Archive for August 20, 2010


Posted: August 20, 2010 in Convos

ME (to Sarge, Chief’s twin brother regarding going out to dinner on their birthday) You don’t have to be an ass about it

SARGE: Resorting to name calling now?

ME: If the shoe fits…

SARGE: Then I’ll have to start calling you names

ME: Go ahead.. take your best shot

SARGE: Nah.. I’ll make you cry

ME: Yea. Ok.

SARGE: Alright. You’re a bitch.

ME: Yea, I know

SARGE: Fine. Then you’re a cunt

ME: Cool.. that means I’m doing my job

SARGE: You know.. there’s really something wrong with you.

ME: Awww!!! You’re going to make me cry!

Chief is NOT good with money.

At All.

When he decided to open the shop, I told him that I didn’t want any responsibility with regard to managing the money, paying the bills, doing the taxes.

I was still working at the time and even though I knew how bad he is with money, I just didn’t want that responsibility. Mostly because I didn’t have any idea how to run a business and even though he paid as many vendors as he could in cash.. sometimes he had to use the business account’s debit card. We would check the balance on the phone before we used it and almost EVERY single time, we got hit with a bounce fee. A $35 bounce fee.

The cartoonist forgot to add the loaded gun to your back

This may get confusing :: although I think that’s the bank’s intent :: but I’m going to try and simplify it for you.

We get electronic deposits from the credit / debit / food stamp cards we take.

When the processing company deposits the amount, our bank would put a 24 hour hold on it. So there was always a difference between what was AVAILABLE and what their phone system said was our ACTUAL balance.

The online information would differ from the phone information and both would differ from the ATM information.

He were losing between 300.00 and 400.00 a month in bounce fees so I had no choice but to jump on it.

I reverted back to the old paper and pencil ledger method. Dilligentlyrecording any deposits or withdrawals within minutes of them happening. I only went by MY balance because.. that’s the actual one, right?

Who cares that Wachovia / Wells Fargo has three different computer systems that didn’t interact with each other and were on all different processing times. I had my ledger.. I recorded everything the moment it happened.. what could be more accurate, right?


We were still bouncing things and every time it would happen, Chief would want to hang himself. He would call the customer service number.. stormed the bank managers office at the local branch DEMANDING to know HOW COULD THEY CHARGE FOR BOUNCE FEES BEFORE ANYTHING BOUNCED??

Or my favorite…

Having enough money in the account but getting hit with a bounce fee that resulted IN SOMETHING BOUNCING?

Or another of my favorites…

Having between a 9 and 15 dollar monthly service charge fee that just jumped to 57.00 causing MORE bounce fees..

It was completely ridiculous until it all became clear:


… and that’s just in California alone. Now include the OTHER 49 states…

What these slick bastards were doing was processing charges or deposits based on the AMOUNT (highest to lowest) .. not chronologically.

To simplify:

Say I have 200.00 in my account on Monday.

I deposit 100.00 in my account on Tuesday morning and spend 275.00 of it Tuesday afternoon.

On Wednesday, I should have a 25.00 balance.

Because Wachovia / Wells Fargo was processing based on highest to lowest money amount instead of the time the transaction occurred, they would process the 275.00 purchase first, leaving the balance at -75.00 THEN hit me with a bounce fee of 35.00 so now my balance is -110.00 THEN they would process the 100.00 deposit leaving me with a -10.00 balance.

That’s the SIMPLE example.

But when you have the kind of business we have where most of our income is based on electronic deposits with a processing company that takes their fee off the top, we’re talking hundreds of dollars bounced.

On there is a form to fill out to be added to another class action suit and I’m going to encourage Chief to fill it out.

If you’re a Wells Fargo or Wachovia customer and had issues with bounce charges, I’d do the same thing.

No.. this isn't Bubba's room but it could be..

.. so if you’re a regular reader then you know what the  laundry deal is.

If your new to this blog, then the gist of is that I will NOT do laundry that is NOT in the laundry hamper and I’m not going to chase you around for it.

