Archive for July 25, 2010

Ok..

So y’all should know by now that the only thing I’m addicted to are cigarettes and shoes.

NOTE: Please save yourself the frustration of trying to enlighten me  of the hazards of smoking. I know all about it but come on.. do you READ my blog?? It’s either smoking or black tar heroine!! LOL!!

And since my broke ass can no longer afford to drop paychecks on a pair of Manolo’s :: Yes, I did that. Yes, I still have them. Yes, they are surrounded by velvet ropes and are uplit! :: I quench my thirst and kill my early mornings drooling over the latest craftmanship of leather.. or patent leather.. or canvas.. HELL, they don’t even have to be crafted by a man!!

Anway.. the point is that last night I was had an epiphany.

Since I spend soooo much time looking at shoes.. since I have soooo many pairs of shoes… AND since I am a wealth of shoe knowledge.. why don’t I just create a blog??

So I threw the idea out there and got a lot of positive feedback.

Ok.

So only BRAY left positive feedback but fuck.. it doesn’t take too much to motivate me, yknow!

The new blog is called THE SHOE WHORE .. because, really.. what the hell else would I call it, right?

Check it out and tell me what you think because your mission is a banner.

I am sooo not good with banners and I know some of you are **coughJEANcough** so if you want to help a sista out and waste a little bit of your time I would greatly appreciate it..

AND when I get that show on the Style Channel .. you’ll be the first one I thank!!!

OR.. you may not think it needs a new banner. Don’t know.. sometimes I’m not objectionable with these kinds of things.. Especially because I just started it so I’m not really THAT awake!! LOL!!

NOTE: It was not my intent to pressure Jean in ANYWAY to create a banner for me. She, after all DOES have a life!!

Anywho..

OH.. one other thing.. if anyone knows how to change the BIG BOLD BLACK lettering, can you let me know.. it’s just a little TOO BIG BLACK AND BOLD..!!

If you make one, just email it to me at LivingMe101@gmail.com!

.. there wasn't enough popcorn in the world

So.. saw the latest installment of Twilight.

Please don’t ask why…

I will only say this…

As bad as the lesbian version was, I’d much rather watch that one..

I guess I’m getting too old to watch crap like this.. between the bad writing.. the bad acting.. it was just bad.

Maybe not having pre-tween and tween girls is a disadvantage.

The only good thing about it is that it gave me 115 minutes to not have to deal with the nonsense at home!!

You know.. thinking about it.. I guess my parents thought The Rocky Horror Picture show was just as bad… just as badly acted and written..

So yea… I maybe old but not old enough to be COMPLETELY Team Jacob .. even though it makes me feel dirty to say that about a what? 17 year old? But come one.. really can’t see the appeal of a pasty faced vampire!!

Thinking

Posted: July 25, 2010 in Thinking
Tags:

… should I start a shoe blog??

Remember that classic line when Carrie Bradshaw sees a gorgeous pair of Manolo’s in a store window?’

Guess what? It’s 3:30 am and you know what THAT MEANS!!

Ogles these:

** sigh **

Aaahhhh!!! Right up my alley!!

Not as high a heel as I prefer but simply gorgeous!

These are made by B Style and what you can’t really see is the zipper that runs up the heel and behind the ankle.

It’s all in the details!

ALL in the details.

Plus.. yknow.. even though they have a four inch heel, it’s not really a stilleto so even if you aren’t that great walking in heels, these will give you more balance.

Wait.

Am I actually REVIEWING these??

What the HELL?

No.. no.. no.. no.. !! I just want to swoon and ogle and fantasize about them pointing towards the ceiling!!

But yknow what? At 34.00 on Barefoot.Com, these are right in my price range so I guess maybe the difference in attitude is affordability??

We’ll see.. I do have a BareFeet near me so I just may take a ride down and see if they have them in stock.. of course, I have to pass a DSW to get there and I can NEVER pass a DSW without their giant magnets dragging my car into their parking lot!!

At any rate.. these make me feel better enough to go to sleep with happy dreams !!

I’m not going to lie.. this is going to be a long post so you might want to make a pot of coffee or make a donut run or something before you settle in a read this.

And yes, before we go any further, I do know that any type of physical violence is wrong… so yknow.. save the fucking sermon.

