Posts Tagged ‘Catholic’

I’m no fan of Catholicism .. haven’t been since I graduated from 12 years of Catholic school.

I have my reasons .. which I won’t go into now.. but let’s just say that my thoughts and opinions were my own. I could argue about theology .. I could argue about idolatry .. I could argue dogma .. but I left the one’s faith alone. If you want to believe it.. you go right ahead Sunshine.

But something happened a few weeks ago that gave me a soapbox and dammit if I’m not going to use it. You let me know what you think. That’s what the comments are for.

We have a Catholic school down the street from me. It’s been there for almost a hundred years. In this little town that I live in, this Catholic school was like a beacon to the community. Something that skewed the reality of “.. this town ain’t what it used to be” for the parishioners.

Yes.. it hasn’t changed for the better but as long as the school was there then BY! GOD! we will still have SOME hope that the kids going there will be property educated and go on to be pillars of society.

That’s what I think they thought anyway.

A few years ago, the church got a new head honcho that no one liked. And not for good reason. I don’t think he realized just what this church meant to this community. Or maybe he did. Maybe he was just a hit man in a cassock.

He started cutting out things here and there.. wouldn’t allow use of the church’s auditorium for elderly bingo and stuff like that. People grumbled.. people vented.. but they still attended mass and forked over money in the collection plate.

That is.. until they made an announcement around December that the school was going to close at the end of this school year.

Now.. the closing of a Catholic school is not such an unusual thing. It’s been happening locally for about the last ten or so years. Enrollment has gone down.. tuition has gone up.. people can’t afford it and with the advent of Charter Schools.. there was an option for a better education then the local public school and it didn’t cost anything.

So why was THIS school closing different?

Because the parents formed a committee to save the school. They protested in front of the BIG Archdiocese church in the city and petitioned the Cardinal. They blasted the head honcho that they despised.

So the church bent a little. They would keep the school open until then end of the NEXT school year but then a nasty little thing happened.

Someone went to the press and the story wasn’t good.

The Archdiocese got pissed off.

While the parents raised money to off set tuition and did everything they could possibly do to raise money to keep the school open, the powers that be were like, “.. ok. We’ll keep the school open BUT you have to come up with 200 enrollments and you only have 3 weeks to do it. Oh.. and to make sure you good Catholic parishioners don’t try to pull a fast one we’re going to increase the 50.00 enrollment fee to 250.00 as.. yknow.. GOOD FAITH”

If you have more then one kid in school.. or even if you ONLY had one kid in school.. that was a big financial impact. And it didn’t matter if your kid have been going there for years. You still had to come up with 250.00 per kid to enroll.

And so the fundraising pulled out all stops. It literally came down to people standing at the major intersection wearing t-shirts and holding sand pails collecting change.

They were going to hold an enrollment shindig at the school to promote new enrollments but the PTB :: Powers That Be :: wouldn’t allow it.

Every time the parents would ask for a number of enrollees to determine how many more kids were needed, the answer never came. The PTB wouldn’t release that information to anyone.. not the parents.. not the press.

It was kind of like, “.. here’s your noose, now go hang yourself with it.”

Very important members of the community started donating HUGE sums of money for The Cause. Upwards of 20,000.

Didn’t matter.

When all was said and done… with the parents having scrapped a number together from going door to door and asking if people had enrolled there kids.. the PTB came down and said Nope.. you didn’t make it. School’s closing in June.

People walked around like they got socked in the belly.

In my oh-so-humble-used-to-be-Catholic opinion, there were things that could have been done to save the school if the jackasses didn’t get their hinds in an uproar. They just didn’t want to.. and that’s the bottom line. They got pushed into a corner by people who’s faith dictates that they will be treated fairly and they dropped the hammer on them.

Instead of working with… they pounced.

Because all along, they knew they were closing the school but with the outpouring of the community, they had to save face so they threw them a bone. Without meat on it.

