So before my laptop took a dive off the radiator, there was some intense drama regarding Bubba.. his dirty clothes and Chief’s reaction to Bubba’s lack of clean clothes.

If you have this insatiable desire to grind you teeth, read about it HERE

Picking up where I left off..

So Bubba didn’t go to school that day so there was no need for me to stop at the shop until after I took Spaz to school.

When I finally got to the shop, I walked in and started making a cup of coffee. I asked Chief if he had made a list for the wholesaler because I was going to leave as soon as I fixed my coffee.

He said he hadn’t and started writing one.

He then said, “.. You know, I’m not pissed at you. I’m pissed at Bubba”

I shrugged and said, “.. you have absolutely no reason to be pissed at me.”

He said that he had a solution to the problem.. that we were going to get a washer and dryer THAT DAY and he was going to hook it up on the back porch THAT DAY because.. yknow.. HE knew that there was NO WAY IN HELL that I was going to go to the laundromat to do Bubba’s cloths.

He also said that he felt guilty because he hadn’t gotten the washer and dryer before.. cuz if he did, his simple mind thought that that would have circumvented the whole ordeal.

Now.. I have to tell you that I am usually a yeller.. or a screamer.. or a hollar.. or just a very passionate Italian .. depends on if I’m screaming at your or not I guess. However, when I get to the point where shit just don’t matter anymore, I don’t waste the energy. I just get real matter-of-fact and my voice and demeanor remain calm and cool.

So in response, I just said, “.. do whatever you need to do”


But I didn’t say that. That would have been an emotional response and I wasn’t about to be emotional.

He tried to scramble to make himself become a bright star in my eyes but it wasn’t happening.

So I told him the following:

That not putting clothes in the hamper is nothing new and even with working washer and dryer, I’m still not going to chase anybody around for their clothes.

That I’m done with being taken for granted.. done with being unappreciated.. done with being disrespected and told “Fuck You”.

That I’m done with Bubba uses me as the excuse to do what he wants to do like not coming home after school and rolling in around curfew time.

That I came in to this relationship thinking it was one way and obviously he thinks its something very different and I’m done with trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

That even though he thinks that my cutting has nothing to do with him.. it has everything to do with him. That I cannot talk to him because he doesn’t deal well with emotions or feelings and because I can’t when I need to, it gets all backed up and manifests itself at the end of a sharp object.

That even though his suggestion of switching shifts with me so he was home with his kids after school was a noble suggestion, he’s just as much a pig as they are and just how pissed off would he think I’d be if I closed the shop and came home to find the house messier then I left it because he didn’t do anything to clean it up before I got home.

That I lowered myself and my standards to be in this relationship and bent as far as I could bend for THEM but they went on with life as usual and no one could give a shit about doing things that they KNOW would make me happier and my life easier… like washing their dishes, not pissing on the floor, not leaving their clothes everywhere EXCEPT the hamper. But nope. They don’t care.

I believe I said some other things but those are the highlights.

He didn’t say anything at first, but then he started to flake about hearing that Bubba has said “Fuck You” to me.

He wanted to know why I didn’t tell him. And I told him.. honestly.. that he wouldn’t do anything about it .. he never does anything about anything and I’m tired of trying to tell him things that he doesn’t do anything about. I also told him that when I try to tell him something that he does not want to hear EVERYTHING is a diversion .. the tv.. the dogs.. a leaf blowing down the street. So really, why bother?

He was like , “.. but that’s unacceptable”

And I was like, words are words. It’s not so much the “FUCK YOU” it’s the whole attitude.

He said that he wants me to be happy. That he worries about me being happy.

I told him that I believed that he meant that but he doesn’t know how to make me happy. That I don’t think he’s capable of it because as time went on, he turned out to not be the man I thought he was. In fact, I told him.. I don’t think he’s a man at all. He’s just someone who doesn’t want the responsibility of raising his kids the right way so he farms it off on whatever woman he’s with so that he can claim clean hands when they fuck up.

He was speechless.. to say the least. He walked into the kitchen of the shop and then asked me what I was going to do.

I told him that I was going to go buy a washer and dryer and then he was going to Home Depot to get what he needed to hook it up on the back porch.

He said that he meant about our relationship and I told him that I didn’t think we really HAD a relationship and that for now, I was just going to do what I needed to do to survive what I needed to survive until I can get to a place where I can make my life better.

He didn’t know how to take it.. because he didn’t want to know how to take it but once Weed came into work, we went and got the washer and dryer but the cost of everything he needed at Home Depot was WAY more then I wanted to spend so I just told him to bag it and but them down the basement where the other ones where.

So we put everything back and only bought what was needed to move the 220 line to other side of the basement so the machines could be next to each other and to install a 110 line for the washer instead of keeping it plugged into the freakin light bulb.

I mean.. really.. how ghetto was that???

So I dropped him off at the house and as I was driving back to the shop to work with Weed, guess who I see walking down the street with one of his friends? Wearing CLOTHES?

yep.. Bubba.

Now.. as we sat at the red light before I dropped Chief off at the house, I said to Chief “.. you know, considering that Bubba has gone to school wearing the same clothes for a week and doesn’t take showers you really think his issue was not having clean clothes or that his report card came out today? Because.. he does have clean clothes.. he just doesn’t put them away and just throws them on the floor when I put them on his bed”

He.. again.. didn’t say anything for a minute or two and then said quietly, “.. the report card”.

I just said, “uh huh”

So when I see Bubba walking down the street with his friend, I call Chief.

Spaz answered and said that Chief had taken the dogs out so I tell him to have him call me as soon as he gets back in the house.

When Chief calls me back, I tell him that Bubba is out with his friends. He says, “.. oh really?” and I was like, Did you NOT know that he wasn’t in the house? He said that when he first walked in the house he never got past the front porch because he dogs needed to go out.

So I tell him that if he wants to continue being treated like an asshole by his kid then that’s his problem but I’m not going to subject myself to it anymore. I learned to love them and I learned to UNlove him and I couldn’t care less what he thought about it.

He was all torqued that Bubba was outside and told me that he was going to do this.. and that.. and tell him this.. and tell him that.. and I was just like, “whatever”. Because I know he doesn’t have it in him to be the father that these kids need and I’m not getting myself all upset over it.

As I told him .. these aren’t my kids and they’re not a reflection on me.

And so.. since that day, I’ve done a million loads of laundry :: none of them Bubba’s :: .. and I have no dealings with him at all. I don’t talk to him.. don’t ask him for anything.. just basically ignore him and live like he doesn’t live here.

Spaz started to tell me things that Bubba has said about me and I stopped him before he started and told him that I didn’t want to hear it. He told me that it makes him upset to hear it and I told him that if I wasn’t upset, then he shouldn’t be. I told him that it’s a good life lesson to learn not to let people change your mood or get you angry.. just brush it off your shoulder.

I told him that I had to learn that the hard way and Bubba wasn’t someone that cared about enough to care about what he said about me. I also told him that anything that has to do with Bubba he needs to address with his father. He is their parent.. and I’m not.

And so life goes on …

Currently, I’m down sizing my expenses so that I can save money to move on because I highly doubt that things are going to change enough to make me want to stay.

End of drama

  1. Shelli says:

    I’m kind of reading your stuff backwards today, so I already know about you getting your bail money back. Can you use that to move out? Or at least to make it happen faster?

    I didn’t know you were a cutter. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times before, but I wish for you that there was some way you could stop doing that. Not judging, just concerned. :-(

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