.. so Saturday when we were closing the shop, Bubba walks in with the friend that he spent the week with up at Fort Blahblahblah.

Bubba asked me to tease the friend about his academic flip-flopping. I did talk to him but explained that he needs to get rid of the thought that college is just four years of partying. The partying starts AFTER college when you are able to get a good paying job.. still live with your parents and really have no responsibilities. Why take out student loans to do nothing but drink and hook up with girls? You can do that without going to college and not have a bill hanging over your head.

It seemed to c lick with him.. rather, he said that it did but who knows.

I bring this up because it was at that time when Chief told Bubba that starting Sunday him and Spaz would have a bedtime because school is starting next week and they need to get into a sleep routine instead of staying up to 3 or 4 in the morning and waking up in time for dinner.

Bubba wasn’t feeling that too much so he said that he was going to take advantage of it being Saturday night and sleep over his friend’s.

Fine. whatever.. one less dinner plate I had to worry about.

So with that backdrop.. fast forward to dinner last night.

I “remind” Chief about the bedtime at the table and Chief goes into this litany about what he expects of them and what he would not tolerate. You know.. the bullshit about getting up in the morning.. not doing the school work.. having tantrums in class.. basically doing whatever it is they want to do.. and everything I pretty much posted about last year.

He said that he didn’t want to come off as being mean or that he LIKES to punish them *cough cough* but school is important and something that (No Longer) Weed finally figured out and that’s why he’s going back to school.

I had to give him a thumbs up for the way he slid (No Longer) Weed in there..

Anyway.. towards the end of the “talk”.. Bubba said, “.. I heard this all before”.

And there in lies the crux of the whole situation.. because Bubba knows that Chief isn’t going to follow through. He said it himself a few months ago when I still believed that I could turn this family around and had a heart to heart with Bubba.

I had been silent up until that point but I knew that Chief wasn’t going to make the same distinction that I had so I said, “.. you’re right. You have heard it all before and he’s said it all before so we’ll see what happens. You (I looked at Bubba) do what you want to do and you (I looked at Chief) follow through with punishments and we’ll see what happens.”

I still really don’t think Chief understood what was being said.


So Bubba goes out and Spaz watches tv and I go into my bedroom to finish watching Season Five of House. I’m watching the clock and doing my best to keep Chief awake because I know if he falls asleep, then the 11 o’clock bedtime would just be wasted breath and just prove to Bubba that all he has to do is sit through a lecture.. agree in the right places.. and then be free to do what he wants to do.

I half expected Bubba to text me that he was sleeping out at a friends but he came home around 10:30.

Chief was snoring by 10:35.

So 11:00 rolls around and I’m NOT going out there and telling these kids to go to bed because it’s not my job. So I did something completely sneaky.

I played an old episode of Project Runway. Either the light from the tv or me getting in and out of bed and making it shake a hundred times woke him up but he did get up. He sat on the edge of the bed and I said something like, “.. figures as soon as I put on PRW you get up.”

He took a sip of coffee and smoked a cigarette. I thought he’d be going to the bathroom but instead, he turned off the nightstand light and got back into bed.

“.. you going to tell the boys it’s bedtime?”

He gave me this funny look but the got up and told the boys to get to bed. I heard them say something but didn’t quite hear what it was but he came back into the bedroom and got back into bed.

He turns off the lamp on his night stand again and says to me, “.. you should practice what your preach”

W.                T.                       F.              ?????????????????????????????????????????

The only light in the room was the glow from my laptop screen so I can’t be sure that he actually saw my face.. or the utter contempt I had on it.

.See.. I stay up late. I enjoy staying up late because that’s the only damn time that I get to do.. or watch.. what I want to. But I still get up at 6 or 7 or whatever time I HAVE to because I AM responsible where the kids aren’t.

So I said to him, “.. it’s not about what I preach it’s about what YOU preach and your kids don’t pay one ounce of attention to you as it is so if you want them to take you seriously, you have to be serious.”

And with that, I got up.. put the laptop and speakers on my radiator on my side of the bed and turned my back on him to continue watching Season Five of House.

My back is still towards him.

Even now.

  1. Sharon says:

    Doesn’t it drive you batty how men don’t pay attention to little things that need to be done? We enforce an “In your room with the lights out” 10pm bedtime. And when I say “We”, I really mean Me. Hubby is usually snoring by that time so I do random spot checks, not every night. I also do the wake-up call at 5:30am.

    • Leese says:

      It drives me BEYOND batty, Sharon..
      The kids know that he tanks out early and when he wakes up he’s usually so groggy that it’s all he can do to pee IN the toilet instead of around it .. all they have to do is be quiet when they hear him stir and they get away with it ..

      I’ve gone as far as taking the cable out of their bedrooms because they would stay up all night watching things that they shouldn’t be watching ( read that as SINamax ) and usually when school starts, my husband makes it a point to be up and out of the house WAY before they get up..

