Just When WILL My Head Explode????

… sorry for the late update. Since posting about Weed’s latest “arrest”, I’ve been trying to get the logical and illogical on the same fucking page.

The morning that we got the text about Weed’s arrest, Chief and I were in the shop just trying to function. We were not only physically beat but mentally exhausted. We were both cranky.. and irritable.. and basically, just trying to get through the day.

We hadn’t been openned for more then a few hours when Loser Friend II walked in. I asked him what had happened the night before and he said he didn’t know what I was talking about.

Chief told him about Weed being arrested and he was like, “What? I wasn’t with him.. ”

According to what HE said, Weed was with Loser I and Loser II was with another “friend” the Idiot. He knew nothing about anything concerning a robbery and said, “… that kid is trouble” .. meaning Weed.

NOTE: This coming from the same person who stabbed Weed in the leg a few months ago.. is a convicted theif.. convicted drug dealer.. and only got out of jail on a technicality. Not that Weed ISN’T trouble.. but it was just funny hearing it coming from him. Pot? Meet Mr. Kettle.

He leaves and Chief is about ready to blow a gasket. Since we never heard back from the crack whore, he dialed her phone and guess who answered?

Uh-huh…

Weed.

I hear Chief say, “… I guess you’re not in jail.”

I was like WHA????

I’m not exactly clear what actually happened because honestly, I don’t believe a goddamn word anybody says anymore. But from what I can make of the nonsense, the Loser I was saying something to the Idiot about a robbery and about Weed so the Idiot translated that to mean that Weed got arrested and went over to the crack whore’s drug den apartment and told her.. resulting in the text message.

Weed found all this out when he returned to the apartment.

Now…

Do you THINK the crack whore would have texted back saying that Weed wasn’t in jail? That Weed hadn’t committed a robbery? Noooooo…

I’m sure SHE fell into a nice, peaceful, red pill [or blue pill] drug induced sleep while we were unable to…

Am I resentful?

Damn Fucking Right I am…

Oh.. but it wouldn’t be MY life if it didn’t get better, right?

So now I’m all wound up. And I get even MORE wound up because now that Chief knows that Weed isn’t in jail.. well, you know.. all that bravado he was spewing about keeping Bubba in line now and not wanting to have ANYTHING to do with Weed anymore just fell by the wayside. It was like one of those gigantic pink erasers that they sell in the Dollar Store popped out of nowhere and erased that all away.

He flipped the damn light switch that he always flips.

Meanwhile.. I’m still all wound up and twisted in knots. I can’t just forget the crack whore blaming this on him. I can’t forget holding him while he cried over Weed and the mess he made of his life.. I can’t forget any of that.

I’m sorry.. it’s not like I have some type of vendetta against this kid or anything… but goddamn it, my life is being affected by all this bullshit and nobody.. nobody.. is giving that any consideration.

None.

I can’t .. I just can’t turn my emotions and feelings on and off like that.. this is nothing but a rollar coaster and I just can’t keep up.

Weed came into the store an hour or so after Chief talked to him on the phone and I couldn’t be in the same room with him. I couldn’t even look at him and just hearing how Chief was talking to him.. like nothing fucking happened.. EVER.. just made me sick to my fucking stomach and I had to walk out. If they came outside to smoke or something.. I went inside. If they were in the front, I was in the back and visa versa.

And the worse part is that Chief never said anything to me. Not even a “why?” .. not even “.. I understand why you feel that way.”

Nothing.

And yes… I resented him too. Still do. Alot.

In fact, the last couple of days has had me hyper-sensitive to things going on around me and to be perfectly honest.. it just isn’t my gig.

Coincidentally, my 97 year old grandmother is in the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure and since there’s only so much they can do for her medically, it is only a matter of time before she passes. I’m okay with that..  I mean.. if I had a magic wand that could make heart heal, I would. Since I can’t, I have to accept the circle of life and know that she’s led a good life. A really good life. I’m probably the grandkid that she sees the most so I don’t have any regrets. Of course, when the time finally comes I will be upset.. devastated.. but I’m not pre-occupied with it now.

Chief is using that as an excuse to not admit to what is really bothering me.

Head? Meet Sand.

I guess I’m finally starting to admit to myself that the veil is starting to lift and now that it has, I need to start getting my game plan together for the rest of my life.

Surprise! Surprise! Weed Get’s Arrested A.G.A.I.N

Text from the Mother Of The Year Crack Whore at 12:39am:

Sorry if i wakes yas. [Weed] ur son just did a robbery at xxx near the xxxxxxxxx. thanks for being a great father and just abandoning him/not helping him

NOTE: As usual, any detail has been obscured.