Ok..w

So yknow how I went on a rant last week some time about credit and how some of my customers were completely taking my kindness for my weakness and how that’s a really, really bad thing to do??

If not.. you can read THAT long ass post HERE.  I’ve had the DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING FOR CREDIT signs up since then and a few people made comments about it and each time, I went into the political correct speech explaining why and whatever and basically, the word’s been spreading.

So this afternoon, this customer comes in who’s this .. omg.. I think he’d be a pedophile if he was smart enough. Just one of those weirdo World of Warcraft playing.. Dungeon and Dragon lovin’.. Would-Be Roxxxy Doll owner if he would just crawl out of his attic type guys with a girlfriend that looks like PAT from Saturday Night Live.

Y'all Remember PAT, right??

No lie.

She looks exactly like Pat except her hair is even shorter :: if that’s even possible :: and her frames aren’t as thick.

But believe me.. she’s just as fucked up. Within 5 minutes of meeting her for the first time last year, she told me all about how she was sexually harassed at work and how she was molested as a kid by her hermaphrodite brother/sister.

I wish I could make this shit up.

Anyway.. so they come in and at first I thought she had a surgical mask on because she is a germ-a-phobe but then realized that it was a crumpled up tissue that was just stuck up one nostril.

Like I said.. I wish I could make this shit up.

Chief was in the back plowing through making 50 hoagies.. baked ziti.. 100 meatballs.. potato salad and ceasar salad for this catering job we had. When he gets in his zone.. you don’t bother him. So when Dude asks to talk to him, I’m like.. not possible. He’s really busy.

So he starts stuttering and was like, “.. well, I was going to ask him if I could get some stuff on credit. Not too much.”

And before he even finishes the sentence I was like, No.

He starts to like say, “.. well, that’s why I wanted to talk to him” and I was like, it doesn’t matter. I don’t do credit anymore.

AND THEN he says, “.. I only want to get a gallon of milk and a few boxes of Little Debbie’s.”

Did I mention that while we were having this conversation, the girlfriend is honking away like a rabid duck?

I was like, Dude.. what aren’t you understanding? I’m not doing credit anymore.Do you not see the signs there.. and there.. and THERE.. and OVER THERE? I don’t care how little it is.

He goes on to tell me that he’s a good customer that’s been coming here since we openned and yknow.. I’m not going to say that he ISN’T but he’s not as good as HE thinks he is and besides the point, that’s all mute. I said no.. and it was no.. and I was really getting pissed off the he kept pushing it.

I’ll go verbatim here because really, it’s priceless and I’ll probably look back on this in a few years and really laugh. That’s not true.. I’m actually laughing about it now!

DUDE: I’m a good customer. I’ve been coming in here since you opened.
ME: And? Dude.. there are a lot of worse off people that come in here and if I have to do it for one then I have to do it for all so I’m not doing IT for ANYBODY.. been there.. done it.. it’s over
PAT“: Is this how you treat all your good customers?

People.. THIS is where I started to lose it.

ME: Good customer? You think I didn’t forget about the time you owed me 80.00  because you asked us to pick you up a case of Monster and after THREE weeks of not paying me your simple ass comes in here and tells me that you just spent 300.00 on a PS3 from CRAIGSLIST?????? What about all the times I drove you home because you bought a 1/4 lb of swiss cheese but were carrying boxes of groceries from the market up the street? What about all the newspapers I gave you when you bought the guinea pigs off of Craigslist when you STILL OWED A TAB? You really want to talk GOOD here???

He sooo knows where I’m going with this so he had the good sense to tell her to shut up.

He goes over and gets two boxes of Little Debbie Chocolate Cakes off the dollar shelf and tells me that he also wants two soft pretzels.

And I’m like Dude.. you’re spending 3 bucks. You can get a half gallon of milk and a Little Debbie’s and it’ll cost you 3.25. It’s 25 cent more then what your going to spend right now.

And he’s like, “.. no, I can wait on the milk”

And then .. AND THEN.. SHE SAYS:

OH HE REALLY DOESN’T NEED THE MILK. HE JUST WANTED TO KEEP A SPARE IN THE HOUSE.

People.. when I tell you that my head exploded like one of those mannequins in Austin Powers you need to believe me. Seriously. I think there’s still brain matter splattered on deli case.

I was like, “.. wait. WAIT!! You’re giving ME a HARD TIME about NOT giving YOU credit for MILK that YOU DON’T EVEN NEED?”

