16 Candles

Bubba is NOT pictured above..

Bubba turned 16 yesterday and as usual, it wasn’t without drama.

We were kind of stressing about this birthday.

Not because he would start bugging us to learn how to drive .. or because he thinks it’s some magical age that allows him to stay up to all hours of the night.. or because he now thinks he can command Spaz to do his bidding.

Chief and I were both a little thrown under because Bubba’s last 2 birthdays were kind of slighted because of other things going on.

And let’s face it, birthdays are important to people.. kids especially.

When we first started to discuss moving back in October, we told the kids that it would be better for all of us financially. And since Bubba’s birthday was then 4 months away, we did the absolute wrong thing and told him that since our finances would be better he wouldn’t have to suffer through a horrible birthday. We thought it would ease the blow a little.

Boy, were we wrong.. and boy, did it blow up in our faces.

So Friday was his 16th birthday .. a milestone.. and we have a little over 11.00 in the bank.

Not being able to have a Christmas this year and now not going to be able to have a birthday for Bubba really, REALLY brought Chief down lower then I’ve seen him in a long time. He felt like a failure.. worse then that actually.. and I, for once, was powerless to do anything.

Chief had told me he tossed and turned all night.. up.. down.. up.. down.. in.. out.. in.. out.. and a few times sobbing.

This morning he woke Spaz up for school and while he prepared him breakfast and Spaz was in the shower, I stayed in the bedroom snuggling with Ernie.

And then all hell broke loose.

I’m not exactly sure what set it off.. but I do know that it had something to do with Spaz being Spaz and his belief that the Crack Whore is the Mother of the Millenium and hearing that caused Chief to say something under his breath that Spaz heard which made Spaz say something completely disrespectful to his father.

And Chief let him have it .. telling him that at his age, he was going to hear just how great and wonderful that Crack Whore was.. and how he wasn’t important enough to her to pay 21.00 a week for his support. Spaz started crying and Chief told him that that’s exactly what he’s been doing all week because he couldn’t get anything for Bubba.. and how they are of no help when it comes to conserving energy or gas or hot water..

Did those things need to be said? Yes.

Did they need to be said in that way at that time? Um.. probably not.

But understand that what doesn’t get said at our house, gets said to them at hers.. and she isn’t one to be fair and impartial. That’s been WELL documented here.

But I couldn’t change what was going on in the living room but I knew that if Chief got to that point, he was way more stressed and depressed then I thought.

So sitting on the bed, I’m trying to figure out what I can do.. ANYTHING I can do.. and I saw the Playstation 3 sitting on the desk and it hit me.. sell the thing on Craigslist.

I like having my own PS3 .. I can play what I wanted to play when I wanted to play it without having to hear the boys complain that THEY wanted to play THEIR games… so even though it may have been an easy decision for some, it wasn’t for me.

Well.. let me rephrase that …

In the grand scheme of things, the PS3 isn’t important at all.. but there was a little piece of me that felt like, one again, I was the one making the sacrifice.

That didn’t last long.. like I said.. grand scheme of things.

So I went on Craigslist and saw how much this particular unit was going for (PS3 160gb) and posted an ad listing the selling price at a little bit under what everyone else had their’s listed for .. and I’m truly sorry about that, other sellers! I just needed to unload it and unload it quick.

And boy … that thing wasn’t up for 5 minutes before I started getting bombarded with texts and emails. I had never sold anything on Craigslist before so really wasn’t prepared for the onslaught.

But to make a long story short, I wound up selling it to a guy who lived on the opposite end of the city so we had to drive like a half hour or so to meet him. He was a really, really nice guy and when we spoke on the phone I thought I understood that he was looking to buy it for HIS kid’s birthday which, you know, made me feel even better that I was selling it.

Turns out, he was buying it for himself for HIS birthday but anyway.. it was a great experience..

We decided that instead of buying Bubba something, we would just give him money. He’s always going to movies with his friends or the mall and this way, he would have his own cash to do what he wanted to do with it.

For our birthday’s, Chief makes us a special dinner of all our favorite foods.. so this past Christmas when we received an Omaha Steak gift package from my brother and his family, I told Chief to hide the Filet Mignon. Bubba LOVES them and I figured we wouldn’t be a position to buy them come January 21st.

Good idea on my part!

So Chief made the filets.. I made the bacon cheddar mashed potato puffs that he loves.. we had asparagus and we also make a 4 layer peanut butter chocolate cake.

As we sat down to eat, Bubba tells us that we didn’t have to worry about getting him a gift. He’s 16 now and didn’t need material things. He also said that he had heard Chief and Spaz’ argument that morning.

I was proud of him for saying that.. but also felt bad that he had to hear what he did so I told him that what had happened that morning shouldn’t have happened but we had it covered and not to worry.

Chief was impressed with his maturity about the situation also..

We wound up having a great dinner and he probably more appreciative of our gift then he let on.. afterward, he went over to the Crack Whore’s.

