Empty Pockets.. Full Heart

Christmas this year was hard.

We literally had no money for anything.. tree, gifts, etc.

I’ve never NOT had a Christmas but I guess there’s a first time for everything and truly, it gave me the opportunity to reconnect with my faith and walk the walk in regards to celebrating Christ’s birth instead of getting all caught up in the commercial holiday. I was also able to give to a family that was worse off then we were and that truly, was the best present I had ever received.

If it was just the two of us, it wouldn’t really have been a big deal but with the kids.. well.. they can only “understand” so much regarding adult situations but they were shipped off to the Crack Whore’s for the weekend since she was loaded down with gifts for them.

Fortunately, my big ol’ Italian family celebrates the Feast of the Seven Fishes and they were more then happy to have me and Chief over. Especially because we’re moving and may not be back here for a while.

My family knows our situation and even though the last thing they would have expected was a gift, I didn’t feel right receiving empty handed. It’s just the way I am.

So a few days before Christmas Eve, I’m sitting in my mother’s living room watching one of her soap operas and it hit me.
The PERFECT gift for my aunts and cousins. I literally jumped off the couch excited and told my mom what I was thinking. She was excited to.

My grandmother passed away at 97 in July 2009. She truly was the matriarch of our family and she is very, very missed by all of us. I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating.. I’ve realized as I’ve grown older and met different people and joined different families that mine is truly the exception to the rule. There is no dysfunction.. we are close.. we are there for each other.. supportive of each other.. we all get along.. there is no stress when having to do a seating chart..

Christams Eve’s dinner was always at my grandmother’s little South Philly row house. Imagine trying to stuff 40 or more people in a box and you kind of get the idea of what dinner’s were like. It wasn’t uncommon to be lined up on the stairs with plates on our laps!

After she died, my her youngest daughter (my aunt) took over the mantle to keep the tradition alive.. and even though it meant driving an extra hour or so to her house, we gladly do it because gosh, with everybody’s hectic day to day there is no way we were going to miss the opportunity to get together.. eat.. and laugh. The things we do best!

When they sold my grandmother’s house, my mom had given me all different kinds of plates and cups and saucers that my grandmother had collected over the years. Things that no one could really use but things my mother and aunt didn’t have the heart to throw out. The thought was that I would take them to a flea market but I never got around to doing that.

The idea that I had sitting in my mother’s living room was to turn part of the tea set I had inherited into candles and gift them to my aunts and cousins. It seemed so perfect. Something that I could make less then cheap but was priceless.

I also created a tag with my grandmother’s picture and the words “Grandmom’s Cup of Love”

I knew that the gift would be well received.. but I didn’t expect just HOW well..

There were tears .. a lot of them.. and it made me feel bad because the last thing I wanted was for anyone to be sad but at the same time, I felt really good because I know that they were appreciative and that their sentiment was sincere.

Turns out that one of the worst Christmas’ turned into one of the best!

Why Ask If You’re Not Going To Listen?

Ok..

This is DEFINITELY a man thing. And for all you men out there who are reading this YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!!

So this has to do with the Christmas .. and what I got for Christmas..

Now, let just say this right now. I think I’m the EASIEST person to buy something for because I appreciate anything. It really doesn’t matter what the gift “IS” .. To me, it the thought that you went out and actually looked for something that you think I might like that makes me go all gaga over it.

NOTE: Ok .. don’t do the whole WHAT ABOUT IF THEY JUST RAN INTO TARGET AND GRABBED SOMETHING OFF THE SHELF WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT AT ALL thing. Let’s just stick to the story and how I’m so goddamn noble for appreciating anything!!

So Chief.. having dangling things between legs.. asks me :: rather PLEADS with me :: “… tell meeee whaaaaat I can geeeeeet yooooou!!!”

Ok.. so .. if I have to TELL you what you want, then it really doesn’t meet my “gift” criteria. So the answer is always the same “.. Nope, cuz it doesn’t matter”. And he usually does a good job because you know, DIAMONDS are always a good gift, right girls?

