Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

Overwelmed and Under Seize

Posted: December 21, 2009 in Holidays
Tags: , , ,

… 24 inches of snow

… Christmas shopping won’t be finished :: or started for that matter until the 23rd ::

… More snow on the way

… 9′ Christmas tree fell three times.. twice on me

… Outlet to light the 30ft of garland lights is not working

… 24 inches of snow

… kids off from school tomorrow

… did I mention 24 inches of snow?

I hate Christmas

… so hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and that it was everything that you wanted it to be.

Mine was relatively quiet :: for the life that I live anyway :: .. Chief cooked a fabulous turkey, made fresh cranberry preserve, mashed potatoes and that green bean thing that has those crunchy deep fried onions on. My father in law brought over these sweet potatoes that Chief’s brother makes that were SO FUCKING GOOD! There were apples in there and pineapples and OMG.. it was SO FUCKING GOOD!

We ate around 3.. my father in law was out the door by 4:30 :: he can’t see well at night to drive so as soon as the sun moves behind a cloud he’s on his way :: and then the boys went off to the Crack Whore’s.

Beings that we were going to be home alone, I had visions of some porn and pokin’ but the stuff that’s in the turkey that makes you tired kicked in and after the emergency run to get sewer main unblocker :: yes, the sewer backed up into our basement again :: I was down for the count.

NOTE: Yes, we wound up getting a turkey late Wednesday night.. because, yknow, tradition and all. Shame you can’t see the eye roll I just gave right then!

Anyway.. so 4:30AM .. read that again.. 4:30AM.. my cell phone starts ringing. I jump out of bed.. trip over Bella.. slam my knee into the foot board.. step on the cat and drive for the phone in the dining room.

It’s Bird.


Ok.. so earlier on Thanksgiving, I was going through the circulars and one of the department stores had 50.00 flannel shirts for 8.00. So I happen to mention to Bird that I SHOULD get up at be at the store when they open to grab a few since that’s what I was going to get my father in law for Xmas anyway.

The ONE time that the bitch takes me seriously!!

I kind of feel bad because her sleeps schedule is all fucked up so for her to be up at that time either took some serious effort on her part OR some serious meds.

Fine. So I tell her to come pick me up and she said that she was going to wake up her daughter, Peep, to come with. Peep is home from college and I’m sure the last thing she wanted to do is wake up at 430am to go shopping on Black Friday.

Anyway.. so they get to my house by 5 and Bird is WIRED.

I mean W.I.R.E.D

She’s like a bobble head anyway but OMG.. she was all over the map. I asked her if she had had coffee :: because coffee makes her seriously spaz :: but she said she didn’t even take an energy pill. She’s doing fifty things at once.. pulling out all the circulars from the paper and showing me what she needed to get and all I’m telling her is that she BETTER stop at a Dunkin’ Donuts because I can’t get through this without some serious caffeine.

I should have known what she had issues ordering two large coffees, one with milk and sugar and one with extra sugar and cream that this how adventure was NOT going to be good.

Further proof was when she goes speeding the three blocks from the DD to WalMart and is YELLING at the guy at the red light to turn when he had NO intention of turning and then playing chicken with an old lady for a parking spot.

She has this BIG silver truck and between the old lady trying to jockey her little Toyota .. cars trying to get down the row and cars trying to get up the rows and the poor guy just trying to get out of the parking space, I just knew I was going to die and it was the one time that I voluntarily put my seat belt on.

Then the old lady starts yelling at her.. she starts yelling at the old lady and my chin is literally on my knees because as rough and tumble as I am.. I’d rather just park at the farthest end of the parking lot and walk just to avoid all the drama.

So I’m yelling at her to stop acting the way she is.. Peep is yelling at her to stop acting the way she is.. and the evil demon that has possessed poor Bird turned it’s head and spewed green pea soup before telling us both to shut the hell up.

WalMart is usually a mad house but this was even worse then my vivid imagination could conjure. There were cattle shoots sets up with sadistic cops from three counties welding electric prods to keep the masses in line.

And there were masses.

