Posts Tagged ‘Alcohol’


You know.. I was just laughing at how someone who didn’t know that I call my oldest step son “Weed” on this blog would think that I was some kind of huge pot head!!!

Sorry.. don’t indulge..

But anyway… since Weed has gotten out of rehab, I guess something clicked in his head that he needed to stop doing the things he was doing and start getting his life together. He mentions that he went to this AA meeting or that NA meeting and he just looks healthier then he used to..

One way that I know that he’s not getting into the things he used to is that he calls and texts me ALL THE TIME.

It started the day he got out of rehab and I was washing his clothes. He thought he had left his wallet in one of his jeans but it turned out he left it up at the rehab place so he asked me if I could drive him to get it. We went the next day and a two hour trip turned into a four hour trip because we got lost on the way up and wound up taking the non-highway way home which was all screwed up because of stimulus money construction.

So we had a lot of time to talk and he said that he wanted to go back to school.. get a job.. get his own place.. etc. etc. I was encouraging where I needed to be.. silent when I needed to be.. and argumentative when he changed the channel on my car radio. I even sprung for lunch. It was a good ride.

He wound up spending a few days with friends out of state and on the day he returned, he texted me asking if I could pick him up from the train station .. so I did and that was a comedy of errors all in itself because have you ever tried to pick someone up at one of the busiest train stations in the country during rush hour???

But he told me all about his trip and it sounded like he had a really great time and didn’t get hammered or trashed. He looked fresh.. his eyes were clear and his face wasn’t broken out the way it used to get when he did things he wasn’t suppose to do.

He asked me if I would be able to take him back to the rehab this weekend because they were having a picnic and had invited him the day he went up to get his wallet.

Yea.. sure.. no problem.

Yesterday he asked me if I could drive him to the local discount clothes place because he wanted to get some shorts and shirts. I asked him if he had money because I was broke and he said he did.. so I took him and then he said if I wanted him to go with me to get his father something for our anniversary he wasn’t doing anything. So I took him up on his offer and we went to Walgreen’s where they were having a huge sale on chocolate.

Chief with chocolate is worse then a hormonal woman.

Earlier this evening he called me and told me that someone had given him a gift card for Barnes and Noble and could I drive him to get some books. I told him that I didn’t know where a Barnes and Noble was.. that the closest book store was Border’s. He said there was one in a town that is like an hour away and I told him that his dad was going to be home from the shop in 45 minutes and that I would take him after dinner.

He said he thought they closed at 8 and that he would just take the bus or something.

I felt really bad that I couldn’t take him but he said it was cool and not to worry about it.

Later on in the evening I get this text from him:

WEED: Leese, a buddy of mine wanted to know if we could pick him up on the way to the picnic.. can you do that? Its ok if not

ME: No prob… as long as he isn’t carrying a kilo of something illegal. that’s the right term.. right? Kilo? I remember that from Miami Vice

WEED: Of course not!!!!!! We’re going to a REHAB PICNIC dude!!

I was literally peeing myself hysterical laughing!!!

Chief asked what was so funny and I told him.. I also told him about going to Barnes and Noble and he was like, “.. what does he think you’re his personal chauffer?

And I was like.. look, he could have sold the card and bought SoCo or pills but he wanted to buy books!!! BOOKS!!!! Aren’t you proud of him??

Because even if he wasn’t, I was.. and I don’t care if he thinks I’m his personal driver.. the more time he wants to spend in my car is more time he’s off the street and away from trouble.

… wasn’t really busy in the shop today. The last few days were killer so actually being able to stand behind the counter and read all the drama surrounding Michael Jackson and his kids in this weeks US Magazine was really a welcome relief.

Out of the corner of my eye, I happen to notice Sarge getting out of a black car. Normally, when he does pop around the shop, he’s in his work van so I kind of figured something was a little beyond unusual.

He just doesn’t come around for no reason.

I actually was waiting on a customer when Sarge, his wife and another woman walked into the store asking for Chief.

I told Sarge that he was in the back taking a nap and why doesn’t he go back there and wake him up. The other woman introduces her self to me and I shake her hand, apologizing for smelling like lunch meat.

Sarge’s wife, the Sea Hag, says dryly that that’s what I’m suppose to smell like. She meant because I was working in a deli but you have to know her to understand the context.

