Archive for August, 2010

I live my life with DON’T LEAVE:

Don’t leave the lights on
Don’t leave the basement door open
Don’t leave wet towels on the floor
Don’t leave dishes in the sink
Don’t leave the television on
Don’t leave the air conditioner on
Don’t leave glasses on the fish tank
Don’t leave food wrappers on the table
Don’t leave the front door open
Don’t leave the water running
Don’t leave dirty clothes in your room

Don’t leave…… me

No one pays attention to MY “don’t”s so give me a good reason why I should pay attention to his

.. so Saturday when we were closing the shop, Bubba walks in with the friend that he spent the week with up at Fort Blahblahblah.

Bubba asked me to tease the friend about his academic flip-flopping. I did talk to him but explained that he needs to get rid of the thought that college is just four years of partying. The partying starts AFTER college when you are able to get a good paying job.. still live with your parents and really have no responsibilities. Why take out student loans to do nothing but drink and hook up with girls? You can do that without going to college and not have a bill hanging over your head.

It seemed to c lick with him.. rather, he said that it did but who knows.

I bring this up because it was at that time when Chief told Bubba that starting Sunday him and Spaz would have a bedtime because school is starting next week and they need to get into a sleep routine instead of staying up to 3 or 4 in the morning and waking up in time for dinner.

Bubba wasn’t feeling that too much so he said that he was going to take advantage of it being Saturday night and sleep over his friend’s.

Fine. whatever.. one less dinner plate I had to worry about.

So with that backdrop.. fast forward to dinner last night.

I “remind” Chief about the bedtime at the table and Chief goes into this litany about what he expects of them and what he would not tolerate. You know.. the bullshit about getting up in the morning.. not doing the school work.. having tantrums in class.. basically doing whatever it is they want to do.. and everything I pretty much posted about last year.

He said that he didn’t want to come off as being mean or that he LIKES to punish them *cough cough* but school is important and something that (No Longer) Weed finally figured out and that’s why he’s going back to school.

I had to give him a thumbs up for the way he slid (No Longer) Weed in there..

Anyway.. towards the end of the “talk”.. Bubba said, “.. I heard this all before”.

And there in lies the crux of the whole situation.. because Bubba knows that Chief isn’t going to follow through. He said it himself a few months ago when I still believed that I could turn this family around and had a heart to heart with Bubba.

I had been silent up until that point but I knew that Chief wasn’t going to make the same distinction that I had so I said, “.. you’re right. You have heard it all before and he’s said it all before so we’ll see what happens. You (I looked at Bubba) do what you want to do and you (I looked at Chief) follow through with punishments and we’ll see what happens.”

I still really don’t think Chief understood what was being said.


So Bubba goes out and Spaz watches tv and I go into my bedroom to finish watching Season Five of House. I’m watching the clock and doing my best to keep Chief awake because I know if he falls asleep, then the 11 o’clock bedtime would just be wasted breath and just prove to Bubba that all he has to do is sit through a lecture.. agree in the right places.. and then be free to do what he wants to do.

I half expected Bubba to text me that he was sleeping out at a friends but he came home around 10:30.

Chief was snoring by 10:35.

So 11:00 rolls around and I’m NOT going out there and telling these kids to go to bed because it’s not my job. So I did something completely sneaky.

I played an old episode of Project Runway. Either the light from the tv or me getting in and out of bed and making it shake a hundred times woke him up but he did get up. He sat on the edge of the bed and I said something like, “.. figures as soon as I put on PRW you get up.”

He took a sip of coffee and smoked a cigarette. I thought he’d be going to the bathroom but instead, he turned off the nightstand light and got back into bed.

“.. you going to tell the boys it’s bedtime?”

He gave me this funny look but the got up and told the boys to get to bed. I heard them say something but didn’t quite hear what it was but he came back into the bedroom and got back into bed.

He turns off the lamp on his night stand again and says to me, “.. you should practice what your preach”

W.                T.                       F.              ?????????????????????????????????????????

The only light in the room was the glow from my laptop screen so I can’t be sure that he actually saw my face.. or the utter contempt I had on it.

.See.. I stay up late. I enjoy staying up late because that’s the only damn time that I get to do.. or watch.. what I want to. But I still get up at 6 or 7 or whatever time I HAVE to because I AM responsible where the kids aren’t.

So I said to him, “.. it’s not about what I preach it’s about what YOU preach and your kids don’t pay one ounce of attention to you as it is so if you want them to take you seriously, you have to be serious.”