And that’s wrong. They owe something to this community who came to their aid every time they were asked. New roof.. new this.. new that.. more money.. more money.. more money.

I heard recently that they were going to convert the school into dorms to house Haitian refugees.

They have money for that, right?

They are willing to go all over the world and educate people for free.. but yet they won’t do anything in their own back yard.

And so with the closing of the school, parents are enrolling their kids in other Catholic schools that are out of the area.. and that’s pissing off the head honchos of the neighboring schools off. Church attendance is down.. meaning collection plate money is down.. meaning the church will probably get the ax soon also. And it serves them right. They have played on the faith of their parishioners.. just like the Mafia plays on the fears of people. Only the Mafia doesn’t hide behind the cross to do it.


And by the way…

How many school do you think could have been saved if the church hadn’t paid out the millions it did to hush up the molestation victims?

1. I love blue raspberry anything but won’t eat it because it turns my tongue blue and I think I’m too old to have a blue tongue

2. At work, I generally wait until the very last minute to go to the bathroom and then have to do the pee-pee dance all the way down my aisle to the ladies’ room

3. I a degree in visual communication from the Art Institute that only presented job opportunities to lay out newspaper ads.

4. I wanted to be a tattoo artist but was never confident in my ability to ink something on someone that would last forever.

5. I have a fascination with cemeteries and old grave stones.

6.I really have to go pee RIGHT NOW but am holding it in and wiggling in my seat until I finish this sentence.

7. The only illegal thing I ever did was co-hort with two other people and cash a stolen check. Not that it’s an excuse but it was done because the rent needed to be paid and even though it was winter, the utilities had already been turned off. On top of that, my oldest Shepard had just given birth to 6 puppies. Almost 20 years later, it still sits on my conscience. I was questioned, but not charged. The Mindless Minion held that over my head until the day we divorced. And even after, actually.

8. I never “stole” anyone’s boyfriend.

9. They guy I went to my prom with was so obviously gay but i was so obviously in love with him that I refused to see it. I didn’t want to go to my prom but my friends.. and the gay dude.. forced me into it and all my purple taffeta drama. The prom was canceled the first time because of 36″ of snow :: God was definately giving me a hint! :: and when it was rescheduled, my “date” had had a hemorrhoid operation the week before. I had to drive us to the prom where I promptly hit a a concrete median causing the tire to go flat. Oh.. and the spare was flat too. We wound up walking to the prom where my date promptly passed out in the lobby from pain and the good nuns from my all-girl catholic high school gave him a room to rest. They barricaded that door with barbed wire, claymore explosives and a bouncing betty two because obviously they wouldn’t admit to themselves that he was gay either! He made an appearance for the official picture and then we took a cab home ending my prom night at roughly 9:45p

10. I was in love with Peter DeLuise :: 21 jump Street :: and still feel a flutter when I find episodes of the show on the internet.

11. I had a pen pal when I was a teenager that lived in Piedmont, California named Francie Sullivan. She was a year older then me, I think, but was just. so. freakin. cool. She used to vacation in Hawaii and her mother had ANOTHER STORY built onto their house. I don’t remember why we lost touch but we did. If you read this, Francie.. contact me.

12. I love raw dough and as a child, ingested about 4 loaves of easter bread my mother had on the stove to raise. It rose alright. In my stomache. I had to be rushed to the ER because I couldn’t breath and when they pumped my stomache and started extracting long taffy-like sections of dough, my mother almost killed me. Apparently, that happening is beyond an oddity but it happened to me. I wish I could get the medical records just to prove to the people who just nod their head like “yeeeaaaa… riiiigggghhhtt”

13. I once suffered “hysterical blindess” .. it was during a particularly bad agrument with my ex and I remember screaming at the top of my lungs and then I just couldn’t see anymore. My sight returned about 2 hours later during the wait in the ER but it was a scaring experience.