The Sea Hag .. for no reason and certainly no basis .. looks down on everyone and so I think even standing in our store was giving her hives.

At any rate..  Sarge returns from the kitchen soon followed by Chief who gives an OMG!! when he sees the other woman.

The Sea Hag immediately starts talking to me about my mother in law and the phone call I had received from her. Again reiterating that they weren’t the one’s giving out my phone number and that it had markings of something that the other brother would do.

She made it sound sinister and I told her that even though I never met the other brother, I can see how he would think that my cell number was the house number and really, there was no harm.. no foul.

She started telling me all these things about what her and Sarge had done for the mother and how the mother completely trashed them. How they spent a hundred dollars on food for her when Sarge was out of work :: making it seem like a hardship :: but that the mother turned her nose up to it.

I told her that I felt bad for the mother.. that having worked for a hospital that had owned a nursing home and required me to train their staff there, it was hard for me emotionally to come across people that were just casted off. I told her that I :: before the vile voice mail :: wanted to go visit her and that I had wanted :: before the vile voice mail :: to send her clothes and personal items annoymously :: which, of course, she said SHE wanted to do too :: but that I had to honor and respect Chief’s wishes.

She said that maybe we could do something for her together.. go visit her together but not get her involved in our lives :: contradictory to what she had said earlier about not having ANYTHING to do with her, mind you :: but again, I told her that I had to abide by Chief.

That it was about the whole “love… honor.. and obey” vow.

What I believe.. and you have every right not to go along with me here .. is that at some point in a relationship, a decision has to be made where both sides are at an impasse. And it is at such a point where someone needs to defer to the other. It could be Chief deferring to me or me deferring to him but someone is going to have to take the lead and it’s in those cases where I honor the “obey” part of my marriage vows. It’s trusting the other person enough to say, “.. ok. I don’t necessarily agree with you but if you believe as strongly as you do then I’m not going to keep [something] from progressing because I think I’m right”

It’s basically the art of picking and choosing your battles!!

At any rate.. she was going on and on about how Chief should go visit her. And I mean, really.. the way she said it and pointed her finger at him I literally wanted to jump over the counter and punch her nose through to the back of her head.

But that’s the kind of people they are…

Only SHE AND SARGE were the one’s that had to deal with her.. Only SHE AND SARGE were the “good” and “faithful” children who went to visit her etc, etc, etc.

It’s a crock of simmering shit is all that is.

So I told her what I had posted before… I did not grow up they way they did.. did not see.. hear.. feel.. or bear the scars of their childhood. Everybody has their own story.. their own version .. and then there is the truth. I am not going to judge anyone.. am not going to feel annimosity towards anyone else based on something I didn’t see.. hear.. or experience.

I am going on Chief’s word because he is my husband and my duty is to him. If  he.. as he said.. doesn’t want me to open the Pandora’s box, then I’m not. Regardless of my emotions or sentiments. He doesn not want his mother in his life.. in his kids lives.. in our life.. and that’s the way it’s going to stay until HE tells me other wise.

She got a little indignent but I couldn’t care less.

Apparently, our conversation was over because she said something to Sarge about leaving. The whole time me and the Sea Hag were talking.. Chief, Sarge and the other woman were having their own conversation and as everyone started to say their goodbyes, I heard Chief say something about emailing him and then tearing a piece of register tape.

I assumed he was writing down his email address :: which he never checks anyway :: and then we said our goodbyes and everyone left.

After they were gone, Chief said to me “.. well that was awkward” and I asked him why. He told me the other woman was his old girlfriend from when he was like 17 or something and that he was kind of pissed that Sarge just had thrown that on him.

I told him that considering the way Sarge is, he probably had a chubby just thinking about how Chief was going to react when they walked in.

On my part, I didn’t think anything of it. I knew that all the brothers had tons of friends :: both guys and girls :: growing up and that Sarge had become such a Facebook geek that he had reconnected with a lot of them.

Chief had told me about this particular girl before.. how her mother was crazy about his long-haired, motorcycle, bad-boy ass and that she [the mother] was the one responsible for talking him into going to culinary school.

I asked him if he thought that bringing her to the deli was the reason why the Sea Hag was so interested in monopolizing my attention and he said probably and then when he first saw her his first thought was, “.. omg, how am I going to explain this to Leese.”