BELIEVE ME .. there were masses.

The majority there to pick up flat screen tv’s at ridiculous prices all with their nickers in a twist because they were sold out. If you ask me, there were never any tv’s to sell out but that’s just my Wal-Mart Conspiracy Theory thought.

Bird was pissed but figured while we were there getting pushed and shoved and prodded, we might as well pick up a paper shredder.

A paper shredder? Are you fucking kidding me?

But a paper shredder she grabbed and then it’s standing and standing and standing and standing in line to purchase it and I swear I should have just walked the five blocks home.

We finally get out of the line and it was on to the next store. Kohls.

I have to say that even thought Kohl’s was crowded, the were organized. To me, WalMart people don’t usually shop at Kohl’s and so the whole experience was completely different. Then again, Kohl’s doesn’t sell tv’s and radios and the like ..

So Bird and Peep go running around grabbing this and that and I’m just wondering when the hell I’m going to be able to just go buy the flannel shirts. Bird keeps telling me to buy things.. do some of my shopping.. but I’m not prepared financially to do that so basically I’m just there to carry bags.

Kohl’s had a great check out set up. You stood in the main line away from the cashiers and when one was free, a Kohl’s person directed you to the open cashier. It made things move along a lot quicker and was less stressful then having all these people rolling their eyes and shifting right behind you in your personal space. We spent around an hour and a half in there but really, it wasn’t so bad.

Then on to Sears. Apparently, Sears was selling flat screen tv’s at a ridiculous price too and Bird was able to scoop up the last one. But that was a WHOLE process in itself and by this time, I really just wanted to go home. But I sucked it up and got through the sale. Next stop, Boscov’s because Bird wanted to buy herself a ring.

I think I have to state for the record that indecisiveness is a huge pet peeve. Especially indecisiveness while shopping. I’m the kind of shopper that scans a store and if nothing jumps out at me, I move on. For Xmas shopping, I have a list. And I stick to my list. And if something on my list isn’t available, I do a quick scan and move on.

Bird buying herself a ring from her husband for Christmas was the epitome of indecisiveness and by this time, I was ready to crack and on the verse of a breakdown.

The funny thing is, a woman also buying a ring asked me how old I was. When I told her 44, she was shocked because she thought I was in my early 30’s. Then she commented that Bird must of had me REALLY early in life.

Bird looked like she was going to blow a gasket and I just chuckled to myself at how sweet revenge really is.

We FINALLY got out of there and FINALLY made our way to JC Penny’s to get my flannel shirts.. which took all of… I dunno.. 15 minutes? Most of that spent in line?

Then back to Sears to pick up the tv and then to the supermarket to pick up clams and clam juice for the New England Clam Chowder that Chief was making.

By the time I got to the store, I had been with Bird and Peep for 5 hours and it was literally the worse 5 hours of my life.

I’ll never do that again…


.. but of course this would be my favorite cartoon!

While I’m thinking about it now, I want to take the time to wish each and every one of you a Happy Thanksgiving.

I had planned on doing it on the actual DAY but y’all know how I am.. my mind is like a sieve something and with everything I have to do up until dinner is over, I may not have the time. So I figured I would do it early .. instead of late.

Usually I’m late so take it for what it’s worth.

I’m trying here, people!!

At any rate, I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with love, happiness, family, friends and of course, thanks for the things you have in life and not getting all pissy about the thinks you don’t.

Everyday we wake up IS truly a blessing.

So Happy Thanks from me to you …

And don’t each too much dinner .. the holiday season has just begun!

A few Halloween’s ago, the company that Goober works for was holding a Halloween contest and being the good Catholic boy that he is, he went dressed a nun. All 6’4″ 6’2″ of him with big man hands and goatee.

So he does THE worse thing he could possibly do. He takes a picture of himself and emails it to me. Ok.. that’s not the WORSE thing he ever emailed me but that’s not the point.

I immediately post the picture up on the other blog I used to have on Bravenet.

I called her/him Sister Fica Hedonista.

Fica being the Italian slang for “pussy”. With the goatee, it just seemed to fit, ok?