When he returned, he knocked on our door and told us that the Crack Whore said that if Chief wrote her a letter, she would give him 400.00. The letter proving that she had paid some of her back child support.

Before he could say ANYTHING, I piped up and said, “.. No. Tell her she has to put it through the courts.”

Bubba said that the Crack Whore told him that if she didn’t give Chief the money, it would take three weeks before he got it.

Chief said it wouldn’t. It would only take two days to process through the court.

I then said to Bubba, “.. Look, if she doesn’t put it through the court she could get into a lot of trouble. She’s already in a lot of trouble and even though we could really use the money, you have to do things the right way.. the responsible way.. to make things right. It’s a life lesson.”

Mind you, I could give two hoots what happens to the Crack Whore. I only said what I said because I really don’t appreciate the fact that she has these conversations with her kids and not with Chief and at least one of the “adults” in their lives has to come across as reasonable and not vindictive.

And too.. you know.. I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. She takes every opportunity to use our misfortunes to her advantage. What’s to stop her from saying that she gave more then she really did.. or alter the “letter” or reproduce another one?

But I digress..

The whole point is that Bubba is growing up.. maturing in ways that three years ago I wouldn’t have thought possible. It’s a wonderful thing to witness and I’m proud of him!

The Kid Just Doesn’t Get It

Last night was basically uneventful. Surprising, I know but I’ll take it when I can get it and not complain.

We had ordered Chinese and when we got home, Bubba was still out so me, Chief and Spaz had dinner and when Bubba came in, I told him to make a plate and to clean up when he was finished.

I had some work to do and Chief’s eyeballs were bouncing out of his head so while I harvested my potato crops on Farm Town :: if you’re on Facebook, you HAVE to do Farm Town. It’s freaking addictive! :: he settled in to watch tv for all of three minutes until he conked out.

Spaz went to bed at 9:15.. Bubba went to bed at whatever time and that was basically our night.

Scary, I know.

Anyway.. so this morning was a whole different story.

First of all, I got up a half hour late and considering that my mornings are timed better then an Olympic Ice Skating routine, even a minute off schedule blows the whole so imagine what a half hour does.

NOTE: Sorry, I am so NOT a morning person and really can’t understand people who get up.. lounge around.. have their coffee.. watch a little Good Morning America. I have to get up and go.. go.. go..

I get Spaz up and wake up Bubba. Spaz goes into his room to get dressed for school.. Bubba comes downstairs and I’m in my room getting dressed.

There’s a knock on my door and it’s Bubba asking me if he has any clean school pants. I tell him that I washed two pairs the night before so he should have at least one pair that are clean. He asked where they are at and I tell him that I don’t know.. I told him to get them out of the dryer yesterday morning. He asks me if I put them away. I said not and wherever he put them yesterday is where they still are.

He wound up finding them and then asked me if he had any other play clothes to wear because he’s been wearing the same thing.

I shook my head and said told him that, yknow, we keep going through this. If they’re in the laundry I’ll wash them. If they’re not, I won’t so let’s make life easier on everybody and put your clothes we’re they’re suppose to be, ok?
He asked me when I was doing laundry next and I said tonight.

NOTE: My intention was to do it LAST night but I ran out of laundry detergent and ironically, so did the shop so I?ll have to pick some up tonight

He said he’d bring his clothes down after school and I went back to getting ready for work.

Fast forward FIVE MINUTES and Spaz knocks on my door:

Can you tell Bubba not to move the ottoman and he didn’t close the refrigerator door.

Insert Gritting Of Teeth ——-> HERE!

From my room, I called out to Bubba not to move the ottoman and to make sure the fridge door is closed because there something wrong with it and you have to give it an extra OOMPH.

Spaz made a grunting noise because Bubba didn’t get hollered at.

NOTE: The thing with the ottoman? Since we’ve removed the rugs, everything echos. They slide the ottoman all over the living room and it sounds like a train running through the house. I don’t care if they want it for the couch or the chair but I don’t want it sliding all over the place.

I already know that Spaz runs and jumps on it and makes it slide through the living room and dining room because he’s such a dumbass that he busted himself.

At any rate .. I heat up a cup of coffee for Spaz and I hear Bubba ask him why he’s drinking coffee because he isn’t allowed to. Now.. he SAW ME giving it to him so wouldn’t you have realized that he wasn’t doing anything behind anybody’s back??

Idiots.

Spaz tells Bubba to mind his own business and I nip it in the bud and tell Bubba that Spaz can drink coffee when I give it to him. End of story.

Bubba goes back to doing what he was doing and I FINALLY get ready to leave.

As we’re walking out, we pass Bubba’s roller blades on the front porch.

NOTE: Not sure whether or not I posted about this but a few months ago, Bubba asked for roller blades because he wanted to play street hockey with his friends. I have no problems getting either of them anything that gets them out of the house and exercising. The problem is that Bubba is over 6? .. runs about 240 and takes a size 14 shoe so I had to take him to a regular sporting goods store where the cheapest set they had were 150.00
So Spaz starts by saying that he can’t believe that I spent all that money on skates for Bubba and he doesn’t even use them. First of all, I told him, it’s none of his concern and secondly, Bubba was grounded for three weeks and it’s been raining for two and a half week so when was he suppose to skate?

