Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

Who would have thought I’d remember the password!! LoL!!

I just wanted to thank everyone who allowed me my space to figure stuff out and all your kind words. Much love to those of you who busted out your Sisterhood Membership Cards and fisted pumped along with my venting!!

Anyway …

So I guess y’all deserve an update… some things changed.. some things remained the same.. some got harder.. some got easier. That’s the thing with life.. you never know!

Okay so here we go:

Bubba never did come back from the Crack Whore’s. He told her he didn’t want to live here because of the rules and she, with her Mother of The Century Tiara, didn’t see a problem with that. He did his routine of promising to do his school work and even though I continued to monitor it and sent her daily spreadsheets proving that he wasn’t, she took his side. Until the school called her and told her what I’ve BEEN telling her. She texted me and told me she was taking him back here and I told her ABSOLUTELY NOT.. this isn’t his home anymore and he wasn’t welcomed here. The locks have been changed and if for some reason he gets in, he’ll be asked to leave POLITELY at first and then by use of a little call to 911 if necessary.

Actually, no one wants him back here. One  less thing his father has to deal with … Spaz has been a lot less Spazzy .. my food bills have been almost cut in half along with the water bill, shampoo bill, electric bill and everything else. The house is actually peaceful.

He did return to regular school where I think he will be until he’s at least 25 and trying to master 9th grade. Not my problem.

She did ask for his clothes.. and I gave her everything that was clean. The majority of his clothes were dirty and still piled on his bedroom floor so I threw them out. Have no guilt about them being his “favorite” clothes. Consider that my little pay back.

I did find out that when the Crack Whore goes on her weekend get-a-ways, Bubba and his band of 16 year old misfits hold drinking parties at her apartment. Not my problem.

His bad behavior was also rewarded by her allowing him to get his driver’s permit. Her car.. her insurance. Not my  problem.

And since the child support order was nullified because each has one kid (yes, she got away with not paying the 800.00 she was in arears for) AND she recently lost her job because she was caught stealing.. I’m sure there’s going to come a time when she starts bitching for money. Not gonna happen. I control the bank account, barely giving Chief a few bucks daily for coffee or cigarettes. Not my problem.

Spaz, though, is doing well. His teacher left mid-semester and was replaced by a male teacher. This is the first time Spaz has had a man leading the classroom and he really had a positive impact on him. The teacher and I have actually formed a friendship and it’s great to know that there are still some teachers out there who insist on using a red pen!! The teasing is still going on and has gotten progressively worse. So much so that Spaz has been reverting back to his old behavior and I went to talk to the principle yesterday. I heard the “Zero Tolerance for Bullying” speech but pointed out that while that all sounds good on paper, the fact that this kid gets teased unmercifully.. had food thrown at him in the lunchroom.. has horrendous rumors started about him and these kids aren’t reprimanded in anyway because they are in Emotional Support class tells me that their zero tolerance is bullsht. Fortunately, Spaz’s teacher agreed with me.. even going as far as stating for the record that nothing he does to control them is working.

We’ll see where that goes..

Weed is still living with us but it’s turned into a non-issue. He is trying to find a job but his past keeps catching up with him. I do give him a little money for doing things around the house that I really don’t want to do .. mow the big ass lawn .. clean out the attic .. that kind of stuff. He usually negotiates a payment that is WELL below what I initially intent on giving me but that will be our little secret!

What else…

Well, Alfonz the cat.. that I originally thought was male …and then was told was fixed.. is now pregnant and about to have kittens. I’m still trying to convince myself that her bulging belly is just a tumor.

We started converting to alternate methods of energy but that’s a post all on it’s own. You wouldn’t BELIEVE it even if you were here so you’ll have to trust me on that!

For the first time in like, a hundred years, I went on a job interview last Monday which resulted in another interview this past Friday. It was all pretty damn positive so I may be gainfully employed soon. Fingers crossed for that one since it means I’ll be more financially independent and can move along with the plan.

So I think I took up about as much of your time as I should … I promise I’ll get back to regular posting. I know you missed it!! LoL .. I’ll also catch up on YOUR blogs.. because I’ve missed it!

