing.

So we’ll see.

There’s only a week left of school and I BELIEVE that sometime this week is the 8th grade graduation ceremony. It’s not some big shindig like some school have.. his teacher’s have said it’s more like a transitioning thing.

Bubba hasn’t brought anything home about it.. but that doesn’t mean he didn’t receive anything.. unless he gave it to the crack whore… have no idea.

So I just emailed his teacher. We’ll see what she says!