Posts Tagged ‘Church’


So I’m not usually a violin player .. and don’t usually do the whole “poor me” thing so maybe it’s a full moon .. or the incoming snow.. or maybe I need a good stiff fudge caramel sundae.

Or a roll of SweetTarts .. my SweetTart consumption has been exceedingly low lately.

But here’s the deal…

So we have two vehicles. My Mercury Sable station wagon and an old Astro van that his uncle gave us less then a year ago. Since Chief’s license was suspended, I’m doing ALL the driving .. everywhere. So naturally, I drive my wagon.


There’s no leg room .. it’s not comfortable.. but it’s a necessary evil when going to the wholesalers or Home Depot so if I have to drive it .. I do.

The inspection was up on the Sable at the end of January .. and since I cannot afford either the inspection OR insurance until the end of this week, I’ve been forced to drive the Astro full time.

NOTE: I don’t normally drive without insurance .. it was a matter of finances so I bit my tongue.. developed another ulcer and made sure I didn’t go too far or drive unlike an 98 year old man with a handicap palcard.

Anyway.. there’s something wrong with the Astro. A few months ago, before it started getting cold, Chief had mentioned something about some kind of screen needing to be cleaned that has something to do with the transmission. I have no clue what he was talking about but he set something up with the mechanic across the street from the shop to fix it on the side.

But, of course, you know what happened.. we didn’t have the money when the mechanic stopped by for it .. therefore.. it never got fixed.

So when I started to have to drive it full time, Chief told me to not push it to go into gear.. because if I did I could drop the trans and then it would cost something like 1700.00 to fix.

He told me how I needed to drive it and that was that.

So last night, I drive Spaz to the church’s youth group.. only the youth group wasn’t meeting for some reason so we’re driving back to the house and I’m approaching the intersection of a main boulevard. The approach is uphill so even thought the Astro won’t go past 30 mph, I still have to give it gas to go up the hill.

I’m like.. a foot before the intersection and the light turns yellow.

I have to make a split second decision and OBVIOUSLY I didn’t make the right one because as I’m crossing the intersection on the now-turned RED light, there’s a cop who immediately puts his lights on.


FUCK TWICE because not only am I getting stopped but of course, I didn’t have my handbag with my driver’s license and registration.. and OF COURSE the Astro isn’t insured either.

So as I’m pulling over into the Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot because there isn’t a shoulder on the road we were on, I’m thinking that I really need to start shaving my legs daily because this is the second time I think I’m going to jail and having furry legs in a prison cell wearing a bright orange jumpsuit would probably just itch like crazy.

TO BE CONTINUED.. I have to drive Spaz to school

Okay .. so where was I?

Oh.. so we get pulled over by the cop and it’s not a borough cop .. it’s a township cop.

Not a good thing so what’s a girl to do?

As he approaches the car :: complete with moment to moment color analysis by Spaz :: I did the only thing I could do.

I know exactly what I did officer and I have no excuse for it.

I guess he was expecting me to try and weasel out of it .. or make up an excuse or argue with him or something and when I didn’t, he didn’t say anything.

So I continued talking.. explained that I was taking Spaz to youth group at church and because I can’t drive MY car, I had to drive THIS van and there’s something wrong with the tranny and blah blah blah and I had to make a split second decision and it was the wrong one.

Oh.. and I also told him that I didn’t have my handbag with me.

He actually started laughing. He said that he wasn’t laughing AT me but “.. that’s the best thing I heard all day.”

So glad I could make HIS FUCKING NIGHT!!

He asks me for my name, address and last four digits of my social which happens to be the mark of the beast. I mentioned that I wasn’t really the AntiChrist .. just a poor last minute decision maker.

He laughs harder.

He goes to his squad car and while he’s there, Spaz is saying all these things about him. I tell him that the man was only doing his job. I was wrong .. even thought the light WAS yellow .. and I would have to be responsible and take ownership for it.