Thanks again for all your support .. it meant the world to me.

Oooohh… THIS Is Why It Snowed!!!!

Chief told me  he got a 160.00 child support payment this morning .. wait.. make that Thursday morning (I haven’t been to sleep yet!)

160.00 represents one month’s child support for two kids.

She’s still 3 months behind with a court date at the end of February.

But … um… didn’t she tell Bubba last Friday that she had 400.00 in cash that she would hand over if Chief wrote her a note for the court?

Hmmm..

So what happened to the other 240.00??

Guess her dealer was running a volume discount.

16 Candles

Bubba is NOT pictured above..

Bubba turned 16 yesterday and as usual, it wasn’t without drama.

We were kind of stressing about this birthday.

Not because he would start bugging us to learn how to drive .. or because he thinks it’s some magical age that allows him to stay up to all hours of the night.. or because he now thinks he can command Spaz to do his bidding.

Chief and I were both a little thrown under because Bubba’s last 2 birthdays were kind of slighted because of other things going on.

And let’s face it, birthdays are important to people.. kids especially.

When we first started to discuss moving back in October, we told the kids that it would be better for all of us financially. And since Bubba’s birthday was then 4 months away, we did the absolute wrong thing and told him that since our finances would be better he wouldn’t have to suffer through a horrible birthday. We thought it would ease the blow a little.

Boy, were we wrong.. and boy, did it blow up in our faces.

So Friday was his 16th birthday .. a milestone.. and we have a little over 11.00 in the bank.

Not being able to have a Christmas this year and now not going to be able to have a birthday for Bubba really, REALLY brought Chief down lower then I’ve seen him in a long time. He felt like a failure.. worse then that actually.. and I, for once, was powerless to do anything.

Chief had told me he tossed and turned all night.. up.. down.. up.. down.. in.. out.. in.. out.. and a few times sobbing.

This morning he woke Spaz up for school and while he prepared him breakfast and Spaz was in the shower, I stayed in the bedroom snuggling with Ernie.

And then all hell broke loose.

I’m not exactly sure what set it off.. but I do know that it had something to do with Spaz being Spaz and his belief that the Crack Whore is the Mother of the Millenium and hearing that caused Chief to say something under his breath that Spaz heard which made Spaz say something completely disrespectful to his father.

And Chief let him have it .. telling him that at his age, he was going to hear just how great and wonderful that Crack Whore was.. and how he wasn’t important enough to her to pay 21.00 a week for his support. Spaz started crying and Chief told him that that’s exactly what he’s been doing all week because he couldn’t get anything for Bubba.. and how they are of no help when it comes to conserving energy or gas or hot water..

Did those things need to be said? Yes.

Did they need to be said in that way at that time? Um.. probably not.

But understand that what doesn’t get said at our house, gets said to them at hers.. and she isn’t one to be fair and impartial. That’s been WELL documented here.

But I couldn’t change what was going on in the living room but I knew that if Chief got to that point, he was way more stressed and depressed then I thought.

So sitting on the bed, I’m trying to figure out what I can do.. ANYTHING I can do.. and I saw the Playstation 3 sitting on the desk and it hit me.. sell the thing on Craigslist.

I like having my own PS3 .. I can play what I wanted to play when I wanted to play it without having to hear the boys complain that THEY wanted to play THEIR games… so even though it may have been an easy decision for some, it wasn’t for me.

Well.. let me rephrase that …

In the grand scheme of things, the PS3 isn’t important at all.. but there was a little piece of me that felt like, one again, I was the one making the sacrifice.

That didn’t last long.. like I said.. grand scheme of things.

So I went on Craigslist and saw how much this particular unit was going for (PS3 160gb) and posted an ad listing the selling price at a little bit under what everyone else had their’s listed for .. and I’m truly sorry about that, other sellers! I just needed to unload it and unload it quick.

And boy … that thing wasn’t up for 5 minutes before I started getting bombarded with texts and emails. I had never sold anything on Craigslist before so really wasn’t prepared for the onslaught.