14. Years ago when my family and my uncles extended family used to rent a house down the shore, my cousin and I wrote our names behind the mirror in the bedroom. Wonder if it’s still there.

15. I was the only one of my cousins that wasn’t pregnant when I got married. Come to think of it both my mother’s children married because they wanted to.. not had to.

16. Both sides of my family are from the same little town in the same region of Italy.. so I am truly 100% FBI ;)

17. I wanted to be a photographer but couldn’t afford school.. instead I went to the Art Institute on a scholarship but at the time, they didn’t have a photography program. I also have my license is cosmotology but hated it.

18. I fell into my current career as an IT Business Anlayst by accident. I started working at a national .. probably world .. health insurance company because my student loads were due. I worked my way up the ladder and then switched over to the hospital side. Since revenue is not necessarily the most important thing an IT department has on their list in a hospital, I got tired of waiting for the stuff I needed to learned to do them myself. The first health system I worked for created a position for me and then I was head hunted by another health system that doubled my yearly salary.

19. Nothing on my dinner plate can touch each other unless they were meant to be mixed together :: ie: corn and mashed potatoes ::. The thought of eating something that has even the residual amount of another food on it makes me lost my appetite.

20. I eat thing seperately and in the order of least liked to most liked. For example, if there is Chicken, Mashed Potatos and Brussel Sprouts on my plate :: not touching, of course :: then I’ll eat all of the chicken first.. then the sprouts.. then the mashed. I annoy alot of people who eat with me and wind up making 70 million trips to a buffet line. I do the same thing with Skittles and Starbursts and the like. All one color first!

21. I was conceived as one of a set of twins. The other baby died at around 5 months and 43 years ago, the only option was to carry both to term and induce labor. I can’t imagine how my mother must have felt having to do this.. knowing that regardless of how happy she was to give birth.. she would be also have to mourn a loss. I was born two weeks early, on June 26th .. a date actually predicted by one of my mom’s neighbor’s friends who was semi-psychic :: or so she claimed :: One night she was visiting and she told my mother that they would be having my father’s birthday cake in the hospital. Low and behold, they did. I was born on my dad’s birthday.

22. I have a HUGE heart and compassion for animals :: especially dogs and horses :: and even the thought of something bad brings me to tears. Even cartoons or animatron movies have an affect one me. Years ago, I went to see the movie The Bear. It was a matinee filled with Sunday dads and their kids. Not five minutes into the movie.. where the momma bear dies leaving the cub alone.. I lost it and had to leave the theater. I’m actually tearing up right now thinking about it. Everyone in my house knows that when the ASPCA commercial comes on playing Sara McLaughlin’s “Angel” to turn it off or change the channel because I WILL become a puddle of heaping sobs.

23. One thing on my “Bucket List” is to spend time at the Best Friend’s Animal Refuge in Utah.

24. German Shepards are my favorite breed but all my dogs have been strays that found me.

25. My grandfather’s cousin is/was a famous bronze artist in Italy and Venezuela. There is even a street named after him.

26. I sway from left to right when I stand. It’s genetic.. my whole family does it. If you’re around us and you are prone to sea sickness… you may want to NOT be around us!

27. The Mindless Minion and I hold a US Patent for a devise that allows you to escape if you were locked in a trunk of a car. This was in the 90’s when trunk deaths were becoming the norm. All the car manufacturers passed on it until one summer when 9 kids died in the trunks of GM vehicles. GM then came out with a device that they literally stole from us but because they found a loop hole in a two letter word written into the patent document, it was perfectly legal. We didn’t have any money to fight it but would have lost anyway. So whenever you rent a car, check the trunk latch. If there’s an internal trunk release on it, think of me because I hold that patent.

28. We got alot of press locally for the invention.. primarily because of the circumstances involving one victim that put the idea into the Mindless Minions head. But we were also on Dateline NBC. We filmed at my uncle’s house and it was an experience that I will never forget. I used to have all the behind the scene stuff on tape but the idiot destroyed it in a fit of anger.

