… if I remember my 12 years of Catholic indoctrination schooling correctly, I believe that’s called a “venial” sin.
Anyway.. it’s still rather embarrassing and if Chief hadn’t gotten the letter that he had gotten which was SO unbelievably hysterical, I wouldn’t even bring this up.
But I’m more then willing to tell you that I’ve been lying to share this. What can I say, I’m all about the laughter.
Ok.. so here goes:
Chief and I aren’t really LEGALLY married. We did have a commitment ceremony and for all intents and purposes, we ARE married.. except in the legal way :: and really, the way I feel about the current government I’m not at all bothered by that! :: Everyone who knows us, beside actual family and close friends, assume we’re married legally.. I use his last name, that kind of thing.
The only thing that stopped us from getting that little piece of paper is ANOTHER little piece of paper called a divorce decree. HIS.. not mine. And while he classifies himself as “divorced” and the Crack Whore classifies herself as divorced :: btw.. I found her profile on one of those internet dating sites.. talk about laughing!! :: they just never did it legally.
Why?
According to him :: and I really have no reason not to believe him given the circumstances :: he never had the money. He had the boys.. money was always tight and given the prices that he was given when he inquired, he couldn’t afford it. Plus, it wasn’t really high on his priority list because he hadn’t been with a woman that he actually wanted to marry.
Until me.
<< insert AHHHH!!! here>>
And forget her. She wasn’t about to diminish her drug fund to get something like a divorce.
Anyway.. like I said, I believe him. For the simple fact that for as long as WE’VE been together, other things took priority and there was never “extra” money to file.
Now.. when I got MY divorce, I did it for 195.oo from a law firm in my state that specializes in this kind of thing so when we seriously started talking about getting married, I told him about the firm.
He requested information from them via their website.. received it.. but again, there was never an extra money to go ahead with it.
He requested information a second when he thought he would be getting some extra cash.. but this was around the time that he got arrested so every spare change went to his bail.
So now, unbeknownst to me, he’s been putting an extra 5 away here and 10 away there and saved up 195.00 for the divorce. He was all excited about it and I was all excited about it and when I tried to find the paper work that they had sent to him, I couldn’t. For the life of me, I couldn’t find it anywhere. So he just went online again and requested the information.
This is the letter he got from them:
Dear Sir / Madam:
We have sent our free information to you three times. there will be no fourth time. each free information packet we mail is an expense we have to consider when pricing our divorce services. we cannot maintain our low prices without limiting the number of packets we send to the given caller.
Ok. Not that bad, right? I can see their point. They can’t help it if we’re idiots who can’t find paper work. But let’s continue on:
Your fee is $300.00 for the Basic Advertised Service, $400.00, $500.00, $600.00 for each of the three faster services: Rush Filing Service, Same Day Service and Our Fastest Service respectively. Payment is to be be made IN FULL in the enclosed envelope by money order only, NO CHECK OR CREDIT CARD. In addition, there will be absolutely NO telephone calls. ALL communications are to be made by mail only. If you call, for ANY reason, you will be billed $100.00, which you will have to pay immediately. Finally, if we do not receive payment on or before 10/7/09, we will refuse to represent you (or your spouse).
Now here’s the best part.. the part that had me pissed off at first but then doubled over in hysterics:
None of this is subject to any dicussion [sic] for any reason. If you find anything unacceptable, call another law firm for your divorce and do not call us again. You can become a XXXXXXX and XXXX client by the above date or you will never become one. It’s your choice.
Very truly yours,
Can you STAND it?? Is that not the FUNNIEST letter from a law firm that you ever read? If their last names ended in a vowel, I would swear they had a Don Corleone complex! When I showed it to Chief, he had the same reactions so I know it’s not just me.. which is why I had to share!
Funny what happens when push comes to shove. Knowing that we only had a week or so to come up with an additional $105.00 or have to pay a minimum of $1200.00 :: the last quote he received locally :: he did and we sent off the MONEY ORDER :: no check or money order ::
So in about 90 days :: provided that the Crack Whore won’t contest it.. which she SWEARS she won’t :: he’ll be a divorced man.
And, unless I come to my senses, I’ll probably be posting wedding pictures soon after!
Of course, once his divorce becomes final, you know that first thing I’m going to do, right?
I’m going to send them a check for $1.20 to cover the cost of the three previous information packets they sent him AND point out the spelling error in their letter!
Cause, yknow, I’m just like that!!! LOL
LIVING ME 101 