Archive for August 7, 2009

Yknow… sometimes I just forget that I’m not writing a personal email!!

I have literally gotten tons of emails asking about this particular post .. and the comment I made in response to The Goob about my grandmother ( Nonna ) seeing an up close and more then personal picture of my Va-jay-jay ( snatch ).

Here’s the story:

A few years ago, I feeling some kind of lump? Bump? SOMETHING down in the nether regions. No matter how I contorted myself over a mirror :: um, you get the idea, right? :: I wasn’t able to get a satisfying view of whatever it was that I was feeling.

Since necessity IS the mother of all inventions.. or in this case.. curiosity seeking.. I grabbed my digital camera and started taking pictures in the attempt to SEE what was down there.

NOTE: Contrary to those who wink and nod when told this story, I was NOT taking pictures of the Va-jay-jay for ANY. OTHER. PURPOSE!! Dammit!

I upload them to my laptop and FINALLY get to see what the issue is. Turns out, it was just an ingrown hair that FELT a lot bigger then it actually is.

Satisfied that I wasn’t secretly implanted with something from an alien abduction, I closed the laptop and went about my business. That being a date with a guy that was SO going to include naked fun.

Hence the urgency to find out what the HELL was down there.

Anyway… so fast forward a week? A month? I don’t remember.. but it had been awhile. My relatives in Italy had emailed me some pictures of my grandfather’s ancestors and I took my laptop down with me to my grandmother’s to show her.

My mom had something she needed to do that night so I had to sit with my gradmother because she wasn’t well enough to stay by herself.

Anyway… so I tell her about the pictures from the family and fire up the laptop to show her.

My laptop at the time had a 17″ screen :: I believe. Don’t know for sure but it was a bigger one then I have now :: So I pop open Picasso and started a slide show of my families pictures. Not really paying attention :: there are so many oohs and aahs that I can appear interested in :: my mind drifted off until I heard my grandmother say, “.. what’s that?”

I turn to look at the screen and

OH.

MY.

FUCKING.

GOD.

There.. filling the WHOLE screen is my Vagina. Since the laptop was sitting on my grandmother’s lap, I just started hitting the finger pad to move the mouse and close the goddamn window.

Not that simple.. because.. THE DAMN COMPUTER FREEZES

Meanwhile, my grandmother keeps asking what it is and I keep telling her I don’t know.. just some random picture.. until finally I rip the laptop off her lap and snap the lid down.

I was somewhere between mortification and hysterical laughter when I called Goober and told him what happened.

His immediate response?

NONNA SAAAAWWW YOUR SNAH-ATCH!

NONNA SAAAWWW YOUR SNAH-ATCH!

In this sickening sing-songy voice!

Very rare has an opportunity gone by where Goob teases me about it.

So that’s it.

The whole story.