29. I dont’ have earlobes. My ears go right into my head so I don’t have that little flappy thing at the bottom. Therefore.. as much as I love them.. I can’t wear hoop earrings. Instead of hanging straight, they kind of angle out and I look like one of those chimp toys that you wind up and it bangs the symbols together.

30. I get my love of reading from my dad who always sat on the lounge chair with a book in his lap. In fact, I used to get more excited about the Reader’s Digest Condensed books then he did and was reading Smithsonian magazine when I was 9.

31. I was always artistic.. always had a pencil in my hand.. or marker.. or crayons. The spray paint didn’t come until later on!! I can also write with both hands

32.I’m a very non-judgemental person :: usually :: and have a high degree of tolerance :: most times ::

33.No matter how much anti-frizz product I use in my hair, it always frizzes when it rains

34. I’m not that much of a girly girl that I can’t find a ton of things better to do then to sit in a salon to get my hair done so once I get the urge to cut my hair, I have to get it done THEN. One time, I had an appointment and was there earlier enough but was told that the stylist was running behind schedule because of a perm. I thought that when the perm was finished I woudl be nexted but there was still ANOTHER woman in front of me. I had no desire to wait that long but couldn’t stand my hair any more so I went home.. got the dog clippers and shaved my almost mid-back length hair all off. It was very liberating, I’ll tell you what!1 The funnies was when my mom first saw it. I used to take her food shopping every Thursday night and when I pulled up to her house she told me that I looked like a lesbian. I laughed but when we got to the market, I make sure that I locked my arm in hers and said loudly, “.. so honey, what do you want me to make you for dinner?”. She was mortified. Hysterical.

35. I have been wearing Converse All-Stars :: Chucks :: since way before they became fashionable. I also buy them in the men’s department because they were 20.00 cheaper then in the Ladies’ department.

36. I once had a job writing erotic scripts for a 900 number for 75.00 a script. That included actually recording it. The who was doing it owned a jewerly store and had this recording set up in his basement. I think I wrote about 5 scripts and as I was reading them, he started getting a hard on so my ex kaboshed that career opportunity!

37. I have no issues with people meeting on the internet. To me, it’s like meeting someone in a store or in a park or something. There’s always the potential of meeting a wacko regardless of where you find them.. but there’s also the opportunity of finding something real.

38.I have this morbid fascination with picking stuff on my body.. pimples, scabs, blackheads.. gross, I know but what can I say?

39. My left boob is a cup size bigger then my right boob. I used to be really, really embarrassed by came to terms with it. Whenever I would start dating someone and there was a potential that there might eventually be some intimacy, I used to tell them that I got one regular and one super-sized and if they couldn’t deal then see ya. No one ever had a problem with it.

40. I’ll wear the same color toe nail polish the whole summer because I just can’t be bothered with the whole taking off the old and putting on the new.. however… I am a fanatic about having great looking feet in the summer.

41. I once started to get involved with a guy who was a big wig at a local nationally-known natural history museum until it became known that he had a smoking fetish :: he would get aroused watching people smoke :: and would get off on stories where the “mother” would be alittle more then suggestive with her “son”. Yep. That didn’t last long.

42. I’m pretty openned minded :: some would say freaky :: regarding sex but some things I can’t get past. One of my very first boyfriends was in a band and had his own place so I was there.. a lot! It was my birthday and I went over for dinner and he had this present for me. I openned it up and could see right away that it was lingerie. Black lace and deep blue satin corset, crotchless panties and fish net thigh highs. I took the corset out of the box to hold it up and it was about 3 sizes too big. I must have made a face because he asked me if I liked it. I told him I did.. but it was too big for me. He gave me this sly smile and said it wasn’t for ME it was for HIM. I was still young and naive that and didn’t get what he was saying so he flat out told me that it was for him to wear the next time we had sex. It dawned on me then that the drawer full of lingerie that I found looking for a tee-shirt was NOT the left overs from groupies past but HIS. I put everything back in the box and said SEE YA. He used to howl like Wolfman Jack when he came too so yknow.. that was too much disturbia for me!