But to make a long story short, I wound up selling it to a guy who lived on the opposite end of the city so we had to drive like a half hour or so to meet him. He was a really, really nice guy and when we spoke on the phone I thought I understood that he was looking to buy it for HIS kid’s birthday which, you know, made me feel even better that I was selling it.

Turns out, he was buying it for himself for HIS birthday but anyway.. it was a great experience..

We decided that instead of buying Bubba something, we would just give him money. He’s always going to movies with his friends or the mall and this way, he would have his own cash to do what he wanted to do with it.

For our birthday’s, Chief makes us a special dinner of all our favorite foods.. so this past Christmas when we received an Omaha Steak gift package from my brother and his family, I told Chief to hide the Filet Mignon. Bubba LOVES them and I figured we wouldn’t be a position to buy them come January 21st.

Good idea on my part!

So Chief made the filets.. I made the bacon cheddar mashed potato puffs that he loves.. we had asparagus and we also make a 4 layer peanut butter chocolate cake.

As we sat down to eat, Bubba tells us that we didn’t have to worry about getting him a gift. He’s 16 now and didn’t need material things. He also said that he had heard Chief and Spaz’ argument that morning.

I was proud of him for saying that.. but also felt bad that he had to hear what he did so I told him that what had happened that morning shouldn’t have happened but we had it covered and not to worry.

Chief was impressed with his maturity about the situation also..

We wound up having a great dinner and he probably more appreciative of our gift then he let on.. afterward, he went over to the Crack Whore’s.

When he returned, he knocked on our door and told us that the Crack Whore said that if Chief wrote her a letter, she would give him 400.00. The letter proving that she had paid some of her back child support.

Before he could say ANYTHING, I piped up and said, “.. No. Tell her she has to put it through the courts.”

Bubba said that the Crack Whore told him that if she didn’t give Chief the money, it would take three weeks before he got it.

Chief said it wouldn’t. It would only take two days to process through the court.

I then said to Bubba, “.. Look, if she doesn’t put it through the court she could get into a lot of trouble. She’s already in a lot of trouble and even though we could really use the money, you have to do things the right way.. the responsible way.. to make things right. It’s a life lesson.”

Mind you, I could give two hoots what happens to the Crack Whore. I only said what I said because I really don’t appreciate the fact that she has these conversations with her kids and not with Chief and at least one of the “adults” in their lives has to come across as reasonable and not vindictive.

And too.. you know.. I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. She takes every opportunity to use our misfortunes to her advantage. What’s to stop her from saying that she gave more then she really did.. or alter the “letter” or reproduce another one?

But I digress..

The whole point is that Bubba is growing up.. maturing in ways that three years ago I wouldn’t have thought possible. It’s a wonderful thing to witness and I’m proud of him!

I Was Waiting For This…

... actually the Crack Whore's brain is smaller then this

Text message received at 8:53am this morning:

Gm informing u theyll b court 2 keep my kids close u cant just move them 6 hrs away without ther mother

Yep.. that’s verbatim.

See what a lack of education plus drugs and alcohol do to your brain?

We’ll just ignore the word “mother” here

Anyway.. so yea.. the Crack Whore is threatening to take Chief to court because we’re moving.

Truthfully, even though he has full, legal custody and she doesn’t even have formal visitation rights, I don’t know what she can or can’t do legally. He doesn’t either but instead of finding out, he’s doing something other then being concerned.

But let’s look at the facts:

• She left the family when Bubba was around 4 and Spaz was an infant.
• She has documented issues with drugs and alcohol
• She has a felony record
• She has been in a psychiatric ward
• She hasn’t regularly paid child support and is now currently 6 or 7 months behind.
• She never filed for visitation even after signing over all rights to her kids

There were times when she went months without seeing or talking to the kids.

So is it that she wants custody? Or is it that she just wants to stop US from moving? Because this woman :: I use the term loosely :: doesn’t know what it’s like to parent kids 24/7 .. she has them when she wants them and never both at the same time because she can’t “deal” with their fighting. She has no clue how they act because they aren’t with her long enough for her to find out.