The cop comes back and tells me that he isn’t going to write me up a citation RIGHT NOW for two reasons. One, he doesn’t feel like writing and two, the fines have increased and he wasn’t sure what they were.

I would have offered him my last SweetTart then if I had them because I was so damn relieved that I was neither going to jail nor having my van confiscated.

He also said that when I receive the citations in the mail, that I should SERIOUSLY consider checking off the Not Guilty box and request a hearing. He said that he couldn’t TELL me to do that.. but he was SUGGESTING that I MIGHT WANT to do that… explaining that these citations would carry points and if I went before the judge the cop MAY or MAY NOT be there and I might get off easier.

But he wasn’t TELL ME TO DO THAT mind you.. cause that would be like, illegal.

And he’s a cop.

So… yknow..

He then goes on to tell me that neither Spaz nor I had seat belts on and he has to watch out for the safety of not only us but other drivers..

He then went on to tell me that what I did was dangerous and something could have happened to Spaz or if it happened to ME, then Spaz would be traumatized.

He then went on to tell me the importance of seat belts and of not driving through a busy intersection with a cop sitting on the corner.

The whole time, my only responses were YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and I HAVE NO EXCUSE.. I may have even said I REALIZE MY BAD DECISION COULD HAVE HURT OR INJURED US OR GOD FORBID SOMEONE ELSE. Don’t remember.

Then he was just going on and on and on and on.. and I felt like saying I GET IT ALREADY but no.. I didn’t.. I just bobbed my head like one of the dog statues in the rear dash of cars and took my lecture.

Finally, it was over and even thought I was relieved to be on my way back home I was now EXTREMELY petrified to drive the block and half to my house.

But we got there with no further drama with Spaz completely bouncing off the walls waiting for me to tell his father what had happened.

I knew it wasn’t going to be a big deal. I mean, let’s face it .. Chief has done some pretty creative things with cars in his day. And it wasn’t any kind of deal at all.

I think Spaz was a little disappointed.

So then fast forward to this morning. I had to drive Bubba to school.. which I really wasn’t looking forward to anyway .. but on the way there it seemed like the van was getting worse.

Fucking wonderful.

Plus I had to drive through the county and my police spider senses were in high gear and I’m anticipating every single green light would turn yellow and then red as soon as I started to go through it so you’re basically talking HELL with more then a capital H.

When I get to the store, I was in a “mood”. Woman will understand what I mean.. men, not so much.  It wasn’t that I was angry or upset or mad or whatever.. I was just in a “mood”. Because after the emotional roller coaster about Bella early in the morning, I just started questioning all the decisions I’ve made and how I’ve sunken this low .. to have two cars that aren’t insured that need tons of work that gonna cost tons of money that I don’t have..

Chief had been outside the shop talking to the crossing guard and when he came in he said it looked like I was on the verge of tears.

I didn’t think that I was.. I think I was just wearing a “face” .. but whatever.

He asked me what was wrong and I waved my arms around and said everything. I tried to continue with my list of “everything” and started off with the cars and he cut me off by saying, “.. that’s just life.”

You will never understand how inflamed I got at that moment.

“.. isn’t it?” he finished.

Maybe YOUR life, Bucky .. maybe YOU’RE used to living like this but I sure as HELL ain’t.

He mumbled that he would look at the van and walked out of the store. He came back in a few minutes later and said that the transmission fluid was low and went across the street to the garage to get some.

He put it in and the van did seem to run a lot better so maybe that’s all it was.

I dunno ..

What I do know is that something is going to have to either break or change and I’ve already done all the changing that I’m willing to do.

Okay.. so in catching up with my Blogger Buds, I skipped over to THE NIGHTMARE SCREENPLAY for some genuine OMG! WTF! hysterics.

You really have to read this blog … Mark is like the dude you wanna just sit around shooting the shit with.

Anyway.. so I’m reading his stuff and spraying coffee out of my nose and  all over my laptop from laughing and then I get to a post where he tags me for Kreativ Blogger!

