Archive for April 19, 2010

As nice as I am .. and as compassionate as I am.. and as loyal as I am..


.. because you will see this WHOLE other side to me that will leave you in shock and awe.

I’m serious about this.

I can get so-low-in-the-gutter-ghetto and will say things that will cut you right behind the knee caps.

Mind you.. I have a very broad threshold but if you’re going to do something out of spite.. because you’re angry about something else and can’t direct it to who you need to direct it to so you direct it MY way.. girlfriend, we are going to have an issue.

Ok.. so let’s rewind the tape a little.

I’ve written about Chief’s cousin Bird before. We’ve become BFF’s .. kinda .. ¬†but Bird’s problem is that she’s disabled.. her son is on his own.. her daughter is away at college and her husband works nights.

Bird has a lot of time on her hands.. and a really fucked up thought process.

I let a lot of things about her and how she thinks slide. I understand that she bounces off the walls at home because she isn’t working anymore.. and I do my best to be compassionate to her randomness.

Now Bird’s son lives .. lived.. with his girlfriend. Bird never liked the girlfriend because she thinks the girlfriend has no ambition.. no drive.. and is sponging off her son. Maybe. I really don’t know. It’s none of my business what he does an honestly, at 25, it’s none of hers. But Bird puts her self where she doesn’t belong sometimes.

Their problem. I just sit and listen to her when she rants and raves when her son exerts his independence or free thought.

See.. the real truth about Bird is that she things she’s always right and if you don’t do.. rather, if her kids don’t do what she wants them to do then it causes an issue.

Anyway.. so her son is getting some college degree and she wanted to throw him a surprise party.. she tells the girlfriend.. the girlfriend says she was thinking the same thing and they all decide to go in together on this party.

Which, of course, Bird tells everyone who will listen that it was her idea and diminishes the girlfriend’s role.

And low and behold, a few days before the party there was an issue and the girlfriend moved out of the house. She emails Bird and tells her that she doesn’t feel comfortable coming to the party and even though Bird is just DYING to know what happened between them, she retrains herself from asking.

She asks me how she should respond to the email and I tell her what to say. I do this because I am a lot better with words then she is and because whatever her feelings are for this girl, the girl is obviously upset over the breakup.. which, of course, is none of Bird’s business.

See where I was going with that?

Everything seemed to be settled but like girls often do after a break up, the girlfriend got vindictive and started calling Bird and telling her that she shouldn’t call her son.. shouldn’t talk to him.. and manipulate things so that he feels like an ass walking into his own surprise party.

Now, that’s wrong. You can’t tell someone not to talk to their own kid or to set him up at his own party. Bird and her had it out big time and even though Bird can get too involved in shit, in this case, she had every right to be upset.

So what’s this all have to do with me.


A little while ago, I was on Facebook and Bird messages me and says that she feels like going on a trip and asks me if I want to go. I ask her where and she tells me to an island somewhere. I tell her that I can’t afford it and she asks about my income tax refund.

I had already told her that I planned on not spending that money at all and was going to save it if .. or when.. I needed to move. So when she asked me about it, I told her that I wasn’t spending it.

I doubt if she ever READ what I wrote because she says something about spending it and then having nothing to show for it.

And I was like, “.. are you smoking crack?”

And then she was like, “No.. but you’re going to spend YOUR money on CHIEF and HIS KIDS.”

The caps were hers.

And that’s when my line started to get taunt and threads started to ping.

Because I don’t care WHO you are.. you don’t tell me how to spend my money. Chief doesn’t even do that.. my MOTHER doesn’t even try to do that anymore.

So I tell her, “.. you’re slinging some serious attitude, girlfriend.”

And she confesses that she was upset because her son called her and apparently, him and the girlfriend are back together and that the girlfriend told him what went down between her and Bird.

Bird tells him that he better take her side and of course, because a piece of ass is involved, he called Bird and told her that she should apologize to the girlfriend.


She feels hurt.. she feels humiliated.. she feels abandoned.. she feels all these things while she’s home alone with no one to vent too and the anger was growing.


I get that.

But what does all this have to do with me?

And why am I just SO READY to get all ghetto and literally destroy my relationship with her?

Ok.. in the midst of all this, my laptop goes haywire and I lose internet connection. I feel that this is divine intervention but I don’t want her to think in her bizarro mind that it was on purpose.. so I text her and tell her what happened.. that I was going to take a shower and that I’d get back online in about a half hour.

But after a half hour, she texts me the following:

Leese I really in a bad mood, so I am going to bed. Just to let u know I am tired of Chief’s mom calling me when she needs something so the next time she calls me she gets ALL his numbers. It a fuckin disgrace how they let her wear dead peoples close and she just asks for a few things. Their is another responsibility HIS family needs to take care OF!!

Now.. WTF??

Here’s some background.

Cheif’s mother is in a nursing home because she’s psycho. Chronic hypocondriac and long time pill popper. She can’t live on her own because she over-doses on her meds. She lived with Chief before she went into the home but from what he says, she was constantly in a mental state and he had just gotten custody of the boys. His brother’s weren’t doing anything to help in anyway so he had to make the decision to place her in a home.

Understand, that’s his story. Whether it’s true or not, it’s not for me to say. I do know that Sarge, Chief’s twin brother and Sarge’s wife have also told me horror stories about how she was acting and I also had first hand experience when someone gave her my cell phone number.

So knowing on this.. for Bird to threaten to give Chief’s mother ALL his phone numbers.. was just her taking out her anger on me and Chief.

