Posts Tagged ‘Bible’

.. and then he ate him

Oh.. that little dog!!!

He’s going to need all the God in him that he can get once Chief gets home!!! LOL

So…

Have I mentioned lately that I’ve been having some major mind-confusions regarding me and Chief’s relationship?

Maybe mentioned it in passing? LOL!

Okay.. so anyway.. things had gotten to a point where yesterday was going to be THE day that I was going to have a serious talk to him about what’s been on my mind. I was committed :: to talking to him, that is.. not “committed” as in an institution although that may not have been such a bad thing! :: .. so committed that I didn’t even obsessively rehearse what I was going to say.. or anticipate his answers to what I was going to say.. or anticipate my response to the answers that I anticipated him saying.

Got that?

Glad YOU do!!

However.. as with all things “Leese”.. whenever I thought the moment was right to begin the conversation that I hadn’t planned :: much :: something happened that made me think that it wasn’t the appropriate time.

Maybe it was just me chickening out.. but you’ll see what I mean as this continues.

So the day goes by .. and I leave the shop to go visit my grandmom in the hospital. On the drive home, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he will still be awake enough to talk to him.

Turns out, I got home earlier then anticipated and wound up behind him in the Dunkin’ Donuts near our house. He had picked up Chinese for him and Spaz and so having a conversation with him was going to have to wait awhile.

After dinner he took a shower…

Then took the trash out..

Then started looking for some paper or something he needed in the mess of a night stand drawer that he has.

NOTE: Opening that drawer is like opening Pandora’s Box. I sighed. This was going to take HOURS!

So I started flipping through the tv channels and stopped at a commercial because I had to go to the bathroom. When I came back in the bedroom, the Joel Osteen show was on.

NOTE: For those of you who don’t know who Joel Osteen is, just Google him.

I watch Joel every now and again and even though I don’t consider myself affiliated with any “one” religion, I do believe that the “message” is what is most important, regardless of where it came from.

Joel started talking about negativity. How some people perpetuate it and never see anything else but what it wrong. It could be that they are unhappy with themselves.. it could be that they just have that kind of spirit.. but he said that when you foster negativity.. that’s exactly what you get. I think he reference Matthew 7:1.

NOTE: Don’t quote me on that or send me hate mail because I don’t know every chapter and verse of the Bible. Consider it something else to Google.

He started talking about relationships and how some people forget the reasons why the fell in love with their mate. He mentioned how if you’re pissed :: okay, he didn’t use that word :: at your husband because he didn’t mow the lawn then instead of nagging him and bitching about it to him :: okay, he didn’t use THAT word either! :: you should say, “.. hey honey, did I ever tell you how attractive you look when you mow the lawn? How handsome you are when the sweat is dripping down your face and your muscles are all bulgy and stuff?”

THAT he did say.. although not verbatim!

He also offered this:

A husband and wife move into a new house and one Saturday morning, the wife notices her neighbor hanging laundry on a line. She comments to her husband how dingy the laundry looks and wonders how she could possibly let her family wear such things. This went on for a few weeks .. the whole time the woman completely putting her neighbor down for her laundry skills. One morning, she got up and noticed that the neighbors laundry was cleaner then it’s ever been.. the whites whiter.. the sheets cleaner.. She mentions it to her husband and wonders what could have happened to make the neighbor finally do her laundry properly. The husband said, “Oh. I just got up earlier today and cleaned our windows.

That little story had a huge impact on me.

I wasn’t looking at my relationship with Chief through clean windows. I wasn’t seeing HIM through clean windows. I have had disastrous relationships in the past that have really leveled my self esteem.. so much so that I realized that I am more on the defensive then I like to think I am. It isn’t so much what Chief isn’t doing as it is MY thinking of what he’s doing. I was taking everything bad that has ever happened to me at the hands of other people and expecting him to make it right and that isn’t fair to him.

I had forgotten what made me fall in love with him.. forgotten that he isn’t like every other guy I was with. And because he isn’t, why am I treating him like he is?

Another thing that dawned on me is that a person can’t appreciate another person if they’ve never been appreciated before… a person can’t LOVE another person if they’ve never been loved before. They just don’t know how.  Given everything that Chief has been through with his childhood and his first marriage… how can I possibly slam him for being just as on the defense as I was?

As we laid in bed afterwards, he rolled over and snuggled into me. He hasn’t done that in awhile and I started to tear up a bit. He asked me why I was crying in that Oh.My.God.What’s.Wrong tone he has and all I could do what bend my arm back behind me and put my hand on his bald head.

I told him that I know that he’s happy but is he happy BECAUSE of me or just because he is WITH someone?

You could have knocked him over with a feather.

“Leese.. YOU make me happy.” was all he said. A few minutes went by and he whispered, “.. please don’t stop” in my ear.

