They say that what you’re doing at the start of the New Year is what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year.
I should just slit my wrists now and save myself a year of misery.
NOTE: I’m not really going to slit my wrists. It’s just an expression
I was sleeping at midnight. I fell alseep not because I was tired or harboring a flu…. I fell asleep because I was bored and miserable.
Chief had nodded off earlier then that :: his from exhaustion :: and at around 9, Spaz knocked on the bedroom door asking what channel the ball dropping was on.
I remember when I was a kid and my parents would have people over for New Years. Not like a big party or anything… just family or friends or neighbors popping in and out and at midnight they made sure us kids were awake and banging on pots and pans.
So I went out to the living room and set the reminder for Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years and told Spaz that when it got near midnight to wake us up so we could watch the ball drop together.
I woke up at 12:20 with Chief snoring in my ear and Spazz asleep in front of the tv with the reminder still at the bottom.
I watched Chief sleeping for a little bit.. tears falling because this is not how I thought my life was going to wind up after finally having the guts to divorce my abusive first husband.
When I was married to the mindless minion, I was allowed to do anything on New Years Eve. We had to be home with the dogs… it was too dangerous… too many drunk drivers on the road :: ironic since HE was arrested twice for DUI and served 77 days in jail because no one wanted to pony up the 200.00 to bail his simple ass out :: HE wanted to stay home and so WE did.
I wanted to have fun… wanted to go out and do things.. wanted to take trips.. or go shopping.. or go visit friends or family.. celebrate birthdays …
Doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
Chief’s at the shop now. Didn’t wake me up to wish me a Happy New Year. Didn’t try to hold me during the night. I just don’t know where this is going. That’s a lie. I do. I just don’t want to admit it.
I’ll go into this in more detail later but on Christmas Eve afternoon, Bubba wanted me to take him to Walmart to buy gifts for the crack-whore, her parents and his aunt and uncle. Things had transpired before that and I told him that I wasn’t going to take him.. he could ask Chief.
When Chief came back to the shop, Bubba mentioned it to him and Chief asked me why I was mad at Bubba. I explained I wasn’t and what my reasoning was for not wanting to take him. Chief sighed and said he would go but he had this to do and that to do and it was getting late .. blah blah blah and so I said that I was sorry if I just made his life more complicated.
He said .. matter of factly.. that whenever someone tries to make a point then his life becomes complicated. So I gave in and took him.
What IM thinking is … I’m the only one that compromises and thinks about them instead of me.
I love him. I honestly do with my whole heart and soul.. but I really don’t know how much longer I can put up with this.
LIVING ME 101 