And with that, I got up.. put the laptop and speakers on my radiator on my side of the bed and turned my back on him to continue watching Season Five of House.

My back is still towards him.

Even now.

Thoughts From My iPod

Posted: August 21, 2010 in Thoughts From My iPhone

… so the Crack Whore is taking (No Longer) Weed to his financial aid meeting at the college because he “forgot” that I told him that I was only dropping him off because I had to work.. He didn’t want to go himself so he called her and she picked him AND our tax information up.

Mark my words.. NO good is going to come of this and I’m expecting court documents in less the two weeks.

Circle your calendars so I can say I told you so..


Posted: August 20, 2010 in Convos

ME (to Sarge, Chief’s twin brother regarding going out to dinner on their birthday) You don’t have to be an ass about it

SARGE: Resorting to name calling now?

ME: If the shoe fits…

SARGE: Then I’ll have to start calling you names

ME: Go ahead.. take your best shot

SARGE: Nah.. I’ll make you cry

ME: Yea. Ok.

SARGE: Alright. You’re a bitch.

ME: Yea, I know

SARGE: Fine. Then you’re a cunt

ME: Cool.. that means I’m doing my job

SARGE: You know.. there’s really something wrong with you.

ME: Awww!!! You’re going to make me cry!

Chief is NOT good with money.

At All.

When he decided to open the shop, I told him that I didn’t want any responsibility with regard to managing the money, paying the bills, doing the taxes.

I was still working at the time and even though I knew how bad he is with money, I just didn’t want that responsibility. Mostly because I didn’t have any idea how to run a business and even though he paid as many vendors as he could in cash.. sometimes he had to use the business account’s debit card. We would check the balance on the phone before we used it and almost EVERY single time, we got hit with a bounce fee. A $35 bounce fee.

The cartoonist forgot to add the loaded gun to your back

This may get confusing :: although I think that’s the bank’s intent :: but I’m going to try and simplify it for you.

We get electronic deposits from the credit / debit / food stamp cards we take.

When the processing company deposits the amount, our bank would put a 24 hour hold on it. So there was always a difference between what was AVAILABLE and what their phone system said was our ACTUAL balance.

The online information would differ from the phone information and both would differ from the ATM information.

He were losing between 300.00 and 400.00 a month in bounce fees so I had no choice but to jump on it.

I reverted back to the old paper and pencil ledger method. Dilligentlyrecording any deposits or withdrawals within minutes of them happening. I only went by MY balance because.. that’s the actual one, right?

Who cares that Wachovia / Wells Fargo has three different computer systems that didn’t interact with each other and were on all different processing times. I had my ledger.. I recorded everything the moment it happened.. what could be more accurate, right?


We were still bouncing things and every time it would happen, Chief would want to hang himself. He would call the customer service number.. stormed the bank managers office at the local branch DEMANDING to know HOW COULD THEY CHARGE FOR BOUNCE FEES BEFORE ANYTHING BOUNCED??

Or my favorite…

Having enough money in the account but getting hit with a bounce fee that resulted IN SOMETHING BOUNCING?

Or another of my favorites…

Having between a 9 and 15 dollar monthly service charge fee that just jumped to 57.00 causing MORE bounce fees..

It was completely ridiculous until it all became clear:


… and that’s just in California alone. Now include the OTHER 49 states…

What these slick bastards were doing was processing charges or deposits based on the AMOUNT (highest to lowest) .. not chronologically.

To simplify:

Say I have 200.00 in my account on Monday.

I deposit 100.00 in my account on Tuesday morning and spend 275.00 of it Tuesday afternoon.

On Wednesday, I should have a 25.00 balance.

Because Wachovia / Wells Fargo was processing based on highest to lowest money amount instead of the time the transaction occurred, they would process the 275.00 purchase first, leaving the balance at -75.00 THEN hit me with a bounce fee of 35.00 so now my balance is -110.00 THEN they would process the 100.00 deposit leaving me with a -10.00 balance.

That’s the SIMPLE example.

But when you have the kind of business we have where most of our income is based on electronic deposits with a processing company that takes their fee off the top, we’re talking hundreds of dollars bounced.

On there is a form to fill out to be added to another class action suit and I’m going to encourage Chief to fill it out.

If you’re a Wells Fargo or Wachovia customer and had issues with bounce charges, I’d do the same thing.