I went on to describe how Sr. Fica USED to be Father Paul but that nasty little “issue” in the rectumory caused him to lose his manhood at the hands of a chain-saw welding parent. Since he was .. for the most part.. “almost” transgenered and his vocation still strong, he entered the nunnery to serve out the rest of his/her life is relative isolation.

That was a hit.. believe me.. and IF GOOBER GIVES ME PERMISSION I will post the picture.

IF Goober gives me permission..

IF GOOBER gives me permission..

IF GOOBER GIVES me permission..

IF GOOBER GIVES ME permission..


IF GOOBER GIVES ME permission..

IF GOOBER GIVES me permission..

IF GOOBER gives me permission..

IF Goober gives me persission..

:: do it Goob.. do it!! ::

… well, what do you know? A long weekend without any drama. Rather, the height of drama that I’m use too!!

The party for DeeDee’s stepkids went ok. Her house is really small but it’s in a really nice area. She has a lake across the street from her that’s run by the state. About a 1/4 mile down the road, there is a huge playground, a tiny beach with a lifeguard and boat access and docks for fishing. I loved it and at one point, before Spaz and her stepkids warmed up to each other, we took a walk down and I was really impressed. I talked to DeeDee’s Baby’s Daddy and told him that we would probably be regular visitors!! LOL!!

We didn’t stay too long.. a few hours.. because it’s a hours drive and I just wanted to get home and spend some off time with Chief since he was closing the shop early.

I picked up dinner on the way back :: Chinese :: and we finished the night doing what we usually do. Me and Chief watched a movie.. Spaz watched his own movie and Bubba stayed at a friend’s house.

Sunday found us at a family BBQ at my uncles. I don’t think Chief necessarily wanted to go.. it’s hard to do ANYTHING when you’re finally doing nothing! But he went and stayed for a little. There was a lot of people there and it was muggy hot. We both ate WAY too much and I was kind of getting uncomfortable because my mother started in on the subject of me getting laid off.

NOTE: To give a quick recap, I may be getting laid off from my job. If that happens, I will be working at the shop in the mornings. Chief really needs to hire someone but is holding off on doing so until I find out what my status is at work. If I do get laid off, my unemployement PLUS what Chief would be saving by not hiring someone would make up my current check.. so we really aren’t losing anything.

My mother always has something negative to say. To me, it sounds like she doesn’t have any faith in what I do.. how I think.. or the plans I make. I tried telling her that I’m just covering my bases and no, I don’t WANT to get laid off but it isn’t in my control so if it DOES happen, we have a back up plan.

Think she’s be happy about that? Nope. She hammered me with BUT WHAT IF’sAND YOU CAN’T COUNT ONS.. to the point where I was getting weary just thinking about the subject and Chief started to get pissed off.

In all honesty, that was really the reason why I wanted to leave…

Anyway.. so we went home and spend the rest of the night playing Call of Duty and watching movies. Bubba slept over the crack whore’s so it was relatively quiet.

Monday :: Memorial Day :: we were suppose to go over to my friend K’s house. He’s actually like my second brother and the child my mother loves the most! But Chief had a catering order to go out for the local VFW hall and he just wanted to hang out at home.

I didn’t blame him. We’re so rarely home doing nothing, yknow? So I called up K and told him that we weren’t going to be coming over and then we bought some steaks and asparagus to grill.

We got home around 2 and we both wound up nodding out for a few hours. Nothing like a cold air conditioned room on a hot day to make me sleepy!!

Bubba had come in around 4 or so and asked me for a few dollars to take public trans to the creek. I told him I didn’t have it and I wasn’t going to wake Chief up. He made that Eeyore face and mumbled that he guessed he’d have to stay home.

I asked him if that was such a bad thing and he said it was. I was like, “… what can I tell you?” and went back into my room. He wound up leaving again and didn’t return home until 9pm.

Chief woke up not long after Bubba left and he grilled.. we ate.. I did laundry.. and then we just hung out the rest of the night.

I’ll tell you.. little dramas aside.. it was a good weekend.