Which I thought was a typical male response.

And I can’t say I’m bothered by it.. :: maybe a little by Chief’s assertion that he could tell she was thinking that he looked damn good :: because everybody has a past and I learned long ago that I can’t battle memories. But the masochistic side of me wonders what he was really thinking when he saw her. You know, how everybody gets the “What If” syndrome?

Make no mistake.. I know Chief loves me.. I know he knows what his life would be like without me. I am not a jealous person.. I am not an un-confident person :: for the most part :: but I am still a girl and sometimes there is a dose of competition that surfaces when you happen to be thrown into a situation where your brother in law brings your husband’s old girlfriend to your store! LOL!

Actually, I just think it was a shitty thing to do. Not so much for the sadistic-ness is seeing Chief’s reaction.. but for not at least thinking about how I would feel about it. How did he know that I wouldn’t just get all bent out of the shape or have it become an issue between me and Chief?

The fact is that he didn’t because he doesn’t care. All Sarge cares about is himself and the hell with everyone else.

Nice guy, huh?

Here’s something to ponder.

How much are you entitled to know about your significant other’s family or their past.

I’m not talking about things that could be of potential harm to you or would have a negative effect on you or your life.

Things like a psychopathic uncle I think should be shared … or if there’s a federal warrant lingering or tax evasion charge.. stuff like that.

But suppose it’s perefrial info? Suppose it’s information about a person who has since changed their life around?

Should you know? Do you have a RIGHT to know? If you found out, should you tell your significant other that you did?

Because that’s the situation I find myself in now.

NOTE: Come on.. by this time if anyone DOESN’T think I need a freakin’ reality show then you need serious meds!!

The upside to Facebook is that it puts you in contact with people. The downside to Facebook is that it puts you in contact with people.

Through FB, I’ve become close with one of Chief’s cousins, Bird.

Bird is around the same age as Chief and Sarge and was probably the cousin that spent the most time at their house growing up. Bird, like me, was a major tomboy so growing up where they did.. at the time they did.. with 4 male cousins and a relatively close age difference is basically a tomboy’s wet dream.

Bird is also a talker. And she gave me the low down on a lot of things that are contrary to either what I’ve been told and my own instincts about people.

I just deleted about 27 paragraphs of detail about what she told me. And the reason why I did is not because it’s an embarassment :: yea, me? Embarrassed? Do you READ this blog? :: or because it would make anyone in my family look bad because lets face it, there’s no way you would know any of them…

But the reason why I deleted it is because I started to feel the same way I felt when Bird first told me.

When we had ended our conversation and I was able to lift my chin off my knees and actually swallow, I rolled over onto a sleeping Chief and just held him. I was sooo sad for everything he had been through growing up.. I just wanted to hold him and protect him and never let anything bad happen to him ever again.

I knew he had been through a lot growing up.. I knew in my gut that his reasons for doing the things that he did in the past was a direct result from everything in his childhood. All the scattered puzzle pieces finally fit.

Coming from a big, close knit family I couldn’t grasp the fact that he had no desire to be too involved with his family.. that he hadn’t spoken to 2 of his brothers in years.. I couldn’t fathom having a twin :: Sarge :: and not being close to him..

I know why now.

I know why when Sarge is around for longer then 20 minutes, you can hear the voices in Chief’s head screaming JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE even though he puts on a smile and tolerates him.

I understand now why he’d rather be left alone and not really deal with anyone in his family and I feel a little guilty for pushing him the way I sometimes do.

No child should have gone through the things he did.. no child should have been exposed to what he was.. it’s a tragedy.

Now, my father in law is no where near the person he used to be. We have a great relationship and I love him to death. I can’t hold his past against him because I see no evidence of it now but I don’t have Chief’s scars.

Regardless of anything I’ve ranted about or got pissed off about, one thing is crystal clear. People are who they are because of the things they’ve seen, heard and been exposed to.

And for all his faults… and in spite of everything that occurred prior to meeting me, Chief is a good man. All he wanted was to be loved and that “want” led him down some wrong paths :: ie: the crack whore ::.

But he has it now.. in abundance. And just when I think I can’t love him any more then I already do… I do.