My Blog Buds rock the shit out of the universe, don’t they?


So what I’m suppose to do is list around 10 things that you don’t know about me and then tag 5 people…

You know.. I want you to appreciate JUST HOW DEEP I had to dig to find 10 things since, yknow… come on! I tell you guys everything!! LOL.

So PLEASE don’t be shocked…
So PLEASE don’t judge…
and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Mom.. stop reading NOW!

Ok.. so here goes:

  1. I started the first 6 months of growing in my mother’s belly as a twin but the other baby died in the womb. Because this was like, 44 years ago, there wasn’t much for my  mom to do but carry to term and then give birth. The other baby was a boy :: we were suppose to be Christopher and Christina, for the love of God :: so my mother is CONVINCED that the reason why I was a tomboy growing up and have that “take no shit” attitude is because I was “.. soaking in testosterone for 3 months.” Her words. Not mine. I can write with both hands though.. so that’s a plus!
  2. I created a website called DAGO DONGS as a joke because my bestest friend in the whole wide world was hard up for cash and his only attribute was that dangling thing between his legs. We got a good laugh from it until the joke was on us when someone who I told the website about actually wanted to place an order!! So I not-really-HAD-to convince him to buy a MAKE YOUR OWN DILDO mold kit but he couldn’t get it just right and I had to get one of my OTHER friends to make one. I heard it was a hit but I refused to look at the finished product .. cuz.. yknow.. THAT would be just weird!!
  3. I discovered ANOTHER reason for the high choir balcony at church and being my clumsy old self, my leg twitched and banged into a stack of metal folding chairs. You know that whole domino effect thing? Yea.. well.. um.. middle of mass + loud crashing noise = me on the express train to hell. I’ll let you fill in the details because I bet you’ll get what I’m saying here!!! LOL
  4. I used to have parties at my grandmother’s house when she was away and my mother would give me the key so I could water her plants. Dew on the lillies, indeed!
  5. My brother used to absolutely WIG OUT around cigarette butts. Since my dad was a heavy smoker and there was always an ashtray around, I would chuck them at him when he was being a annoying and he would run screaming to my mom.. who would just laugh because, parent or not.. it was pretty damn funny.
  6. I have Spaz’ Nintendo DSi … but SHHHHH!!! Don’t tell anyone!!
  7. I started art school because I really, really, REALLY wanted to be a tattoo artist but I was too afraid to actually ink anyone because I was afraid of messing up. One of the rare instances where fear stopped me from doing something I wanted.
  8. I tell my mom that I go to the cemetery to visit my dad’s grave ALOT more often then I actually do. I don’t think it’s really necessary to linger over a tombstone but it makes her feel better so .. yknow.. I’ll take the hit for lying
  9. There’s something that I had done because someone else had it done and wanted me to do it to so I did … it’s my next TMI Thursday post so pretty soon, it won’t be something that nobody knows about me.. but I’m putting it here just so that .. yknow.. you’ll get interested enough to read the post!! LOL
  10. I used to have really long.. really wild.. really 80’s.. bleached blond hair. All the pictures have been destroyed since my mother was TOTALLY embarassed by it and wouldn’t acknowledge me as her daughter until I dyed it. Which I did.  To fucshia. But hey.. I was in cosmetology school at the time so cut me some slack!

Ok.. so there it is.

Now for the tagging part.. that’s a little hard because most of the blogs that I read all the time already have the award but IF YOU DON’T .. please feel free to swipe it! It’s my gift to you for actually reading this far!! LOL

… I was raised Catholic.

Italian-Catholic.. and believe me, there IS a difference!

I did the whole Catholic school thing from nursery school to high school graduation.. had the nuns.. the Monte Carlo nights.. the rites.. the passages..

Everything but the Bible, come to think of it!

NOTE: You’re not encouraged to read the bible when you’re a Catholic. If you did, the lid would blow higher then the DaVinci Code.

Anyway.. it’s funny the things that stick with you. Things that are subconsciencely ingrained in the psyche.