43. I’ve convinced myself that having to euthanize an animal is in reality, giving them the gift of sleep. The best gift you can give in return for years of loyalty. One of the saddest days of my life was when my old neighbor saw a man tie a German Shepard to a tree in the park next to my house and then drive off. My neighbor.. another animal lover.. went over and saw that this dog was only about a year old male. Since I already had three dogs (two shepards, one shep mixed) she figured I wouldn’t mind one more. And really, I didn’t. But it turned out that this dog who probably had never had the love I poured on it in the first three hours.. became very protective of me .. even towards my ex and my other dogs to the extent that I had to keep him on a leash so that he wouldn’t attack my girls :: the three dogs I already had :: The plan was to have him fixed in hopes that his testosterone would be curved but I knew that he was way too aggressive and spastic. I also knew that eventually, I would not be able to keep him annd that meant either finding a new home or a shelter. The cycle was going to keep happening for this poor animal and I didn’t have it in my heart to knowing chance that he’d get a good, patient home when in reality, I knew that those chances were slim. So I went to my vet’s office :: my god, you should see the tears coming down my face right now :: and told him to put him to sleep. At first my vet didn’t want to do it but after I explained the situation , he understood where I was coming from and new as well as I did what was in store for this poor dog. So I sat down next to him… laid him in my lap and gave him all the love I could until he closed his eyes for the last time. Because that’s what he deserved.. at the end, he needed to be loved the way he should have been all along.

44. My favorite all time show is HIGHLANDER. Not the movies with Christopher Lambert but the tv show with Andrian Paul as Duncan McLeod. I had every season on tape.. and all the swag. I even used to write scripts for the show in my spare time. Long hand on legal pads. I think they might still be at my moms.

45. I was not asked to be in my brother’s wedding.. the reason why he didn’t talk in two years. And if my nephew hadn’t been born, we probably still wouldn’t be talking. I had just assumed that since I was his only sibling, I would be included. I don’t think that was an unreasonable thought. But apparently, he had other ideas and I didn’t find out I WASNT in the wedding until my sister-in-law was telling my mother that everyone already got their dresses and shoes. I looked at my mom.. my mom looked at me and I knew then that my mom had known all along. It hurt me worse because he was the best man when I got married. Granted, it was only at city hall but so what. So, I decided I wasn’t going to go to the wedding which happened to be 3 hours away in my SIL’s hometown. My dad was dying at the time so even though I told him why I wouldn’t go to his wedding, to everyone on the outside it appeared as though I was missing it to tend to my dad. I remember telling him that he’d never get one up on me and that there had proved it. We’re okay now. I’ve come to terms with the whole thing but still wiz it at him every now and again when I need to.

46. No one believes that I’m 43 years old. The general consenses is that I look around 35. You can blame that on good genes. My grandmother is 95 and my mother is 74.. neither of them have wrinkles and both look great for their ages.. so unless I die early like everyone on my DAD’S side.. I should be looking pretty damn good in my later years.

