.. so this afternoon when I got home from the shop guess what I found?

Yep… you guys pay sooo close attention!!

Bowls.. glasses.. forks.. spoons.. plates.. all in the sink.

Gobs of peanut butter and ice cream melted on the counter.. oh.. and pancake syryp.

Why pancake syryp is beyond me but there it was.

So I promptly went into my bedroom and what did I found there?

One of my desk drawers open.

If there is ONE THING that GOES BEYOND anything.. the dirty dishes.. the dirty clothes.. the piss on the bathroom floor.. it’s GOING INTO MY FUCKING BEDROOM.

There is ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REASON for ANYBODY other then the people that SLEEP IN THAT ROOM to BE in that room.

Can you tell how pissed I am?

So I go out into the living room where the blubbering mass that is Spaz is stretched out on the couch?




I wasn’t in your room


I don’t know. Probably Bubba.

Fine. Bubba was STILL asleep at 3 in the afternoon and I wasn’t about to go in his bedroom and wake him up because 1) I didn’t want to see anything that was going to scar me for life and 2) He would only say that it wasn’t him and I would get more pissed off then I already was.

I figured I’d wait until their father got home and address it at the dinner table.

Bubba got up around 5… Spaz is still melding to the couch.. and NEITHER of them are doing their dishes.

So around 6:30, I go into the kitchen to start dinner and it’s either I leave everything and cook around the mess.. gross! Or I wash everything and add it to the list of things that have to addressed at the dinner table when their father gets home.

I go with the latter..

Big mistake.

As I’m washing in the sink, I put my hand in the to wash a glass and guess what?

The glass is broken and take a good size chuck out of the bottom of my pinky finger.

The blood just pooled out and I was literally afraid that I had sliced through whatever it is that makes your pinky finger work because sharp glass can do a lot of damage.. that’s how bad it looked.

Thankfully, it wasn’t anything more serious then a chunk of flesh.. but that wasn’t the point.

So I wrap the bloody rag around it and drive to the shop. I had to get out of the house before I literally sliced them all up and deep fried them for fondue… plus, I needed a band aid.

I get to the shop and when Chief sees me walking in at first he was all smiles but then he notices the rag and gets all worried. I tell him what happened.. and I told him why it happened.

I’m BEYOND whatever… he keeps apologizing.. for getting cut .. for his kids.. for everything.

I’m almost at the brink of tears because I’m so damn frustrated and I’m not getting the reaction that I would have given if the roles were reversed.

Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe.. just maybe my frustration level increases when he doesn’t do what I expect him to do. Or maybe all the blood loss is affecting my thought process.



So we just get home a few minutes ago and I heat up a cup of coffee for me. He says that he’ll take a cup of what was left in the pot because it really wasn’t that old and hadn’t been heating up for twenty hours.

I say fine.. he walks through the kitchen.. says hello to the boys and goes into the bedroom to get unchanged.

This doesn’t sit well with me. Are you at least going to say SOMETHING???

So my cup is heated and I put his in..

He comes into the kitchen and puts the ground beef in front of the microwave :: hamburgers for dinner, courtesy of HIM because.. yknow.. can’t do anything with a bloodied.. band-aided gaping hole in my hand :: so I tell him that his coffee is in the ‘wave and start to walk out of the kitchen.

“What’s the matter..” he asks.


That’s what I WANT to say.. but I don’t.

I just say, “… you put the ground beef in front of the microwave and I was letting you know your coffee is in there.”

And then I walked out of the kitchen an towards by bedroom… halfway through the dining room, Spaz asks me what’s for dinner. I ignore him and keep walking. I think THAT’S what made Chief start yelling at them about the dishes being left in the sink.

I don’t know what he said.. but I heard him saying something like taking away the computer and the Playstation the next time it happens.

Blah.. blah.. blah.. blah.. blah….


Because.. um.. isn’t that what you ALWAYS say and never do??

A few minutes later he comes into the bedroom with a hamburger.. I ask him why we’re not eating with them in the dining room and he said he didn’t think I wanted to be near them. I tell him that I wanted to find out who was in our room. OH! he says.. By All Means.

So we go out there and we’re sitting around the table and I bust out with it.

No nicities.. no asking.. no hey by the ways… just I WANT TO KNOW WHO WAS IN MY ROOM.