I didn’t say anything..  I didn’t know what to say :: ok.. ok.. a first, I know! :: but then he asked me, “.. are YOU happy?”

I said that I was.

Because of him.

I did tell him thought that I hate when he doesn’t hold me when we go to sleep.. that I need that. Not that he has to do it all night :: he’s all over the place when he sleeps :: but at least until I fall asleep. I need to feel that connection to him.

Honestly, I was half dazed when I said that. Snuggling against him, my eyes started to get heavy and before I knew it, I was asleep.

This morning… I got some pretty devastating news and not know what to do with myself, I went down to the shop. Chief had gone to the wholesalers and wasn’t back yet so I made myself busy cleaning up and whatever.

When he finally arrived, he was surprised to see me there and I told him about the news I had received. He pulled me close to him.. said how sorry he was and I started crying some.

NOTE: I’ll post about it later. I don’t have all the info yet so it doesn’t make sense to do it now.

After he let me go, he went out to the van to bring some boxes in and when he set them down he said:

This probably isn’t the right time and I don’t know how else to say this so I’ll just say it the way I know it. I’ve been with a lot of woman. Some I couldn’t stand being around because of their personalities.. some I couldn’t stand being around because they were idiots.. some I couldn’t stand being around because they were just ugly on the inside. I’m with you because of YOU. Not who you think you should be or who you think I want you to be. I’ve never been this happy before. You’re everything I ever wanted all wrapped up into one. You’re my best friend. So next time you think any different.. well.. just don’t.

My windows are clean now.

Thanks Joel

PS- I know.. I know, Aurora! You’ve been telling me this for months!!!

  • … in guns, God and the constituion
  • … I just pissed off about 90% of Americans! LOL!
  • … in that nasty three letter word :: no, not S-E-X :: G-O-D
  • … that given the choice, most people would do the right thing
  • … if I don’t get a pedicure soon the Sisterhood is going to revoke my membership card
  • … there is nothing wrong with freaky sex and vibrators
  • … people with piercings, body stretchers and full on tattoos are inhabiiting a “lifestyle” and won’t be stealing your corporate job!
  • … bald men are the sexiest thing in the world
  • … there is no justification for putting ketchup on scrambled eggs
  • … everyone is entitled to their opinions. Even when they’re wrong.
  • … that Abby is the killer on Harper’s Island
  • … white chocolate is far superior to milk / dark chocolate
  • … in lots and lots of pillows on my bed
  • … if people took a deep breath everything would be ok
  • … there has to be a scientific explaination for belly button funk
  • … you don’t appreciate what you have unless you work for it
  • … the US will fuck Israel big time
  • … this country is going to fail big time and those without common sense or work ethic will perish
  • … “labels” pigeon hole people into boxes they don’t necessarily fit in to
  • … the devil created fudge caramel swirl ice cream, shrink wrap plastic and Jack Russell Mixed puppies named Ernie
  • … that nothing feels nicer then getting into a bed with clean sheets right after a shower.
  • … the only thing better then getting into bed with cleans sheets right after a shower is getting all them all twisted and sweaty with Chief!
  • … pictures of naked men will ONLY freeze my computer :: with the 19in monitor :: when my boss is walking by my cube
  • … in love over hate.. tolerance over prejudice… lifting up instead of tearing down
  • … it is our moral obligation to help those when we can
  • … ignorance and complacency is far more dangerous then radical Islam
  • … people have a right to live their lives the way they see fit as long as it isn’t a detriment to me and mine
  • … marijuana should be legalized. Really. Do you know how fast this country would get out of debt with a tax on the 420?
  • … a good book is better then any Oscar winning movie or documentary
  • … that if I ever tried to Bible Thump somebody they would thump me back harder
  • … that there is no role for Tripe in the 21st century
  • … laughing at yourself is far better then laughing at someone else
  • … I better get a cup of coffee RIGHT NOW if I want to stay awake past 2pm

It takes all kinds, yknow? The beauty of this world.. of the human race is that there are a million shades of grey.

Very few things are truly black or white and what a painfully boring world it would be it were.

Through this blog, I got to know a beautiful :: inside and out :: woman named Auroracoda. Her voice came at a time that I needed to hear it and subsequently my life became better. We exchanged personal emails, found that we were very similar in an almost spooky way and I enjoyed reading her thoughts as much as she enjoyed reading my musings.

Very articulate, Auroracoda is..

Anyway.. I was actually thinking about her alot lately. There’s things going on in her life that I’m sure can be quite taxing and she had mentioned in one of her posts that her presence on the internet may be sporatic. Unfortunately, my free time has been really non-existant lately so I wasn’t able to email her or even call.

