Archive for May 21, 2009

Question

Posted: May 21, 2009 in Just Me, Question
Tags: , , ,

The kids got their school pictures today. All 84.00 worth. That I paid for.

Does the Crack Whore get a wallet size one of each, or no?

Convos

Posted: May 21, 2009 in Convos
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SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: You know your checking account has been charged 700.00 in over draft fees bringing your current balance to a negative 866.30?

ME: Yep. Can’t do nothing about that until Friday though.

SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: If you don’t satisfy this debt today, you’re account will be closed and turned over to the recover department.

ME: Look, my paycheck will be direct deposited on Friday. Can’t you just wait until then?

SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: I need payment today.

ME: Ok. I’ll write you a check.

SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: From another account.

ME: Um.. noooooo… THIS account.

SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: You can’t do that, ma’am

ME: I can’t?

SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: No. That’s fraud.

ME: Well.. then.. what can I tell you. In a day and a half I’ll have more then enough money in my checking account to cover what’s owed. So you have two options. Either wait until Friday or go ahead and close my account which would mean that my paycheck would bounce back to my job and you wouldn’t get a penny. You’re choice.

SPECIAL UNIT BANK GUY: Oh.

Secrets

Posted: May 21, 2009 in Secrets
Tags: , ,

… panties help curb camel toe

I already posted about how my hips are in constant danger of expantion because Chief is a 5 star.. well reknown chef.

NOTE: Interesting fact, I am good friends with a guy who is in a business partnership with another guy who owns a famous racehorse… one that won two out of the three races in the triple crown. After the horses win, the owner gave a huge.. mega bucks party. Guess who was the chef that night?

Although a hazard, I am old enough and mature enough to make my food choices. The kids aren’t.

Remember the 4 cases of soda the Crack Whore brought over ON MONDAY? Half of it is already gone and the majority of it was due to Spaz.

So we had a talk with him last night. That was the end of the soda. He’s not equipt :: at least right now :: to make the correct choices so it is up to us to help him learn to make them.

That means no more snatching and grabbing from the store.. extra cheese on ANYTHING.. cake for breakfast..

You get the idea.

The problem is the store.

Before we openned, Chief would NEVER allow soda in the house except MAYBE once in a blue moon when he ordered take out. And that didn’t happen often.

I remember when we first met, he was working an event at night and I told him that I would go to the house and make dinner for the boys. I was running late so I called to tell them what time I would be arriving and Bubba asked me if I could bring a bottle of Ginger Ale over.

That caused a dilemna becaue I knew he didn’t allow them to have it but yknow.. I was the new girlfriend and I wanted them to like me.

I did buy it.. but because I couldn’t get Chief on the phone I kept it in my car until he came home.

The kids didn’t have free access to candy, ice cream, junk food.. and Chief wasn’t the father that would constantly buy it for him

Now it’s different and because he can’t keep his eyes on them all the time, they stuff their pockets with all kinds of stuff.

If they were SMART, mind you, they would get rid of the evidence but they’re not so I am usually able to bust them whenever I do the wash!

Bubba isn’t so much of a problem because he is getting taller :: omg how tall he is getting :: but he also walks all over with his swarm of friends.. every day.. all the time.

Spaz isn’t active at all.. in fact, I kind of expected a call from the school nurse this morning because today was gym day and his current weight makes it very laborsome for him to be active. Plus, he gets made fun of and his defense mechanism is to fake an injury and be sent to the nurse.

So it’s a double edge sword.

My plan though is to get him to walk the dogs with me… he may not want to, but if I tell him that my knee is really bothering :: and no, I didn’t get it checked yet and yes, it is getting worse :: then he’ll do it.

He’ll benefit from it.. I’ll benefit from it and so will the dogs so it seems like a good plan.

  • … in guns, God and the constituion
  • … I just pissed off about 90% of Americans! LOL!
  • … in that nasty three letter word :: no, not S-E-X :: G-O-D
  • … that given the choice, most people would do the right thing
  • … if I don’t get a pedicure soon the Sisterhood is going to revoke my membership card
  • … there is nothing wrong with freaky sex and vibrators
  • … people with piercings, body stretchers and full on tattoos are inhabiiting a “lifestyle” and won’t be stealing your corporate job!
  • … bald men are the sexiest thing in the world
  • … there is no justification for putting ketchup on scrambled eggs
  • … everyone is entitled to their opinions. Even when they’re wrong.
  • … that Abby is the killer on Harper’s Island
  • … white chocolate is far superior to milk / dark chocolate
  • … in lots and lots of pillows on my bed
  • … if people took a deep breath everything would be ok
  • … there has to be a scientific explaination for belly button funk
  • … you don’t appreciate what you have unless you work for it
  • … the US will fuck Israel big time
  • … this country is going to fail big time and those without common sense or work ethic will perish
  • … “labels” pigeon hole people into boxes they don’t necessarily fit in to
  • … the devil created fudge caramel swirl ice cream, shrink wrap plastic and Jack Russell Mixed puppies named Ernie
  • … that nothing feels nicer then getting into a bed with clean sheets right after a shower.
  • … the only thing better then getting into bed with cleans sheets right after a shower is getting all them all twisted and sweaty with Chief!
  • … pictures of naked men will ONLY freeze my computer :: with the 19in monitor :: when my boss is walking by my cube
  • … in love over hate.. tolerance over prejudice… lifting up instead of tearing down
  • … it is our moral obligation to help those when we can
  • … ignorance and complacency is far more dangerous then radical Islam
  • … people have a right to live their lives the way they see fit as long as it isn’t a detriment to me and mine
  • … marijuana should be legalized. Really. Do you know how fast this country would get out of debt with a tax on the 420?
  • … a good book is better then any Oscar winning movie or documentary
  • … that if I ever tried to Bible Thump somebody they would thump me back harder
  • … that there is no role for Tripe in the 21st century
  • … laughing at yourself is far better then laughing at someone else
  • … I better get a cup of coffee RIGHT NOW if I want to stay awake past 2pm