The best part is that he knows it. And knowing it has given him the confidence to know that no matter what happens, he always has somebody standing behind him.. supporting him when he needs to be supported.. anchoring him when he needs to be anchored.. someone who will always have his back and someone he knows he can always trust.

If he had that growing up, how different his life would have been.

A few weeks ago :: sorry, I really haven’t been able to post as much as I really need to! :: my cell phone rang around 930pm. The caller id came up as an area as opposed to a phone number and since my own brother lives in that general vacinity, I assumed the call was from him.

I was wrong.

It was Chief’s mother.

Yep. His mother.

Don’t usually read anything about her do you? That’s because she isn’t talked about.

When we first met and I had inquired about his parents, he told me that she was in a home. He had to put her there because she has :: and had since his youth :: a perscription drug and alcohol problem. She wasn’t able to live on her own and so she went to live with him around the time that he got custody of the boys. Not to go into too much detail, but her living with him was one contributing factor to his own alcohol abuse.

He never told me anything specific and I never pushed because you could visibly see the pain cross his face but the boys had told me incidents and while I could never conceve of putting my own mother into a home, I could fully understand why he had to.

It didn’t help that his three brothers left everything to him.. wouldn’t help with her or bear any burden. Their stance was, “… well, Chief had to deal with her.”

When she called, he was asleep. But I’m not the quietest of talkers and I wound up waking him up. I mouthed to him who was on the phone and he immediately motioned his hand across his throat as if to say, “… I’m not here. Don’t give me the phone. PLEASE LEESE.. do not tell her I’m awake!”

And so I didn’t … she told me that she got my phone number from Sarge’s wife. From what she said, she called there first because the “home” was kicking her out and she needed a place to stay. Sarge’s wife supposedly said, “… well you can’t stay here. Call Chief”

She asked how big our house was and I instinctively told her that we were all living on top of each other since it was so small. That’s not true but I figured that there would be no good coming from telling her the truth.. especially since Chief was so adament about talking to her.

We went on to have a 20 minute conversation and I afforded her every kindess and respect that I was raised to exhibit.

I told her that I would give Chief the message that she had called and we hung up.

Me and Chief spoke about the phone call briefly. He questioned how she got my number and also told me that she was under no threat of being thrown out of anywhere. This was something that she does every so often.

His first instinct was to have me change my phone number.. something that I didn’t want to do.. His second was to get P-I-S-S-E-D at Sarge for giving my number out.

I wound up talking to Bird later on that night and she was telling me all this stuff about Chief’s mom :: her aunt :: that really made my heart bleed. Things like the staff doesn’t believe she has a family because no one visits her.. and that she gets her clothes from the rack that houses the garments of residents who have died.

This really broke my heart because it pains me that the elderly are treated the way they are in some families.. as throw aways.. and I started trying to come up with ideas that would benefit her without necessarily cause Chief grief.

The following night, I was at the shop with Chief preparing for a huge catering order when my phone rang again. The time, a name of a suburban hospital registered and Chief automatically cancelled the call. “I don’t want to deal with her” is what he said.

The voice mail ringy thing went off and so, curious, I listened to it.

My chin dropped to my knees and me.. who usually is NEVER without something to say.. was speechless.

The voice mail lasted for the whole time allotment and was filled with the most vile.. nasty.. horrible things that I ever had directed towards me. Not even anything that my ex spewed at me could compare.

Not being able to help it, my eyes started welling up with tears. I mean, what did I ever do to this woman? Chief asked me what was wrong and I held up the phone.. he didn’t hear all of it, but what he did.. he just grabbed the phone and turned it off.

I went into the back kitchen and sat down on some milk crates.. literally stunned and shell shocked. He said that I had to understand that she was a paranoid schizo and to not take it personally.

I asked him how one could NOT take all that personally and having lived with a paranoid schizo for 18 years, it doesn’t ever NOT hurt.

He said that he had hoped I would never have to deal with her.. why he doesn’t want her in his life or around the boys. Every day was one extreme to the other and the best place she could be was where she was at.

I felt so beat up.. and so blindsided.. and I asked him how much more did I have to take? What the hell else was down the pike that I was going to get hit with?

He just put his arms around me because.. really.. what else could he do?

I talked to Bird again, relaying what happened. She said it didn’t sound like her aunt.. that maybe somebody else said something to her that made her turn on me the way she did.

