Archive for September 21, 2010

OMG..

This is soooo pathetic that I’m laughing hysterically as I type this!!

So the 15th was Chief’s birthday and because we are so incredibly broke right now and I was DETERMINED that he have a birthday cake, dammit.. I decided to bake one for him.

I’m a relatively good baker.. I mean, I can follow directions on a box for Christ’s sake AND I’m an even better decorator. Especially because Chief has all the decoration tip things and the bags and stuff. For years he ran this cafe/bakery that had old school bakers from Germany so he learned from the best .. he himself even won Best Of.. awards .. so he’s showed me some stuff and I couldn’t wait to surprise him with this cake.

The day of his birthday, I wasn’t feeling too great.. starting to get a cold or something.. so I left the shop early and he told me to just go home, take some Nyquil and go to sleep. Perfect. It was early enough to get the cake baked and cooled down in order to have it all frosted and decorated before he came home from work.

So I dug under the car and found a handful of change and drove over to the reduced price market.

No kidding.. that’s how broke we are.

The cake mix cost 89 cent and the frosting 1.19. Perfect.

I wanted to make a three or four layer cake because I’m a freakin’ over-achiever so I bought two boxes of cake mix and a whole lotta frosting. The whole thing cake to like 8 bucks or something.

Perfect.

I get home and am all excited about this freakin’ cake. I butter the pans and guess what? No flour. Ok. Fuck! But oh! There’s cocoa mix in the cabinet! I pulled a HWCHTKD :: How Would Chief Handle This Kitchen Drama :: and sifted the mini marshmallows and used the cocoa in place of the flour.

Awfully proud of myself for that!!

I mix the first box of cake mix and poured it into the two pans. But it looked really, really low. Like, it didn’t even come up to half the pan. Hmmmm…

So I thought that maybe there’s a reason why this cake mix is in the reduced price market and that reason was that it didn’t make the same amount of batter that a Duncan Hines or name brand would make.

Hmmmm…

I mixed the other box of batter and poured each mix into one pan.

Ok. So I’ll only have a two layer cake. Big hairy deal, right?

I put both pans on a cookie sheet and popped it in the oven.. setting the time to the instructed 40 minutes.

I started to feel like crap so I went to go lay down and watch some tv.

This was the day that Spaz got punched in the face so when Chief walked home from the shop to get the car and go deal with that situation.. he came in the bedroom and told me what was going on. As he was walking out, he told me that he smelled something burning. I jumped up and went into the kitchen and checked the cake.

O.

M.

FUCKING.

G.!!!!

The batter had risen and was pouring all over the sides of the pans.. the baking sheet and onto the bottom of the stove. It was all over the freakin’ oven.

Great.

No birthday cake tonight.

So I removed the baking pan and waited for the oven to cool down so I could clean it.

Now.. let me tell you something about my oven.

I’ve lived here for three years and it was a disaster. I know he never cleaned it and even though I do wipe it out after I use it, it’s never been CLEANED cleaned.. you know, with like the oven cleaner stuff you spray in? So since I now had this birthday cake mess to take care of, I figured well.. Hell, the oven says it’s a self cleaner and I’m sure that birthday cake over flowed into places I wouldn’t be able to get to so why not use the self cleaner?

So the following morning (I honestly was sick) I closed the latch and put the oven on CLEAN. The digital timer automatically set to 04:20.

4 hours? Hmm.. I don’t think I’d want to leave an oven on for 4 hours cleaning itself when I wasn’t going to be home so I turned it off.. went to work.. and figured that I’d just clean it myself when I got home so that I can bake the damn birthday cake.

But when I got home and tried to clean the oven, it automatically went back to self clean mode. Nothing I did.. no buttons I pushed.. would turn it off.

Great. Nothing to do but let it do what it was going to do, right? It’s not like I was going to be able to surprise him with a cake now anyway.. So the oven went ahead an started self cleaning itself for 4 hours and 20 minutes.

Did I mention that it was like, 95 degrees outside?

Only me.

This was on Thursday.

Now I’m thinking YES! Friday I will be able to make a damn birthday cake!! I had left the oven alone all day Thursday.. didn’t even attempt to open the oven door until Friday afternoon JUST IN CASE!!

Friday afternoon I come home from work .. all psyched to get this cake going.. get everything ready to go.. put the oven on preheat.. and nothing.

Nothing but the CLEAN light blinking.

WTF??

Absolutely nothing I did got the oven back to being an oven. I called Chief and after explaining to him over and over again that I tried everything there is to try .. even cutting off the circuit breaker for a few minutes because I couldn’t move the oven out to unplug it.. I asked him to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call the guy who owns the appliance store across the street from our store and ask him what the hell I can do..

He called me back and told me that the dude just happened to be walking across the street to come into our store and said that he would come up to the house to check it out at 5:30.

But he never showed.

And the oven still is stuck on clean..

And I never got to make the birthday cake..

Of course, the weekend came and the last thing that anyone was thinking about was the oven..

I tried it again this morning thinking that the birthday cake fairy sprinkled some of her magic dust on it and it would work but still the same thing..

So I’m letting it rip again.. maybe it knows that it’s not as clean as it should be and wanted to clean itself again..

Dunno..

But I’ll give it a shot and see what it does..

In the meantime, if anyone knows ANYTHING about a HotPoint Self Cleaning that refuses to NOT self clean, give me a hollar!!