If It Was Up To Me, Bubba Would Be Living In A Box Out Back

Oooohhh… gosh.

Here we go again.

Bubba.

If he was a character in a novel, he’d be the big doopy dude in John Steinbeck’s “Of Mice And Men”. Lenny, I think his name was. Duuuuhhh.. gee George!!

At around 6’3″ and pushing around 250lb with a size 15W shoe, you sometimes forget that he’s only 15 with the maturity level of a 5 year old. But that’s exactly what he is. Add that he’s manipulative and self centered and you get  recipe for disaster.

Our ups and downs have been well documented on this blog and I’m not sure if I went into what happened in January on his birthday but we really hadn’t been on speaking terms from then up until a few weeks ago. I didn’t want to be in the same room as him.. made dinner which I ate in silence not to have to interact with him.. no longer did his laundry or drove him to school. Dealing with him is like pulling taffy and my hips were already too big.

Chief didn’t say too much about it.. I had told him that I don’t let anyone steam roll me or take advantage of me.. especially not a snot nose teenager. Bigger and better have tried and failed. By removing myself from Bubba’s day to day, it forced Chief to take on the parental roll his sperm caused.

I’m real good at building walls when I have to and like I told them before.. I learned to love you and I can learn to un-love you just as fast.

We were at that point.

And so the days went by and whatever he did.. whatever he didn’t do.. how late he stayed out or on the computer was none of my concern and I didn’t put myself anywhere near the fringes let alone the middle.

Once or twice I had to take him to school.. this was when either the Crack Whore didn’t show up or he knew she wasn’t going to take him and he would wait until the very last second to call his father.. thinking that he would get a free day off. Oh HELL NO!! There’s nothing like bursting Bubba’s bubble especially when it involved his master plan to get out of school.

There were times when he was forced to ask me something and I would answer him cordially but that was as far as it went.

And then when that whole incident happened with the Facebook message from Chief’s old girlfriend it kind of got me thinking and I just felt really bad for Chief. For a long time he’s been made to hold boulders on his back without any one willing to cut him any slack. He had a hard life and the people he had in his life only made it harder. He always had to be stoic.. could never crack.. had to hold things together and I felt tired for him. There was never anyone standing shoulder to shoulder with him or supporting him emotionally or mentally. He was always made to feel not good enough and realizing that broke my heart in so many ways.

And so after Dr. Phil-ing myself I realized that I wasn’t making things any better. Marriage is hard work and it takes compromise. Yea, it’s good to know that your mate is on your side for important things but if they’re emotional cripples because they’re used to being beaten down then somebody has to take the lead.

And if there’s one thing I am.. it’s a leader. Not a follower.

One night when he was still at work, I decided that if I was going to mend anything, I would have to start with Bubba and so I called him into the kitchen when Spaz was watching tv and I basically laid it out on the line for him.

I told him that right now we’re four people living under one roof and not a “family”. I told him that he never experienced what it was like to have a family like I had growing up and we’re broken. We don’t spend time together, he goes to school in the morning and doesn’t come home until curfew and on the weekends he stays out at his friend’s house until Sunday night. I asked him point blank what would make him happy.. what would make him want to stay home and build this family. I told him that I knew more about his father’s past relationships then his dad thought I knew and I wasn’t going to be another woman that walks out. Fate was in his hands.. he was either going to try and make it better or he was just going to add to the weight on his father’s shoulders. I told him that I did all kinds of research and that at his age, his brain is going through transformations that he probably doesn’t understand but his actions couldn’t all be blamed on growing pains. I told him he needed to tell me .. honestly and without retribution.. what he wanted and how to make things better.

At first he didn’t know what to say and I told him that it wasn’t about what I wanted to here or that a new PS3 or laptop would make him happy. It has more to do with what’s in his core.. in his heart. So he thought about it and he said that he wanted to do things together.. wanted to spend quality time with his father.. he said that it was going to sound weird coming from him but he thought that they needed more rules and less liberty and that when they get punished it had to stick because both of them knew that if and when Chief punished them it didn’t last. At all.

I was impressed to say the  least.. I told him that I would talk to his dad and that HE in turn, had to start being more responsible then he was so when I had the opportunity, I relayed the conversation with Chief and told him that we both really had to make an effort to do more things as a family.

And in a show of good faith, I told him that I’d resume doing his laundry and not being so buggy about the bathroom and their rooms. We were going to all work together and try.

