Pine Sol … The Nector Of The Gods

… so I come home from the shop around 2 hours ago with the intent of gathering and sorting the clothes for laundry.

I normally go on Sunday’s but since Chief and I have a party to go to tomorrow afternoon, I figured I’d get it out of the way tonight so that the only thing I have to worry about tomorrow is getting the birthday gifts.

The party is at 2 so I should have plenty of time.. if not, the mall in on my way to the event so I can always just run in there.

I know.. I know.. “Last Minute” should be my last name but what can I tell you.. I do my best work under a deadline! LOL

Anyway… so I walk into the house through the back door. I normally use the front but since I really didn’t want to hear the dogs going absolutely insane because I was gone so long, I snuck in the back!

Well.. surprise, surprise, surprise!

The back door opens into the kitchen and the 10 or 12 plates that were piled high in it.. along with glasses and knives and forks.. the counter was a mess with crumbs and mustard and whatever else and there was a cookie sheet propped between the window and the spigot.

Bubba was in the dining room on the computer with his friend.. and Spaz was laying like the little prince that he thinks he is on the sofa.

Because it’s still humid as shit out, the first thing I smelled when I walked through the dining room on my way to the living room was dog piss.

OOOMPH!

I noticed that there was a puddle of piss between both rooms and that the dogs had did more then their business on the front porch.

And they both just sat there. Sat THERE and sat in the STENCH. Ceiling fans were off.. box fans were off.

I mean really… how fucking STUPID can you be?

Well.. one of them insists on wearing flannel pj’s so we’re not talking about Einsteins here.

When asked about the sink.. both immediately started pointing to each other and Spaz’s excuse for not washing the cookie sheet was because he didn’t know HOW.

So.. um.. .what about all the other dishes? And the utensils? What about THAT, Bucky?? Huh? HUH?

I told him to get away from me.. and started cleaning the sink.. then sorting the laundry.

He insisted on helping until my head grew to the size of a hot air balloon and my face turned green…

I told him to go in the other room and he started whining that he “… just wanted to help.”

WHAT ABOUT HELPING ME BEFORE I GET HOME???? HOW MANY TIMES TO WE HAVE TO GO OVER THIS???

He tried pulling his little violin act but I really didn’t care.

Once the laundry was sorted, I cleaned the bathroom .. cleaned and mopped the front porch.. cleaned and mopped the living room and dining room.

All with Pine Sol.

ORIGINAL scented Pine Sol.

MORE THEN THE RECOMMENDED AMOUNT of original scented Pine Sol.

Personally, I love the smell of it :: although I may have used a little too much this time because I think I feel woozy :: but the kids HATE it.

Smells like an old person’s home, they complain.

You know what?

OH.

FUCKING.

WELL.

Smells better then dog piss on a humid day, don’t you think?

Anyway.. so now I’m sitting under the air conditioner in my bedroom trying to cool off because I was literally a puddle of sweat. I even had to take my glasses off half way through because they kept on sliding off my nose.

The Origins Of Spaz’s Odor

So yesterday was “catch-up-on-laundry” day. Chief and I wound up going to the same two flea markets that we went to last week and got some steals on some things he’s been wanting for the shop.

We got home around 1 and while he made lunch for me and Spaz, I started sorting.

I really don’t mind doing laundry. Oddly, I actually can say that I like it but there was so much to do that if I didn’t start early, I would be up all night.

I always make sure my first load of darks contain my work clothes, Chief’s clothes and the boys’ school clothes.. after that it’s the whatever stuff. Since the cold weather has finally left I wasn’t going to wash all the sweatshirts and hoodies :: from Spaz’ room :: until everything else was done.

I tell Spaz to get me the hamper in his room that has been sitting in there since Monday :: when I forced him to clean his room under the assumption that CYS was going to be called ::

NOTE: I wasn’t too concerned that they hadn’t been washed last week. I knew I was going to do everything on Sunday.. he had clean school clothes and I had just bought him more boxers so.. beats having a full hamper of disgusting clothes in the living room!

Anyway.. as I’m sorting through the hamper :: separating darks, whites and towels :: I pull out a pair of his boxers that almost made me hurl lunch all over the floor.

You know that old “survivalist” thing about turning your underwear around and then inside out in an emergency? Well.. let me tell you something.. those boxers were WAY BEYOND ANYTHING ACCEPTABLE!

Honestly, I was never SO appalled by anything SO disgusting before.

And there’s a part of me that feels like I should have been MORE on top of the underwear situation because every time I did laundry, there were no boxers to wash. And I told him that.. in front of Chief…

Since I had bought so many pairs for him in February, I actually assumed that he just shoved his dirty pair under his bed or in his closet or something.. NEVER thinking that he just wasn’t putting clean ones on. Bad enough, I know.. but after I would I say something about it, boxers would turn up in the laundry..

What was I to do? Smell them? What am I suppose to do with an almost-11 year old kid who isn’t my biological child when he gets out of the shower? Do I smell his hair? Yes. Do I smell the skin on his arms? Yes. Other then that, I guess I’ve become so accustomed to hearing horror stories that I don’t want to cross some invisible line that I don’t know about.

I will say that Chief is getting more involved.. and that’s a good thing. And Spaz, to give him credit, is being a lot more conscience… at least for now.

All I know for sure is that I make sure I check what pair of underwear is on his body when I leave in the morning and make sure his dirty pair are in the bathroom hamper after taking a shower.

But I mean, really. How gross can you get?

Coming Together

Remember I said yesterday that Chief told me that I had the “day off” and that he would take care of the dishes and kitchen after dinner…

And that we wound up snuggling, watching movies and playing COD and the dishes never got done?

NOTE: “never got done“? Hmmm.. some how I don’t think that that phrase is grammatically correct but it IS indiginous to the area where I grew up. I think!!

Anyway.. this morning, we kind of got up late.. almost 630am.. but I’m a fast get-ready-in-the-morning person so we were still able to leave the house in time for me NOT to be late for work.

At any rate … after Chief took the dogs out and while I was getting ready.. he took care of the kitchen. I was semi-oblivious to it because the only hot coffee I had to consume at that point was the cold cup of Dunkin’ Donuts from the night before but he walked in the bedroom and said, “… I told you I was going to take care of them so I wanted to knock it out before you did.”

That gave me the warm and fuzzies. It really did.