Chief was sleeping when the text came in but I was still up reading the third installment of the “Twilight” series :: ok.. ok.. don’t give me grief! I’ll write about that later :: so I woke him up and told him what she sent.

He was … what’s the word? Not “stunned” so much.. Deflated? Maybe. Sad? Definately. Anyway.. I asked him if he wanted me to texted her back. At first he said to say, “.. good. He’s where he belongs.” but we both knew that that was a knee-jerk reaction. He said he wanted to call her and find out exactly what happened.

He does and he gets her voice mail. Because.. see.. this 38 year old woman has her mother pay her cell phone bill and if she goes over her minutes, her mother cuts it off.

Apparently, she’s close to her minutes.

So I texted her saying that we tried to call and got the voice mail so call us back.

She didn’t. And hasn’t since.

Chief ran the gamut of emotions… from crying because of his son wasting his life to getting angry that his son is wasting his life. At one point, almot inconsolably, he kept on repeating “.. I just wanted him to finish school. I just wanted him to finish school.”

It’s hard seeing your husband like that… it’s even harder to not say the things that you want to say.

Time and a place for everything, eh?

At any rate.. what I did tell him was that if the crack whore came into the store today, I wasn’t holding back.

He might let the whole “.. some father YOU are” line go over his head but as I said to him, I see things through different eyes. I’m all about protecting my family and if HE wasn’t going to defend myself to her accusations, then I sure as hell am.

My question to HER is “.. what kind of a mother are YOU?” … Weed has been living with her for eight months. In those eight months, she has done nothing but enable his lifestyle. Has he even registered for the court ordered G.E.D? No. Has he gotten a job? No. Does he still get wasted on a regular basis and bring all his junkie friends over to crash at her place? Absolutely.

Is he following in HER footsteps… getting all pilled up and pulling robberies to feed his addictions? Oh HELL yes.

I told Chief to just be prepared… I will throw her out of my store. I will tell her that if she tries to set foot in there again while I’m there then I’ll call the police and have her removed.

I told him that if Bubba and Spaz are over there :: which I SO don’t condone :: then it isn’t HIS responsibility to feed them.. it’s HERS and if she doesn’t have food because she illegally swiped her food stamps for cash, then they can come home and eat.

I told him that I’m tired of her drama and bullshit and if he has a problem with that then to let me know now so that I can just wash my hands over everything and go on with my own life.

He said that he DIDN’T have a problem with it.. not one little bit.. and I was so torqued by this time that I responded, “… of course you don’t because you can’t do it yourself.”

That stung but he knew it was the truth. Even in the dark bedroom with the only light coming from the end of his cigarette, I could see that he knew it was.

So while I don’t have any confirmation about what happened, I can actually TELL you what happened.

It seems that whenever Weed is around his loser friend :: read THIS :: he gets arrested.

The Loser has been in jail for awhile but apparently was recently released because I happened to see him yesterday sitting on his front step on my drive home from the shop.

Also turns out that Loser II :: who has been in jail for about 6 months for stealing a municipal bicycle :: was also released.

The Loser thinks he’s some big time Surburban Gangsta who moves around his mindless minions like a checker board. So keeping true to the mathmatical equation of:

LOSER FRIEND + BEING WASTED = JAIL

You can kind of figure out what happened. They got wrecked.. The Loser came up with the brilliant idea to break into a business and they got caught.

Since I don’t have the actual details :: Weapon? No Weapon? Inside the building? Outside the building? :: I’m not actually sure what he’s looking at. Could be 2 to 5.. could be 5 to 10.

As soon as I know more, I’ll post.

I thought that being laid off was going to give me more time to blog. The Twilight Books aside, I’ve just been crazy busy with a lot of stuff but after this.. and after Chief finally realizing that he had to crack down on Bubba, I should be around the house more to keep everything up to date.

UPDATE PART ONE – In The Beginning

Yknow.. I can literally say that with all the scenerios that ever ran through my head I would have NEVER dreamt of the one I’m in now.

So here’s the update

It’s been well documented on this blog how Weed, my oldest stepson, is a complete and utter fuck up and how devastatingly sad it is that he chose to follow in his crack whore of a mother’s foot steps then in his fathers.

But he’s an adult and he’s made his choices. Although I love him dearly and want only the best for him and have deep sincere hopes that one day he will up and turn his life around I come to peace with the fact that the only place he’s going to end up is in a cemetary.

I really don’t know how much I’m allowed to say publicly. Well, as public as an anonymous blog can be.. but none the less, things have a way of biting me in the ass so I’m just going to keep it simple until I know I can spill.

At the beginning of January, Chief was arrested. He was arrested for the things that Weed was going. Namely, dealing marijuana from the house and from the shop.

I can tell you with 1000% certainty that Chief did not do it.

I can tell you with 1000% certainty that Weed did.