So that  night at dinner when he suggested we go to the super market to get stuff to make a peanut butter pie, I was like sure. I was tired and still had the kitchen to clean but I figured so what, right? The dishes were going to be there when we got back, right?

And that’s what we did.

The following night was the same thing except that was the night when Spaz was punished in his room and wasn’t allowed out because he had a tantrum at school. We also told him that he wasn’t going to go on a church trip to Virginia because he isn’t acting like he’s mature enough.

Bubba was shocked and thought it was harsh. I reminded him that HE was the one who said that we needed to stick by our punishments and this was the first step in proving to him that we would do what he said we should do.

Everything was going as smooth as this kind of transition could go. We all went out to get ice cream.. or grab hot dogs at the local hot dog stand.. we went to a flea market, etc. WE were trying. hard.

So it was a big disappointed the day before Spaz’s birthday July 3rd.

Spaz was at camp until 5pm meaning Bubba was home all day. When we got home, Spaz was sharing his candy with Bubba and I went into my bedroom to fold laundry. I heard Bubba get into the shower and when he came out, Spaz was on the computer. Bubba told him to get off of it.. Spaz said he didn’t want to and a fight ensued.

Both of them have a mouth on them and each know the buzz words that push their buttons to extreme. I went out and told them to stop fighting and they both quieted down but when I went back into my bedroom all hell broke lose again and Bubba punched Spaz.

Now, Spaz is a little drama queen. In fact, the reason why he gets into as much trouble as he does is because he’s loud and has a quick tongue. Bubba is quieter.. more manipulative and sneaky.

So I run out of the bedroom and Spaz is going crazy trying to put his shoes on so he can run out of the house and Bubba is on the computer like nothing happened. When I asked him what he did, he said he punched him because he called him a name and I’m like YOU. CAN’T. HIT.HIM.. and then to Spaz, I said AND. YOU. CAN’T. CALL. HIM. NAMES. Niether of you are right and then I went on to tell Bubba that he had all day to be on the computer but he chose not too.. and it all started again and I called their father because I knew at that point I was powerless to stop anything.

When Bubba knew I called, he put his sneakers on and left. I think he heard Chief yelling to pull the plug on the computer and the playstation and the cable box and if they wanted to be entertained they could read a #$%^  book!! Also, Chief had told Bubba that if he would hit Bubba the next time Bubba hit Spaz.

This was the next time.

So he leaves and we don’t hear a word from him. Chief finds out that he’s staying at the Crack Whore’s and it isn’t until this Friday that just past that I lay eyes on him.

I came home from work and when I walked into the back door and into the kitchen, there he was.

I said: Hey Stranger!

He ignored me.

He putzed around the house getting what he needed and when he passed me on the way out the front door, I say: See ya.

No response.

So I called Chief and told him what happened and if  get labeled a bitch then it’s unwarrented.

He said that he didn’t like the fact that he was staying over there and was going to call the Crack Whore about it. She said he was more then welcome to stay there while Weed was in rehab. Chief told her he could stay there as long as he wanted but he’s still going to have to answer for what he did when he comes home and that SHE was helping matters for aiding and abetting him.

But then, she’s a felon so what do you expect?

Spaz then comes up to me and tells me that Bubba was talking about their father.. calling him a pussy and douchebag and that when he does that it makes him (Spaz) really angry. I explain to him that it doesn’t matter what anybody says about him but who was the one who ran away from home? So who was really the coward?

That made sense to him.

And so we’ve been living without Bubba for a couple of weeks and things have been pretty even keeled.

That is until today when the Crack Whore couldn’t stand the mess she finds when she gets home from doing whatever she says is a job and that he stays up all night leaving empty cups and dishes and food wrappers and soda cans all over the place and leaves the bathroom like a pig sty..

In other words..

Welcome to my world, Biatch!

So now he’s suppose to come home tonight and I have no clue what the night is going to entail… but rest assured, it will involve the word DRAMA!

Nice, right?

When It Rains.. It Pours.. Literally

.. so I should have known today wasn’t going to be one of those days that everybody dreams of considering that whole Dudley Doo-Right incident 4 hours ago, right?

But really.. what could possibly happen in 4 hours?

Well.. the bank where the store has it’s account has consistently been ripping us off. There is NO WAY in HELL that we’re that bad with money considering that 1) we don’t SPEND anything other then what’s needed for the store and 2) I was a financial analyst before I got laid off… I ORGASM over numbers and spreadsheets and percentages.