You have to understand that from Bird’s perspective, Chief’s mother was more a victim of her marriage then an instigator in it. Bird’s father and Chief’s mother are brother/sister so there will be a biased. From Chief’s perspective, his mother.. her illness.. and her addictions caused as many disruptions as his father’s alcohol abuse.

I don’t know who to believe.. and it really isn’t important. It is not my place to take a side or pass judgement for other people’s past actions.. especially when I was not involved or personally affected.

All I knew was that I was put in the fire by someone who gave out my phone number and all arrows pointed to Sarge. That caused tension with Chief :: who as I’ve said before, doesn’t necessary have alot of good thoughts about his twin :: and he said something to his father about it.

Initially, my father in law said that he wasn’t going to bring it up with Sarge because it would be just another person in the middle. I respected him for that and told him that I didn’t WANT him in the middle. I would take it up with Sarge myself.

I think though that our relationship is such that it bothered him that I had been on the receiving end of such vile things because later on that afternoon, I got a phone call from Sarge insisting that it wasn’t him. Him and his wife were on speaker phone telling me all kinds of things to prove it wasn’t them.

I didn’t necessarily believe them until he mentioned that she had also called their other brother. The puzzle pieces started to fit because I had forgotten that this brother also had my phone number.

When Chief had been arrested, this brother called my phone and I’m may be going out on a limb but I believe that he didn’t know that the number he was calling was my personal cell phone and not our house phone.

She may have contacted him asking for Chief’s number because from what I hear from ALL parties, Chief was the only son who cared enough about her to try to help her at all.

I haven’t received a call since then.. and I doubt that I will.

I just finding it hard to wrap my brain around just how fucked up this family truly is.. remember, my family is nothing.. nothing.. NOTHING like this and I feel like I’m hanging on to an empty water bottle in the middle of the ocean in trying to digest everything.

Here we go again… the issue with Food Stamps.

THIS I didn’t know existed.

Apparently, there is a loophole which allows welfare recipients to purchase alcohol with their Access cards and Child Support cards

NOTE: I don’t care what people do with their child support money. For one, that’s private money and not issued by the state and two, after everything that I go through with Spaz and Bubba, I’m seriously thinking about two fisting some shots!

A State Rep, David Reed, has issued a bill that would prevent the sale of alcohol for people receiving food stamp.

And guess what?



Hmmm.. could it be that the State Rep is a Republican and that AUTOMATICALLY calls for opposition from the Libs?

Isn’t it the liberals who want BIGGER government? Who want the government to take care of every one of their needs? Bail out banks and fiscally irresponsible people? Who want nationalized health care? So why would they NOT think that the government would mandate how you can spend THEIR money??

NOTE: I’m going to post about this later but you want to know how Nationalized Healthcare works? You don’t need to look at Canada or England… just head over to your local VA Hospital and ask THEM how well they are treated.

Look.. everybody who reads this blog already knows my feelings about food stamps and why I feel the way I feel. But this is just ridiculous… how can someone actually think that buying alcohol and beer on food stamps is okay?

I’m of the theory that if your not part of the solution then your part of the problem.. and that if you’re standing on a soapbox proclaiming all that’s wrong then you should also come up with how to fix it.

So my fix with food stamps?

Let people work for it. I’m sure there are places, neighborhood, land where everyone lives that is over-grown or strewn with trash … I’m sure there is “blight” in every city, county, borough in the state / country.

And wouldn’t you know it? The governement has a WHOLE WORK CORP of people. You want food stamps? Then you have to throw on that flourencent vest and pick up trash.. cut grass.. paint over graffetti.

In other words.. EARN it. The government doesn’t have to worry about where they’re going to get the money from because they’re already dolling it out.

See. Simple.

But “Simple” is NEVER “Simple”.

I can hear the excuses now.. “I don’t have time to work painting walls” :: Why? Because you already have another job and are fraudently receiving state aid? It happens. More then you’ll want to believe :: “.. but I got kids” :: Then put them in day care or have someone babysit like the majority of the poplace does. Or aren’t you already getting money FOR daycare from the state?” :: “.. but.. but.. but..”

I think, a while back, this came up and I think doing that was deemed unconstitutional. I’ll have to do some research on that.

I’d love to find out who deemed it unconstitutional to work becase guess what? My ass will be out of my cube in a heartbeat!