Last night, after harvesting my cabbage in FarmTown, I was able to upload some posts and saw that Aurora had posted.. so I bounced over and read another incredibly insightful post. I entered a comment and scrolled down to find the post that she had written about THIS blog. :: I wanted to lift the picture of the tee-shirt! Ok, I’m Bad. I admit it :: I noticed that there were 6 comments so curiosity getting the best of this cat, I jumped over to read them.

Let me just say this now…

There is nothing that I can’t stand more then a person who is condescending, dismissive and who is under the assumption that they are intellectually superior and THEIR views are the only RIGHT views.

A :: I’m assuming regular:: reader of Auroracoda’s blog commented that they would not read my blog because of my post regarding gay marriage. I think what she actually said was “… someone who writes things like [this post] isn’t really writing a blog I’m interested in reading.

Fair enough. Her’s isn’t one I’m interested in reading either. No Harm.. No Foul.. it’s a big Blog-O-Sphere out there.. not everything is going to float everyone’s boat in a sea of Kool-Aid.

What I found highly insulting is her SECOND comment on the post. Bear with me and allow me to disect. I was SO not in the mindframe to do it last night:

.. she ws just wrong about the causes of homosexuality – and an author who doesn’t bother to research a bit before giving out their uniformed opinion isn’t one I want to read – ’cause how will I know when they’re giving out good information or not?

Honestly, the chick gives me WAY too much credit. This blog is about my thoughts, opinions, views, blah, blah, blah.. I’m not here to educate the masses for Christ’s sake. :: Oh, but wait.. then she’ll say that I’m being irresponsible, huh? :: Whatever << insert smirky eye roll here >>

… her beliefs inform her actions – and I’m still really fracking pissed off about Prop 8. I detest people who believe how thier religion defines marriage should be what is in secular law. Quotes like this: Do I belive in gay marriage? No. I do not. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. That is how it is explained in the dictionary and that is how it is doctrined (sic) in the Bible. infurate me.

I really did laugh at this one. Chick has ALOT of anger doesn’t she? Wow.

Okay..

So let’s clarify a few things here. My beliefs do not dictate my actions :: although I do my best NOT to break any of the Commandments and that I do my best to love the sinner but hate the sin. So shoot me ::. Am I standing with a bunch of protestors? Nope. Am I in your face about it? Nope. The problem I find here is that this chick is lumping me with other.. more vocal.. more deomonstrative opposers of gay marriage.

And please don’t assume that I live my life singing, “… cuz the Bible tells me so”. I may be guilty of thinking faster then I can type but :: and please don’t take this as an apology :: I was only pointing out how marriage is defined in both the Dictionary and the Bible.

While there ARE people who wish that their religious views were secular law.. I’m not one of them.

MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS…

Just because I do not .. personally .. believe in Gay Marriage I did NOT say that they shouldn’t be able to.

In fact.. I didn’t even say that they should be able to adopt or foster or surrogate.

So really.. what is it that is SO infuriating? What is actually touching her raw nerve because it is obviously deeper seated. She may have read the post but I think you pre-judged it from the start when you realized that my views did not meet hers.

… her overall argument – particularly in the last half – was just poor. As a philosophy TA, I wouldn’t give a freshman in Philosophy 101 a passing mark with such an argument.

Do you see what I’m saying? Girlfriend :: in the most ghetto sense of the word :: just has issues.

She is referring to a conversation I had with one of my gay friends. Did you pick up that word? C-O-N-V-E-R-S-A-T-I-O-N?  I wasn’t trying to “argue” my point.. I was trying to understand his since I am NOT :: the last time I checked :: a homosexual man who has experienced what he has.

What is even more scary is that fact that she’s a Philosophy TA because for all the condemnation she doled out, me thinks she may be forgetting what philosophy is:

phi.los.o.phy

  • Love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means and moral self-discipline.
  • Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods.
  • A system of thought based on or involving such inquiry
  • The critical analysis of fundamental assumptions or beliefs.
  • The disciplines presented in university curriculums of science and the liberal arts, except medicine, law, and theology.
  • The discipline comprising logic, ethics, aesthetics, metaphysics, and epistemology.
  • A set of ideas or beliefs relating to a particular field or activity; an underlying theory
  • A system of values by which one lives

Funny that she didn’t comment on the rights of ALL significant others and partners for life :: hetero or homo :: to be insured.

With all that said.. and believe me, that’s the only credence I’m going to give it.. the thought popped into my head that maybe that post.. or other’s .. are the reason why Auroracoda is keeping some distance. She did come to my defense, which I greatly appreciate even though there are aspects of our views that do not coincide.

If it is, there really isn’t much I can do except accept the fact that yknow.. it is what it is… and I wish her, her fiance and their life together to be nothing less then everything she hopes it to be.