NOTE: Bubba may not skate as often as a 150.00 would like, but I know he does use them.

Again.. Spaz gets annoyed because Bubba isn’t getting in trouble. So he starts marching to the car saying that it isn’t fair that he’s been asking for skates for a long time and Bubba asks for them once and he gets them.

I stop in the middle of the street.. raise my voice.. point my finger at him and say YOU DO NOT WANT TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I WILL MAKE YOU CRY

But Last-Word-Spaz keeps on it and starts whining that isn’t fair because he wants blades and he’d use them all the time and he can’t believe that I would spend that much money on Bubba.

I really thought I’d be able to make it the 1.5 blocks to the house but.. nah.

I slammed on the breaks.. slammed the car in park.. turned to face him and said..

ME: NOW LOOK! YOU don?t want BUBBA in YOUR business so DO NOT get into his
SPAZ: He DID get in my business that’s why
ME: NO! I ended it this morning
SPAZ: But you spent all that money and he?
ME: (cutting him off) DO NOT.. I REPEAT.. DO NOT TELL ME WHEN AND HOW TO SPEND MY MONEY.. THAT?S MY BUSINESS. YOU DON?T WORK FOR IT.. I DO.. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN THINK THAT YOU?RE ENTITLED TO DISCUSS ANYTHING ABOUT MONEY WITH EITHER ME OR YOUR FATHER. IT IS NONE .. OF .. YOUR.. BUSINESS.. AT ALL? WE GOT THAT STRAIGHT?

He just put his head down and grunted again. We finally arrived at the store and I refused to let this kid ruin my day so I put the whole situation in park and just moved on.

After Spaz left for school, I told Chief what happened and I said that I will get him roller blades and he’d better have them on his feet every single time he leaves the house rain.. snow.. sleet.. hale.. ice.. whatever.

Spaz really needs to retire his GET BUBBA IN TROUBLE mission because it’s going to seriously backfire on him.

Like he said something this morning about Bubba meeting some guy this afternoon to sell him something. “Probably Crack”  Spaz said.

Sometimes.. yknow? the kid really should comes out of the darkside

But I got to thinking?

A few weeks ago, Bubba asked me if I knew anything about Ebay. He said he goes on Craigslist but wanted to sell his sport card collection. He’s been wanting to see it but never gets around to organizing anything. In fact, one night last year I spend about 5 hours putting them all in alphabetical order by sport / team. He left the box on the steps and somebody tripped over it and cards went flying all over the place. He just put them back in the box and now they’re all screwed up again.

Anyway…  so I thought that, based on Spaz’s  information, that he was meeting someone from Craigslist.

That kind of didn’t sit right with me because, “Craigslist Killer” aside, there are trolls out there that could take advantage of him. I’m sure the majority of people are on the up and up but in a situation like this, he’s too young to be doing this stuff without an adult with him.

I called Chief at the shop and told him that if he saw Bubba after school to tell him to call me.. he wasn?t in trouble or anything and I relayed what Spaz had told me.

Chief was like, “No.. you need to call the school right away and talk to him”. I hadn’t thought of that but he was right because he is unsupervised and you never really know where he’s at.

NOTE: I feel like such a bad ?\”parent” typing that. I do. But realistically, how does a parent know 100% where their kid is? Not that I don’t trust him.. well, for the most part I don’t but it isn’t because he lies about where he’s going .. it’s more like he doesn’t think to tell anyone. I’ve told him countless times before that I don’t care where he goes with his friends.. if they want to take the trolley to the mall or up to the creek.. that’s fine, I just need to know where he’s at. And he does.. mainly because he needs money to do those things. But he might tell me he’s at Friend A’s house and then they all might decide to go to Friend B’s house and I’m still thinking he’s at A’s. How do you remedy that? Seriously, if any parent with a 14 yo has any suggestions please leave a comment.

So I wound up calling the school and they pulled him out of gym. I know he didn’t mind that so much. When he got on the phone I asked him if he was planning on meeting anyone to sell stuff. He said he was. I asked him if he was from Craigslist. He said he was. I told him that it’s important that when he meets these people that I want to be there just in case they aren’t the most honorable of buyers. I told him that with all the stuff going on I just wanted him to be safe. He said that that’s why he was planning on meeting them at the library.
I told him that that was good thinking. I told him that Spaz told me about it this morning to get him in trouble but there was nothing for him to be in trouble about. Me and his dad were just worried about his safety and even though it’s cool that he wants to sell his stuff and make his own money, we just wouldn’t be comfortable knowing that he was meeting strangers alone.

He said he understood so that was that… we’ll see what happens.

One thing I was laughing about earlier is that Spaz always goes around saying “I wish he were dead.. I wish he were dead.”  By trying to get him in trouble, he may have saved his life!

Do you hear the sound of Spaz’s walnut cracking?