This year, Christmas was a bitch. My unemployment check fell on the 23rd which meant nothing but running around to all ends of the earth.. then bringing everything over to Birds :: because the little heathens would search hell and high water to see what they were getting :: and then wrapping everything then driving all over creation to deliver gifts to the people that I wasn’t going to actually SEE for the holiday :: ie: Mom, Brother, etc. :: .. It was so intense that I’m seriously thinking of becoming a Jehovah’s Witness next year. Don’t mean to be offensive but they don’t do gifts so.. yknow.. that’s alright with me!

The Monday or Tuesday before Christmas, me and Chief were walking home from the shop

ME: I’m like.. really REALLY stressing over Christmas shopping
CHIEF: YOU? I’m practically pissing my pants
ME: Why the hell would you be pissing your pants?
CHIEF: Duh! Were we not just talking about shopping?
ME: Hmph. Like you’re doing any shopping
CHIEF: I have to get you something, dumbass.. and I can’t drive, remember?
ME: Yea.. but you only have to worry about ME.. I have to worry about EVERYBODY else. I’d rather have your deal, Bucky.

So the following day we were in the shop with Weed when the conversation started again..

ME: Hey! Yknow what? You worried about what to get me? Get me a dryer. You don’t even need to drive.. just walk your ass across the street. There. Simple. Done. See how easy that was?

CHIEF: I can’t get you an APPLIANCE for Christmas..

ME: Who says?

CHIEF: It isn’t right..

ME: It’s right if that’s what I want..

CHIEF: I’ve made fun of guys who bought their wives appliances for Christmas

ME: You mean to tell me you wouldn’t think I would be tickled pink if I woke up Christmas morning with a chrome LG Front Loading dryer in the basement with a big ass bow on it?

CHIEF: I’m not getting you a dryer. That’s something that we have to go shopping for together

ME: Are you fucking KIDDING me? You’re saying buying a dryer is a “couple’s” thing?

CHIEF: Nope. Not doing it.

ME: BUT I WANT ONE

CHIEF: and you’ll get one. Just not for Christmas.

ME: But I hate going to the laundromat and I’m backed up on clothes because the kids aren’t in school and I thought you’d be SMART ENOUGH to REALIZE that a dryer is THE. PERFECT. GIFT.

CHIEF: (rolling eyes) I’m going to get you a dryer. AFTER the holidays

ME: I WANT A FUCKING DRYER FOR CHRISTMAS DAMMIT

WEED: I think I’d get her the dryer, Dad.

The next day, Christmas Eve, he was going out to get me my gift and kept getting hung up at the shop. I kept trying to push him out the door, “.. yknow, the longer you wait the crappier my gift gets”.

So he goes and me and Weed are working and he says something about how he thinks he knows what I’m getting. It better be a fucking dryer, I tell him. He gulps and says that he doesn’t think it is.

At this point, I ‘m thinking that I am getting a dryer and it’s this big conspiracy to make me think that I’m not. Chief’s an ass when it comes to doing stuff like that to me.

He’s gone for HOURS. I mean.. HOURS. I actually didn’t think I was going to see him again until after the new year because like.. what normal person goes out on CHRISTMAS EVE to get his woman a gift?

Don’t answer that!

He finally comes back and tells me to NOT look in the back seat of the wagon. Ok. Find. A Dryer wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the wagon anyway.

I tell him that I hope he didn’t look in the back of the wagon because two of his gifts were back there. I already know he didn’t because he’s just oblivious to everything and like a typical man, if it isn’t right in front of his face, he doesn’t see it.

At first he says no.. but I convince him that they would be a bitch to wrap and he concedes only if he can give me one of mine. Yea.. sure.. whatever.

So I bring him in the braiser and stock pot he’s been drooling over for the past 6 months at the restaurant supply place and his reaction was just like the one I would have when I woke up Christmas morning and found a functioning dryer down my basement with a big red bow on it.

He’s all happy and I’m all happy that he’s all happy.

So he tells me to close my eyes and then tells me to open them. When I do, he has a box with this in it:

He tells me that he just SO wants to be done with the divorce and marry me on a cruise to Jamaica.