The worse part about it is that not only was Chief arrested but they had a search warrant for our house and even though they did what they thought they had to do, they completely disrespected our home and property. They didn’t find anything they were looking for and I think that pissed them off because these little small town detectives were looking for THE BIG headlines and when they realized they weren’t going to get that, they decided to trash my house.

As I told the desk cop when I tried to find out when Chief would be arraigned:

You’re still innocent until proven guilty in this country and if your drug task force thinks that Bath and Body Works moisturizing beads are pot seeds, then you got bigger problems then I do.

I mean.. really. What was the EXACT purpose of dumping out body wash all over my dresser?

They did all this.. and threatened to arrest me in front of the kids.

They held him on 30,000.00 bail for which I had 15 minutes to come up with 10% before they took him way out to the county prison.

I think all the while Chief thought that this would get all straightened out but when the judge said what the bail was, I think reality hit him and he suffered a minor heart attack that landed him in the hospital for two days.

I was able to come up with the bail :: which is really ruining us financially :: but no one would tell me how to post it.

Apparently, we were under investigation since the beginning of December.

Does anyone else think it’s a tad ironic that the investigation started around the time that Weed got thrown out of the house after it was robbed and he came to the shop wasted out of his mind trying to pick a fight with his father.. who called 911 and had him removed?

Yea.. me either.

But the worse part of all this… the thing that I would never believe could happen to either me or someone I knew was that the police lied.

The detective on the case said that he initiated a drug buy at my house and the he POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED Chief as opening up the front door and letting the buyer in the house.

One problem.

I can POSITIVELY PROVE that Chief was at the shop. I have deliveries, electronic transactions and 182 customers the one day and 174 customers the other day that this was suppose to happen that will prove that he was at the shop from 430am until after 9pm.

After that, he was home.. with me and the kids and no one knocked at our door.

Another thing.. how can you positively id someone who answer the door with no porch light or inside light on a corner that has no street light in front of it?

The best you can see.. even in daylight.. is a shadow.

So someone answered the door who is tall and lanky like Chief and the only person that could be is Weed.

So the detective lies… the judge believes it.. and the two “informants” who supposedly said that Chief told them that he was dealing marijuana for extra income are confessed drug dealers and users and wish to remain annoymous for fear of bodily harm or reprocusions.

And in the meantime, our whole lives have been turned upside down.

Even worse still is the fact that a week before Christmas, Chief allowed Weed back in the house. I was dead set against it but face it.. he’s not my kid and I don’t know if I would feel differently if he was.

He had cut his hair and had swore to his father that he wanted to get his GED and go back to school.

I guess a father’s heart wins out over the head.

I didn’t believe him and told Chief that if he was really serious he would have come to him saying that he wanted to go back to rehab… or had proof that he had already enrolled in school.

I’m not going to pretend that it was an issue that almost broke us up but I refuse to let Weed or Spaz or Bubba or the Crack Whore ruin our relationship.

Believe me.. all that above? That’s the tip of the iceberg.

Because while all this is going on, the Crack Whore is telling the boys that she’s getting custody of them and that Chief is going to jail for three years. All of which is making Spaz more.. well.. spazzy and if this kid doesn’t grow up needing massive amounts of therapy then I’ll be shocked.

I’ll go into the situation with her later. Right now, it would just torque me too much.

Chief’s preliminary hearing is March 10th.

Any prayers you can offer our way would be greatly appreciated.

The Ballad of EB

EB is about 22 years old and lived with his sister and her two young kids above the shop.

His sister is a single mom.. working crazy hours at a bullshit job to provide for her kids. She had EB move in with her after he got out of  jail because 1) their mother didn’t want him back in the house and 2) it would be free babysitting for her so she wouldn’t have to kill herself too much to make the rent, bills, etc.

Chief and I felt bad for their situation and we would help them out when they needed it. More so for her and the kids but EB wound up reaping benefits from it too.

Since EB basically did nothing all day but get high, he became friendly with Weed. Are you really surprised by that one?

One day… a little before we were robbed … EB came in and ordered all this stuff. He had Food Stamp numbers written on a piece of paper which Chief ran for payment.

Nothing unusual there. Most times the sister would forget to leave the card at home and EB would just have Chief key the numbers into the gizmo.

Like I said, we help them out when we could.

The Thursday after the house was robbed, Chief gets a phone call from a woman that lives in the neighborhood but who he doens’t know and had never personally come into the shop.

She tells him that her food stamp information had been stolen and when the state ran a list of purchases, the shops name came up. When Chief heard the amount, he knew right away who had taken the card. The woman was the first one to mention EB’s name. Apparently, he hung around her daughter or granddaughter or someone who lives in her house.

Of more interest was the fact that she said the word on her block was that EB and his cousin had robbed our house and sold our PS3 in the city.