I was always taught to questions things and Catholism was always a target. Many times I was sent to the principle’s office in grade school for asking a religious instructor WHY.

Why is St. Joseph a Saint? He didn’t really do anything.. not like the Vatican says you have to do to be a Saint.

Can God create a boulder so big that he can’t lift it?

You know.. the kinds of things that can only come from the mouth of a child.

I was consistantly told that I had to rely on my faith to satisfy my curiosity. But that didn’t wash. To me, that sounded like a cop-out.

I like answers. I like difinitive. I like certainty.. and so I was branded a demon and beat severly with a metal ruler. Well.. the first one is an exaggeration. I only wish the second one was!! LOL

Chief was raised and still is a Pentacostal Christian. Now, I visited alot of different churches in a lot of different denominations.. Baptist, Lutheran but I never messed with the Pentacostals. All that talking in tongues and flaling around on the floor gave me the heebee jeebees. He would laugh at me and explain things and we’d have long, deep conversations regarding different things.

Chief’s a smart guy. Having read the Bible 13 times, he can quote scripture and speak empassionatley. You could say he’s my very own Joel Osteen!

Down the street from our house there is a Pentacostal Church that was started by his grandmother on her front porch. It’s a big church. Not like, 6 Flags Over Jesus or anything but it’s come along way from it’s humble beginnings.

I always teased him about it whenever we drove by :: which is like 6 or 8 times a day :: saying “Hey babe.. isn’t that the church your grandmother started on her front porch?” He’d grumble and I’d laugh.

So one day about a year ago, he said he wanted to take me there but to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE not mention our last name. I asked him why and he said, “Trust me on this one”.

He had this pleading look that I had never seen before.. we joke around alot but this time I could tell he was serious and even though I was busting to say it, I didn’t.

We were greeted by oh.. I don’t know.. EVERYBODY when we went in. Great to see you!! Do you live nearby or are you just passing through?? I’m so-an-so and this is my wife and these are my children and this is my neighbor’s aunt’s sister’s husband’s niece’s grandfather!

Chief held my hand tight and shook hands with everyone and thanked everyone.

Me? Oh.. I had my spider senses out for Kool Aid!

We went in to the.. what? Chapel? Service Center? Altar space? and took a seat near the back.

Someone pointed us out to the preacher and he came over and introduced himself… giving both his first and last name.

Instinctively, Chief did the same and as soon as our last name past his lips I could see the look of horror on his face. OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!!!

The Pastor’s face lit up like a Christmas tree? Oh? THAT’S your last name? Do you know the founder of this church has the same last name????

THAT’S HIS GRANDMOTHER I said alot louder and with more excitement then I really intended.


I cut my eyes at Chief and I swear, if he could have he would have grown hair. Fortunately, all I had to do is witness his whole head turning beat read and steam pulse out of his ears like a cartoon character.

The pastor was literally giddy! “Sweet Jesus!” he said, “The Lord is indeed good” and then he turned to somebody else and said “Hey, this couple here are [last name]. He’s the grandson of [granny’s name]”

Then this dude jumps up and rushes over and all of a sudden there’s this buzz that you can feel vibrating through the church .. There’s a [last name] here! There’s a [last name] here!

All these people started coming over and shaking our hand and wanted to ask questions and introduce themselves. I looked at Chief :: who does not like any attention whatsover :: and said, “.. is this where angels sing, the throne comes up from the floor and you’re crowned?”

This was the reason, he explained, why he didn’t want his last name known.

I was getting a kick out of the attention, primarily because Chief was so uncomfortable but before long, the service started and I have to say that I really did enjoy it.

It was long.. but there was alot of singing, a great sermon that was timely, more singing and NO KNEELING!!

There was a woman who “had the spirit” and that was alittle like watching a train wreck because it was so foreign to me but other then that, I came away with something in my heart .. something that made me feel as though I needed to be more Christ-like.

And after all.. isn’t that what it’s all about?