Of course, both denied it. Bubba insisted he was asleep until before I went to work and until after I came home. Spaz denied everything. Bubba insisted that if he did go in our room, Spaz would rat him out until I very precisely told him how he would do it without Spaz even knowing about it.

And Spaz.. OMG!! He started acting like he was being persecuted.. so over it.

Then I asked him if he left the Crack Whore’s apartment looking like he leaves our house.

He said no and I asked him why. He put his head down on the table and I asked him again. I said I wanted to know.. answer me honestly. Is it because you don’t live there? Is it because you have more respect for her then you do for me and his father? Is it because she would come home screaming and hollaring?

He never did answer so I switched it up.

I asked him how he felt when he cleans his room and then Bubba comes in and messes it up.

He said he gets angry.

I asked him if he saw my point and he said I did.

But once again.. it was ME doing the talking.. taking the lead while Chief just sat there at a loss and so I went for it.

I told both his kids that it’s at a point where they’ve made me so angry.. so pissed off.. so frustrated that  I don’t even want to be around them let alone do anything for them.

Chief piped up and said that I wasn’t their maid and I corrected him..

“.. oh yes I am. I am their maid.. their cook.. their chauffeer :: or however you spell it.. you get the idea :: .. they come to me when they want clothes.. or a ride somewhere.. or whatever. THAT’S when they come to me.. other then that? Fuck me.. right guys?”

Chief looked hurt. He started to say that he doesn’t think of me that way but I cut him off. Don’t you? I asked. Really? Because if you didn’t then why does the house look like the house does when I’m not the one doing everything that I do?

I knew that he was going to bring up cleaning the house on Sunday but I cut him off.. because, yknow, I smarter then he is.

I said, “.. and don’t even bring up Sunday because when was the last time you did that? Six? Eight MONTHS ago?”

He had the good idea to not try to defend himself because he knew I was right and at one point, all three of them put their heads down.

Great.. I said.. between the 12 year old.. 16 year old and 43 year old.. I’d be better off with infants.

So I said my piece and Chief lightened things up like he always does by changing the subject and saying something funny about the cats or the dogs or the fish or whatever.

And then I just had to let it go.. because harboring stuff isn’t going to make things better only make me crazy and I think.. I THINK.. I just might be crazy enough!

  1. Oh man, this is sad and exhausting.
    How is your pinky?
    I fear things will not change in your household.

    • Leese says:

      It is exhausting!! IT IS!!! LOL!!
      The pinky is fine.. only they think it isn’t so I have an excuse not to do anything!! (snicker!) .. but yknow.. I am a masochist so I’ll put up the good fight and even though he doesn’t realize it.. I’m slowly making him more parentally responsible without taking my frustrations with them out on him… if anything, it IS entertaining and REALLY makes people thankful that they’re not in my shoes!!! LOL ..

      … even though my shoes ARE awesome!! ROFLMAO!!

  2. OK – how about this….make the messes inconvienient for them. Dirty dishes in your sink? Pick ’em up and put them in their rooms or in front of the tv or sitting on their toilet (if you don’t share). I was successfully used the tactic with a half full but tapless keg that somehow appeared under my car port and seemed to scream out ‘white trash right here.’ I wrestled that damn thing into his car 4 days in a row. When he got tired of taking it out he got rid of it.

    Don’t you love it when our big strong men make empty threats to their kids? I know when my hubby does it it just goes right through me.

    PS: I love your shoes

    • Leese says:

      I tried that sooo maaaaaannny times, Wicked … with them, though.. they don’t care if they have dirty dishes on the couch or on their beds.. or on the computer keyboard. It doesn’t bother them at all.. and only infuriates me more so I stopped. It was like throwing mud on pigs in the middle of August.. !! And yea.. the empty threats torque my ass to no end!!

      PS: the shoe reference was for my other blog theshoewhore.wordpress.com that my gal Jean designed the banner for!!