Apparently.. this bank.. WACHOVIA (there! I outed them!) have a variety of computer systems that DO. NOT. TALK. TO. EACH. OTHER. So you can check your balance online and it’s one thing… go to the ATM? Something different.. Oh? And um.. check your balance over the phone? Yea.. something completely different.

So after something like over 400.00 is fees that they took one ( one was a bounce charge fee for an amount that WAS in the account and then they bounced the bounced fee.. yea, we’re fighting that one ) .. we went old school and resorted to a pencil and paper ledger. Ahh.. but the evil doers at Wachovia had something slick up there sleeve that wasn’t vaseline.. they hit us with a 57.00 monthly banking fee.

Considering that our monthly service fee runs anywhere between 9 and 14 dollars.. where the HELL did 57.00 come from? That.. which caused my balance to reflect 132.00 so that the 155.00 check that SHOULD have cleared, didn’t. We even put extra money in the bank yesterday as a buffer and look where that got us.

So at 6 this morning, I had to tell Chief and he almost crumbled. He was literally in tears and this is a  man who has his feels so bottled up that his bald head is going to shoot off like a bottle rocket one of these days. So he’s going to go down and talk to the bank manager this morning and is almost convinced to the point of certainty that he will be arrested if they don’t reverse their charges.

I already told him I don’t have bail money and he’s fine with staying in the pokey for a few days.

Since it’s thunder storming out, I drove him to the store.. then came home and was finishing up watching an episode of Glee when I had to go pee really, really bad. I have this bad habit of holding it in so long that when I finally do make my way to the bathroom, I’m all contorted like a Cirque Soliel performer.

So I walk into the bathroom and the floor is soaking wet.. at first I thought.. Wow.. that’s some storm.. because the bathroom window was open and I figured it just blew in from the wind. While I was digging through the hamper to get a used towel to wipe the floor, I felt a drop hitting my head.

I look up and yep.. the bathroom ceiling is leaking.

So up I go to the second floor and into the attic. I have an attic on both sides of the house that run it’s length so their pretty spacious places. The right side attic so filled with junk that you’ll probably find Jimmy Hoffa in there but the left side is all neat and clean and orderly.

Thanks to me.

Anyway.. so I go up there and of course, the single 1920’s lightbulb doesn’t shine every where it should shine but I happen to see a dark spot on the wooden floor boards and making my way down there I saw that the roof was leaking.

Did you ever feel defeated? Or deflated?

I got one of the sleds and put it under the leak.. but I don’t know if there is more then one leak so I’ll have to find one of the 13 flashlights that are in the house ( probably under Spaz’s bed ) .. AND I’m going to have to call the landlord. Which is never, ever a good thing because he’s a douche.

So that’s been my morning thus far…

How’s yours been?

Mensa Meeting At 4am

Do you see the time??

It’s 4 freakin’ 30 in the AM .. as in MORNING.. as in WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAZY BITCH DOING WRITING A POST??

Yknow.. something are just too damn bizarro not to write in the moment.

So .. ok.. I wake up to Ernie, The Terrorist Puppy flung over my chest like a bean-bag.. his head nuzzling my neck and he’s doing that insane nasally whine thing that he does.

For those of you who don’t know, Ernie thinks he’s a boy without thumbs. My fault. I made him that way. He was way too young when we got him and I was all hearing whatever biological thing was ticking and so he became my baaaaabbbbbbyyyyy. He’s a lot older then 6 weeks now and he’s a mental head so I guess I have to live with it.

A’ight.. so he’s doing his whining thing and I know it’s because he wants to go O-U-T :: I have to spell it because if he hears the word he’ll want to go again!! :: Usually, Chief takes them around 6am but I guess him getting up to go to the bathroom threw off Ernie’s routine.

Or he needs a watch. Or maybe he just needs to tell time, dammit.

So he’s bugging me since I was already awake :: I hate when I fall asleep too early because Chief is watching Entering the Worm Hole for the millionth time! :: and I figure I’ll take them out and give Chief the morning off.