47. I always said that I was a city girl with a country soul. I love country music, riding horse, mucking out stalls, riding on the gator and having the horses take hay from your hands. Working on a farm is laborous work but I much prefer it to sitting in a cube. You know what you have to do and you do it. There’s no mental gymnastics involved. My ex and I were friends with a family who own an 80 acre horse farm upstate. I nicknamed it the Prozac Ranch because everybody there either was on it or needed it but they were inherently good people and I have alot of stories and alot of laughter from the time spent up there. One day, I’ll tell you all about the time their daughter :: who fell off a horse at a young age, apparently hit her head and from that point on claimed that she was the incarnation of an indian princess with spiritual powers. No lie :: convinced me to go a “nature” walk with a group of lesbians. Funny stuff. Unfortunately, I lost the friendship in the divorce. It bothered me immensely that for all the trouble that my ex gave them over the years.. and he did.. believe me he did.. that they would tell me that I wasn’t welcomed there any longer. The short version is that one day I brought Chief there.. up until then, I believed that they didn’t want anything to do with my ex because the last time he was there he caused such a scene and the state police had to be called .. all because they wouldn’t do what he wanted.. which was to not hire black people to work at the ranch. Because of that.. I felt a measure of safety going there with Chief. They were an important part of my life and I wanted to introduce everyone. The ranch would be a great place to bring the boys and let them be boys, yknow? But apparently, the son called my ex after we had left and told him that I was up there with my boyfriend. The son is, in all truthfullness, borerline retarded and takes prozac and a few other things so I know that he didn’t do it maliciously. He just saw it as an opportunity to call my ex .. since he was close to him and looked up to him in a mildly retarded prozac taking way. All hell broke loose then and I was told that I wasn’t welcomed there anymore and that I owed them 100.00 because me and Chief went riding for an hour. It’s a shame but it is what it is.

48. I can speak italian.. but can’t speak it when someone else wants me to. I freeze up because I can’t roll my R’s and it comes out sounding like I have a thick southern accent! Plus, the Italian I learned growing up is the bastardized version. It’s Italian with alot of broken English mixed it in so basically.. the only people who can understand us is each other!! LOL

49. My preferred wardrobe is jeans, tee’s, one of Chief’s flannel shirts, my converse all stars and a baseball hat. But.. when I have to do the girly thing? Watch out! My have an obscene addiction to all shoes high and strappy and years ago when I had nobody else to worry about but me, there was a month where I got three pays so one of them went towards a gorgeos pair of 800.00 Manolo Blahnik stiletto heels. I went to Nordstrom’s but they didn’t have my size so the kind lady called the California store and had them shipped to me. Not for anything but money doesn’t impress me much. I know that it won’t make you happy and that was one of the biggest arguments with my ex. He though that winning the “BIG” lottery would cure all his ails. He didn’t want to hear that if he wasn’t a happy person to begin with.. money wasn’t going to do the trick for you. But whatever. Anyway, even though I’M not impressed with money, apparently the people are Nordstrom’s are because they were much much more then accommodating! When I received the shoes, they came in their box in the their own flannel bag and when I tell you that I put those shoes on my mantle and would have put velvet ropes around them, I would have. But as I said, that was then. Now, I think they’re in a trash bag with alot of other shoes that I brought over from my mom’s house when I moved in with Chief.

50. This was probably the hardest.. longest thing I ever did. Probably because I’m very.. um.. wordy? Or possibly, because I’m Italian it takes me longer to type because while one hand is using the keyboard the other hand is motioning!!!

… I was raised Catholic.

Italian-Catholic.. and believe me, there IS a difference!

I did the whole Catholic school thing from nursery school to high school graduation.. had the nuns.. the Monte Carlo nights.. the rites.. the passages..

Everything but the Bible, come to think of it!

NOTE: You’re not encouraged to read the bible when you’re a Catholic. If you did, the lid would blow higher then the DaVinci Code.

Anyway.. it’s funny the things that stick with you. Things that are subconsciencely ingrained in the psyche.

I was always taught to questions things and Catholism was always a target. Many times I was sent to the principle’s office in grade school for asking a religious instructor WHY.

Why is St. Joseph a Saint? He didn’t really do anything.. not like the Vatican says you have to do to be a Saint.

Can God create a boulder so big that he can’t lift it?

You know.. the kinds of things that can only come from the mouth of a child.

I was consistantly told that I had to rely on my faith to satisfy my curiosity. But that didn’t wash. To me, that sounded like a cop-out.