I can’t tell you how many times she’s complained about them.. couldn’t deal with them and sent them back..

Now.. all that may not make a difference. And it probably won’t. But the thing also is that the kids in question are 16 and 12 and old enough to make their own decision on who they want to live with.

And if they want to live with her? Fine.. there is no revolving door. If you’re going to make that choice then you better REALLY think it out because once it’s done.. it’s done. There is no “come pick me up” or “come get him” .. not going to happen. Come for summer vacation.. come for Christmas vacation… no problem.

This morning I was told that Spaz asked if he was allowed to spend the last week of January with the Crack Whore. Spaz, you remember, it the son that the Crack Whore said wasn’t biologically Chief’s. The last week of January is when we were set to make the move to West Virginia.

I said to Chief that he needs to keep in the back of his head that she might run with him. Chief said that he didn’t think she would but I told him that I like to think of everything prior to it happening just in case. He said he wouldn’t stop Spaz from living with her if he really wanted to.

Great.

So I told him that if Spaz said he didn’t want to move.. and wanted to live with her then he needed to sit that kid down and explain to him in words that he could understand that once it’s done.. it’s done.. and that he can’t just call up and want to live with us the first time that she disappoints him or if things turn out not to be the way she promises it will be. Because it never is.

I also told Chief that I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but I’ve had to put up with her and her regarding the kids since she moved back into our town and this is my life too and I have every right to voice my opinion regardless of how it sounds because I’m entitled to it.

He said he understood and he appreciated me being honest.

So we’ll see where this goes ..

 

Some Things Need To Be Locked Away

Even though I write three other blogs, I’ve kept this one alive for a reason..

1. There’s some pretty funny shit on here

and

2. Sometimes I need to get things off my chest without having everybody know who I’m talking about.

If it was just me and my screwed up antics, that would be one thing. I freely wave my “fucked up” flag with boldness.. but it isn’t just about me, it’s about people in my life with their own family and friends.. and while I would gladly post pictures, names, addresses, phone numbers and license plate numbers of SOME people, I can’t.

And so here I am…

And these are the deeds…

First, to catch up on some stuff, we’re moving.  Loooooooooooooong story here that I’m not going to bore you with but by January 31st, we’re going to be planting out asses 8 hours away from where we’re at now.

That’s good and bad. Bad because I’m going to be so far away from my family and friends and well, my shelters from the storm. Good because we’re going to be that far from the Crack Whore.

She is whom the picture on this post is referring to.

So where to begin with that? Well, there’s the whole child support thing. 43.00 a week for two kids. She didn’t pay July, August or September so the courts sent out a summons to appear. She paid it two days before the court day and told Chief not to show. He went anyway because that’s what you’re suppose to do. She didn’t show. Didn’t look good for her but because she had paid it, oh well.

The she skipped October, November and December. Another summons. Another court date on Dec 8th. Another call telling him not to show. Only this time she didn’t pay anything and on the day of court, he showed up.. she didn’t. The courts called her.. she asked for an extension. They said no way.. she would have until the end of the following day to pay it or else they would issue a bench warrant.. she still hasn’t paid and now there’s another hearing on Feb 28th.

Because her reality is clouded and because she refuses to accept responsibility for her actions, she went around telling the boys that their “… asshole father is trying to put her in jail for missing ONE month”. That’s a direct quote there.

Just to make sure we are absolutely clear here:

HE didn’t call anyone… the courts automatically schedule a date after three months of non-payment

SHE missed more then ONE month.

Now.. with all that in mind.. two things happened the week of their court date that made me slam the door on anything and everything that even remotely has to do with her.. regardless of whether her kids are involved or not.

The weekend before the court date, we were upstate trying to secure a place to move to. She knew where we were and what we were doing so at the last minute, she tells Spaz that he can’t stay at her place the weekend because she had plans. It was too late for us to cancel what we were doing, so we told Bubba that he was going to have to babysit Spaz.

Not the best situation but we hung a baby sitting fee in front of Bubba and that kid will do anything for cash. The house was stocked with food.. Spaz would probably sit in front of the PS3 until he fell asleep and Bubba would do the same in front of the computer so we really weren’t that worried.