Ernie’s all excited .. WE’RE GOING OUT! WE’RE GOING OUT! WAKE UP BELLA, WE’RE GOING OUT!!! .. which makes Bella all confused because you know, she’s old and probably senile and the only thing she’s really concerned with is getting the treat when they come in so she’s WHOOOO WHOOO WHOOO-ing .. they’re both weaving themselves in and out of my ankles as I’m trying to get out of bed.. find my shoes.. grab my cigarettes and glasses and find my way  out of the bedroom without waking the house up or tripping over Chief’s shorts that he left on the floor.

Now.. for those of you who don’t know, I live in a big old single house that’s on the point of where three streets intersect. I have a fairly decent size front lawn.. a fairly decent size side lawn that runs the length of the house to the fairly decent back yard. It’s just big enough to piss you off when you have to either mow it or shovel the sidewalks when it snows. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fence. The owner of this Ghetto Chateau wouldn’t allow up to put one up even though we offered to pay for the whole thing.

Ok.. so never mind about that.

Anyway.. Ernie has to be kept on a leash because he’s a runner. He still has his balls :: which are going to be clipped soon, little dog! :: and so we have something like 4 extra long leashes tied together for him. Bella is a WHOLE other story. She’s old and slow and fat and has arthritis in her hips. She’s kinda like a baby seal. Plus, even though she may bark she only has about 3 teeth left and their wobbly so she is absolutely no threat to anyone. I don’t put her on a leash because she sticks to the grass does her business and goes back inside.

Now.. I know you’re going to scream at me that accidents happen and the what not.. and you’re absolutely right. I don’t condone walking dogs off a leash but trust me, you can cut me some slack on this one.

Anyway.. 604+ words later..

So I’m outside with the dogs and it’s beyond quiet. I live across the street from a cemetery and since we’re basically behind the center of town there’s no traffic.. no people.. no nothing. Just me and the dogs. We’re on the side of the house near the big ass shade tree when I hear a car roll up and when I turn around I’ m staring into head lights.

The city girl in me is like, WTF Asshole??? And then the little red and blue lights start flashing and then the suburban girl in me is like WTF ASSHOLE??? You see the illustrious police force here are a bunch of morons.. idiots and douchebags. All four of them.

So when I face the car, DoucheBadge #311 says to me: Do you want to tell me what you’re doing out at this hour? To which I responded Are you KIDDING me? while holding up the dog leash.

DoucheBadge #311 looks at Ernie and says: Is that your dog?

At that point, I thought he  may have been referring to Bella but she’s black and back in the dark part of the yard laying down near a pile of broken tree branches. I knew she was there but there was no way he hell he could of. So I was like Um.. yeaaaa.. I just take random people’s dog for walks at 4 o’clock int he morning.

DoucheBadge #311 gets out of the car and says .. I kid you not .. Why are you walking your dog at 4am? And I’m all ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DO YOU NOT THINK I’D RATHER BE IN BED??? which came out as: Um.. because he had to go to the bathroom? Complete with shoulder shake and head bob.

He actually looked confused and further established that this is THE most idiotic police department in the county by saying You are aware that there are leash laws in this borough? I hold up Ernie’s blue leash and tell him that there’s a dog attached to the other end. And then I swear I saw a flash of the 12 year old boy who used to get bullied in the school year because he responded Yea.. well.. there’s litter laws too!!

By now I’m done playing the game. I wanted to get back in the house.. back to sleep.. AND get the one dog who was OFF the leash back inside without him seeing that she was OFF the leash :: I did have a plan in case he spotted her though :: so I say to him: Are you looking for somebody or SHOULD you be looking for somebody because I have my LEASHED dog on my OWN property and I’m sure there are TONS of meth heads and drunks on the boulevard RIGHT NOW that you could be harassing.

He did not appreciate that.

At all.

He said: You could be arrested for disorderly conduct.

So I rolled my eyes and said: Fine. Let me put the dog in the house, throw on some socks and underwear and I’ll be right out so you can do that, ok Bucky?

Here’s the thing. When I know that I’m in trouble for doing something that I actually did then yea, I get all worried about being sent up to the big house and being somebody’s bitch but this bullshit is just bullshit and he knew that I knew it was bullshit but he had committed to laying down the bullshit.

He wound up getting a call over the radio .. I think there was a donut delivery at Dunkin’ Donuts that needed his immediate attention.. and so he gets back into his car saying: Keep that dog on a leash.

So he drives off and I come back in the house with the dogs.. wake Chief up and tell him that he has dog duty from now on. He just grunted and went back to sleep and I just had to tell SOMEBODY about this!! LOL!!

Lucky.. lucky you!!