      So now.. it is what it is.. I’m not going to get an ulcer dealing with them.. I’ve already told them that there’s no staying home from school unless they have their period.

      Watch.. they will be the first boys in history to go on the flow!!

  2. I second your WTF and raise you a No Fucking Way. Why is it that our hubba’s (or custodial bio parents in general) seem to think it is fair to dump parenting on us? Even worse, they then have the audacity to get mad at us when we do?

    Sounds like Chief needs the same wake-up call my hubba does. Unfortunatly for you, it sounds like you are being put in the incredibly unfair position of enforcing a rule that not only makes sense, but is important. Standing by while the kiddo’s set themselves up for failure at school probably isn’t an option for you – but laying down the law yourself won’t work either. The trick, of course, is getting Chief to step up himself, but we both know how unlikely that is. The only thing I can tell you is to very clearly state what you will not accept in terms of the kids. To tell the truth, it won’t change his behavior, but it may very well change you – for me, it has given me a sense of purpose and a belief that things will work out.

    As far as the do as you say thing…jesus, my hubba get’s mad at me all the time for staying up late – like you that is my only ‘me time.’ The rest of the day I’m chasing a 2 year old, keeping house, working, writing, cleaning, cooking, trying to be ‘fun’ for my hubba. he goes to bed and I’m still goiing strong. Folding laundry at 2 am. emptying the dishwasher at midnight…so hell yes, I’m gonna stay up and get on line, play a few games, watch MY shows and not sports and he can KISS MY ASS when I get over tired!

    I feel your pain sister

    • Leese says:

      The rules were set down yesterday Wicked.. and after last night, I’m done.
      When the kids want to pretend they’re sick .. he’s getting called.
      Him and the Crack Whore can handle all the teacher’s meetings and conferences and the what not because I’m not doing it any longer.. this started at the end of last school year and I’m not putting any time or effort into it.

      They’ll have no one to blame but themselves and if they try to spin it and make it MY fault, believe me.. I’m not an idiot. I have every conversation.. every email and text between me and the Crack Whore regarding her kids and school tucked safely away.

      There is no ME against THEM anymore because I quit the game.

  3. Amy says:

    Breaker box. There’s my word for you. I’ve been known to walk down the hallway and flip off the electricity to my kids rooms. Yes I am THAT much of a *itch. ;)

    You’re much nicer and more patient than I am. I’d say – OK , You don’t wanna enforce a bed time – YOU get them up in the mornings. Your kids. I’m not going to do it. Enjoy!

    • Leese says:

      I hear ya Amy.. been there and done that with breaker boxes and kill switches and screws in the thermostat .. but unless their father is right along with me, it’s fruitless. I’ll be the first one to tell you that he’s a pussy when it comes to disciplining his kids but you know what? You reap what you sow…

  4. datGurl! says:

    “I heard this all before” (OHNOHEDIDNT!)
    and I woulda said, “And you hearin’it again Buster, now zip it and follow along!”.

    He does have to ‘say it and mean it’ and follow thru if expects any respect from those boys otherwise your right-they gonna drive over his ass in life and make him miserable at the same time. Bein a single mother I had to come to that conclusion too. “Ace” took my threatenin’ and not followin thru for dumbness for a while. I finally had to put the smackdown on him when he was about 16 (hes 34 now-and still crazy!) and make him understand that tho Im a gurl I still mean business and will get that ass. There are consequences for actin like you dont hear me, dammit!.

    Loco, give Chief a break. Maybe he was still groggy or kinda talkin in his sleep…:-) maybe he was repeatin’ what you told him…dont banish him to the dungeon just yet.

    But I do agree with Amy- let him go thru the draggin outta bed thing and tryin to get zombies to get ready for school. And soon as the school calls, hand him the phone and walk off. He’ll be aiight.

    • Leese says:

      I hear ya on that DG .. whenever one of them says something like that to him I’m right there saying, “… you going to let them disrespect you like that?” or “.. rude way of speaking to your dad.” .. if nothing then to acknowledge it in the air, yknow?

      And I love ya DG.. but I’m not giving him a break. He knew exactly what he was saying but was pissed because I put him in the position to follow through on his word.

      I’m not doing it again .. if he can’t control or won’t control or won’t put an effort into doing what he’s suppose to do as a father then fuck it .. it’s all on him, baby.

      • datGurl! says:

        ok Loco-

        He betta get ready to bail they lil asses outta jail and pay for property damages /restitutions and go up to the school 2x a month and tell the principal/counselor that he will ‘stay on top’ of their rowdy behaviour and buy diapers for baby mamas and pay car notes and rent and attend court hearin’s talk to DA’s and Public Pretenders and shyt coz thats where he’s gonna land if he dont get it together.

        Standin down doesnt make you a bad father only an unpopular one, and he can live with unpopular Im sure…

        I tried to exonerate him on the statement but he’s on his own now. Tell him I tried…

  5. Mark says:

    im just gonna say hi Leese! and sneak out of the room.

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