If Chief could have grown hair he would have. I don’t know what color he turned but he was almost like a cartoon character.

He hung up from her and banged on EB’s door. When he answered, Chief right away asked him what the inside of our  house looked like. It was EBs turn to change colors and he became as white as the shirt I’m wearing.

He bobbed and weaved around everything. Swore he had nothing to do with anything and when Chief challanged him with the information he had received, EB told him that he could check his apartment if he wanted to.

Chief’s response was that he knew there was nothing up there and that eventually he was going to find out who robbed our stuff and when he did, he was going to break their knees.

He also told EB that if he didn’t think Chief could do it then they could roll right then.

I knew EB was shaken up and I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he went back upstairs!

Fast forward to the next day. I walked into the shop after work to find EBs sister in deep conversation with Chief.

Turns out that EB had swiped her ATM card and withdrew all the cash she had in there… the rent money, the utility money, etc. She reported it to the bank, the bank had him on ATM-Cam, they were pressing charges and she intended to press charges. Chief told her that he would do something with the door to prevent him from coming back in the house and a little while after that, their mother :: who’s also a customer :: came in visibly upset.

She told me that she turned a cold heart to him. It’s obvious that he was into much more harder stuff then anyone originally assumed so I told her that it wasn’t her son doing this… it was the junkie he became.

I don’t know how much grief he’d given her over the course of his life but I do know what it’s like to be around a junkie and my heard did break for her.

Fast foward another week and their older brother came into the shop to tell Chief that his neighbors had told him that EB was in his neighborhood trying to unload a laptop.

There was no question now who robbed our house.

On Christmas Day, EB was picked up at a crack house and is currently being held on a 500,000.00 bond.

We won’t get our stuff back. I can guarentee that it’s long gone. But EB lost alot more… his family and their trust

Where’s George

… so apparently, the kid in the green hoodie and backpack that was George.

George is one of Weed’s friends that has been floating in and out and about since I’ve been going around there. He’s just one of those stupid kids, yknow?

He does landscaping :: cough cough :: and we used him during the summer to cut our grass. Never had that weird vibe or suspiciousness about him like some of the other degenerates Weed hangs around with.

Last night, about 10pm, there was a knock at the door. It was George on his bike asking for Weed. I told him that he didn’t live here anymore. He looked dumb-founded :: actually, not hard for him :: He was like, ” Whaaa?” and I said, “Yep, he got kicked out.”

He said he had been down at the shop looking for him and I was like, “.. yeaaaaaa. The shop’s closed and he doesn’t work there anymore.” George asked me if I knew where he was at and I said I didn’t.

So, I go in and tell Chief and he said that George had been down at the shop earlier.

That was it as far as conversations about George go…

Fast Forward to this afternoon. After finding out that someone was lingering :: weird word to use, I know, but I’m listening to the Cranberries right now :: at the house AND that Weed had come into the store groveling at about 9am I hadn’t heard anything about after that.

So around 2:30 I call Chief and he tells me… well, basically nothing. I have to ask him but the bottom line is that they figured it was George and even “other people” have seen him hanging around the house.

I ask him who the “other” people are he mentions B-RAD and I just roll my eyes and make my “heh” sound.

NOTE: B-RAD is THE shadiest son of a bitch that I ever met. He’s thinks he’s the thug-iest white boy trying to be black in suburbia. Remember the movie MALIBU’S MOST WANTED? Yea… that’s him. He’s also a known thief and was the co-conspirator with Weed that landed Weed in the trouble that he’s in with the law now. Not my favorite person in the world and he knows it.

So really? Why would you take his word for anything?

At any rate… Chief also tells me that Weed also mentioned that a few weeks ago when Weed was still in bed recovering from whatever he ingested the night before, he happened up on George who had just walked into the house.

I mention something about how stellar our conversations skills are. He asks if I’m pissed at him. I ask him if he really doesn’t know what I’m talking about and he said he doesnt.

Dumbass Man!

it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or even Doc Watson to figure out. My question was why would George come up to the house looking for Weed when Chief had told him NOT A HALF HOUR EARLIER that Weed had been thrown out of the house?

The opportunity to invite him into the house under false pretenses and kick the living shit out of him passed.

I also had to ask him about his conversation with Weed.

I hate when I have to do that.  Having to ask about things I should be told.

At anyrate.. I asked him how it turned out and he said he didn’t know. He actually sounded like he was softening to Weed moving back in. I told him that he needed to remember that there were 3 other people living in that house.

He said he knew and that he wasn’t going to let him back in yet.

It’s hard, I know. And excuse me for sounding like a cold hearted bitch but I lost alot… alot more then what can be bought again and I just don’t feel like letting him off the hook that easy again.