And yeah, I did the whole misty eyed girl thing because I actually am a girl and you know.. so who cares that he has an alternative reason for wanting our destination to be Jamaica..

So we go home and I’m still looking for signs around the house that SOMEONE had delivered and installed a dryer on CHRISTMAS EVE!! But nope. Nothing.

Christmas morning comes and I’m still hoping upon hope that the gift bag from him sitting under the tree has like, one of those doll house dryers in it. Cause, yknow, that’s something I would do if the situation was reverse.

But no. It was a Tom Tom. Now why the HELL he would get me a Tom Tom is beyond me because I’ve told him countless times that I didn’t see a use for them and would much rather rely on an old fashioned map if I got lost somewhere.

Which seldom happens because I’m good with directions and shit like that.

But .. yknow.. guess it’s that whole MALE LISTENING THING AND THEIR INABILITY TO DO THAT!

And so I didn’t get a dryer for Christmas.. and in fact, still don’t have one because we got into a financial hole because of Christmas and because my unemployment ran out.

But all of the above wouldn’t be nearly a FRACTION as bad if the following conversation held in the car the day after Christmas had never taken place:

CHIEF: You know, I rode up and down the Pike trying to figure out what to get you. I stopped here.. I stopped there.. I stopped at this other place.

ME: (Choking on the smoke that I had just inhaled) WHAT?

CHIEF: Yea.. omg.. you’re SO hard to buy for.

ME: W.H.A.T??????

CHIEF: I know you say your so easy to buy for because you like anything but that actually puts a lot more pressure on a person.

ME: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU MORON?

CHIEF: Geez, Leese.. what are you getting so strung out about?

ME: Did I not tell you I wanted a dryer? The ONLY fucking time I EVER told you what I wanted and you spent HOW MANY HOURS trying to figure out what to get me??

CHIEF: Did you really want it that bad?

ME: You’re an idiot

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Valentine’s Day .. and for the sake of male solidarity, I suggest all you men out there do the same thing.

I Want To Give Something Away..

Sorry.. but the virginity went A LONG time ago!! LOL!

.. ok.

So my cousin GG :: not to be confused with DD :: did something extradordinarily nice.

But she’s like that so it really isn’t THAT much of a surprise.

Anyway…

See, we Italians have a Christmas Eve tradition. It’s called the Feast of the Seven Fishes and basically what happens is we all get together and eat seven different kinds of fish.

Except me.

I don’t like fish so I would usually bring something that us non-fish eaters could eat. One time I even stopped at the chinese food place but that’s another story for another time.

Anyway.. so we used to all meet up at my grandmother’s house but since she died, my aunt :: who lives about an hour and a half away :: decided to have it at her house.

I told my mom that three hours of travel time would seriously impact all my Xmas Eve chores :: like oh.. I don’t know… SHOPPING? :: and that we wouldn’t be making the dinner.

The word didn’t get out to GG and so concerned that all the kids in my family would be receiving envelopes, she made sure that Spaz would have one so he wouldn’t feel left out.

That’s the kind of person she is.. always thoughtful.. always compassionate.. so not like me!! LOL!!

Seriously tho, I was so impressed that she did that. Especially because my own mom didn’t get them anything. But that’s another story for another time.

Anyway.. we wound up seeing my mother and brother this past Sunday and it was then that she gave me the card for Spaz.

The only problem is that I couldn’t give Spaz the card without having something to give to Bubba. Because really, that just isn’t fair and it just didn’t sit right with me.

Sometimes adults have to make those kinds of decisions.

I opened the card figuring that it was like, 5 bucks or something and I would just go buy them each something with it.. like the Lindt’s chocolate truffles.

But it turned out to be a 15.00 gift card to Game Stop.

Now there isn’t anything I can do with that to split it between them and I couldn’t life with myself if I pocketed it for me so I figured I’d do something nice and give it away to one of my readers who really needs it for either their kid or someone else’s.

So email me at livingme101@gmail.com

Oh.. and I did think about donating it locally but there were just too many groups and churches and organizations to consider and plus, I wanted to do something for the people who give me a little bit of their time everyday!