Dude was like, “.. I drink a lot of milk”

I was like, “.. drink less.”

Am I being unreasonable here? Do you NOT see my point? How the FUCK are you going to come into MY store and bitch about NOT getting something THAT you don’t even NEED?

There must have been some “ballsy” germs lingering in the air that girlfriend breathed in through the nostril that didn’t have a crumpled tissue jammed in it because she starts yelling.. I mean YELLING.. at me that I had no right.. NO RIGHT.. to tell her man how much milk to drink.

Me.. Halo not included!

Let me stop here.

Before we go any further, you need to know a few things about me other then the fact that I don’t look 45!

I grew up in the city and even though my neighborhood wasn’t a ghetto by any means, it was still a tough one and I was a tough kid who grew up into a tough teenager and then a tough twenty-something. I don’t like to fight.. physically or verbally.. but I sure as hell ain’t going to let someone get in my face.. customer or no customer.

And especially some Pat Look-A-Like with a crumpled up tissue up her nose.

So girlfriend is getting all red in the face and shaking and sweating and yelling at me about not having a right to tell her boyfriend how much milk to drink and I’m looking at her with the “.. bitch, PLEASE!” face and tell her that she needs to switch personalities REAL quick and then told the Dude that he better keep a handle on his woman.

PAT: YOOOOUUUU!!!! YOOOOOUUUUU!! AAARRRREEEE!!! AAAAAAAAA!!! BIIIITTTTTCCCCCHHHHH!!!!
ME: Actually, I’m more of a cunt but whatever

The more she was going off.. the calmer I was which made her crazier. Her boyfriend was yelling at her to shut up and then Chief came out of the back kitchen.

He asks what the hell is going on and I start telling him how this fool is going off on ME because I wouldn’t give him credit for milk he doesn’t even NEED and Chief started getting on his soap box about credit and the whole thing started over again and so finally I told them both to just get the fuck out and not come back. She was like, “.. you can’t throw us out” and I was like, “.. the hell I can’t” and she was like “.. this is a public place” and I was like, “.. the hell it is. It’s a private establishment now get the fuck out.”

I guess her being kicked out reverted her already warped mind back to high school or grade school and latent feelings of rejection. I don’t fucking know.. all I know for sure is that if you’re gonna say something under your breath loud enough for me to hear you, I’m going to hear you and not let you get away with it.

As she’s walking out she says, “.. you better watch your back because I know people.”

My size 16 ass was up over that counter and out the door faster then Chief could block me. Sorry.. I know she’s obviously mentally unstable but considering everything that had transpired up until that point there was no way in HELL I was going to let her get away with saying that.

So I run out of the store and get in front of her and was like, “.,. you know people, bitch? I’m right HERE, bitch! What are you gonna do, bitch” with the elbow all up and the finger all pointing.. Chief comes up behind me and grabs my arm and I swear I almost socked him a good one.

So I’m all up in her grill and Chief is trying to get himself between me and her while telling her boyfriend to get the hag away from me. I’m doing my best to get around Chief but that motherfucker is strong and agile and I even considered just kicking the back of his knees so I can get around him but Dude finally came back to reality and started yelling and tugging at her to leave..

It’s kind of hard to explain where every body was during this whole thing but as Dude was pulling her away, she turned around and tried to spit on me. The germophobic roaming troll tried  to spit on me. I still don’t know how I did it.. I think Chief was shocked and let his guard down a little.. but I got around him and before I even knew what I was doing, I cocked my arm back and landed on square under the eye.. she stumbled backward and fell on her ass..

Chief grabbed me around the waist and literally dragged me kicking and screaming and threw me in the store.

I don’t know who called the cops.. Not sure if they just happen to be driving down the boulevard or if someone driving called.. not sure.. but all four borough police cars showed up and she was just.. OMG!!.. she was just like a lunatic out there.. so much so that that’s probably the reason.. seriously.. that I didn’t get arrested.

That and the big gooey puddle of spit on the pavement.

The people that live about the store and next store to the store were all out and there were people at the trolley stop that saw what happened so it’s not like I was worried or anything but I had to give a statement and she’ll probably sue me and if so, then it’s my fault because I shouldn’t have hit her. I lost my cool but so be it.

I’m just glad to know I still got it if I need it!! LOL!!