I like answers. I like difinitive. I like certainty.. and so I was branded a demon and beat severly with a metal ruler. Well.. the first one is an exaggeration. I only wish the second one was!! LOL

Chief was raised and still is a Pentacostal Christian. Now, I visited alot of different churches in a lot of different denominations.. Baptist, Lutheran but I never messed with the Pentacostals. All that talking in tongues and flaling around on the floor gave me the heebee jeebees. He would laugh at me and explain things and we’d have long, deep conversations regarding different things.

Chief’s a smart guy. Having read the Bible 13 times, he can quote scripture and speak empassionatley. You could say he’s my very own Joel Osteen!

Down the street from our house there is a Pentacostal Church that was started by his grandmother on her front porch. It’s a big church. Not like, 6 Flags Over Jesus or anything but it’s come along way from it’s humble beginnings.

I always teased him about it whenever we drove by :: which is like 6 or 8 times a day :: saying “Hey babe.. isn’t that the church your grandmother started on her front porch?” He’d grumble and I’d laugh.

So one day about a year ago, he said he wanted to take me there but to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE not mention our last name. I asked him why and he said, “Trust me on this one”.

He had this pleading look that I had never seen before.. we joke around alot but this time I could tell he was serious and even though I was busting to say it, I didn’t.

We were greeted by oh.. I don’t know.. EVERYBODY when we went in. Great to see you!! Do you live nearby or are you just passing through?? I’m so-an-so and this is my wife and these are my children and this is my neighbor’s aunt’s sister’s husband’s niece’s grandfather!

Chief held my hand tight and shook hands with everyone and thanked everyone.

Me? Oh.. I had my spider senses out for Kool Aid!

We went in to the.. what? Chapel? Service Center? Altar space? and took a seat near the back.

Someone pointed us out to the preacher and he came over and introduced himself… giving both his first and last name.

Instinctively, Chief did the same and as soon as our last name past his lips I could see the look of horror on his face. OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!!!

The Pastor’s face lit up like a Christmas tree? Oh? THAT’S your last name? Do you know the founder of this church has the same last name????

THAT’S HIS GRANDMOTHER I said alot louder and with more excitement then I really intended.


I cut my eyes at Chief and I swear, if he could have he would have grown hair. Fortunately, all I had to do is witness his whole head turning beat read and steam pulse out of his ears like a cartoon character.

The pastor was literally giddy! “Sweet Jesus!” he said, “The Lord is indeed good” and then he turned to somebody else and said “Hey, this couple here are [last name]. He’s the grandson of [granny’s name]”

Then this dude jumps up and rushes over and all of a sudden there’s this buzz that you can feel vibrating through the church .. There’s a [last name] here! There’s a [last name] here!

All these people started coming over and shaking our hand and wanted to ask questions and introduce themselves. I looked at Chief :: who does not like any attention whatsover :: and said, “.. is this where angels sing, the throne comes up from the floor and you’re crowned?”

This was the reason, he explained, why he didn’t want his last name known.

I was getting a kick out of the attention, primarily because Chief was so uncomfortable but before long, the service started and I have to say that I really did enjoy it.

It was long.. but there was alot of singing, a great sermon that was timely, more singing and NO KNEELING!!

There was a woman who “had the spirit” and that was alittle like watching a train wreck because it was so foreign to me but other then that, I came away with something in my heart .. something that made me feel as though I needed to be more Christ-like.

And after all.. isn’t that what it’s all about?

… being raised Catholic, I was taught very early on that whenever something was lost you pray to St. Anthony.

Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony please come around…

Something’s lost and must be found!

Have NOT been a practicing Catholic for more years then I was, it was kind of surprising a few hours ago that I found myself reciting the above “prayer” when I was looking for my keys.

Didn’t find them.

Wasn’t surprised.

So a few minutes ago, when I was sitting her watching the latest Angelina Jolie video I thought, “… bag St. Anthony. Go right to the source.”

