Archive for June 10, 2009


Goober has a WIFE now!!! I’m really going to have censor myself now! I’m going to have to tuck most of the Goober Files back in the box hidden in the back of my brain!!! LOL!!

No.. so seriously. Goober got married.

He really did.


NO.. HONEST!!!!!!

Goober and Raisinette have known each other for probably a long time. They were together as a couple for a long time but then broke up and somewhere .. sometime.. fate crossed their paths again.

Fate is like that sometimes. Especially when it’s having a bad day and just wants to fuck with people to get it’s rocks off.

What other excuse could there be? Right?


Anyway.. so it wasn’t like he flew to Hawaii.. had one to many rum punches succumbed to the advances of the portly hulu girl that they hide in the back line.. WHO btw.. guilted him into marrying her because she swallowed.

Nope.. nothing like that at all..


I think…

I HOPE…!!!

No. No. Of course not! And I won’t get into the “swallow” thing.

What really happened .. according to the Goob is that it was just the right place and time. It just happened and that’s maybe the way it should be..

I can tell you that they got married on the beach…

I can tell you that he did NOT wear Man Flops

I CANNOT tell you weather or not he got a pedi on his ape paws. He says he won’t tell so that means HELL YEA AND I LOVED EVER DAMN METROSEXUAL SECOND OF IT!

Anyway.. all the best for Goober and Raisinette. I’d raise a glass to them but I’m at work and not allowed to have anything that could potentially be used as a weapon..

No seriously… I wish both of you nothing but the best!

So last night when I got home from work, I stopped at the shop to pick up dinner. We were having steak and sauteed broccoli so in an effort to NOT eat at 930pm, I picked everything up and took it home to cook.

NOTE: I’m going to say this again.. even though I live with a chef.. I am a hell of a cook myself and the boys ALWAYS enjoy whatever I make!

When I got home, Bubba was home asleep on the couch. He was obviously up late the night before but you know what? I really didn’t mind it so much because as much of a problem as he is, I like when he’s home…

Spaz was “helping” me in the kitchen.. meaning he just stood attached to my hip talking and talking and talking and talking but you know.. I didn’t mind.. this is what SHOULD be going on in our house.

Everything had just finished cooking when Chief came in so we sat down and had dinner.

Bubba was saying that his class had gone to the local public high school for a tour and he said it wasn’t bad and that the teachers seemed nice.. that it wasn’t like everybody was telling him it was.

He also gave me the pamphlet containing his summer reading list and told me what book he wanted to read and what questions he wanted to answer.

I felt a little bit like we were in the Twilight Zone because it seemed normal, yknow? And if your a regular reader of this blog then you know that my life is ANYTHING but normal!!

After we finished eating, I started doing the dishes and Bubba was asking me about the PS3 controller. I told him that I’d let him use mine but then I thought.. no.. we’re going to watch a movie.

Spaz was already playing a PS3 game and so when I went into the living room I said, “… yknow, I thought it would be cool to watch a movie.”

They both asked which one and I was like, “… I dunno. Maybe we can see what’s on Pay Per View.”

NOTE: I have a block on the Pay Per View button and only order movies about twice a month so it’s a big deal.. ESPECIALLY because it was a week night!

Bubba.. very maturely, I might add.. asked Spaz if we could watch a movie after he gets down playing his online round of PS3. Spaz responded in a semi-abrupt way and I was like, “… dude, he’s showing you some courtesy by asking you because you’re already playing.”

Spaz was all like, “.. oh well what are you asking me for .. you can do whatever you want to.”

I explained to him very patiently :: biting my tongue :: and very dumbed down that Bubba was being polite and he shouldn’t take that the wrong way. It was the right way to handle it and SO much better then him just taking the remote and turning the channel on him, RIGHT??

He got it and we ordered the movie.

NOTE: I will be the FIRST person to say that the movie we ordered “Sex Drive” was UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR SPAZ. The description on PPV wasn’t really THAT bad and the trailer wasn’t really that bad. Nothing he hasn’t seen before but I should have known that THE TRAILER IS FOR GENERAL VIEWING.. DUH!!!

When a scene came on, I would laughing fein embarassment and yell “.. SPAZ!! Close your eyes!! Close your eyes!!!”

We were hysterical laughing and it was a good time.

The only downside is that Chief was holed up in the bedroom. When we first ordered the movie, Bubba asked me to go get his dad. I went into the bedroom asking him if he wanted to see a really funny movie but he was exhausted and couldn’t keep his eyes openned.

And even though I knew he wouldn’t be, I told the kids that he would be out as soon as he felt better.

After the movie, Spaz had gone to bed and Bubba asked me if I was going to play Call of Duty. I told him that I was going to bed and he asked me if I had spoken to his father about staying home from school [today].

I told him I did and the answer was no. He asked why his father was “.. being such a dick” and I asked him why HE was being one.

He kept saying that I didn’t understand what he was saying and I told him that I did.. but HE wasn’t understanding where I was coming from and he never does. He just wants what he wants when he wants it and gives no consideration to anybody.

So I figured, you know what? He opened this can of worms so I was going for it full speed ahead.

And told him stuff that he may not have WANTED to hear but NEEDED to.

I told him that while I loved his Pop-Pop to death, he wasn’t always the man he is now and that when Chief was a kid he was handed out routine beatings with objects of capital punishment whether he deserved it or not..

I told him that THAT was the only parenting your father knew so the yelling and freaking out that he does may not be effective but he’s never been exposed to a different way of parenting.

I told him that he needed to cut his father slack.. he needs to stop using me as a middle man and talk directly to him.

His response was that he yells all the time and so I told him that he’s going to have to keep trying and stop doing things that are going to get him YELLED AT.

Do what he asks.. do what I ask.. the more we pitch in to help each other the faster things get done and the more free time we’d have.

I told him that it hurts Chief that he’s never home.. that he goes out until curfew and spends the weekends away. I told him that I understand WHY he doesn’t want to be at the house :: Spaz :: but he is part of this family and a lot of time we don’t do things because he’s not around to do it with us …

I also told him that sometimes, we just do things on the spur of the moment :: like going to the movies that Saturday we were going to buy him sneakers :: and when he’s not around or we don’t know how to find him.. what does he expect us to do.

He said that he asks me to talk to his dad because I can get him to do things.. I told him that I most certainly can not and that there’s ALOT of things that I would do differently.. but I’m not into controlling anybody and your father has to make his own decisions…

Bubba had also said, for example, if he asked Chief to go to eat Chief would say ‘no’ but that I would take them.

I told him he has to understand that I realize that since opening up the shop, everyone has become more distant is it really isn’t fair for them :: Bubba and Spaz :: to have to suffer for it.. they have way too much freedom and not enough supervision.. so when they want to go out to eat.. or whatever.. yea, I take them because sometimes Chief can’t and the only thing I do as far as “getting him to say yes” is just remind him about priorities.

The other thing I told him.. stressed it, actually.. is that I know that the reason why he doesn’t spend a lot of time at the house is because of Spaz. I said that we all know that Spaz has issues.. he can’t change himself so it is up to us to be more understanding of it and and not let him get under our skin.. the more you ignore him the more he stops trying to annoy you..

It’s up to him.. as an older brother.. to be understanding and not fall into his trap.

I felt good after talking to him.. he’s a different kid sometimes and he’s getting to an age where he has to grow up a little and I felt that in order for him to act like a young man, he has to be treated like a young man.

But that’s how I felt last night!! I’m sure he’ll do something to piss me off by the time I get home from work!! LOL