So I text her back:

You do what you need to do but don’t do it because your angry because of the girlfriend

Before I can finish typing, I get another text:

No I am tired of HER calling me for minimal necessities that her family should be helping her with. Its a disgrace how they throw her away like a dog in a shelter. Yea I mad about the girlfriend but I am tired of their Mom’s calls 3x a week they are on her medical file as contact and they throw her away like a dog. And they are godly people! Wonder if Chief had a breakdown, should he just be left like a DOG! Or should we help his out cause he has anxiety issue or mental issue! I am on a ram page. I just tired of them NOT taking care of THEIR own.

Then she texted:

I am shutting my phone off!! And going to BED!

I just texted back:

You can’t force people to do the right thing.. like I said, you do what you want but personally, I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole.

And here’s the thing.. and how she’s so much of a fucking hypocrite that I feel like driving over there and slamming my knee right where her back operation scar is.

The day I was waiting in court for Weed to be arraigned, I called her just for something to do. I told her what happened. The next day, she texts me and tells me that she was talking to Sarge on Facebook and that she told him what happened to Weed.

And I was like, WTF??? You know how Chief feels about being fodder for gossip and being talked about.. and you definitely KNOW that Chief and Sarge don’t really get along well and that Sarge is always the first one to put Chief down and is ready for an opinion that he has no business making .. and you TELL HIM that Weed got arrested again?

I told her that I can’t believe she would do that and she was real non-chalant when she said, “.. well, he was going to find out anyway.” And I was like, by who? Nobody else knew… I told her that it wasn’t my place or her place to say anything to anybody.. it was Chief’s perogative to tell who he wanted to tell and that I didn’t even say anything to Chief’s father about it.

And she was like, “.. well, Chief wouldn’t have told Sarge”


So I’ve been torqued with her for a few days now .. so torqued in fact that I haven’t called her or texted her like I used to and even though I did go to her sons party, I only stayed like a half hour because I didn’t know anyone and was just feeling uncomfortable.

But this.. this is the last fucking straw. And if she does go through with giving out Chief’s numbers then expect a mushroom cloud pluming in SE Pennsylvania!

… And NOW

Posted: April 19, 2010 in Just Stuff
Tags: , , ,

.. I have to make fried pork chops for dinner.

Can you just FEEL the excitement?


.. so Saturday, Weed started trying to call collect from prison and we had to go through the whole phone set up again.

NOTE: In case you weren’t aware :: and really, why should you be :: an inmate just can’t call collect and have you accept the charges. You have to set up a pre-paid account :: either on a website or by phone :: and add money to the account. This is the only way that the call will go through when you agree to accept the charges. This is fucked for a number of reason .. although now you can use your cell phone where as before, you could only use a LAN line and it could only be for certain carriers.. but if you over fill your account, you don’t get your money back.

Anyway.. so earlier, Chief calls me on Spaz’s cell phone because I left my cell phone at the shop. He tells me that he tried calling on the house phone but it didn’t go through. I told him that was because it was broke. He asked me how it broke and I told him that his sons dropped it too many times.


He tells me that Weed called him and because we had set up the account, he was finally able to talk to him and he told me that he was going to call back again on the house phone.

Um. Yea. One problem.


Another Oh.

So I tell him where the old store phone was and that he really should stick it up his ass in his back pack now so that he doesn’t forget it again. Then I asked him what Weed said.

Chief told me that Weed started crying and that Chief told him that he was the only one who put himself in there.

But then a customer came in so I don’t know if there was more to the conversation or whether that was the end of the conversation until tonight.

So we’ll see.

I also know that I re-affirmed with him again that he is NOT moving back into the house.

This morning I asked him what he thought would happen in court tomorrow and if the judge would send him back to jail or if he would release him on his own recognizance. He said he didn’t know but he might. I told him then that the Crack Whore can’t have him living with her anymore and he said that he knew.. that he had talked to her earlier and that he wasn’t touching the subject with her.

Ostrich? There’s your hole.

So that’s when I told him that he wasn’t moving back in here because he hasn’t learned a damn thing about respecting other people’s property and that he was doing in her place what he used to do in ours.

He said he completely agreed.

But we’ll see.

I may be moving out sooner then expected.

.. granted, I grew up in the 80’s where every boy my age wanted to drive an IROC and be like Don Johnson but still .. is this kid handsome or what?

Really.. it should be a crime!!

This is my cousin’s oldest son, AJ from his first marriage.

He’s now on his third.

And I bring this up because I was having a conversation with No. 3 .. who is actually a really, really sweet person.

Anyway.. No. 3 happens to have been :: see if you can follow this :: my cousin’s step-sister’s best friend since high school. And it was more then a mild shock when No. 3 hooked up with my cousin in the first place, let alone married him.

Anyway .. so we were having this conversation and I don’t know if she had a little too much to drink or what but she says to me, “… yknow, the other day when AJ was over for dinner I was like DAMN! He’s hot.”

Then I said, “.. Did you feel dirty afterwards?”

Then she said, “.. OMG! I DID!! I was like, HE’S YOUR STEPSON!!!”

Then I said, “.. well, they do make Lifetime movies about shit like that”

Then she was like, “.. omg!”

It was funny…

But maybe you had to be there!

Wanna Annoy Me?

Posted: April 19, 2010 in Annoy Me

… mix the conditioner with the activator instead of mixing the DYE in the activator.. and then have me sit for 20 minutes before realizing that the only thing happening to my grey roots is that they’re getting shiny and silky.

Actually.. I have no one to blame but myself because I did this… but I’m still fucking annoyed!!!