I prayed to God to help me find my keys. Sounds exaggerated but my job is really, REALLY on the line because of the amount of times I’ve called out at the last minute and in fact, I am on warning for it. So to email my boss and tell her the I wasn’t going to be in the office because I lost my keys caused a huge lump in my throat.

Since I have already ransacked the house and checked the trash :: nasty :: I figured I would look outside again. Retracing my steps from last night, steps that I retraced about 18 times since 7am… and steps that both Spaz and Bubba retraced with me I found my keys.

Right there.

On the grass.

Next to the car.

Not covered by leaves.. not covered by debris. Right there on top.

Goes to show you when you need something done, cut out the middle man and go right to the BIG GUY!

Yesterday me and Chief attended the funeral of my 60 year old Uncle who after being diagnosed and operated on for stomache cancer, died of heart failure after a 25 year old girl T-Boned his car on the way home from a follow-up visit to his doctor.

There’s some question whether the girl was text messaging or not but that’s to be revealed later I guess.

At any rate.. yesterday in my part of the world the weather was miserable. Cold, windy and downpour rain all day.  That doesn’t make for a very pleaseant 1.5 hour drive to the church but yknow.. it was just me and Chief and regardless of whatever else is going on with the kids or house or shop it was good to just be together with no pressure from anything.

Chief is a simple ass who says the most randomly bizarre things that just make me turn purple and have to hold my pee in! Also, he isn’t Catholic. Well, I’m not really either any more but after attending about a million services in my youth I can still keep up with what’s going on.. yknow.. stand in the right places, kneel in the right places.. that kind of thing. At any rate, he’s Pentecostal which came with all sorts of preconceived opinions but I did go to an Assembly of God service and no, they didn’t slaughter baby animals midway through :: contrary to what my mom believes!! ::

Anyway.. so we get there late, of course :: because he started helping Weed do stuff in the shop :: but there were so many people waiting to view the coffin and see the family that the Mass, which should have started at 12 started at around 2. The funeral director guys were NOT happy campers.

I tend to get emotional at funerals. And it isn’t so much that I miss the person who died… I’m just no good at witnessing other people’s sadness and seeing someone cry usually makes me cry. Plus, church songs alway s do me in.

Chief knows this about me not wanting to see me upset he just made me laugh instead. And when I mean laugh.. I mean LAUGH. So hard that by covering my mouth and bobbing up and down my aunt asked me if I needed a tissue and my brother felt bad for me because he thought I was taking my uncles death WAY more then he thought I would since I really didn’t care for him too much.

He said things like:


instead of


There was also the whole thing about the “floaty”. That being a bit of communion wafer that was stuck to the inside of the clear wine glass that people sipped from. I actually did almost pee myself then.

Once the service was completed, we all lined up for the drive to the cemetary which was another 45 minutes of gut splitting laughter because the procession kept on being split and I was following my cousin who didn’t know where he was going either. Still don’t know how it happened but we went through a few back alley’s and wound up where we needed to be.

And of course, our simple asses didn’t even THINK to take an umbrella on a day with torential down pours and since we were late getting to the cementary, we had to stand outside of the tent getting wet.. all the while my mother is UNDER the tent holding a folded umbrella watching us get soaked.

Fun Stuff

Then it was back to the church for the luncheon where Chief got to meet and spend time with my extended family. In an ironic world, he actually knew one of my second cousins who was a die hard customer at the restaurant he used to run and I also took the opportunity to point out my OTHER second cousin that had the massive boob job.

Chief being a breast man anyway wanted to clobber me because he hadn’t actually met her yet and he was worried about not being able to look above her chest. What I didn’t tell him is that my cousin is a “hugger” so he got to feel the boobs first hand.

His turn to turn purple!

We didn’t get home until about 5 hours later then we actually intended but it was a good day. It was great just spending time together and being silly.

But then… it was back to reality.