We got a text message from her at 6pm slamming Chief about leaving Spaz home by himself.. how he’s just a little boy.. how it was illegal and she was going to call the police.

I’m not going to go into the whole back and forth thing. I’m just going to say that all attempts to contact Bubba on his cell phone went unanswered… all attempts to get the Crack Whore on the phone went unanswered.. and here we are 4 hours away in a snow storm wondering what the fuck was going on at home. Did Bubba go out and leave Spaz alone? Why wasn’t he answering his cell phone? Why wasn’t SHE answering HER cell phone if she was so worried.. did she pick up Spaz? Was he still home??

The only response we got from her after leaving numerous voice mails and text messages was “… u no ur wrong. leave me be”

That’s a direct quote there.

You know you’re wrong.. leave me be.

So not knowing ANYTHING and not being able to FIND anything out, we drove the 4 hours back, through a snow storm and lost the money we had already put out that we couldn’t afford to lose.

We were NOT happy campers by the time we got home and both kids got yelled at. By me. Because make no mistake about it, they were at fault to.. but not as much as she was. She is supposedly the adult and she knew exactly what she was doing when she did it. If she was really THAT concerned, then why not call? Why not alter your plans?

The truth of the matter is that she had no plans. Spaz was bored because Bubba wouldn’t let him on the computer and he called her to go over to her house. She couldn’t/didn’t want to pick him up.. he didn’t want to walk.. and his attempt at getting what he wanted was to tell her he was by himself.

So. Did this man of mine get in touch with her and ream her for her part in this? No.

Fast forward two days. It’s a Monday night (3 days before court) .. Spaz has homework that he doesn’t want to do. He says he wants to go to the youth group that he hasn’t been to in 5 weeks. When I bring up that he hasn’t been there for 5 weeks, he gets an attitude with me and says something sarcastic about him not knowing that he wasn’t allowed to go to church anymore.

Still reeling from the weekend, I tell him that because of his attitude, I’m not taking him to church. He can call the Crack Whore for all I care. He does and she agrees to take him. Now.. you think that she would pick him up, right?

His group ends at 9. At 9:20, I get a call from him that he needs a ride home. Mind you, it’s freezing out and it’s late. Chief gets up, gets dressed and head out. Within 3 minutes of his leaving (I know this because I was making microwave popcorn at the time).. my cell phone rings and it comes up with the Crack Whore’s number. I answer and it’s Spaz. He asks if his father had already left.. I said he did.. he said that the Crack Whore picked him up. There’s no way to get in touch with Chief so I tell him that they’re going to have to turn around. They were no more then three blocks away. IF that.

Maybe it’ll be easier for you to relate from the picture on the right.

My house is Point A.

The Church is Point B.

Where Spaz was when he called me saying that the Crack Whore has picked him up is the red X.

Not far at all.

So I hang up and within the next five minutes, Spaz comes walking in the door.

I asked him where his father was.

He said that she wouldn’t turn the car around.

Um.

EXCUSE ME?

Knowing that there was no way to get in touch with Chief because he didn’t have the cell phone on him, SHE WOULDN’T TURN AROUND and go back to the church.

Is it me, or was that the ultimate “fuck you”?

So now here’s this guy.. not finding the kid who had JUST CALLED saying that he needed to get picked up not where he was suppose to be.. at night.. in freezing temperatures.. in an empty parking lot.. freaking out because he can’t find his kid.

Why did you call, Spaz? When she showed up, why didn’t you just wait, SPAZ????? I’m asking him these questions while I’m putting on my coat. There was nothing else to do but walk to the church hoping to see Chief somewhere between here and there to tell him that Spaz was home.

And believe me.. I was NOT quiet about having to do it and with Bubba and Spaz sitting there wide eyed I told them ALL about their vaginal incubator. I can’t even stomach calling her their “mother” because “mother’s” don’t do shit like this. Mother’s don’t say things to their kids that shouldn’t be said (the doozy of all examples coming up in a sec)..