You want to keep a pile of dirty laundry in your room? Go right ahead but don’t come crying to me when you don’t have any clean clothes to wear.

Leave them balled up under your bed? Tough shit.

There’s been incident after incident after incident of the above which really, REALLY torqued my ass when the dryer was broke and I had to cart five laundry hampers of dirty clothes and towels to the laundromat every Sunday night. Now that I have working washer and dryer in the house, I must do laundry at least four days a week so there is no reason why anybody should have any dirty clothes around.

Unless, of course, they’re in piles or shoved under beds.

Last week, when Bubba came home from his week at his friend’s dorm room, I did ask him if he had anything dirty to wash. I did this as an experiment. I knew that there were very little of his clothes in the hamper and just aiming for ammunition to store in the little bunker in my head.

He brings me two t-shirts.

That’s it? What did you wear the same clothes the whole week?

He says that he didn’t.. but he didn’t know which clothes were dirty because.. you guessed it.. they’re all in a pile in his bedroom.

Dirty and clean together.


So I shrug my shoulders and get along with my bad self.

Wednesday night I came home from the shop just long enough to bring them home dinner because me and Chief had to go to the wholesaler’s to get what we needed for this huge catering order.

Bubba asks me if I take him up to the local clothes warehouse to get stuff.

Nope. Already have plans.

He then asks if I was doing laundry and I said that I already started it ..

End of conversation.

Last night after me and Chief came home from the shop and Bubba came into the kitchen to see what was for dinner, I noticed he was still wearing the black sweat pants and long sleeve white shirt that he has had on for the past three days.

“Is the reason you wanted me to take you to the store to get clothes is because you don’t have anything clean to wear?

He said it was but that he also needed new stuff because his t-shirts were ruined from swimming in the creek.

I told him that the way to get the creek OFF his clothes is to wash them right away.. and that there were clean clothes of his in the dryer that needed to be brought upstairs.

He said that he still needed jeans because he grew out of the ones he had and so I told him that he’s going to have to wait until I have some money to get them.. he said that the Crack Whore had mentioned something about taking him and I was like Cool. I have NO problem with that.

End of conversation.

Chief had been in the kitchen when all this was going on but it wasn’t until later on when we were in our bedroom and I mentioned that school was starting in less then two weeks and that I needed to get them stuff so the Crack Whore better come through with the child support that the lightbulb went off in his head and he was like, “.. wait. All Bubba’s clothes are in a pile in his room? Doesn’t he know how to do his laundry? And he’s home all goddamn day?”

I just put on a sweet innocent smile and shrugged my shoulders. “What can I tell you?”

End of conversation

So now.. as soon as I finish this post.. I’m going to get the hampers from my room and the bathroom and do more laundry.

Bubba is STILL wearing his winter get up .. and Spaz hasn’t changed his shorts :: or underwear :: in a good week or so. Changes his shirt though.. which I guess he thinks is going to confuse me into thinking that he’s been showering and changing his underwear..

We’ll see what happens.


Believe me.. the two involved look NO WHERE near the two hot girls on the right!!


So I think I posted before about how Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy likes to rape my pillows. Anything with stuffing really, but my bed pillows are his Mecca because whenever I leave the house I put them away so he doesn’t get the gooshy stuff all over them.

But the other day I was being lazy and in the five minutes it took me to drive to the shop.. pick up Chief.. and drive home he went bat shit with them.

There was NO WAY in hell that I was going to sleep on them so I drove over to WalMart to get new ones.

I hate WalMart. Actually, I loathe WalMart but when you’re in need of six pillows.. can’t really afford six pillows.. then WalMart’s 2.50 pillow is a necessary evil.

NOTE: I like a lot of pillows.. Chief doesn’t.. so six meets both our needs.

So I drive over there and guess what? I guess China had to lay off a few child laborers because their pillows are now 3.98. I had to also grab cat food, shampoo and conditioner for me and body wash for the Y chromosomes in my house. I only had 44.00 to my name. So my math but me just at the YOU HAVE NO MONEY NOW threshold.


