Beware of Snark Bites In The Snark Pool

Posted: July 25, 2010 in Bubba, Chief, Just Me, Spazz
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

.. and no, this post in no way.. shape.. or form is referring to my girl Jen512’s blog SNARK POOL .. which is an uber-cool blog, btw so you really should check it out.

Hi Jen!!

Anyway.. no.. this has to do with the fact that if you’re going to be a dick, then I’m going to be one right back. Believe me, you don’t want me to reveal my Dick-dom… especially if you sleep next to me in the same bed.

dah DUM.. dAH DUM..

Ok.. so we had a LOOOONNNNGGGG day at the shop. Between a huge catering order that had to be made and delivered by 6:30p .. me getting into a fist fight and it being 104 degrees outside and the usual bullshit of operating a deli, I couldn’t wait for the damn day to be over with.

So we finally get home and unwinding in the igloo that is our bedroom when Spaz knocks on the door and asks Chief to tell Bubba to give him a turn on the computer.

Let me just state here that Bubba decided to grace us with his presence. He hasn’t been home for a week and was gone for two weeks prior to that so yknow.. he treats this house like it’s a pit stop.

So Chief gets up and goes out to the dining room where the computer is.. I hear him saying something but I’m all up into last week’s episode of Dr. Who to pay attention to what he’s saying.

I’m beyond this whole thing anyway so I really don’t care.

But then I heard Spaz yelling or stomping or yelling and stopping and then Chief comes into the bedroom.

He tells me that Spaz had said that Bubba was on the computer for six hours but that Bubba actually had come home at 5:30. So he told Bubba he could stay on until 9pm and then Spaz can get on it from 9 to 11.And then Bubba can go back on.  He told me that Spaz was .. well.. spazzing out saying that “.. that’s only 2 hours!! That’s not fair!”

I looked at Chief.. all proud of himself for “handling” the situation.. and said deadpan “It isn’t.”

How is Bubba being on the computer for 3.5 hours.. giving it up for 2 hours.. then Bubba being on it for the rest of the damn night into the late morning fair? And beside.. Bubba is gone for three weeks and then he decides to come home and he’s running the show? Do you see what’s wrong with this picture?

I could see his little brain cells trying to spin this and finally said that what Bubba didn’t know is that he’s going to make him turn off the computer at midnight.

I rolled my eyes because him and I both know he was going to be hanging out with Mr. Sandman in about 15 minutes.

He said, “.. what I should do is just smash the fucking thing and then that would solve the whole problem”

I told him.. matter of factly.. that that’s what my father used to do with me and my brother. We argued over something and he would smash what ever we were arguing about. He said, “.. I never met him but I respect him.”

And I was all like.. yea.. cause THAT’S the right way to teach your kids how to share.. how to problem solve.. how to resolve situations right Bucky? ‘Cause breaking it only means that you’ll be buying a new one the next day even though we can’t afford it because you’ll feel sorry for them.

Then like.. this light bulb went off in his head. Oh! I know how to deflect the situation off of me!! He looks at me and says, “.. did I touch a nerve?” AND THEN .. AND THEN said in the goofy sing-songy voice that goes right into my spine like a spinal tap “.. whats a matter? Did he break your Barbie record player?”

And when I tell you that in an INSTANT my Sinister Sister took over my being and I looked at him with the smirky face and glinty eyes and said, “.. at least my father didn’t beat me with bicycle chains.”

And OMG! you should have seen the look on his face. He just turned white and said quietly, ” yea, my father did beat me with bicycle chains.”

I got up off the bed .. not even wanting to look at him anymore because Sinister Sister knows he’s just pathetic as a father.. and said, “.. yknow.. we were raised too different ways. YOU have to decide which way you’re going to raise your kids because right now, you have no fucking clue what you’re doing because you don’t have any good examples to draw on.”

He was like, “.. yea, my parents sucked, ok?”

And I was like, “.. yea, well, my parents didn’t. And you can make fun of it, but the bottom line is they raised me right. I may not have liked all the discipline, towing the line and structure growing up but guess what Bucky.. they did a better job then yours did.”

He said, “.. I didn’t know there was some deep seated thing going on.”

I said there wasn’t. I didn’t even play with Barbie dolls.. he was just being a dick so I was being a dick back.

I still wasn’t looking at him at this point and started getting my shit together to take a shower. He hates when I don’t look at him or ignores him or whatever so then he says, “.. you know, it’s getting to a point where I’m just going to punch him and asks him how it feels to get beat on.”

It took me a minute to realize he meant his father and not his kid. And THAT truly disgusted me. I realize that there’s a lot of residual animosity but really?  REALLY?

So I grab my towels out of the closet and say to him, “.. yknow, the more I get to know you the more I don’t know who you are. And really, you need to deal with what’s sitting in the living room instead of resolving something that happened 30 years ago.”

He started to say something and I was like, “.. yknow what? They’re YOUR kids.. fuck them up anyway you want to so maybe in 30 years, they’ll punch you in the face.”

I walked out of the room and took a shower.

I can’t force him to be the kind of father he needs to be.. I can’t be the one who raises them.. they were fucked when I showed up and no good intentions are going to un-fuck them up so they’re his problem .. not  mine. Right now, he just disgusts me.

  1. From a guy’s perspective, I saw you taking out a bad day on your guy and beating him up over his kids rather than being supportive. By your descriptioin he has no positive role models for parenting and yet you beat him up for it. He admits it rather than becoming defensive over your overly harsh language with him.

    There are parenting classes and books. I suggest the National Center For Fathering founded by Dr Ken Canfield.

    A guy wants you to be his best friend and helper and supporter. You have not displayed those roles in the scenario that you described.

    Just saying

    John Wilder

  2. Leese says:

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting John.. and you’re right, from your perspective I can see where you would say what you said and think what you think.

    However, I would ask that before you beat ME up about beating HIM up you need to realize that this is one post among hundreds regarding our relationship and at some point, one gets worn out from trying. Did I handle this particular situation correctly? No. Have I tried alternate ways of dealing with the same situation? Yes. Was there any positive changes? No.

    What you also need to understand and maybe if you read my entire blog you may see a clearer picture.. is that he doesn’t want to put the time and effort it takes to change or be a more active father and I’m between the rock and hard place trying to put kids that have been off track for so long ON track by myself with no help from either biological parent.

    But I will definitely look into Dr. Canfield’s center.. anything is better then nothing, right?

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