Archive for January 6, 2011

... because it NEVER is, huh Spaz?

.. so Spaz’s behavior problems have been VERY well documented on this blog but let’s see if I can keep it on the short side:

  • Constant habitual lying
  • Tantrums
  • Being disrespectful and rude
  • Sassy mouth
  • Bad attitude
  • Abandonment Issues
  • Low self esteem

I think that about covers it. His baggage is so heavy that he’s on a behavioral IEP (Independent Education Program) at school meaning that he’s in a “special” class and receives both individual and group counseling¬†three or four times a week.

He’s been in this type of class since before I came into their lives.

He also has issues with authority .. being told what to do .. taking responsibility for his actions .. coping.. filtering what comes out of his mouth and knowing his place as a 12 year old.

A whole witch’s cauldron of things that brewed from the adult equivalent of a Perfect Storm.

So right on the heels of the whole weight issue and good eating habits issue and trying to find pants that fit him issue, I get a phone call from his counselor. While I’m trying to walk into the house carrying about 10 bags of groceries on my arm.

I like both his counselor and his teacher. They both sincerely have his best interests at heart.. try to work with him and his behavior.. and appreciate the fact that we are active parents who want to work WITH them instead of making him their problem. Believe me, I know of other kids where their parents could care less and sorry.. but I just don’t understand that.

So anyway, she calls. And when she calls I know that Spaz has gone above and beyond his own level of what I call a “brat” .. believe me, I could call him worse but I usually reserve those words for people over the age of consent.

I can tell from her voice that she’s upset. Not angry.. not pissed.. but hurt. Her voice was actually quivering and I was like O! M! G! what did this kid do now?

She tells me that for the week prior to break and since classes restarted, he’s been so over the top with his antics. Rude.. disrespectful.. disruptive.. inappropriate.. ornery.. were some of the words she used. She said he’s been telling his teacher that he hated her often.. that he refuses to do the work assigned.. that he’s being disruptive to the point where other students aren’t capable of focusing on their work.. that he said he doesn’t care about doing the work assigned.. ripping up work sheets.. throwing stuff on impulse.. refusing to participate in group counseling.

She also said that today in individual counseling he told her that he wasn’t going to talk to her.. he didn’t care what she had to say and then he walked out. She had to call security because she couldn’t see where he had went and didn’t know whether he had left the building or not.

He also said something to her that was so over the bar, it prompted the phone call. She said she didn’t want to repeat what he had said.. the words themselves didn’t matter to her (I can ONLY imagine) but that it seems as though he was progressing backwards instead of forwards.

I asked her why she hadn’t called sooner and she explained that the week before school let out for the holiday, all the kids get antsy and crazed so she chalked it up to that and let it slide. She hadn’t called Monday or Tuesday because her and his teacher wanted the chance to work through Spaz’s issues with him instead of immediately calling home.

I explained to her what was going on here.. that all this probably is centered around the move. He says he wants to go.. but is he saying that because it’s what we want to hear? Is he saying it because that’s what he really feels? Does he want to move but when he thinks about it, doesn’t want to? Does he feel guilty for leaving the Crack Whore? Is the Crack Whore MAKING him feel guilt for wanting to move?

The thing is, I don’t know what the Crack Whore says to him but I know that she says things she shouldn’t. I know that her child mind cannot discuss things with the adults in the kids lives.. and she says the most to Spaz because both Bubba and Weed are of an age where they can see through her bull. Well, most of the time for Bubba anyway. I also know that she uses Spaz’s craving for her affection to her advantage and his expense. I also told the counselor about her saying that Spaz is not Chief’s biological son to Bubba but didn’t know whether that had crossed Spaz’s ears.

The only one who could answer those questions was Spaz and even though we understand his issues, he doesn’t get a reprieve from his bad behavior. I told her we would address it and she would be receiving a note of apology from him.

So I explain all this to Chief and he’s just as pissed as I was. I asked him what his punishment was going to be and he said that he was not allowed on the computer or the laptop for a week. Not to play games or watch movies or listen to music. Fair enough, I guess. This is the third time that something like this has happened and honestly, I would have stuck him in his room for a week.

Anyway.. I was in the shower when Chief went to pick him up. He has after school tutoring until 5:30 and it’s too dark to let him walk home alone. When they returned, I was in the bedroom getting dressed and didn’t actually see Spaz until Chief came in and asked me to finish dinner because he wasn’t feeling good and felt like he had to lay down.

When I went out to the kitchen, Spaz comes in making small talk and I forget exactly what he said that opened the window to what happened in school but it did and I jumped through it. I figured that Chief had already laid in to him so I was going to take a different approach.

I asked him what he was thinking.. what was going through is head when all this happened. He said that he already talked to his father about it. I said, “.. well, now your going to talk to me because I’m trying to understand.”.

I really think there is a time and a place to raise your voice and this wasn’t either.

I won’t go into the whole conversation verbatim but basically I explained to him that when hurting someone’s feeling because your upset about something is not good. And when he said that his teacher said it doesn’t bother her, I explained that she is a person. And no one like to hear those things said to them.. like he doesn’t like when Bubba says to Spaz that nobody loves him.

It bothered me when he said, “.. she’s JUST a teacher.” so I told him that teachers are the second most important people in his life because he spends more time with them then he does with his parents and regardless, he is NOT to say ANYTHING disrespectful to ANY ADULT. Let alone those who have to put up with his stuff.

I remained calm.. I tried to use examples instead of reasons.. tried to put him in their shoes at his level, so to speak..

Everything was cool until I told him that he had to write her an apology. He said he wasn’t going to do it. I said he was. He said he wasn’t sorry. I said I didn’t care.. writing her the note would make her feel better and it didn’t matter to me if he was sorry or not. But deep down, I believe he was he just didn’t want to admit it.

He asked how long the note had to be.. I told him the longer he asked, the longer the note. He stopped asking.

After dinner, while Weed and Bubba did something on the computer, I grabbed a tablet and a pen and put it in front of him. He resisted but in a way that told me he just wanted the attention. He did write it.

With that done, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He said he wished I didn’t get rid of the On Demand feature on cable (which I didn’t so I don’t understand why the living room tv doesn’t get it) because he had nothing to watch. I called him a little prince and told him his crown was crooked.

Then he started whining that he was bored. There was nothing to do. I told him he was on punishment.. him not being entertained isn’t my issue and maybe he’ll think about being bored the next time he wanted to act out.

He was getting on the verge of being flippy with me so I told him that he better get on his knees and thank God that his father was the one who issued the punishment because if it was me it would have been a lot worse.

He asked me his punishment would have been and I told him. One week bedroom arrest, no parole. He did NOT like that at all and called me mean. Well, I am mean Spaz because that’s my job. He said I used to be friendly and I told him I’m friendly when he does what he’s suppose to do.. and when he doesn’t, I can’t excuse it.. that’s just the way it is.

Not having anywhere to go with it after that, he watched tv and went to bed early.

So we’ll see what happens tomorrow and if Chief get’s the whole creme puff guilty trippy thing and let’s him off the hook.