So I get up to the check out line where the cashier is an older women with severe alopecia. :: Don’t think I spelled that right and really am too lazy to spell check but I’m talking about the balding disease :: Working with the public, I have a soft spot with cashiers so I give her a big ‘ol friend HI! and start putting the pillows up on the counter.

She tells me that I don’t need to PUT ALL THOSE PILLOWS on her counter and I was like, ok… she’s being a little rude but whatever.

She asks me how many I have and I tell her six. I could have told her four.. she would have never known.. but that’s stealing and I don’t steal so I told her the truth.

Her eye-roll wasn’t helping me deal with her rudeness but again, I let it go. It’s WalMart after all.

She gives me the total :: 43-something.. Whoosh! :: and I asked her if she had bags big enough for the pillows.

That was actually a redundant question because the line next to the one I was in had bigger bags folded over the cash register wall.

But the bitch said NO. YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO CARRY THEM.

And I was like.. WTF? So I said, “.. you don’t have any bags that the pillows would fit in?” She again says no and I gave her my OWN eye roll :; which was more deadly then hers :: and pointed to the bags hanging on the other cashiers wall. “.. what are those?”

If she was smart, she would have apologized and said something about maybe forgetting about them or whatever but I guess she figured she was committed and was intent on following through with her denial so she gave me the LAMEST excuse about THOSE bags not being HER bags and she wasn’t ALLOWED to use them.

Oh. So you’re telling me that I’m buying six big ass pillows and as a customer I’m not ALLOWED to have them in a BAG? Why do you SELL things that you don’t have BAGS for??

She kind of gave me this look that I interpreted as “.. so now what, bitch”

The line behind me had grown and people started to get that antsy body language that most people standing in line at WalMart get so I said, “… take them off.”

She was like, “What?”

I said, “If you don’t have a bag to put them in then I don’t want them.”

She said, “.. but I already rang them up”

I said, “.. then take them off.”

Because what I know.. that she didn’t think I knew.. was that when they have to void something.. a manager has to approve it and I’m sure the thought crossed her mind that if she had to call her manager I was going to tell the manager just why I didn’t want the stupid pillows and that would get her in trouble.

I could see that very scene playing across her face so she said, “.. well, I guess you could use those bags.” Meaning the ones on the other register. And I was like, “Nope. I don’t want them now. Void them.”

The people behind me were really starting to grumble now and she tried to get stern with me, “USE THE BAGS.”


So she had no choice but to do the void and when she rang for the manager and when the manager came over and started the void process, I made sure I told her exactly why she was doing the void. She was half paying attention but when the void was finally completed, I guess it dawned on her what I was saying because she was like, “WHAT?”

Yep. I told her again.

She looked at the women and asked her why she would do that?  That that was ridiculous. And then she apologized profusely to me saying that they don’t have a “bag” policy at the cash registers. I said that I didn’t think so and how hard it would be to carry the six pillows into the house without making three trips.. she was all over it. Saying how she knew that..especially because one end of the pillow bag is open. So I feign resignation and tell her that now I had to drive to the OTHER WalMart a few towns over because I really need the pillows but I’ll be sure to mention how helpful and understanding SHE (the manager) was in my letter of complaint to the corporate office.

I think that made the hair start growing on the cashiers head.

The manager was all over herself and told me on the sly that if I took the pillows to the customer service desk, she would make sure that I got 2 of them for free.

Believe me.. I wasn’t looking to get ANYTHING for free.. I was just pissed off at the cashier who didn’t want to be bothered putting six pillows in bags.. but I did what the manager suggested and got my free pillows.

You can rest assured that I will NEVER go into WalMart again.. but if I absolutely HAVE to then I will seek out the bald cashier and get into her line.

Because. yknow.. If you’re going to think I’m a bitch then I’m going to give you a reason.