Ok..
So I’m not usually a violin player .. and don’t usually do the whole “poor me” thing so maybe it’s a full moon .. or the incoming snow.. or maybe I need a good stiff fudge caramel sundae.
Or a roll of SweetTarts .. my SweetTart consumption has been exceedingly low lately.
But here’s the deal…
So we have two vehicles. My Mercury Sable station wagon and an old Astro van that his uncle gave us less then a year ago. Since Chief’s license was suspended, I’m doing ALL the driving .. everywhere. So naturally, I drive my wagon.
I HATE DRIVING THE ASTRO.
There’s no leg room .. it’s not comfortable.. but it’s a necessary evil when going to the wholesalers or Home Depot so if I have to drive it .. I do.
The inspection was up on the Sable at the end of January .. and since I cannot afford either the inspection OR insurance until the end of this week, I’ve been forced to drive the Astro full time.
NOTE: I don’t normally drive without insurance .. it was a matter of finances so I bit my tongue.. developed another ulcer and made sure I didn’t go too far or drive unlike an 98 year old man with a handicap palcard.
Anyway.. there’s something wrong with the Astro. A few months ago, before it started getting cold, Chief had mentioned something about some kind of screen needing to be cleaned that has something to do with the transmission. I have no clue what he was talking about but he set something up with the mechanic across the street from the shop to fix it on the side.
But, of course, you know what happened.. we didn’t have the money when the mechanic stopped by for it .. therefore.. it never got fixed.
So when I started to have to drive it full time, Chief told me to not push it to go into gear.. because if I did I could drop the trans and then it would cost something like 1700.00 to fix.
He told me how I needed to drive it and that was that.
So last night, I drive Spaz to the church’s youth group.. only the youth group wasn’t meeting for some reason so we’re driving back to the house and I’m approaching the intersection of a main boulevard. The approach is uphill so even thought the Astro won’t go past 30 mph, I still have to give it gas to go up the hill.
I’m like.. a foot before the intersection and the light turns yellow.
I have to make a split second decision and OBVIOUSLY I didn’t make the right one because as I’m crossing the intersection on the now-turned RED light, there’s a cop who immediately puts his lights on.
FUCK.
FUCK TWICE because not only am I getting stopped but of course, I didn’t have my handbag with my driver’s license and registration.. and OF COURSE the Astro isn’t insured either.
So as I’m pulling over into the Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot because there isn’t a shoulder on the road we were on, I’m thinking that I really need to start shaving my legs daily because this is the second time I think I’m going to jail and having furry legs in a prison cell wearing a bright orange jumpsuit would probably just itch like crazy.
TO BE CONTINUED.. I have to drive Spaz to school
Okay .. so where was I?
Oh.. so we get pulled over by the cop and it’s not a borough cop .. it’s a township cop.
Not a good thing so what’s a girl to do?
As he approaches the car :: complete with moment to moment color analysis by Spaz :: I did the only thing I could do.
I know exactly what I did officer and I have no excuse for it.
I guess he was expecting me to try and weasel out of it .. or make up an excuse or argue with him or something and when I didn’t, he didn’t say anything.
So I continued talking.. explained that I was taking Spaz to youth group at church and because I can’t drive MY car, I had to drive THIS van and there’s something wrong with the tranny and blah blah blah and I had to make a split second decision and it was the wrong one.
Oh.. and I also told him that I didn’t have my handbag with me.
He actually started laughing. He said that he wasn’t laughing AT me but “.. that’s the best thing I heard all day.”
So glad I could make HIS FUCKING NIGHT!!
He asks me for my name, address and last four digits of my social which happens to be the mark of the beast. I mentioned that I wasn’t really the AntiChrist .. just a poor last minute decision maker.
He laughs harder.
He goes to his squad car and while he’s there, Spaz is saying all these things about him. I tell him that the man was only doing his job. I was wrong .. even thought the light WAS yellow .. and I would have to be responsible and take ownership for it.
The cop comes back and tells me that he isn’t going to write me up a citation RIGHT NOW for two reasons. One, he doesn’t feel like writing and two, the fines have increased and he wasn’t sure what they were.
I would have offered him my last SweetTart then if I had them because I was so damn relieved that I was neither going to jail nor having my van confiscated.
He also said that when I receive the citations in the mail, that I should SERIOUSLY consider checking off the Not Guilty box and request a hearing. He said that he couldn’t TELL me to do that.. but he was SUGGESTING that I MIGHT WANT to do that… explaining that these citations would carry points and if I went before the judge the cop MAY or MAY NOT be there and I might get off easier.
But he wasn’t TELL ME TO DO THAT mind you.. cause that would be like, illegal.
And he’s a cop.
So… yknow..
He then goes on to tell me that neither Spaz nor I had seat belts on and he has to watch out for the safety of not only us but other drivers..
He then went on to tell me that what I did was dangerous and something could have happened to Spaz or if it happened to ME, then Spaz would be traumatized.
He then went on to tell me the importance of seat belts and of not driving through a busy intersection with a cop sitting on the corner.
The whole time, my only responses were YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and I HAVE NO EXCUSE.. I may have even said I REALIZE MY BAD DECISION COULD HAVE HURT OR INJURED US OR GOD FORBID SOMEONE ELSE. Don’t remember.
Then he was just going on and on and on and on.. and I felt like saying I GET IT ALREADY but no.. I didn’t.. I just bobbed my head like one of the dog statues in the rear dash of cars and took my lecture.
Finally, it was over and even thought I was relieved to be on my way back home I was now EXTREMELY petrified to drive the block and half to my house.
But we got there with no further drama with Spaz completely bouncing off the walls waiting for me to tell his father what had happened.
I knew it wasn’t going to be a big deal. I mean, let’s face it .. Chief has done some pretty creative things with cars in his day. And it wasn’t any kind of deal at all.
I think Spaz was a little disappointed.
So then fast forward to this morning. I had to drive Bubba to school.. which I really wasn’t looking forward to anyway .. but on the way there it seemed like the van was getting worse.
Fucking wonderful.
Plus I had to drive through the county and my police spider senses were in high gear and I’m anticipating every single green light would turn yellow and then red as soon as I started to go through it so you’re basically talking HELL with more then a capital H.
When I get to the store, I was in a “mood”. Woman will understand what I mean.. men, not so much. It wasn’t that I was angry or upset or mad or whatever.. I was just in a “mood”. Because after the emotional roller coaster about Bella early in the morning, I just started questioning all the decisions I’ve made and how I’ve sunken this low .. to have two cars that aren’t insured that need tons of work that gonna cost tons of money that I don’t have..
Chief had been outside the shop talking to the crossing guard and when he came in he said it looked like I was on the verge of tears.
I didn’t think that I was.. I think I was just wearing a “face” .. but whatever.
He asked me what was wrong and I waved my arms around and said everything. I tried to continue with my list of “everything” and started off with the cars and he cut me off by saying, “.. that’s just life.”
You will never understand how inflamed I got at that moment.
“.. isn’t it?” he finished.
Maybe YOUR life, Bucky .. maybe YOU’RE used to living like this but I sure as HELL ain’t.
He mumbled that he would look at the van and walked out of the store. He came back in a few minutes later and said that the transmission fluid was low and went across the street to the garage to get some.
He put it in and the van did seem to run a lot better so maybe that’s all it was.
I dunno ..
What I do know is that something is going to have to either break or change and I’ve already done all the changing that I’m willing to do.
LIVING ME 101 