Cousin Bird, who lives right near the church wasn’t answering her phone. I had hoped that she could drive over there. Bubba asked me if I wanted him to call the Crack Whore. I told him that as sure as I was standing there, I would drop her on her simple ass. He volunteered to walk with me but I didn’t want to be around anyone that shared her DNA.

I got half way to the church when Bubba called telling me that his father had come home. He didn’t have to say anything, because I heard him screaming at the top of his lungs at Spaz.

I hoofed it home to find Spaz crying in his bedroom and Chief in our bedroom. I tell him that what she did was the ultimate in “fuck you’s”. He agreed. But did he yell at HER as bad as he yelled at Spaz? Nope. Never even confronted her.

That was when it all ended for me. HE might allow her to pull HIS puppet strings but she wasn’t pulling mine anymore. I could give a rat’s ass about her or anything having to do with her. I blocked her phone on my cell and blocked her email address.

Oh.. but it gets better.

When we made the decision to move to another state, Chief’s father had come over and we were discussing it with him while Bubba was on the phone with the Crack Whore. That wasn’t on purpose. We were already talking when she called and I guess she asked who was over and what we were talking about and Bubba told her. When she found out where we were moving and how far it was, she flipped out.

This is what I heard Bubba saying:

“.. he has full custody”

“.. that’s going to piss him off”

“.. that’s a mortar shell”

When he hung up with her, he tells us that she said that he wasn’t going to take Spaz. That Spaz wasn’t his son.

You read that right. SHE said to BUBBA that SPAZ was NOT Chief’s SON.

She said she was going to go to court and have a DNA test done to prove it.

Chief’s response was that he didn’t care.. Spaz was his son. He raised him. He was his. Then he took the dogs outside because I don’t think he wanted Bubba to witness any other kind of emotion from him then confidence.

Bubba wanted to talk to me about it. All I said was “.. oh, that’s real nice” but then explained to him that if she did go to court and Spaz wasn’t his, then he had every right to sue her for 12 years of support. And she would have Spaz.. what was she going to do, try to remember every guy she fucked behind a dumpster and sue them for child support? Because SHE was going to look SO GOOD in front of a judge… right?

Bubba said she had the mentality of a 5 year old.. I told him I had the intelligence of a 45 year old. Who did he think would win?

And did Chief ever say anything to her? Anything at ALL about saying that shit to their 15 year old son? Nope.

Because he had the opportunity to… had it when she called him asking when we were moving and if we were taking Weed with us because SHE was moving and she wasn’t taking Weed. Nope.

And speaking of Weed.. who got picked up for a failure to appear warrant that they both blamed on us for not paying his fines. Um.. ok.. because how exactly does a failure to appear warrant have anything to do with fines?

And speaking of Weed.. who called up earlier to say that she had stolen the money he got for Christmas so she could get fucked up on pills so he broke her flat screen tv.. and then she started sending messages from her pimp’s boyfriend’s phone saying that she threw all his clothes out on the street and called the police because he broke her tv.

Because you’re going to call the police even though your fucked up on pills with the money you stole from your son. I told Weed, who was just as fucked up on something, that he should call the police on her for theft.. since, you know, she has a felony burglary rap already.

Chief told him he had no right to bust her tv.

I wanted to bust HIM in his bald head.

Puppet strings. See what I’m saying?

Weed wound up leaving the house after he had slept off whatever he was on.. Not sure where he went.. he didn’t even say anything when he left the house. I’m sure it was to get trashed again. We’re his clothes outside? Who knows? Did she call the cops? Who knows.

Chief said to me that he felt horrible thinking it, but he thought it would be a burden lifted if Weed and the Crack Whore got into one of their fights and he accidentally killed her. She’d be dead and he’d being doing life in prison and we’d be 8 hours away. Bold talk but did he mean it? Fuck no.

Because a puppet can’t move without a puppet master.

My plan.. not that anyone has ever asked me but I’ll share anyway.. is to move, get him and the boys settled.. make sure he can afford it and then leave. Come back to my family, my friends and my sanity.