  3. Ouch, glad your pinky is okay! I think I would have gone and dripped blood all over the culprit(s) while shrieking in horrible agony. Ouch, again :-(

    Arrgh, my husband does the changing the subject thing too. I think it’s the “I can’t handle the problem so instead of finishing the conversation and coming to some sort of conclusion, I will just try another less volatile, usually random subject”. But having to live with that all the time – you’re handling it better than most people would be able to! My stepdaughters are coming over for 2 weeks on Friday and I know they need to spend time with their dad but…sigh. The youngest one, who has put on at least 20 lbs. since January, ate THREE 1/2 gallons of ice cream and most of the Klondike bars the last week they were here (and left ice cream all over the counter AND all down the cabinet door, and Klondike wrappers all over the living room) . Not buying ice cream this time, and Dad will have to hide his treats. I’m hoping my husband will be able to get time off from work, because after all they’re here to spend time with him, not me. I try to be nice, but I’m not looking forward to it. Their dad loves them a ton, but he has no idea what to do with them when they’re here so he gets cranky. Then I get cranky, and none of that is fun for anybody. Ugh and more ugh. Anyway, I think you’re doing a great job!

  4. Trip X says:

    Leese, you need to find some way to impress upon Chief that it is his responsibility to stand up and be the man that you know is in there. If the Crack Whore won’t put up with it either, apparently Chief goes for the strong willed type who will handle all the hard chores and leave him to be the “good guy”. I hope you can find a way to get him to be a parent and not a friend to his children.
    With my step-daughter (SD), as long as there weren’t any snacks, or accessible food (think pad locks), there wasn’t any abnormally messy sinks, counters, etc. If she wanted snack food, she had to earn money and buy it herself (and deal with the subsequent ants in HER room from the mess she created.
    Step-parents are at a disadvantage unless you are creative. I once took the SD’s keyboard away. She could turn computer on, use mouse to click around, but couldn’t chat, e-mail, etc. It infuriated her, but the wife backed me up. We learned to work as a team, and back each other up, even though the wife still treated me like shit; just a source of income.

    I bet you still are no closer to sorting out who was in your bedroom, though.

    • Leese says:

      I hear ya on all of the above, Trip ..
      The problem.. if I put my therapist cap on.. is that my husband is a product of divorce and had an extremely abusive father. He’s been on his own since he was 15.. put himself through culinary school and worked hard to sustain himself. When the Crack Whore got pregnant.. the lightbulb went off in my husband’s head that he would FINALLY have the family that he always wanted.. the problem is that the Crack Whore didn’t really want to have a family.. she just wanted out of her house. She really had it easy.. he worked sometimes three or four jobs to provide for everything which left her a lot of free time to do whatever she wanted. But yknow.. that gets old and she started messing around ( the paternity of his two younger sons is a BIG question mark that really is basically answered but he feels it’s too late to change anything now) and when the youngest was an infant, she decided she didn’t want to be a mother anymore and walked out. I’m not so sure about her being a strong woman.. she is more of an opportunist who will do what she needs to do to get what she wants… primarily on her back and knees. This is well document.. as is her reputation.. and I’m sure it was a great source of embarassment and a huge dent to the ego when he found out all that she was doing.

      He is.. well.. a lost soul with no template on how to parent properly or handle different situations properly. He is a kind man with a gentle heart and a lot of love but while he can be confrontational with strangers.. when it comes to dealing with her or his kids, he finds it easier to just give in so he doesn’t have to deal with the drama. Me, on the other hand, comes out swinging ( sometimes literally!! LOL ) .. he probably gets agitated with me at times because I’m sure he wishes I was more like him instead the way I wish he was more like me…

      Had I known all this before we got married, I think I would still be living the single live but I love him.. he needs me as much as I need him.. so it’s either give up or fight and I’m not a quitter!!! LOL!!

      I’m sorry to hear about you and your relationship with your wife.. has it gotten any better??

    • absolutely love these ideas Trip X!! Taking the keyboard away is a stroke of genius. My step son lives on a stead diet of frozen pizza’s, pizza rolls and canned chili – that is all he eats. I can handmake chilli – which I know he thinks is good, because he has asked me to make it for parties, ask him to eat with us, he will say no and then heat up a can of chilli. Anyway I stopped buying him food. I do the shopping, i control the money – he hasn’t paid his rent (he is 24) in 6 months – he can buy his own food.

  5. Trip X says:

    wicked: 24!!! Really!?!? time to kick him to the curb! Just like the momma bird in the nest: make life unbearable. Move and leave no forwarding address, something! What a drain on your economy! Cattle prod!?

  6. Trip X says:

    They’ll still have their father….j/k. Prolly is illegal.

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